


Cloning Pains

by Milky_Boy_Blue



Series: Second Summer [8]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Awkward Crush, Clones, Crushes, Gen, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 92,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milky_Boy_Blue/pseuds/Milky_Boy_Blue
Summary: In trouble for breaking the rules yet again, Wendy Corduroy is not likely to enjoy the rest of her summer.  When the surviving clones Dipper created last year reappear, this causes frustration for her and embarrassment for Dipper.  Unfortunately, while eager to join the twins on an adventure to stop the paper preteens, she can't get away from work or escape being grounded.  If only there was a way she could be in two places at once...
Relationships: "Manly" Dan Corduroy & Wendy Corduroy, Candy Chiu & Grenda & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Ford Pines & Stan Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez & Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez/Melody, Pacifica Northwest & Dipper Pines, Pacifica Northwest & Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Tambry/Robbie Valentino, Wendy Corduroy & Dipper Pines, Wendy Corduroy & Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Wendy Corduroy & Mabel Pines
Series: Second Summer [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1243745
Comments: 65
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

Wendy Corduroy sat outside the Mayor's office, drumming her fingers against the armrest as she heard her father and Preston Northwest yelling. She could make out most of Preston Northwest's insults through the door and could easily hear every one of her father's. Every now and then there was a muffled voice which she assumed meant Mayor Tyler Cutebiker or Sheriff Blubs was talking.

She looked over at the other women in the room; Tyler's secretary and Pacifica Northwest. The secretary was a woman she'd seen around town a few times but never learned the name of. Even now, she didn't think to ask for it, knowing she'd never remember. And, judging by the way the secretary kept wincing whenever Preston Northwest yelled, or put a hand to stop her pens rattling in her mug whenever Daniel Corduroy roared back, she doubted the woman would care if she did or didn't.

Pacifica Northwest didn't wince or flinch when she heard the words. She just sat and frowned as she listened. At first, Wendy had been puzzled about why exactly she had come. Then Phillip Pink, Pacifica's personal bodyguard and driver, had stepped into the room behind the young blonde, given Wendy a glare that could kill most small animals, and introduced himself to the secretary. At almost the same second she had finished saying his name in the intercom, the doors to the Mayor's office were flung open and Preston had tried to drag his newest employee into the room.

Which was practically impossible since the cyborg weighed about as much as a small car. So after a few seconds of stares, a thoroughly embarrassed Preston Northwest had ordered the Irishman in, his face glowing. Phil raised an eyebrow and did as he was told, Preston making sure that the large redhead could easily intervene if the even larger redhead known for punching things decided he couldn't take anymore criticisms about his daughter. After that, the businessman's shouts became noticeably louder and bolder.

"So," Pacifica said, drawing Wendy's attention back to the present. "Last time we spoke, you happened to ask about Dad's favourite car. I mentioned it was his Rolls Royce. And now some mysterious person's driven it off the pier."

"Coincidences can be freaky, huh?" Wendy asked, straight-faced.

"Hmm." Pacifica glanced at the secretary and decided the woman really couldn't be bothered with either of them so she got to her feet and sat down on the chair nearest the older teen. "Alright," she said quietly, though she suspected she could speak normally and the shouts from the other room would stop anyone overhearing. "Can I ask why?"

"Why what? I wasn't anywhere near the lake at the time and have several witnesses to prove it."

"Uh huh. And would those witnesses all happen to be your high school friends?"

"No. The Stans are witnesses too."

Pacifica's eyebrows shot up. "Even they’re in on it? Now I know it wasn't a simple prank gone wrong. So, you going to let me in on it or do I have to hear it from Dipper and Mabel first?"

Wendy glanced at the younger teen, trying to decide whether she was trustworthy.

Pacifica rolled her eyes at the guarded expression. "Oh please! It's my Dad, like I'm going to take his side! Trust me, he deserves way more than just having his favourite car wrecked."

Wendy eyed her for a moment longer before shrugging. "Okay, you've got a point," she conceded. "Let's just say I wasn't happy with your dad's interview technique and figured he shouldn't get away scot free."

Pacifica winced. "Ah. That." She recalled Phil's angry rant about being shot in his glorious face - his words, not hers - and the way Dipper flinched when she apologised for her father's actions during a quiet moment in their game of minigolf. And she pondered what she would do if someone she already didn't like decided to hurt someone she cared for-

Someone she cared for...

"Yeah, it won't be as bad a blow now that his business is picking up again, but I figured it's better than nothing and - what?" Wendy paused as she saw the other girl's eyes narrow. "Do I have something on my face?"

"It seems to me that your response was rather excessive, even for a friend," Pacifica said slowly.

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Ugh, this again. Don't you ever lay off? Look, I once hotwired a cop car for fun, this wasn't much worse. 'Cept your dad totally deserved it and this time I decided to give his car an extra thorough wash."

"I can't help but wonder if you'd have done the same thing if it were Robbie or Thompson?" Pacifica continued. "Or even Mabel?"

"Robbie and Thompson - no. Mabel - yeah. You? Definitely not. Look, I've told you before and I'll tell you again: I'm not into Dipper. Though I doubt you'll listen any more than the last dozen times I've told you," she added under her breath.

"And yet you saw him in Jenna's pink love mist," Pacifica growled.

"That wasn't-!" Wendy took a sharp breath, glancing at the secretary before leaning closer to Pacifica. "That wasn't our Dipper!" she hissed. "Different universe, different history, different Dipper! Why can't you get that?"

"It still counts as seeing Dipper!"

"Does not!"

"Does!"

"Not!"

The secretary gave a despairing groan as she saw that the children of the raging redhead and the furious billionaire were copying their parents; standing and glaring at each other with fists clenched as they shouted back and forth. She was about to phone the sheriff's department to see if there was someone competent there who could save her from the madness, when the door beside her was literally punched off its hinges.

'Manly' Dan Corduroy, his face as red as his flaming beard and hair, lowered his fist and stomped over the door on his way out, grunting at his daughter as he passed, not even looking at her.

Wendy stuck a defiant tongue out at Pacifica as a final farewell before she followed her father.

"Pacifica?" Preston Northwest asked his daughter, stepping through the other door as Phil knelt beside the fallen one. "Is that girl one of those new friends of yours?"

Pacifica stared after the redhead, her jealousy like a viper in her stomach. "No," she stated firmly. "I don't' know what we are, but we definitely aren't friends."

"Good," Preston replied, fixing his tie. "That means I don't have to order you to find a better one."

"Aye, tell your teenage daughter who her friends should be," Phil quietly said to himself as Pacifica shot her father a look behind his back. He propped the fallen door back up, much to the gratitude of a weary Mayor Cutebiker as Sheriff Blubs wiped his forehead. "That'll really get her to listen to you."

* * *

They said nothing for the entire journey back home. At least, Wendy didn't. A river of insults about Preston Northwest, rich people, and several other things flowed from her father's mouth as he drove, his venting doing nothing to alleviate his anger. They were almost home when the threats came to a sudden halt in a deafening silence.

Wendy braced herself, knowing he was thinking about what her punishment should be.

"You're grounded," he stated as their shack appeared through the trees that kept them mostly hidden from the prying eyes of other townsfolk, most animals, and (hopefully) the government.

"Yep," Wendy sighed, expecting there was more to come.

"For three months."

"Three months!" she cried, turning to her father in a mixture of shock and outrage. "No way! You can't-"

"Want to make it four?" he growled, the look in his eyes making her jaw snap shut even as she glared.

When his truck ground to a halt she expressed her fury by slamming the door as she stepped out, marching to her room with clenched fists. She didn't even reach the porch before a massive pair of hands pinned her arms to her sides and lifted her into the air.

"Hey!" she yelled, kicking and squirming as her father held her at arm's length. "What the hell?"

"Boys," Manly Dan growled at his sons, his tone causing Marcus's throwing axe to land only a foot away from him while Kevin and Gus halted their wrestling to stare at their father holding their sister. "Take her phone. I'll hold her."

"Try it and I'll break your necks!" Wendy snarled as her younger brothers warily approached.

"Uh, I don't know if that's a good idea, Dad," Marcus, the oldest, said cautiously.

"Who you more afraid of?" Manly Dan countered. "Her or me?"

The Corduroy brothers went into a huddle to debate his question.

"He's bigger and way stronger. And he yells a lot!"

"Yeah, but that's all he does. When she threatens to beat us up, she usually means it."

"Plus she kicks! And bites!"

"But he controls our allowance and can ground us if we go too far."

"Well the other day she tried to make me smell her feet! That's way worse than anything he's threatened to do!"

Daniel Corduroy stared at his sons, feeling a strange bit of pride that his daughter was fearsome enough to make the boys so unsure of who scared them most. But now wasn't the time to be proud of her, so he pushed his pride aside and fell back to his standard method of parenting: yelling.

"GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE AND DO WHAT I TELL YOU!" he bellowed, Wendy wincing as she temporarily went deaf in one ear.

Marcus and Kevin jumped at their sister's legs, even their combined strength barely stopping her from kicking, though she still shook and tried to throw them off. While his older brothers held her, Gus jumped on their backs and rifled through her pockets, trying to avoid her snapping jaw.

"Got it!" he cried, leaning back to avoid a bite and toppling over, his brothers leaping out of the way of their big sister's savage kicks.

Dan dropped his daughter, who landed on her feet with feline grace, and took the phone from his youngest. "No phone, either," he told her as he pocketed the device.

"I figured," she sneered, straightening her cap angrily.

Dan rounded on her, directing his finger an inch away from her face. "Don't! Take that tone. With me," he warned her coldly. "I have put up with a lot from you, girl, more than most parents ever get from their kid. You've given me more trouble in the last five years than the boys in their whole lives. And I've had it up to here with it." He held a hand as high as he could, higher than most men could reach on ladders. "So you're grounded for three months, no phone, no nothing until I say so. Only time you're getting out of that house is for work and school and even then, I'm going to be the one dropping you off and picking you up. Got me?"

Wendy fumed. “I don't need you to-"

"I don't care, I'm doing it," Dan told her firmly. "At least this way, I'll know where you are and hopefully keep you out of trouble for once."

"Fine," she grumbled, crossing her arms with a scowl. 

"And if you behave yourself, I might even let you attend your boss' wedding."

Wendy's arms dropped to her side and even her brothers shared her shock at what their father said.

"You - you're kidding, right?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You - you have to let me attend the wedding. It's - we've been planning it for months! I even bought a suit!"

"Hmph. A suit. Let's hope you ain't wasted your money, then. And do you know how much money I'll be wasting by taking time off work to take you to and from work and school every day? Well?"

Wendy rubbed her arm, her mouth twisting. "No," she admitted. "A lot?"

"A lot," he agreed with a scowl. "And me being a father with four kids. So who's had the biggest waste of money from the trouble you've caused? Me or you?"

"...You," Wendy growled.

Dan nodded. "That's right. And do you know why I'm doing this, even though it's costing me so much?"

Wendy sighed. "Because I did something bad and need to be punished."

Dan nodded alongside his sons. "That's right."

"But it was Preston Northwest!" she protested, turning his nod into a scowl. "He's scum! A total as-"

"And that gives you the right to break the law?" her father interrupted. "To wreck a man's car? Just because you don't like him? You are not above the law, girl, and I don't care what he's done, I don't want you breaking the law for a man like that. I don't care why you hate him, nothing he’s done is worth you risking prison."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what he did," Wendy muttered.

"And what did he do? Well?"

"He - I can't tell you," she admitted warily. "It's private."

"That's convenient," Marcus muttered. "Ow!"

"I'll give you worse later," Wendy promised as Marcus glared and rubbed his arm. "Look, Dad, just - trust me, okay? He totally deserved to have his car totalled! And way worse!"

"And what do I deserve?" Dan growled, his eyes flashing.

"Um," Wendy said slowly, glancing at her brothers to see if any of them knew what the question meant, but finding no answers. Which didn't surprise her in the least.

"Do I deserve to be called at work by the Mayor's office? Do I deserve the embarrassment of telling the boys I have to leave early 'cause my oldest is in trouble again?" he asked, his voice rising with every question. "Or to have to defend you when you'd have to be a blind idiot not to see that it really was you? If I wasn't such good friends with Tyler-"

"But he doesn't have any proof that’ll stick!"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT PROOF!" he roared at her, his kids taking a step back from the force of his shout. "WHAT MATTERS IS YOU DONE IT!" He let out a growl and spun on his heels, sending a fist into a nearby tree, the bark buckling under his knuckles.

The Corduroy kids winced but were too used to their father's explosive temper and violent attitude towards nearby objects to react any further. In fact, the trees surrounding the Corduroy home were pock-marked from carvings, axe strikes, and target practice from a variety of weapons. But a tree-punch always set them on edge; it meant plenty more yelling was about to come.

"You are sixteen!" Dan yelled at his daughter. "That's too old to be acting like this! I am sick and tired of you hanging out with delinquents, getting in trouble, and doing stupid crap! You are better than this! I thought you getting a job would help you grow up but looks like I was wrong! I should have known better than to let you work for a criminal like Stanley Pines!"

"Stan's a good guy!" Wendy said defensively. "Mostly. Deep down. And anyway, I don't work for him anymore! And it doesn't matter how mad you are, there's no way you can say Soos is a bad influence on me," she added, her faith in her boss' benevolent nature unshakeable.

"Well he clearly ain't enough," Dan growled. "And I'll be letting him know that I'm going to be the one taking you to and from there until you're not grounded. AND I'll be letting him know that if you skip work or leave early then you're fired."

"But-!"

"And if that happens, I'll make damn sure next summer you'll be working at your cousin's."

"Dad, please!" Wendy cried, growing desperate. "I - I messed up! I get it! But you can't send me away! I've got friends here! And Dipper and Mabel are only here for the summer! I don't want to go a whole year without seeing them!"

"I wouldn't want that either," Gus said sadly.

"Dipper probably wouldn't come here if Wendy wasn't around for movie nights," Kevin agreed, sharing his little brother's fondness for the soon-to-be fourteen-year old.

Marcus let out a cynical snort. "Sure. 'Movie nights'. That's why he likes Wendy so much. OW!"

"No more warnings," Wendy told him sharply.

"That was a warning?" he muttered, holding his aching shoulder.

"Enough!" their father barked. And a dire wolf would be envious of Daniel Corduroy’s bark. "You are going to your room," he told his scowling daughter. "You leave the house for work and school. Nothing else. No dates, no friends, no more of those little adventures you like, and if - IF! - you behave yourself...I might let you go to the wedding and be there when your little friends go home. Got me?"

Wendy opened her mouth but saw his eyebrows rise sharply, as if daring her to try and argue with him. And she almost did, thinking about Preston Northwest and the way he pushed so many people around, including his own daughter until last summer, acting not only as if he owned the town, but the people as well. But the thought of missing the wedding and not even being able to see Dipper and Mabel leave was enough to put a stopper on any argument.

"Yeah," she growled, grinding her teeth. "I get you."

But a part of her knew that, whatever happened, she would make sure she’d be saying goodbye at the bus stop at the end of summer.

* * *

When Dipper caught sight of the Corduroy cabin, he felt a sense of relief. Throughout the day, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.

It was by no means an unfamiliar sensation to the admittedly paranoid boy. For as long as he could remember, he would have sudden, random suspicions that someone was somehow watching him. Eating breakfast, doing his homework, brushing his teeth, it didn't matter how dull the activity was, he'd all of a sudden get the idea that unseen eyes were on him. He'd tried to make a note of when and where these feelings occurred and after a year, had realised that there was no pattern to it. Which, annoyingly, made him all the more paranoid about it.

When he came to Gravity falls, these feelings only strengthened in frequency and intensity, especially in the forest. Oddly enough, after he found out that there was a real secret society in town watching from the shadows, and when Ford later told him Bill Cipher would often spy on their dimension with ease, especially through birch trees, he felt a great sense of relief. That his paranoia wasn't completely unfounded greatly lessened the impact and frequency of these suspicions . Except when they hit him when he was in the shower or on the toilet, but that was a whole other can of worms.

But over the last couple of days, he'd felt it more often than all of this summer combined. It was nearly constant, as if there was an invisible thing hovering over his shoulder. But he'd asked Ford and McGucket to check during their last D, D and More D session and they confirmed there was nothing floating nearby. He regretted even mentioning it to them, but they had both given him sympathetic looks and said they knew more about paranoia than most and they wouldn’t judge him for having the odd bout now and then. Not after what they had been through, and what he had been through. He felt a little better after that.

But now the feeling was back and he couldn't shake it, not even when he thought of the older men's kind words. So he knocked on the large front door with just that little bit extra anticipation to be inside.

"Oh, hi, Mister Corduroy," Dipper greeted with obvious relief as the door opened and the bear of a man scowled at him. He wasn't the least bit wary of the scowl anymore, having eventually realised it was just his resting face. He was a bit puzzled when the man looked at him and deepened his scowl slightly. "Is Wendy in?" he offered, thinking it might be due to a confusion about the days. "I'm here for movie night?"

Manly Dan looked at the eager young boy and let out a sigh. He had...mixed feelings towards him. On one hand he was a short, scrawny twig of a boy who Dan himself had once seen utterly fail at a manliness tester, and then made matters worse by making the excuse that the machine was broken. It had even taken him a few months before he realised the boy even was a boy, he was so unmasculine! It just seemed unnatural to him that the sister had so much muscle and confidence while he didn’t. At all.

On the other hand, Dan couldn’t deny that the boy was very smart and apparently pretty brave (even if he did tend to scream more often and higher than a boy should), and had been vital in saving the town. More than once if what Wendy said was true. And Wendy was obviously fond of the kid, often talking about him and coming to his defence whenever he or Marcus pointed out his obvious shortcomings in general maleness. And Gus and Kevin liked him too, for whatever reason. Even Marcus seemed to have developed a grudging respect for the boy after he’d been the only one able to resist the enchantress that had controlled most of the men in town, including Dan’s friends from the Skull Fracture, and he knew those were tough men.

And the kid was definitely better than the rest of Wendy’s friends. He was polite and respectful whenever he came over, not being alarmed or looking down on the family in the same way Wendy’s other friends or occasional boyfriend had. Sure, he’d reacted poorly the first time he’d seen Dan skin and prepare dinner, turning white and having to leave the room, but he did enjoy the meal and hadn’t been scared off like the rest of them. And he didn’t seem like the type to encourage his daughter to start trouble, something he definitely couldn’t say about the others.

Sure, he’d asked Wendy to join him on several dangerous adventures that almost got them all killed, but Dan didn’t have a problem with that. He had complete confidence that years of survival training had prepared his daughter for almost any life-threatening situations. And he’d rather know that she was out there battling demons and monsters than breaking the rules or - worse - staying out late with some boy.

“Uh, Mister Corduroy?” Dipper asked with a nervous swallow as the massive man started growling all of a sudden. “Can I come in now?”

“What?” Manly Dan shook his head and looked at the teen, blinking rapidly as he tried to remember what the boy was doing there. “Oh, right. Movie night. It’s been cancelled.”

“What? Why?”

“WENDY!” Manly Dan hollered, the boy wincing from the volume. “Get out here and tell your friend why he can’t come in!”

Dipper craned his neck to try and peer round the father as he heard some muffled curses from inside the house.

“WENDY!”

“I heard you the first time!” Wendy yelled back as she came round the corner and stormed to the front door, shooting her father a venomous stare before turning to Dipper.

“Sorry, dude,” she sighed, her voice layered with regret. “We can’t do movie night tonight. I would’ve texted you but I don’t have my phone. I’ve been grounded.”

“Tell him why,” Manly Dan instructed her.

Wendy threw him a look. “I might have...driven Preston Northwest’s car into the lake.”

“That was you?” Dipper asked, astounded. “But I thought no one knew who did it?”

“No, no one can prove she did it,” Manly Dan corrected, folding his brawny arms. “We all know who did it, but if we prove it, she’ll have worse things to worry about than being grounded. So I’m punishing her this way instead.”

“I’m only allowed to leave for work,” Wendy told her friend, squirming inwardly at how crestfallen he looked. “No movie nights or adventures or, well, anything until it’s over.”

“Oh,” Dipper said, unhappy with the situation but unable to do anything about it. “So how long are you-?”

“Three months,” Dan grunted.

“Th-three months!” Dipper sputtered. “But the wedding! And me and my sister are only here for-!”

“I’ll let her go if she doesn’t misbehave,” Dan growled, switching his glare between his daughter and her friend. His daughter glared at him in expected defiance, but he was more than a little surprised that the tiny teen seemed more upset about the situation than intimidated by his fearsome expression. “But if she does then she won’t be going anywhere. So you can just go home,” he added, nodding towards the path that led back to town.

Dipper looked up at the large man, then looked at Wendy, then looked at the path, his brow furrowing as he thought hard.

“Well?” Manly Dan snapped.

Dipper looked up at him again, his cheeks turning red. “Can Wendy come with me?” he asked in a small voice. “It’s getting dark and I’m too frightened to walk through the woods alone.”

Manly Dan unfolded his arms as he stared at the teenage boy slowly turning scarlet in front of him. “Are you serious?” he demanded as Wendy also stared, but her look was one of curiosity, not disbelief.

Dipper cleared his throat, his eyes darting to the ground. “I’m a weak little boy and need someone strong to protect me in case the monsters come out,” he said, cringing inwardly and outwardly at his own words.

Manly Dan looked down at him, then looked at the woods. There really were monsters living there, he knew that for a fact. And he was definitely a weak and small child, there was absolutely no denying that. But Wendy was grounded and he didn’t want her spending any time with her friends, not even if it was just to town and back.

Dipper took a deep breath as he saw that the father was still hesitating. “I suppose you can come with me instead,” he suggested quietly, unable to look at either of them now. “As long as you hold my hand?” He extended a pale, sweaty palm, his face glowing in the encroaching darkness.

Manly Dan’s eye twitched as he looked at the offered hand, his daughter averting her eyes to avoid a snicker at his expression.

“She can take you,” Manly Dan said through clenched teeth. He put a hand on Wendy’s back and shoved her outside. “Be back in ten,” he told her, his teeth still bared. “One minute longer and no wedding.”

He slammed the door on the pair, Dipper breathing a sigh of relief as Wendy grinned at him.

Then the door opened again, and her expression instantly became solemn.

“But no hand-holding!” Manly Dan snapped before his head darted back inside and he slammed the door again, the entire house rattling from the force.

Dipper shifted the backpack on his shoulders in discomfort as he spun on his heels. “Don’t say a word,” he growled, scowling at the ground as he walked back the way he came.

“Why not?” Wendy grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. “Dude, that was awesome! Way to play my Dad! I’ll have to try that next time.”

“He wouldn’t believe it coming from you,” Dipper muttered bitterly. “He’d never think you’re a weak little kid in need of protecting.”

Wendy hesitated, sensing that her friend wasn’t entirely happy her father had believed his lies. “Look, dude. Don’t take it personally. Dad just doesn’t know you like I do. Otherwise he’d know it was a load of crap. So why did you really want me to walk you back?”

Dipper stopped and looked around. “Do you feel that?” he asked her quietly. “It’s like...someone’s there. Watching us.”

Wendy frowned at him, knowing very well how paranoid the younger teen could be at times. But this was Gravity Falls and Dipper hadn’t been completely wrong the previous times he’d complained of unseen eyes. And there were several times when she’d felt the same, though she couldn’t say for sure that hadn’t been a lingering impact from Weirdmageddon. But as they stood and looked around them, she couldn’t shake the suspicion that he was right.

“Now that you mention it…” she said slowly, her green eyes narrowing as she scanned the forest around them.

“You know Gravity Falls and the woods better than I do. Notice anything?”

“No,” Wendy said after a long pause. “Which is either a relief or very worrying.”

“Well, which is it?”

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “Ask me later. If we haven’t been attacked by next week, I’ll give you an answer then.”

Dipper chuckled and shook his head. “Alright. Mabel thought I was getting worked up over nothing. Again. But if you feel it too then that’s something, at least. So, why’d you wreck Northwest’s car?”

“Eh, guy had it coming,” Wendy said with a shrug as they continued walking. “Nobody shoots my pal and gets away with it.”

“Oh,” said Dipper, embarrassed that she would do something like that for him. “Um, thanks. But I think that might have been a tad extreme.”

“I don’t think so. And I can’t be the only one or else the Stans wouldn’t have helped,” Wendy pointed out, reasonably. 

Dipper blinked. “They did?”

“Yep. Stan dropped me off and gave me some advice. Ford was the one who suggested that having Stan and my friends as the only witnesses wouldn’t make a reliable alibi, so he volunteered too.”

“That’s pretty smart,” Dipper agreed. “So how did they realise it was you?”

“Well, I wore a mask and hood...but it got caught on their fence and the camera caught the flash of red. Not many redheads in town with my build so Northwest called Tyler and Blubs, then they called my Dad. But hair colour isn’t enough to get me arrested and Dad doesn’t want me in prison anyway, even if he isn’t happy with it. So this is the result.”

“And everybody loses,” Dipper sighed, mourning the loss of a fun activity for the rest of summer.

“Yeah,” Wendy said, adding her own sigh. “Sorry, dude. I’ll have to be on my best behaviour if I want to go to the wedding or say goodbye.”

“In that case, I’ll tell the others you can’t make it.”

“Shut up!” she laughed, punching his shoulder. “But I will try to behave,” she added in a far more serious tone. “I wouldn’t have even risked it if I’d known Dad would threaten me with the wedding. And I’m definitely saying goodbye. No way even Dad can stop that.”

“Good,” said Dipper, giving her a hopeful and grateful smile, even as his mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario. “Let’s hope we don’t need an axe for the rest of the summer. Oh, take these.” He slid the backpack off his shoulder and held it out to her. “Found some really awful looking movies. You’ll need them more than I will.”

“Thanks, man,” she said, grateful for something to relieve her boredom. “I’m not allowed tv so I’ll watch them while Dad and the boys are asleep. I’ll have to ration them or else find some other ways of entertaining myself. At this rate I might even have to start - _uch_ \- reading.”

“There’s a book out there for everyone,” said Dipper, the son of a bookworm substitute teacher. “Why not Game of Thrones since you like the show? Mom says the book’s better. Of course, she’d adamant I can’t start either until I’m at least fifteen, but she really enjoys both. Or Hunger Games? Or-”

“Tell you what,” said Wendy, stopping as they came to the edge of town. “You know me pretty well and like to read. Why not make me a list? I’ll probably be reading them out of desperation in a week’s time. Sound like a plan?”

Dipper shook his head and rolled his eyes. For someone who often complained of being bored, Wendy could be very resistant to trying new things. “Deal.”

“Awesome. We’ll talk about it more at work, tomorrow.”

They said their goodbyes and waved until they were out of sight, both regretting the loss of a fun activity. For Dipper, the one silver lining was that he no longer sensed the unseen presence as he made his way back home.

Wendy, however, had barely started the return journey when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

She dropped the backpack and drew her axe, glaring at the shadows. “Who’s out there?” she yelled, taking a ready stance. “You creeps better come out now because if you make me work for it, I’ll go double-hard on you!”

But there was no response and try as she might, she couldn’t see or hear anything. Cautious of her time since she knew her father would be waiting impatiently, she cursed under her breath and picked the backpack up, running back home with her axe still at the ready.

In the trees above her, two paper clones sat on a branch and watched in silence until she was gone from sight.

The clone with the number three on his white and blue cap turned to his clone brother. “Dude!” grinned Tracey, his eyes sparkling. “We’re dating Wendy!”

“I know, right?” Quattro squeed, shaking with so much excitement the number four on his cap blurred to the point of being almost unreadable. “You know what this means?”

“We need to take over Dipper Classic’s life so we can date her instead!”

The clones tapped their heads, the exact same confident smirk on their lips. “Yeeah…” They leaned forward and tapped each other’s heads. “Yeeeah!”

And with that, they scurried down the tree to their camp, ready to make a plan and a list.

* * *

_Author's Note: So, once again, this story might be a bit slower to update. This time of the year is always busy for me since I've got commitments, parties, and a few other things coming up. 'Tis the season and all that. Enjoy!_


	2. Chapter 2

The news that Wendy Corduroy might not be attending the wedding did not sit well with the other members of the Pines family, honorary or otherwise. Stan, Ford, and Soos all tried to convince Daniel Corduroy to let her go, each using every underhanded, rational, or sincere reason or method they knew. 

Stan had even offered to go to prison for the crime if it meant she'd be there, privately reasoning that the others would be able to break him out in time for the ceremony and then get him back before anyone realised his cell was empty. In theory. It was a plan Mabel encouraged more than was appropriate; she desperately wanted to commit a caper before they returned to Piedmont.

Unfortunately for everyone except Stan, the lumberjack's will was as immovable as the rest of him. So the Mystery Shack Crew decided they would have to work together and make sure their rebellious teen didn't get herself in too much trouble and ensure she made it to the wedding. Mabel brightly suggested they should find more activities for her to do whilst at the Shack, in the hopes that Manly Dan would believe his daughter was finally taking on some responsibility and making something of her life instead of wasting it. Dipper suggested she rephrase that before explaining to Wendy why she was being given more work.

"I hate my life," Wendy sighed as Soos passed her a tool belt.

"Aw, don't worry, Dawg, it'll be fun!" Soos said cheerfully, wearing his old green question mark shirt and brown cap to avoid staining his Mister Mystery attire. "The way I saw it, I was doing some good! Making sure the toilets flushed and that there weren't too many dead rats in the vents or gutters was just my little way of helping out Mister Pines' business. And if I could do all that when I was twelve and without any training - heck, I bet in a month you'll be an even better handyman than I was!"

Wendy raised an eyebrow as she fastened the tool belt. "Stan had you pick up dead rats when you were twelve? Yeesh, and I thought I had it bad."

"Aw no!" Soos laughed. "It was an honour! Stan totally took me under his wing, the least I could do was put in the extra effort to help keep this place running. Heck, he even ignored all those child labour laws, he was so eager to give me a job!"

"You're a saint, Soos," Wendy told him. "A humble, weirdly grateful, saint."

"Aw, shucks," Soos blushed.

"So what are we going to do about this?" Mabel asked her brother as Soos led Wendy outside to teach her his old trade.

"What do you mean?" Dipper asked, pausing his pen-chewing to look up at her as she sat on the edge of the counter.

"What do you mean, what do I mean? We can't have a wedding without Wendy! She's an honorary Pines! I'm surprised I'm more worked up about this than you," she added.

"I want her there more than anybody, but what are we supposed to do about it?" Dipper asked with a shrug. "We're trying to keep her out of trouble, it's not like I can make up some grandiose scheme - that'll make things worse! We just have to keep her busy and entertained until the big day. Which is what I'm doing," he added, returning to his list of books and activities. "I wonder if this way she'll finally try Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons?"

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Yeah, give her more homework, that'll really stop her from acting out."

"Well what would you suggest?" Dipper replied, growing irritated. "I don't hear you coming up with anything."

"Ugh, I don't know!" Mabel groaned, falling on her back and glaring at the ceiling. "Maybe when her dad comes to pick her up I can emotionally blackmail him into letting her stay for the sleepover? I can say our womanhood is blossoming and we need advice from an older, more experienced girl?"

"Please don't say it like that," Dipper sighed, rubbing his forehead with his pen.

"Don't try and quell my female expressionism, Dipper! That's sexist!"

"I'm not - when have I ever - wait, a sleepover? When were you planning on telling me?"

Mabel raised her head to meet his annoyed stare. "Oh, right. Knew I forgot something." She sat up and put a hand on his shoulder. "Dearest, darling Dipper. You are such a kind and giving brother. Is there any room in your ginormous heart to extend your generosity further and allow me and my girlfriends the use of our entire room this evening?"

"And where am I supposed to sleep?" he demanded.

Mabel gave an indifferent shrug. "I dunno. Ford's old lab?"

"But it gets cold down there!"

"Dipper, this is going to be our last sleepover of the summer!" Mabel said, throwing her arms out wide. "It's bad enough that Pacifica can't make it because of her morning shifts, but now you're trying to stop it from happening at all? Boo! Boo, I say! I'm almost tempted to take back those lovely comments I was using to butter you up!"

Dipper rubbed his eyes. "Fine," he growled. "But next time ask before throwing me out!"

"Oh, alright," Mabel said, rolling her eyes at his unreasonable demand.

Dipper rolled his own eyes at her reaction and put his list and pen in his pocket, deciding he might as well start moving things downstairs straight away.

 _Should steal her blankets,_ he thought as he climbed the steps. _It'll serve her right and she barely sleeps during sleepovers anyway. Why even call them sleepovers if they're up all night half the time? It's a total misnomer. What should they be called instead? Stay-overs? Midnight parties? Drive your brother insane nights?_

He was still considering alternate names as he entered the room he shared with his sister, only to trip over a taut rope and fall face-first on the wooden floorboards. Then a pair of scrawny arms tried to force his hands behind his back and tie his wrists together as someone sat on his back and tried to force a gag into his mouth.

Mabel looked up at the ceiling in puzzlement as she heard a dull thud, followed immediately by several smaller thuds and muffled yells. She looked at Waddles, but her pig didn't appear the least bit bothered by the commotion upstairs. "Come on, Waddles," she said, hopping off the counter. "Let's see what's up."

She quickly climbed the stairs, her pig at her heels, and pressed her ear to the door. She could only hear Dipper's voice, a few grunts and muffled complaints and curses, all in rapid succession. But there was something off about the way he was talking, though she couldn't tell if it was just the door or because he was whispering for whatever reason.

"Dipper?" she asked, knocking on the door with a sense of unease. That unease only grew when the noises on the other end of the door ceased. "You alright?"

"Um. Yes! Fine! Totally fine! I just...dropped a book."

"A book?" Mabel repeated sceptically.

"Um...a big book? Twice?"

Mabel frowned at the door. "You haven't drawn Wendy's face on a pillow to make out with, have you?"

"What? No!" 

"Good, 'cause I thought you were over that. And you know something's weird if even I say that's too far-"

"Mabel! I'm not - wait. Um...yeah. That - that's exactly what I'm doing. So you should just go downstairs while I...finish up here."

Mabel's frown deepened as she heard the sound of more movement and an annoyed grunt followed by shushing.

"I'm coming in," she declared, drawing her grappling hook.

"No, wait! Don't-!"

"Please be decent, please be decent, please be decent!" she begged as she opened the door and saw-

"Huh." She tilted her head to the side. "Did not see that coming."

Dipper gave her an embarrassed smile, his arms around the necks of two versions of himself wearing matching raincoats over the same clothes and hat he wore for most of last summer. He had a hand clamped over their mouths to stop them yelling, but the moment she entered the room the clones ceased their struggles, staring at their sister with mirrored expressions of melancholy.

"Did you go time travelling without me?" she accused him, slightly hurt he would do such a thing and not tell her.

"No!" Dipper protested. "These are the clones I made last year! Remember, at the party with that magic photocopier?"

"Oh yeah," Mabel said with a nod, easily recalling the night she met Candy and Grenda. "The living hand thing. Thought they all died?"

"We escaped!" one of the clones cried, both of them having finally gotten over the shock of seeing Mabel and pulling Dipper's hands away from their mouths.

"Before he could kill us too! Traitor!" the other clone snarled as they resumed trying to break free. 

Now that she was over the surprise of seeing duplicate Dippers (not hard considering this was Mabel Pines in Gravity Falls), Mabel could see that the clones were slightly smaller than her flesh and blood brother and, instead of the blue pine tree, they had the numbers three and four on the front of their caps, written in what looked like black marker.

"Stop! Fighting! Me!" Dipper growled, throwing them to the floor and panting slightly. "I'm not going to kill you! For one thing, you aren't technically alive so 'destroy' would be a better description."

"That's a bit rude," Mabel criticised, the clones looking up at her gratefully and nodding their appreciation.

"And I don't want to destroy you!" Dipper continued, ignoring her. "I was worried about you guys!"

"Liar!" the clone with number three hat declared, both pointing at him with an accusing finger. "We saw you destroy the others! And then you tried to attack us with a soda!"

"I wasn't attacking you with it, I was drinking it!" Dipper snapped. "And the others turned on me first!"

"Liar!"

"Betrayer!"

"Turncoat!"

"MABEL!"

"Sorry!" she said, lowering her arms. "Got a bit carried away there." She sheepishly coughed into a fist. "Anyway, Dipper's right; he told me all about how they attacked him after he ignored his stupid list and-"

"He went against the list?" gasped the clone with the number four on his cap.

"It's worse than we thought!" cried the other. "He's betrayed the very principles that make us Dipper!"

"What does that even mean?" Dipper groaned, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"It means you don't deserve to be the one living with Mabel and spending time with Wendy!" Clone number three declared. “I should do it!”

“What?” said his clone-brother, turning to him with narrow eyes.

“We should do it!” clone number three declared. “Also, why is there a pig here?”

“Oh, right, I made you guys before we met Waddles,” Dipper frowned as his sister picked up her beloved pet.

“Waddles?” Clone number four repeated blankly.

“I named him that because he waddles!” Mabel boasted, rubbing her cheek against her pig’s. “He’s my soulmate!”

“Didn’t she say that about a ball of yarn once?” the number four clone asked the original Dipper.

“Yeah,” Dipper replied, rolling his eyes in an affectionate way. “But this time she really means it.” He shook his head and cleared his throat to bring their attention back to the current situation before Mabel distracted them with stories about Waddles.

“Look, guys, I don't know what you think is going on, but you’ve been out of the loop for a long time. Lots of stuff has happened since I made you. And before I tell you any of it, you need to know that the clones attacked me first; I was only defending myself. Things weren't working out with the list and they got upset when I ended up talking to Wendy naturally, even when that worked out way better. Just like Mabel said it would," he added, giving his sister a slight smile.

"I am a relationship genius!" she declared proudly.

"Still not happy about you betraying the list but I suppose I'll accept it if it means we get to date Wendy," one of the clones grumbled, the other nodding reluctantly.

"I'm not dating Wendy!" Dipper snapped, turning red.

"Why would you even think he was?" Mabel asked, giving them a completely bewildered look as she gently put her pig down.

"Because we saw them have a date night! At her place!"

"And we even heard her dad tell them not to hold hands!"

"Wait, what?" Mabel said, raising an eyebrow at her brother's embarrassed flinch.

"That wasn't - shut up!" Dipper turned a deeper shade of red, but at least now he knew who'd been watching him the last few days. "That's just our movie night! Don't make such a big deal about it! We’re just friends!"

“Then what was the vision about?” The number four clone demanded.

“What vision?” Dipper asked, curious despite his growing embarrassment.

“The one by the stream!” clone number three said. “Wendy told us we’re her dream guy and we could finally be together!”

Mabel winced as she saw the pain on her brother’s face.

“Oh,” he said very quietly, seeing a beautiful smile and an extended hand, offering his heart’s desire and an end to the loneliness and the fear that he’d never be worthy of someone’s love. He took a deep breath and looked away. “That was just a fantasy,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You should accept that. Be happy with what you’ve got and stop dreaming for the impossible.”

The clones stared at him, his words not something they’d ever expected to hear from the mouth of any Dipper, let alone the original.

“How did you two even know about that?” Mabel asked with a frown, not recalling either clone being part of her temptation bubble.

“We see things sometimes,” the number four clone explained. “Dreams and nightmares usually. But sometimes memories too, especially if they’re really strong ones that Dipper Classic thinks about a lot.”

“And nothing’s more common or stronger than that memory!” the other clone added with conviction.

“Oh,” said Mabel, giving her brother a sympathetic frown as he winced behind them. “Well, never mind that for now!” she declared loudly, trying to change the subject and save her brother from further embarrassment or painful memories. “Where the heck have you been all year?”

“Surviving,” clone number three stated, his expression grim. “It hasn’t been easy avoiding the monsters, the rain - heck, even puddles are dangerous to us!”

“And it’s been lonely,” the other clone admitted. “Even with each other. We’ve missed you, Mabel.”

“Aw!” Mabel beamed at them both. “Well I...haven’t missed you since I’ve never technically met either of you. But thank you! That’s a lovely sentiment, Dipper Four.”

“Er, actually, I prefer Quattro,” the clone corrected her.

“And I’m Tracey,” the other added.

“Aw, ‘cause of your numbers!” Mabel tapped them both on the front of their caps. “That’s cute. But it’s great to meet you! Now I really am a big sister! I mean, sure I've technically always been the oldest but now it's undeniable!” She patted the clones' heads. "If you're nice to your big sister I might help you see some PG-Thirteen movies!"

“I see she hasn’t changed,” Quattro said to Dipper, both clones wearing fond smiles.

“Who, Mabel?” Dipper gave an affectionate shrug. “Never. But I'm pretty impressed you two lasted so long. You guys must be pretty resourceful to survive the rain and Weirdmageddon.”

The clones shared a mystified look. “What’s Weirdmageddon?” they asked in unison.

“Hoo boy,” Dipper sighed as Mabel let out a little squee at their simultaneous action. “We’ve got a whole lot to cover. Wait. How could you have missed Weirdmageddon? The entire valley was affected by Bill! How could you miss it?”

The clones shared another look.

“Who’s Bill?” asked Tracey.

“Hang on, do you mean ‘the Incident’?” Quattro asked. “Where the sky got ripped open and those monsters came out of nowhere at the end of last summer?”

“Yeah, that was Weirdmageddon,” Mabel nodded. “The whole world almost got destroyed! I’m amazed you managed to escape!”

“Uh, well, actually…” Tracey said slowly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“We didn’t,” Quattro finished. “We, um, we...died?”

“There were fires all around,” Tracey said, shuddering at the memory. “And we heard this mad, high-pitched cackle. Then the fires got closer and closer and closer.”

“Tracey got hit first,” Quattro said quietly. “It was awful. I saw the sparks hit his arm and leg and watched him burn and - and -”

“And then I died,” Tracey whispered. “It - we still feel pain. Not as much as we used to but...let’s just say it’s something I never want to experience again.”

“Me neither,” Quattro murmured. “No one should see their twin die. I was actually relieved when it happened to me because - hey, you okay?” he asked, his own death forgotten as the three Dippers saw the look on their sister's face.

“Because you didn’t want to go through your life without them,” a very pale Mabel whispered, leaning against the closed door for support, blinded by faces. Faces of people she loved who could have died, of strangers who did. And now there were two people who shared the face of the person who mattered the most, who hadn’t escaped, who’d died and -

She swallowed, fighting down to urge to vomit as the guilt brought the bile to her throat. “Why are you here? How did you come back?” she asked, thinking of fifteen people, barely daring to hope that redemption for her mistake might be within reach.

“We - we don’t know,” Tracey answered, alarmed and confused by her reaction. “We just...woke up. Our camp was back in one piece, there were no fires or even burn marks on us. We were back to the way we were."

“Better than that,” Tracey added, equally concerned for his sister. “Even - even some of the water damage we’d taken from being careless in our first week on our own - the marks were gone. It was as if we were fresh out of the photocopier.”

“Just like the journals,” Dipper said sadly. He looked into his sister’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Mabel. I know what you were hoping. But it can’t happen. The same thing happened to the journals after Bill burned them. They came back in better condition. But they were paper. Just like Tracey and Quattro. The others...they aren’t coming back.”

“O-oh,” said Mabel, her hopes as dead as the people she wanted to save. “I see.” She swallowed thickly, her stomach and throat tightening. “Excuse me,” she said, tears building at the corner of her eyes as she reached for the door handle. “I - I need to-”

“Mabel, wait!” Dipper cried out, pushing past his duplicates and out the door after her. “Mabel!”

Leaving two deeply unsettled clones alone in their room.

“I...think we made a mistake,” Tracey whispered, shaken by her reaction. “I thought taking over his life would be simple and fun. But now…”

“Yeah,” Quattro whispered back. “Look at what we did to Mabel, man. I think something happened. Something bad. And did you see how he reacted to us mentioning the vision?”

“Yeah. Like we twisted a knife in his gut. But he obviously still cares about Wendy! And she can’t hate him since he’s going to her place for movies! What do you think happened? What could have come between them?”

The clones pondered the question for a while, looking back on their memories of the girl of their dreams; her red hair, her gorgeous green eyes, the way she laughed at their jokes when so few others did. And then they thought of what always seemed to come between them whenever they felt they were getting close to her, stopping their bond from truly becoming something special.

And together they hissed a name and started to come up with a plan.

“It’s okay, Mabel,” Dipper gently urged his sister, rubbing her back and keeping her hair out of the way as she leaned over the toilet. “It’s okay.”

“No it isn’t!” Mabel wailed, wiping at her mouth and getting to her feet, flushing before walking to the sink. “I thought - for a moment I thought there was some magic lake or flower that could bring people back! How stupid was that? I’m such an idiot!” she gasped, washing her hands and mouth before collapsing on the floor. “And even if there were, what would it matter? It still wouldn’t change what I did!”

Dipper spun her round to face him, his fingers gripping her arms tightly. "It wasn't you!" he told her, his voice as unyielding as it was the first time and as it would be for the next hundred times he'd have to tell her. "Any more than it was my fault Jenna used me to enslave those men! We were used by bad people! That's their fault, not ours!"

"But-!" She gasped as she struggled to breathe. "But-!"

"But nothing!" Dipper snapped. "You never wanted those people to die! You'd do anything to take it back! And that's what's important right now." Seeing that she was still understandably upset, Dipper took a deep breath. "Hey," he said in a gentler voice. "You honestly think Bill wouldn't have been able to trick me? Look at my clones - they wanted to lock me in the cupboard so they could spend more time with you and Wendy! They're proof I'm not as mature as I pretend to be!"

She gave a small smile. "I don't know about that," she said. "I think they're proof of how much more mature you've become. I bet they'd have jumped at the chance to spend more time with Wendy - not resist it like you did."

Dipper gave his own small smile, but his was tinged with regret. "I think you're right about that." He let her go and turned to the sink. "But why did they have to come back now? I've been trying so hard to move on, Mabel. And now I've got not one but two reminders of how obsessed and weird I used to be around her," he sighed, staring at his miserable reflection. "What am I going to do about them?"

"Hey," said Mabel, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, her grief momentarily forgotten now that it was her turn to console her sibling. "Don't worry about it. We'll talk to them, get them to calm down. Teach them that having Wendy as a friend is more than enough." She hesitated before adding, "If that's what you want."

Dipper raised his eyes, frowning at her in the mirror. "What do you mean?"

"I meant what I said last time, Dipper," his sister told him. "You helped me with my crushes, I'll help you out with yours. Whether it's to move on or not."

"I...thanks, Mabel," he told her gratefully. "But it's for the best. I think we both know it's impossible."

"I...wouldn't say it's impossible," Mabel said slowly, recalling what Phil and Ford had told her of the Multiverse and how it meant even the impossible was possible somewhere. A part of her felt as if she were betraying Pacifica even contemplating it, but she pushed that thought aside, considering Dipper to be more important by far. "Just...very, very, very unlikely."

Dipper frowned, having mixed feelings towards her words. On one hand, he greatly appreciated that she was willing to support him, even if he knew she didn't have much hope for his chances. On the other hand, that was a few more 'verys' than he believed necessary.

"I mean, it could happen," Mabel continued, just as slowly as before. "In, like, ten years when the age difference won't matter. As long as you start showering and doing laundry more than once a month. And you get taller. And she completely changes her type. And if you start taking care of your hair and stop-"

"Thanks! Mabel!" Dipper said loudly. "But I think we should focus on the clones for now," he added, leaving the bathroom with his sister in tow. "Don't want to leave them too long in case they start trouble. As long as they don't start stalking Wendy we should be -oh come on!” he yelled as they entered their bedroom, now empty save for a pig.

"Hey, they left a note," Mabel said, picking up the sheet of paper from the middle of the room and showing it to her twin as she rubbed her pet's ears gently.

_Dear Dipper Classic and Mabel,_

_We don't know what we said, but we're very sorry._

_So, in order to make up for trying to take over your life and - worse - making Mabel cry, we've decided to leave._

_Don't worry about us, we've been living in the woods for a long time and know what we're doing._

_But we still feel terrible for our selfish actions and as such have decided to help you both out._

~~_We plan on find_ ~~

_We'll do it in secret so you don't have to be concerned, but we think you'll appreciate it._

_Stay safe! - Tracey and Quattro._

"That's ominous," Dipper noted.

"Why did they start to write down what they have planned and then score it out?" Mabel asked, slapping the note. "That's dumb!"

"Sometimes I write down what I'm thinking before I realise I’m doing it, okay?" Dipper snapped. "It's a bad habit I'm working on! And that's what you focus on?"

"Yeesh, touchy!" Mabel muttered. "Okay. So. If you were them - which you are - how would you make it up to me and yourself?"

"I don't know," Dipper groaned, thinking hard. "Let's see...if they know how to survive in the wilderness...And if they're the ones I've felt watching me the last few days, that proves they can stay hidden...I don't know, maybe find you a rare flower or animal, something to cheer you up? But what would they do for me?"

"That's easy, they'd want to help you out with Wendy. Okay, so what were you like before that party? What did you think was the best way to get together with her?"

"Um, get to know her?" he said, scratching his head. "Show off my brain? Prove I was mature enough for her?"

"Hmm, doesn't sound like that's what they had in mind," Mabel said, reading the note again. "They started to say they were going to find something. Would they get her a gift and say it's from the real you?"

"Wendy's not easy to buy for," Dipper reminded her. "Especially since I doubt they have money. No, it'd be something different. If they only know her as well as I did at the time of the party, they won't know her tastes or hobbies. And even if they are sneaky, I doubt they could have followed Wendy for long; she'd easily pick up on it and catch them -oh. Oh no."

"What?" asked Mabel, alarmed by the look on his face. 

"Robbie," Dipper groaned. "It's not some _thing_ they want to find, it's him! They probably still think we're rivals. Back then, I was as obsessed with stopping her from being with Robbie as spending time with her! And if they're willing to steal my identity, who knows what they'd do to him?"

"Oh," said Mabel, sucking her teeth. "Yep, that can be awkward. Guess we'd better let him know. And we'll ask Soos if Wendy can get some time off work to help us track the clones."

"Or - or maybe we could do it ourselves?" Dipper said a little too quickly. "You know, have an adventure with just the two of us? Mystery twins?" he added desperately, holding out his fist.

Mabel looked from the extended hand to his face. "Dipper, we can't leave her in the dark about this," she told him gently. "Robbie's her friend and the clones might do something stupid with her too. It would be better if she hears about them from you."

Dipper's shoulders sagged in defeat. "I know," he lamented. "But...it's so embarrassing, you know? I like how we are now, I don't need a reminder of how I used to be."

She patted his shoulder. "You can't escape the past, Dipper. McGucket tried and look at what it did to him. And don't look at it as a reminder of how you used to be, look at it as showing how far you've come!"

He considered her words. He did feel relieved to know he no longer stammered whenever he spoke to Wendy, and that he no longer felt pangs of jealousy whenever he saw her talking about other boys, not even when she complimented far better-looking and muscular film or TV stars. And he didn't whisper his true feelings under his breath anymore, which had been a major hurdle in their relationship.

"Hey, thanks, Mabel!" he said, perking up as he thought of other ways he'd changed since he'd first fallen for her that day on the roof. "When'd you get so smart about this stuff?"

"What can I say, Professor Passuum knows her stuff," Mabel shrugged.

"Well it sounds like she's got a good pupil," Dipper noted, feeling a little of the weight lift from his shoulders as they went downstairs.

Soos explained that Wendy was outside, cleaning out the junk and weeds from under the museum, and Dipper asked Mabel to explain the situation without him, wishing to break it to Wendy on his own terms. She was more than willing to let him do so, graciously agreeing since the conversation would already be uncomfortable for them both without the extra observer. 

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he walked round the building in search of his friend. How would he explain it to her? There was no way to do so without bringing back excruciating memories of that first summer crush. He turned a corner and stopped as he saw her, on her knees with her head and chest under the museum part of the Shack, cursing as she tore out weeds and clutter. 

What was the best way of telling her? Simply come out with the truth? _Hi, I made clones last year and they're obsessed with you, please help us find them before they kidnap Robbie?_ Ugh, no, that was terrible! Maybe bring it up in a joking way? _Hey, Wendy, remember that night we danced? Well, before I worked up the courage to ask you like a sane person, guess what I did first?_ Nah, that wouldn't work. And say the night Stan threw the party, don't mention the dance. It was just a dance, don't overthink it, you know it didn't mean as much to her as it did to you!

_Does she even remember it?_

Dipper hesitated as that final thought hooked its claws in. It was a dumb question, childish and selfish. What did it matter if she did or didn't?

_It matters to me._

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Everything mattered to him. Every smile and laugh and joke. They were all significant to him. But never to her. To her, those moments were no different than if they had been shared with Mabel or Lee or Nate or Thompson. Which was why moving on was the only option.

But as he watched her, in the dirt, swearing and complaining, and yet somehow still beautiful, he knew that, whatever happened, however long it would take him to move on, Wendy Corduroy would always have a special place in his heart.

Then the moment was ruined as she leaned further in, her butt rising as her jeans tightened around her cheeks, and his affectionate thoughts were replaced by something much less romantic.

* * *

Mabel coughed and sputtered as they pulled the dusty tarp off the photocopier. "Has this thing even been used since the party?" she managed between coughs.

"Ugh, nope!" Soos declared, waving to clear the air in front of his face. "Why bother when we can use the copier store, you know? You ever been? Place is awesome, dude! Tried to take Melody once but I don't think she appreciated the same way I do."

"That's the same thing with me and the arts and crafts store! Dipper, Wendy, Stan, none of them get excited about it like I do! Hey, we should go to them together sometime - we’ll make a day of it!"

"Oh, totally," said Soos, nodding happily. "Don't know if we'll have time this summer, but if not it'll give us something to do next!"

"Yeah!" said Mabel, sealing the deal with a high-five. "Now, what to do about this?" she said, turning back to the rundown cloning machine.

"Do you think it still works?"

"One way to find out," Mabel replied, putting her arm on the scanner and pressing the button.

The machine rattled and sparked, a blinding white light flooding the room before a single sheet of paper with an arm on it slid out and landed on the floor. The two friends waited a moment before the arm became thicker than the paper, slowly crawling away from the now-blank sheet and leaving an arm-shaped cutout as it crawled towards them.

"Sweet!" cried Mabel, picking it up by the stump. "Free back scratcher!" She held the arm over her shoulder. "Little to the left. My left. Thaaat's it."

"Can I have a shot?"

"Sure, knock yourself out," she said, passing him the paper limb. "Now where's Dipper got to?" she murmured, frowning at door. "These are his clones, he should be here to help dismantle this thing."

"Maybe he's still talking to Wendy?" Soos offered, a broad smile on his face as the small hand hit those hard to reach places. 

"Shouldn't take him this long to tell the story," Mabel muttered, leaving the room to search for her twin.

She stepped outside and found him fairly quickly. She opened her mouth to call out to him but stopped when she saw the enraptured look on his face. Frowning, she walked towards him, her curiosity growing as he completely failed to notice her, even when she was only an arm's length away. With a raised eyebrow, she followed his line of sight. Straight to Wendy's derriere.

Mabel barely suppressed a disgusted groan but couldn't help her lip from curling at her brother's behaviour. "Ahem!" she declared, making sure it wasn't loud enough for Wendy to hear.

Dipper jumped out of his skin at the sudden interruption to his thoughts, then turned scarlet when he saw his sister's aversive expression.

"I - I - I was-!"

"I know exactly what you were doing and don't you dare try and deny it!" Mabel hissed at him. "And to think you've criticised me!"

"But it's right there!" he protested weakly, gesturing towards Wendy's backside.

"Don't you try and make this Wendy's fault!" Mabel told him sharply. "I don't care how hard it is to miss, we were raised better than that! If Mom ever found out-"

"Please don't tell her!" Dipper begged. "Don't tell anyone!"

"As if I would ever tell her about this!" Mabel snapped, still keeping her voice low. "We both know Mom would murder Wendy in her sleep if she ever suspected you were acting this way! So you’d better behave yourself from now on, Mister, and act like the gentleman Mom thinks you are! Because we have your clones to deal with, and the last thing we need is for you to add fuel to the raging fire that is their obsession! Got it?"

Dipper nodded, his cheeks burning painfully from embarrassment of her admonishment.

"Good," said Mabel, taking a deep breath. "Now get your act together because we're on a mission. Hey, Wendy!"

"Waitwaitwait!" Dipper hissed at her in a panic. "I haven't figured out how to tell her yet!"

"Well you should have been more careful with your time then, shouldn't you?" she hissed back as the redhead retreated from the hole.

"Oh, hey guys," Wendy said, brushing at her clothes and stuffing the weeds and other rubbish she’d pulled out into a trash bag. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much," Mabel replied, ignoring the way the older teen curiously peered at Dipper as he avoided eye contact. "Dipper made some clones last year. Now they're back and might want to kidnap Robbie. Want to help find them?"

Wendy blinked, recalling a talking with a different Dipper in a diner, and another conversation with Robbie while they waited for a potion to brew as they thought about how to save the Dipper before her.

"Sure," she said with a shrug. "So long as it doesn’t get me in trouble with my Dad," she added quickly.

"Ah,” said Mabel, drawing in a sharp breath. "Right. Forgot about that part. This might be trickier than we first thought."

Dipper let out a frustrated sigh. “So what else is new?”


	3. Chapter 3

If you were to ask Dipper Pines what he thought of Robert Stacey Valentino (his parents wanted a girl), he would most likely frown thoughtfully and then say something along the lines of, "He's alright," quickly followed by, "I suppose."

If you were to ask Robert Stacey Valentino what he thought of Dipper Pines, however, it would be a different answer depending on who was asking. For most people, he'd probably make a remark about the boy's smell, height, stupid hat (he wouldn't use that one around Wendy, obviously), and would almost certainly include the word 'dork' at some point. But even the worst of these was a major improvement from what he would have said during most of last summer.

However, like most things Robbie did, these comments were generally bluster to make himself appear more indifferent or tougher than he really was. The only way for Robbie to give an honest answer about emotions or people was either by threatening him (surprisingly easy to do since he'd once been beaten by a skinny, sleep-deprived, magically poisoned, thirteen-year old half his size) or get Tambry to ask him in private. If Tambry _were_ to ask him, Robbie would immediately and honestly state: "He's a dork." Then he'd scowl for a bit before adding, "But he's okay. I suppose." Which, interestingly enough, was also how Tambry felt about Dipper.

At least, that _was_ their opinion. But that was before their date was interrupted by a call from Wendy, asking them to come to the Shack since a pair of Dipper clones were on the hunt for Robbie, believing that he still harboured feelings for his ex, and probably wanted to get rid of him in some way. So if they were asked at that moment, their honest opinion probably wouldn't be so neutral.

"I hate you so much," Robbie growled at the younger teen.

"Not exactly happy about this myself," Dipper muttered, scratching his chin sheepishly as the couple glared at him.

"This is stupid!" Tambry snapped, so angry about the situation she hadn't even posted about it yet, though her phone was ready in her hand. "We've been dating for over a year, you think they'd have realised he's moved on! And while we're at it, why they hell haven't they? What kind of creepy losers still obsess over a girl after over all this time?"

Dipper flinched as the words hit home, echoing many self-criticisms he'd thought over the past year in his desperate want to get over his one-sided crush. "I'll, uh, I'll be upstairs," he said, clearing his throat and feeling all eyes on him, even as he kept his own low to avoid the way he knew they must be looking at him. "I'll start brain-storming to figure out what I'd do if I were them. Which'll be fun," he muttered under his breath as he left the room.

"Dipper, you don't-" Mabel started to say, but he was already gone. She let her hand drop to the side as she heard the creak of the stairs. Then she turned to Tambry. "Hi, Tambry, do you remember me? I'm Mabel," she said loudly, the older girl pausing her status update to scowl in puzzlement at the small, angry girl in front of her. "I know we aren’t as close as the others so I'll give you a quick summary of myself. I like pigs, food, sparkly things, and hot guys." 

Mabel reached up and snatched the older girl's phone from her hands, Tambry crying out in angry protest before the smaller teen's other hand reached up and pulled her down with inhuman strength until they were eye-level. "But the most important thing to remember is that I'm Dipper's twin, technically his big sister by five minutes," Mabel hissed, the look in her eyes terminating Tambry's struggles immediately. "And if you ever make him feel insecure or insinuate that he's creepy ever again, I will throw your phone in the bottomless pit. And then I'll do the same to you."

"Uh," said Tambry, glancing at her boyfriend and friend, who stood to the side looking horrified and impressed, respectively.

"Don't look to them for help!" Mabel snapped. "I'm a hormonal teenage girl looking after her brother. Robbie wouldn't stand a chance against me, while Wendy wouldn't even try, being a big sister herself. Our bond of Big Sisterhood means she can't intervene. And that's totally not a thing I made up right now."

"Totally a real thing," Wendy said, no hint of a lie on her face.

"Now, you think about what I've said and how to apologise to my brother while I call my Grunkle and ask him the best way to get rid of the photocopier," Mabel said, patting Tambry's cheek before letting her go and handing her phone back.

"Nice job," Wendy said approvingly as Robbie put a comforting arm around his slightly traumatised beloved. "Piece of advice though? Don't go all-out with the first threat. Makes them doubt your future ones when you can't go through with the first."

Mabel gave her a hurt look as she scrolled through the contacts of her phone. "Who says I couldn't go through with it?"

Wendy blinked. "Oh. Okay then." She looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I'll be right back," she told her young friend, Mabel nodding to show she heard as she waited for Ford to pick up.

Upstairs, Dipper sat at the desk in the room he shared with Mabel, chewing on a pen thoughtfully. He tried to put himself in the mind-set of twelve-year old him; desperate to prove himself, jealous of Robbie, obsessed with Wendy, and feeling as if no one truly understood him. He let out a frustrated groan and far too easily recalled some of his more ridiculous and elaborate plans to impress Wendy or interfere in the life of his then-rival. Which was not a time he wanted to be reminded of. He thought of what Mabel said and tried to think of how much he'd changed in the last year.

He still wanted to prove himself, but he'd probably be like that until the day he died. He still didn't think anyone truly understood him, but he'd always been a bit of an outsider and besides, what teenager didn't think like that? And, yes, his infatuation with Wendy was...infuriatingly persistent. But he didn't compliment her under her breath like he used to, or lay awake thinking about her - not often anyway, and sometimes it wasn't even her he thought about! - or became tongue-tied whenever he spoke to her, or turned red whenever her elbow hit his. 

Sure, he still found her physically attractive, but she was a very pretty girl - woman - so that made perfect sense, especially as far as puberty was concerned. And yes, she was a very good friend - probably his best after Mabel - so of course he wanted to spend more time with her. And she did laugh at his jokes, something almost no one else did. And even when they did, it wasn't the same way Wendy would laugh. The way the freckles on her cheeks seemed to shine. Her makeup-free lips parting as she grinned, more luxurious to him than any lipsticked model. How her beautiful red hair would cascade over her shoulders, sometimes falling over one eye in a sultry way that made his heart pound as his mouth went dry, especially when the wind caught her piny scent-

Dipper sighed. Well. He wasn't jealous of Robbie any more. So that was something. He jotted down his old plans as they came back to him, his despair growing at how many there were and how convoluted they became, feeling more like a cartoon villain than an almost fourteen-year old boy. Maybe he should bring this up with Professor Passuum? She already hated Wendy, she'd be only too glad to help him get over her.

There was a knock at the door and he turned to see Wendy standing there. "You okay, dude?"

"Um...yeah," he lied. "Just...trying to remember what I was like back then. But it's not exactly something I'm proud of, you know?"

"Oh, yeah, totally," Wendy said, closing the door and sitting down on Mabel's bed. "Who would want to be reminded of a time when they were bravely fighting ghosts and monsters, solving mysteries, and having adventures with friends? Yep, that sounds awful."

"You know what I mean," Dipper muttered, flushing at his neck as he turned back to his notes. "Awkward, weird, and - ow! What was that for?" he demanded, rubbing the top of his head.

"To shut you up," Wendy answered, sitting back down. "Didn't want you going through one of those - what did you call it? Negative spirals?"

"Could have just told me to shut up," Dipper muttered, removing his ushanka to better rub the spot. 

"Nah, you're too stubborn for that to work," Wendy reasoned. "Had to resort to drastic measures."

Dipper gave a grunt and returned to his notes, not feeling particularly happy with her method. Still, he was now too annoyed with her to reflect on his lingering feelings, so it had technically worked. There was silence in the room for a minute, Dipper suspecting he knew what she was up here to say and dreading it. He busied himself with more plans in the meantime, stopping when he heard the creak of the bed and glanced over his shoulder, only to jump as Wendy's face was directly beside his, peering over his shoulder.

"Man, some of these plans are dumb," she noted, not reacting at all as Dipper fell out of his chair.

"I know!" Dipper snapped, gathering his hat and getting to his feet.

"Like, really dumb," Wendy continued, flicking through the pages. "Tricking Robbie into taking a bath with piranhas? Seriously?"

"I know!" Dipper snapped louder, brushing at his clothes angrily.

"Piranhas don't really eat people, Dipper. It's a total myth. Surprised you don't know that."

"I kn - wait. That's what makes it dumb?"

"Well, yeah, dude. A vat of acid would have been way smarter. Kind of disappointed you never came up with that one. And this one with the catapult - I can imagine you being smart enough and Robbie being dumb enough for you to trick him into getting on it, but where would you even find one?"

"Uh...trick Grunkle Stan into buying it? I'd suggest he could launch things over the Shack during the tours and say they were ghosts or UFOs or something, get more money? Either that or have Soos build one."

"Huh. Okay, I guess that could happen. Not bad."

Dipper frowned at her. "You don't think these are childish, stupid ideas?"

Wendy thought about that for a moment, her brow furrowing. "Eh," she concluded eventually.

"Eh?" Dipper repeated blankly. "That's it?"

"Well, yeah, of course they're childish and unrealistic, Dipper," Wendy said, putting them down and returning to Mabel's bed. "But whenever I get mad at my brothers, I put their picture on a punching bag to let off steam. That's not really mature either, but Dad does it and I don't think either of us will stop it anytime soon. So it's not like you're the first person who's had a revenge fantasy. Hell, part of my fantasy in Mabel's bubble was sticking a plunger to the principal's head! How childish was that? Especially now I know what the poor guy was going through," she added quietly.

Dipper hesitated for a moment before sitting next to her and putting an awkward hand on her shoulder. "It's okay," he told her. "You didn't know. And you weren't the only one to have a childish fantasy," he added, looking away.

Wendy glanced at him. Until fairly recently, she believed her young friend had been completely immune to Bill's temptations. Now that she knew he somehow found the power to resist his greatest dream, she found herself admiring his strength of character even more, though she was curious about what Dipper saw in Mabel's bubble, what his ultimate desire could be. 

A promise of muscles? An adult version of himself who dressed like Indiana Jones but carried a jetpack and laser pistol? Finally receiving the praise and recognition he deserved? Revenge against his doubters? But whatever he saw, Dipper refused to speak of it, only turning silent and avoiding even looking Mabel in the eye, clearly wracked by guilt and doubt. Just like he was now.

"You know you're my favourite, right?" she asked suddenly, not wanting him to go down that path again.

Dipper blinked, confused. "What?"

"Between you and Mabel," Wendy explained. "It's you, dude. Hands down. No argument. You get that, right?"

"Um," said Dipper, turning red.

"In fact, you're not just my favourite twin," Wendy continued. "You're more than that, Dipper. You're my best friend, dude."

"I thought Tambry was your best friend?" Dipper asked, surprised.

Wendy shrugged. "Eh. She's been spending way more time with Robbie than me this year. I suppose she still is in some ways, but you can have more than one best friend. Like Mabel. She's got Candy and Grenda, but she also calls you her best friend. And sure, Tambry and I have some good times, and there's some stuff I'd talk to her about first. But out of you both...I'd say you're my favourite best friend. More than that. Even more than my hero. If Mabel's the little sister I've never had, then you're the little brother I actually want! Do you know how much I have to care about someone to be willing to put up with another brother?"

Dipper smiled slightly. "Thanks, Wendy. I appreciate that. More than you know."

"Don't seem super happy about it," Wendy noted quietly.

"What? No! No, I am - I just - it-" Dipper struggled for a moment before clearing his throat and starting again. "Thanks, Wendy," he said in a firmer voice. "I really mean that. I didn't mean to sound insincere, I was just...thinking about my life back home, in Piedmont. How much I'm going to miss this. And how hard high school's going to be."

"Yeah, high school's crap," Wendy agreed, stretching her legs out. "But, hey, you'll get through it," she said punching him in the shoulder affectionately. "You ever need any advice, just give me a call!"

"Hmm," Dipper said, delaying for a moment before continuing. "Hey, uh, Wendy? Can I tell you something? Something private?"

"Anything, dude," she said, and drew her fingers over her lips to seal the deal.

Dipper gave a little smile at their shared signal for promises and secrets before continuing. "The truth is...I...don't have any friends in Piedmont. At all," he confessed, faltering even as he spoke, fearful of the pity he'd catch in her eyes. 

"Oh," said Wendy, nodding as if it wasn't that big of an issue. In truth, it was something she had suspected for quite some time. While Mabel had mentioned several friends during that first summer, Dipper hadn't mentioned one. Even when they had returned to California, whenever she asked the twins for an update on their lives, Mabel's stories would occasionally include other girls and even the odd boy. But Dipper never spoke of anyone outside his sister and parents. Not one name in over a year. It didn't take a genius to work out what that meant.

"Who cares, it's no big deal," Wendy said, dismissing it with a shrug in the hope that would make him feel better. "Besides, now you've got me, the Stans, and Soos. And you've always had Mabel, tough as that can be sometimes. I mean, I love her and all, but living with her day in and day out? There would be some days I'd want to be left on my own too!" she joked.

"Never had much choice," Dipper muttered, Wendy's smile fading at his bitter tone. "I was always the weird kid nobody wanted to hang out with. I thought - I thought things would be better this year. That if I could make friends in Gravity Falls then, maybe, I could make them back home too. But it doesn't matter what I do or say, they aren't interested. I'm still only Dipstick to them."

"Screw 'em," Wendy stated. "All of them. If they don't see you for what you are, then that's their problem."

Seeing that the boy didn't appear too relieved at her words, she rubbed the back of her neck, searching for some more advice to give. "If you don't like people calling you Dipstick, why don't you tell them your real name?" she offered. 

Dipper groaned. "No. No way. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get people to stop calling that? I even had to get the teachers to call me Dipper, I hated Mason so much!"

"But why? I know you don't like it, but I think Mason's actually a pretty cool name."

Dipper gave a dismissive snort. "Are you kidding me? Mabel and Mason? I still haven't forgiven Dad for that one. Do you know what it's like having a popular twin with a name that's so close to yours? Everybody always compared me to Mabel anyway, I didn't need my own name as another reminder. The other kids just called me Mabel's brother, or boy-Mabel until I started using Dipper. No, I might not like Dipstick, but at least it's something I chose for myself."

Dipper drew his knees up as he thought of the years of separation from his classmates, always the outsider and pariah, eventually making the choice to distance himself even further, because at least then he could say it was his choice to be alone, his way of numbing the constant pain, even if only slightly.

"We're not allowed birthday parties back home," Dipper informed her miserably. "The other kids just came over for Mabel. A lot of them didn't bother bringing anything for me, and even when they did it was obvious it was because their parents made them. People think it's sad if no one comes to your party. They should try having people come but leave you out. That really makes you feel wanted."

"Dude," Wendy said sympathetically, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Mom and Dad finally took the hint," Dipper sighed, resting his head on his knees. "Every birthday is now a family-only affair. Even if Mabel still gets more presents, at least now I'm not being ignored on my birthday and - I don't even know why I'm telling you this," he admitted, lowering his knees and falling back so he was staring at the ceiling. "You've always had friends, it's not like I'm expecting you to understand. Nobody does. Well, Tracey and Quattro might, if they're anything like Tyrone. Which, I guess they are."

"Who's Tyrone?"

"He was the first clone I made," Dipper sighed. "The one I spent the most time with. It was the name I always wanted, so he took it. And for a while it was like...almost like having a brother."

"Sounds like you miss him," Wendy said quietly.

"Yeah," Dipper lamented. "He was the only one who could understand what I was going through, even more than Ford or Mabel ever could. Okay, sure, he locked me in the closet at one point, but Mabel and I've had our fights too. And in the end he even motivated me to...never mind." Dipper shifted on his back as he sighed. "It's not important."

"He was the one who encouraged you to ask me for a dance," Wendy gently said.

Dipper flinched as if salt had been poured on an open wound, even if a part of him was relieved to know she hadn't forgotten their dance. "Sort of. He told me to stop being such a wimp around you." He propped himself on his elbows to get a better look at her. "Was I really that obvious?"

"Well - yeah." Wendy shrugged again. "You were pretty awkward around me, and when a guy's getting antsy at a party, it's not hard to figure out what they're working up the nerve to do. Let me guess: got the clones to help you out with watching the ticket booth and stuff so you could hang out with me?"

"Bit more complicated than that," Dipper muttered reluctantly, dragging himself to a sitting position. "Made a whole list of steps on how to get your attention and work up the courage to ask you. The clones were supposed to help me but they ended up getting in my way."

"Make clones to set the mood, dance with Wendy, marry Wendy," Wendy said, nodding as she repeated what another Dipper had once told her in a diner.

"Oh, God!" Dipper groaned in despair, putting his head in his hands. "I thought I'd gotten over whispering under my breath! Please tell me I haven't said anything too embarrassing? Please?"

"Whoah, relax, dude, relax!" Wendy said quickly, cursing herself for not thinking about what she was saying. "That wasn't - that was something I heard before you came back! You've not done any of that this year! Okay, once or twice, but that was always an insult, not - not something about me!"

He peered through his fingers at her. "You promise?"

"Promise," she said, zipping her mouth again. "Only times you've done it this summer's been when you're angry."

"Oh," he said, obviously relieved. "Glad I've gotten over something at least."

Wendy gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he sighed and raised his head from his hands, staring straight ahead to avoid looking at her.

"I'm trying, Wendy," he told her, his heart aching. "God knows, I've tried. And - and I think I'm getting there. I know...I know you don't see me that way. That you never will. That I'm too young and short, and not your type and...that you wish I'd stop being this way around you. But I need more time. Hopefully by next summer -"

"It's okay, dude," Wendy said softly. "You don't need to say it. I get it." She hesitated for a moment, before adding, "Better than you might think."

"What do you mean?" he asked half-heartedly, doubting she did. 

"I mean, there was this guy," she began, trying to keep her voice casual. But there was something in the way she said it made him glance at her, surprised to see an embarrassed flush at her cheeks. "It was the week before you and Mabel came back. And even though that was months ago...I've been thinking about him. A lot." 

Dipper stared, not expecting to hear anything like this coming from her. One of the reasons he'd tried to rationalise why a relationship wouldn't work between them was their different attitudes to romance. While he didn't consider himself a romantic _per se_ , Dipper knew he wouldn't be one for casual relationships, even in the highly unlikely event he was offered one. He would never be satisfied with brief flings or anything without substance, similar to how he believed Soos viewed love. But he had been forced to admit that Wendy wasn't as dedicated as he and Soos were; she treated boyfriends much more casually and sometimes even with an indifferent attitude, something he knew would devastate him if any romantic partner ever treated him like that. But to hear her speak of someone in such a self-conscious and sheepish way was very out of character.

"He sounds like he really left an impression on you," Dipper noted, his voice only carrying surprise and curiosity, while last year it would have been overloaded with jealousy.

"Yep," Wendy sighed. "Don't even know why. He was only in town for a few hours, and we only talked for a little bit since he was...busy. But every now and then I'll see his face, even when I don't want to. It's so - it's so -"

"Persistent?" Dipper offered as she struggled to find the right word.

"Annoying," Wendy grunted. 

"Oh. Well, er, maybe you'll see him again?" Dipper suggested, wanting to give her hope that the person who left such an impact on her might return.

"God, I hope not," Wendy growled. "With any luck, I'll forget all about him after I go back to school. But why HIM of all people!?" she demanded, Dipper jumping at the sudden hostility in her voice as she thrust her arms out aggressively. "It makes no damn sense! He's too old for me! Like, way old. At least thirty! What the hell is that about? If I knew this was going to happen, I'd have punched his damn mug for making me feel this way!"

She suddenly shot Dipper a look that made the teen boy lean away. 

"Um, Wendy?" he asked timidly as her jaw set in anger. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Wendy's eyes narrowed slightly. "Sorry," she said, after a moment too long. "Just felt like hitting someone."

"Oh," said Dipper, wondering what was going on and deciding it wasn't worth the risk of asking. "That - um...okay?"

"Anyway, even if he weren’t older - it'd still be damn weird!" Wendy exploded, making him jump again as she started violently gesturing again. 

"Um, it would?" Dipper asked, desperately thinking of a way to change the subject if it was making her this volatile.

"Well...yeah," Wendy said, her anger seeming to fade before his eyes in a phenomenon that would send his curiosity levels through the roof if he weren't so relieved to see her calm down. "He's, like, a friend of the family? Something like that. Which makes it way complicated. And even if he weren’t, he's not only older, but married with kids. So, you know - awkward. But despite all that, I can't help thinking about him sometimes and it - I wish I could, but he's so - there's something about him that’s really-"

"Special."

Wendy blinked and looked down at her young friend, noting his sad, sympathetic gaze.

"...yeah," she said eventually. "Really special."

They sat in silence for a moment, lost in thoughts, memories, and feelings they were very glad the other couldn't hear.

"Crushes are dumb," Dipper stated.

"Oh, you are so right!" Wendy instantly agreed. "They suck!"

"They make no logical sense!" Dipper continued. "They're unrealistic and frustrating!"

"Totally! If you know it won't work out in your head, why can’t your heart figure it out?"

"l don't know! I'm a logical guy! You'd think I'd have come to terms with it by now! Why is it taking so long?"

"How should I know? It's the first time it's taken me more than a week to move on from a guy! Which makes literally no sense since I never even dated him! And I don't want to!"

"Man, I was hoping crushes would get easier as I got older," Dipper groaned. "But it sounds as if that won't happen."

"Nope," Wendy grunted, blowing a strand of hair away from her face in annoyance. Then she punched him on the shoulder, much harder than ever before.

"Ow! That - ow! What was that for?"

"Reasons."

"Reasons?" he yelled, his voice cracking and ruining any chance of his anger being taken too seriously. "What the heck does that even mean?"

Wendy shrugged, getting to her feet and opening the door. "Maybe I'll tell you some time. But not for a while. You coming?" she asked nodding at the stairs leading to the floor below, where their friends (and Robbie) were waiting on them.

Dipper threw her a look as he rubbed his shoulder and walked behind her. "Is this one of those teenage girl things that Mom warned me about?" he asked suspiciously. "Where I should just roll with it and not even try to understand how your minds work?"

Wendy chuckled. "Heh, no, but that's pretty good advice. I think your Mom and I would get on well."

"Nah, she'd kill you in your sleep," Dipper replied, the matter-of-fact way he said it giving even Wendy Corduroy pause as they reached the bottom of the steps.

"There you are!" Mabel cried, interrupting them before Wendy could inquire further. "Okay, I called Ford and he told us not to touch the photocopier. He says McGucket built it right before they tested the portal, but he doesn't know how or what with."

"So why'd McGucket build this in the first place?" Wendy asked, following her back to the room with the barely functioning machine. "Did he want clones to help build the portal?"

"Ford asked, but he doesn't remember," Mabel shrugged. "It's one of the memories that's probably lost for good. But even before he saw Bill's dimension and made the memory gun, he was starting to become unstable from all the dangers of Gravity Falls. Remember the trap in the bunker? That was all his idea."

"Poor dude," Soos sighed, returning to help them now that the final tour of the day was complete. "Glad he's finally getting the help he needs. So when can Doctor Pines be here to get rid of this thing?"

"He says it probably won't be until tomorrow because he needs to get the right equipment. Besides, he's too busy today since he and Stan have been called in to the mayor's office. Apparently Preston Northwest's doing everything he can to get someone arrested for his car."

"Jerk," Wendy grunted, considering the machine. "How does this thing even work?"

"Uh, I sat on it and hit the copy button," Dipper answered. “Pretty simple, really.”

"Wonder if it's radioactive?" Robbie muttered, trying to read the faded warnings on the side. "That would be cool."

"Radioactive?" Dipper whispered, turning pale as he tried to remember how many times he'd cloned himself.

Tambry smirked. "Let's hope you don't have two-headed kids. But if you did, you'd still love them and be a great dad, and their mom would be lucky to have you!"

"Better," Mabel said, lowering her fist behind her brother's back.

"What?" Dipper managed, too distracted by memories of the many speeches his great uncle had recited on the dangers of radiation to really pay attention. 

"Think if it were that sort of danger then Dipper would have glowing skin or a third arm by now," Wendy said, scratching her head under her cap as a relieved Dipper started to breathe again. "But if Stan's been tinkering with it then it wouldn't surprise me if it were to explode the next time anyone tried it out."

"Nope, works fine," Mabel declared. "Tested it out and made myself a back scratcher. See?"

She pointed to the corner of the room where a disembodied arm was busy scratching Waddles behind his ear, the pig not caring the least about where this hand came from.

"My love for Waddles is so strong that my arm has muscle memory of our bond!"

"That's...disturbing," Dipper decided, Robbie and Tambry nodding vigorously. "Also, not how muscle memory works."

"Well, my pig-scratching arm says otherwise. In your face, science!"

"So what are we gonna do about these clones when we find them?" Soos asked. "I could maybe give them part-time jobs here, at the Shack?" He gasped. "Just like what Mister Pines did for me! I really am following in my hero's footsteps!"

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea," Mabel said, glancing at her brother and Wendy. "I don't want to hurt them, but they might be a little too...immature to be working at the Shack."

"No way, dude!" Soos laughed. "They might be paper, but they're still Dipper! How immature can they be?"

"They want to interfere with Robbie’s life to spend more time with Wendy," Dipper said, his face glowing as he felt all eyes on him. "Trust me, they've got a whole lot of growing up to do."

"Well, Melody and I did say we didn't want kids quite yet, so I guess adopting them isn't such a good idea," Soos said slowly. "Plus it'll be tough on Wendy, and she's been working here longer and can do way more so she gets priority."

"Thanks, Soos!"

"Can't take them back home either," Mabel said. "Mom lost it when she found out one Grunkle was pretending to be another, who knows how she'd react to finding out there's stuff like this in Gravity Falls?"

"People would die," Dipper stated in the same matter-of-fact tone that alarmed Wendy before. "Slowly and painfully."

"That they would," Mabel immediately agreed, further disturbing the redhead.

 _Note to self: no surprise trips to Piedmont when I finally get that car,_ she thought. Out loud, she said, "So what are we going to do with them? Set them up with secret identities or something?"

"Who cares, let's just find them first!" Robbie snapped. "The longer we wait, the more time they'll have to make up some revenge scheme against me!”

“Robbie’s right,” Dipper sighed. “One problem at a time. But the question is how are we going to find them if Wendy can’t get time off to track them for us?”

“I have the perfect solution to that,” Mabel answered with a sly smile. “Wendy keeps a spare set of clothes at the Shack in case things get messy, and I have an assortment of wigs, including a long, red one. So, we’ll get Robbie-”

“No.”

“-to dress up as Wendy-”

“ _No.”_

“-have him wander the woods-”

“No!”

“-and call out for help! It’s perfect!”

“The hell it is!”

“So, what do you think?” Mabel said turning to Robbie. “Great plan or not?”

“I said no, like, five times!”

“Three, plus one negative comment,” Dipper corrected him.

“Shut up! I’m not dressing up as a girl! Especially not my ex! That’s a whole other level of weird!”

“Dude, dressing up as Wendy ain’t exactly like going around in a dress,” Soos pointed out, gesturing to the cashier in her jeans, plaid shirt, and boots.

“She’s even got less makeup on than you do,” Dipper added.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, what concealer brand is that?” Mabel said, reaching up to touch his cheeks. “It not only seems to last all day but also adds radiance and makes your eyes seem less puffy.”

“Really?” Robbie gasped, glad someone finally noticed. “I mean - shut up! That’s not the point!

“Yeah, I still don’t want my boyfriend dressing as his ex!” Tambry snapped. “Why don’t I do it?”

“Clothes won’t fit you,” Mabel stated. “Robbie’s the closest, even if he has shrunk.”

“I haven’t shrunk! She’s grown! Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because it annoys you and irritating people is like the extra gummy worms on my chocolate-syrup coated bread,” Mabel said happily, her mouth starting to water. “ _Mmmm_...bread.”

“Don’t turn all Tad Strange on us, Mabel,” Wendy warned her. “There’s weird and then there’s him.”

“Look, do you want to help us deal with the clones or not?” Dipper said, turning to Robbie. “You’re the only one who wants to get rid of them as much as I do. Up to you, man.”

Robbie glared at the younger teen, his former nemesis and rival for Wendy’s attention, desperately searching for an alternative plan.

“Oh, alright,” he fumed, crossing his arms. “But if any photos end up online, I’ll make you all sorry! And I still owe you one for getting the dudes to take my bike!”

“Come on, Robbie, it’s not as if you didn’t get your bike back,” Wendy said with obvious exasperation as Soos went to fetch her spare clothes. “And even you’ve got to admit that you were pretty mean to Dipper, and all because he said your explosion looked like a muffin!”

“It does not!” Robbie spat. “And besides, they want to kidnap me! What have I ever done to deserve something like that?"

"Well-" Wendy and Tambry began together.

"Shut up! I mean that these two know of?" He gestured to the twins. “Sure, I was a jerk, but your brother wasn't exactly nice to me either."

"Maybe not, but you were way worse and were pretty immature about it," Mabel reasoned. "I mean, a sixteen-year old feeling threatened by a twelve-year old? Even Dipper's not that insecure."

"Hey!"

"Shut up and take the compliment, Dipper."

"Wait, that was a compliment?"

"And if I recall correctly, didn't that same sixteen-year old then threaten to beat up that twelve-year old and challenged him to a fight?" Mabel continued, her eyes narrowing.

"You what?" Tambry snapped as Robbie flinched.

"In my defense, he totally wrecked my phone!" Robbie protested lamely.

"By accident! I even offered to pay for it!"

“And even if he didn’t, that still doesn’t give you an excuse to bully my brother!” Mabel admonished the older teen.

"No, that's a pretty good reason to beat up the kid," Tambry reasoned, thinking of her own phone and what she’d do if someone ever came between her and her status updates.

“No, it wasn’t,” Mabel growled, her grappling hook in her hand as she glared at the older girl.

"No, it wasn't," Wendy stated, scowling dangerously at her ex-boyfriend.

"I mean, no it wasn’t and you should be totally ashamed and apologize right now!" Tambry corrected herself, leaning away from the smaller girl.

“I am totally ashamed and am apologising right now!” Robbie yelled, backing away slowly from his old flame.

“Found them!” Soos declared, returning to the room with the spare clothes. “Sorry it took me so long, but the smell from Wendy’s spare boots made me throw up whenever I tried to pick them up. Then I remembered I’d kept the old ones I’d worn growing up in case I ever had kids or found some desperate orphans in need of sturdy shoes! Here you go, dawg,” Soos said, throwing them to Robbie. “Think these’ll fit you.”

“Great thinking, Soos!” Mabel declared, her grappling hook disappearing in her sweater, Tambry breathing a sigh of relief as she turned away. “That way we don’t need to load Robbie with dozens of socks to match Wendy’s huge feet!”

“Hey!”

“Now, what can we do to make Robbie’s flat butt fill out to match Wendy’s massive one?” Mabel pondered, stroking her chin thoughtfully.

“MY BUTT IS NOT-!” Wendy took a sharp intake of breath. “I doubt the Dipper clones will really care about stuff like that,” Wendy growled through clenched teeth.

Mabel opened her mouth to reply. But then she caught sight of her brother desperately shaking his head and drawing his fingers across his neck behind the tall teen, Robbie and Tambry sharing an uncomfortable glance at his actions.

“You’re right,” Mabel lied. “That’s totally inconsequential to the situation. I’ll get the wig.”

After Mabel came rushing down the stairs with the flaming wig, they went outside, Wendy using her experienced tracking skills to scan the bushes and undergrowth around the Shack to determine where the clones could have went.

“That way,” she decided after guessing the height and weight necessary to leave the faint path she saw. “Twigs are bent and broken around Dipper’s height, and looks like two people, one behind the other. But they probably changed direction further in. Hard to find a straight path in a forest.”

“Well it’s a start,” Dipper said, noting the signs she had pointed to. “Thanks, Wendy. Hopefully we’ll get this sorted by tomorrow.”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Mabel added. “It’s not like we’ll be in any danger. I don’t think they’d even seriously hurt Robbie, let alone the rest of us.”

“Great,” Robbie grunted, scratching his scalp underneath his wig and feeling very uncomfortable with his new attire. “Can we go, already? This thing’s super itchy!”

Wendy was silent as she waved farewell to her friends. When they were gone, she glanced at her watch and saw that it was only ten minutes until her father came to collect her. She stuck her hands deep in her pockets and kicked at a stone in frustration before walking back to her place of work.

She knew Mabel was right, that this probably wouldn’t be a dangerous experience. If the clones were even partially like their originator then they would never hurt Mabel, and the original Dipper had already bested them, even when they had the drop on him. But an adventure was still an adventure, and she wished she could be a part of it, helping her friends instead of being stuck at home.

The way her Dad was now, she didn’t dare even bring up the subject. She couldn’t risk not seeing Soos get married. So she’d have to be on her best behaviour, not rock the boat. If it was either attend the wedding or have an adventure, it would have to be the wedding. There was no way she could have it both wa-

Wendy stopped in her tracks. “Huh,” she said as a grin slowly formed. “Should have thought of that sooner.”

She whistled happily to herself as she stepped inside. After all, what harm could one more clone do?


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm going to be in the back for a bit, Soos, can you cover for me when my Dad shows up, let him know I didn't go with the others?" Wendy asked as soon as she stepped into the Shack.

"Sure thing, dawg," Soos happily replied, lifting his eyepatch and loosening his bow tie as Melody counted the cash from the till. "I'll even let him know I've been teaching you how to do my old job and how well you're doing at it!"

"You're the best!" Wendy declared giving him a grateful double thumbs-up as she walked backwards into the hall.

The moment she was out of their sight, she dashed for the back office, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. Now, how had Dipper said it worked? Sit on it and hit copy? Was it really that easy? Wendy shrugged and decided she might as well give it a shot. If it didn't work then she'd just have to put up with being grounded and ask for the details tomorrow. So she hopped on the machine and -

She didn't fit.

Wendy stared at the boots sticking over the scanner and cursed herself. Dipper was a little short for his age and had been even more so at twelve. Wendy, meanwhile, had been one of the tallest girls in school even at fifteen and that height had only increased. Even though it had only been a year, she was now one of the tallest women in town, something that she normally didn't mind since it had as many upsides as downsides. Right now, however, it was definitely the downsides that she was focusing on.

She cursed and tried a foetal position, but even curled up with her head between her knees, it still wasn't enough. however much she shifted, there would always be a part of her feet, legs, head, or back poking out. And while she knew her father wasn't the most perceptive of men, she thought even he might notice if his daughter was suddenly missing her toes or the top of her skull.

Wendy let out an exasperated sigh and sat cross-legged on the scanner, her elbow on her knee and her chin on her fist as she tried to figure out a solution, glaring at nothing. Right. Too big. What else could she do? Make a clone anyway and get her to wear a jacket or fix her hair to hide a missing part? Possible, but then the boys would no doubt question her about it and if Dad got suspicious he'd demand to see what she was hiding. Then her plan would be ruined. 

Wendy let out another sigh as she prepared herself for another night of being bored out of her mind. Then she paused as an idea came to her. Warily, unsure if it would work or if the thing could even hold her weight, she stood on the scanner, putting her feet at the very bottom and was relieved when the glass didn't crack. She leaned forward, her hair falling over her head, her cap almost falling off until she pushed it down harder, her head getting closer to the glass until - yes!

Standing on the edge of the scanner, her forehead almost touching it with her butt raised high, technically all of her was over the scanner. With a very satisfied smirk, Wendy glanced up to see where the buttons were, reached up a hand to hit copy, and settled back to her previous position, making sure her hair wasn’t over the edge or obscuring her face. Then she frowned.

"I wonder if this is a good idea?"

That overdue worry intensified as the photocopier shook and rattled so hard she almost lost her balance, sparks flying from the end with the warning hazards. Then the light swept under her so she dismissed her concerns now that it was too late and sat on the machine, watching as a single sheet slid out and onto the floor.

Wendy frowned at her frowning image. Well, it looked like all of her was in it, even if she did look ridiculous. Her feet and head looked massive compared to her body and legs. Hopefully the clone wouldn't come out like that. If it did, she'd probably have to splash some water to put her out of her misery. Hang on, how long did it take for the clones to-

The picture blinked. Then the head raised itself out of the paper, a thankfully proportionate set of shoulders, arms, and torso following close behind.

"Oh my God!" Wendy gasped as her clone put two hands on the floor and dragged the rest of her body into existence. "My butt really is huge!"

"I know, right?" the clone grunted, frowning at the backside of the Wendy sitting on the photocopier. "No wonder we need to buy guy pants. We’ve been in denial for so long."

"Doesn't mean Mabel has to keep mentioning it," Wendy muttered, sliding off the machine to get a better look at herself.

The problem with mirrors is that if you try to check something out, your reflection tends to move at the exact same time and often in a way that hides what you were hoping to get a better look at. It happens so frequently that you could swear they were doing it on purpose. Wendy didn't have that issue with her clone, the paper copy merely raising an eyebrow as the original walked around her and looked her over from top to bottom to check everything was there.

It was the most Wendy had ever seen herself, not really one for vanity. She'd never been into makeup, thankfully mostly free from acne and blemishes, and usually only added lip gloss and moisturiser to her skin. Her clothes almost entirely consisted of boots, jeans, shirts and t-shirts, and she had only one large mirror in her room with a crack in the corner, which she usually just used to to check she wasn't a total disgrace before she left the house. With her rowdy family, she favoured clothes that would last rather than what was in fashion and would often just put on whatever was closest at hand, adding an extra sniff if it happened to be on the floor to make sure it was suitable for enclosed spaces. Not the most hygienic of dress codes, but it was still a major improvement over Dipper Pines who didn't bother sniff his clothes at all, regardless of where he found them.

Wendy reached full circle and stopped in front of the clone. She was paler than the original, but only slightly, barely noticeable and easy to dismiss even if it was. The important thing was that nothing was missing. Okay, the feet were pretty big and the butt could probably do with a little trimming to be honest, and the clothes were pretty worn, but overall-

"I look good," Wendy grinned, nodding appreciatively.

"Yeah, we do!" the clone grinned back and the two redheads raised their hands in a high-five.

The Wendys looked each other up and down for a little bit more, taking it all in and noting the exact same things about each other that they liked and didn't. Then Wendy's smile faded, her brow furrowing as she glanced up and noticed something was off. "Huh. That's weird."

"What?" asked the clone patting her head. "The ink didn’t run and give me a black streak, did it?"

"No, still ginger all the way," Wendy replied, the clone relaxing a little. "It's just your hat. It's missing the pine tree."

The clone removed her hat and saw that the other Wendy was right, the blue pine tree symbol now gone and leaving only a blank, white front. "Huh. That’s weird. Wonder why that's gone but everything else is okay?"

Wendy shrugged. "Maybe the machine ran out of blue ink? Whatever. Just leave it here and tell Dad it's being washed or something."

"Yeah, doubt he'd make a big deal of it," the clone agreed, gently tossing it onto the desk. "Feel kinda naked without it, though," she admitted, patting her now bare head.

"Don't let Dipper hear you say that!" Wendy joked The two shared a laugh and smiled at each other, and Wendy finally understood what Dipper had meant when he said Tyrone was like a brother.

While she did love her brothers and sometimes she even liked them, there was no denying how frustrating they were. Barging into her room, breaking things that she'd usually have to clean up in case they caused even more damage if they tried, often complaining about her despite doing her best to help raise them. She never wanted a sister, believing another sibling would add only more hassle regardless of their gender. And high school had taught her that, despite what people thought, girls can be just as bad as boys if not more so. But looking at a different version of herself, someone who could understand her frustrations and share her thoughts, she now knew why the Pines siblings were so close and why they did so much for each other.

Then she remembered that her father would arrive any minute and decided to get to the point of whole cloning process. "Right, here's the plan, Number Two," Wendy began, before the clone gave rolled her eyes and cut her off.

"Hah! You wish you could call me that! Just call me Wendy Two or whatever. And you want me to take your place back home while you have fun with Dipper and Mabel, I've got all your memories, remember?"

"Oh, right. Well that save us some time." Wendy glanced at her watch to check the time. Then she looked up at her clone suspiciously. "Wait. You aren't going to go all mental and try and take over my life like the Dipper clones, are you?"

The clone scoffed. "Come on, me! Would you really try that if you were me?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, realised it as soon as I said it," the clone sighed. "Okay, look. Soos and the others matter to me as much as they do you. And you’d rather one of us go to the wedding than risk neither of us going.”

“That is true,” Wendy agreed, thinking of how much her extended family meant to her, silently very proud to be considered an honorary Pines.

“Anyway, even if I were evil, there’s no way I could get away with it,” the clone continued. “We're not dumb, we know I couldn't beat you since all you have to do is splash me with water to get an advantage in a fight. And we share the same knowledge and skills so you'd get out of any trap I'd make. Besides, we both know the others would help you over me."

"Huh, that's pretty reasonable" Wendy said with a nod. "Maybe we’re finally getting mature in our old age."

The clone scoffed again. "Who you calling old? I'm a freaking new-born. You're the one who's going to get old and wrinkly while I'm staying young and beautiful forever!"

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” Wendy replied, with a dismissive wave. “Now help me sneak out so I can catch up with the gang.”

Wendy opened the office door a crack and was relieved to see the coast was clear, so they snuck out of the office and towards the kitchen, surprisingly silent despite their large boots. Seeing that the kitchen was clear too, Wendy moved to the back door but paused when she saw that Soos’ grandmother was outside, sitting on the sofa and reading a book.

“Damn,” the Wendys said together.

While they had no serious ill-will toward Abuelita, they weren’t sure the same could be said in reverse. The woman didn’t seem to outright dislike her, she just didn’t approve of her frequent tardiness, laid-back attitude, or trouble-making nature and didn’t bother to hide it. Which Wendy could understand and respect, even if it did annoy her a little. But while she knew Soos and Melody wouldn’t approve of cloning herself to trick her father, she also knew they wouldn’t rat her out if they saw one Wendy heading towards the woods while another went back home. In truth, Wendy didn’t think Abuelita would either, but she wasn't prepared to risk being wrong.

“Alright, get out the window,” Wendy Two ordered, opening it for her and gesturing frantically.

“Thanks,” Wendy whispered as she climbed out. “Wish me luck!”

The clone snorted. “You kidding me? I’m going to be stuck at home while you get to have fun. I hope you sprain your ankle and go to the wedding with a cast.” Then she gave her a hard shove for good measure, sending her to the ground.

 _Man, I can be super spiteful when I’m jealous,_ Wendy thought as she got to her feet and glared at her grinning clone.

“WENDY!”

Both Wendys jumped at the familiar shout, the clone ducking from sight as heavy footfalls approached.

“What are you doing over there?” Daniel Corduroy scowled at his daughter.

“I, er, I was just-” Wendy began, glancing from her father to the window to the woods.

“Well whatever it was, forget it and get over here!” Dan snapped, jerking a thumb over his shoulder towards his pickup truck. "After I’m done talking to your boss, we're leaving."

"But I was about to-"

"Move!" Dan barked, glaring at her and pointing at his pickup truck where Soos gave her a friendly wave.

Wendy growled and glanced at her clone, peeking out the corner of the window. She pointed at her and then firmly pointed at the ground, mouthing the words, 'I'll be right back,' to which the clone rolled her eyes and nodded.

"What are you doing now?" her father growled warily. 

"Nothing," Wendy muttered darkly, her scowl matching his as she followed him to the front of the Shack.

The clone watched them from the window, crossing her arms and pouting. "Great," she said to herself. "Now he's PO'd. Well done, me. Like being stuck at home wasn't going to be bad enough."

"Wendy?"

The clone jumped and turned in surprise to see Mabel in the doorway, cocking her head to the side quizzically. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, hi, Mabel," the clone began, cursing herself for not being more aware of her surroundings and allowing herself to be found so easily. "Uh, what are you doing back?"

"Well, it turns out that Robbie is really bad at doing an impression of you, so I came back for the voice recorder to play your screams," Mabel explained, holding out the device. She pressed the play button and the paper redhead heard her own voice cry out in pain several times.

"Where did you get those yells?" Wendy Two asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Phil. Remember how me and him went back to last year's fair and he recorded all those times Dipper hit you when he failed to win that stuffed whatever? Pacifica says he still watches them whenever he feels down, so I asked him to send me the videos."

"Jerk," Wendy Two grunted.

"Ha, yeah," Mabel affectionately agreed. "But at least he's pretty. Anyway, we're going to give Robbie this little doohickey and have him wander around to make it sound like you're in distress. Hey, I heard your Dad calling, shouldn't you be leaving?"

"Well,” the clone began, about to confess the truth. Then she paused as she saw the chance for freedom in front of her. Afterall, one Wendy was as good as another, and there was no guarantee that the original would be able to escape her Dad’s sight, especially now that he was already suspicious. She smirked before she turned it into a smile for the puzzled girl. "Actually...I spoke to him for a bit and he said it's okay for me to help you guys out one last time."

"Oh," said Mabel, obviously surprised. "Really?"

"Yep," the clone easily lied, stepping behind the younger girl and gently pushing her towards the window. "Now let's hurry up and leave before he changes his mind!"

"Um, okay, but why aren't we using the door?" Mabel asked as the clone stopped pushing and quietly climbed outside.

"More exciting this way," Wendy Two whispered as her boots touched the dirt.

“Good enough for me!” Mabel declared, leaping out the window and hitting the ground with far less grace but a great deal more cheer.

At the front of the Shack, Wendy stuck her hands in her pockets and scowled, wracking her brains for an excuse to get back inside and send the clone out in her stead. Normally she’d say she left her jacket behind since it was a bad habit of hers. Unfortunately, Soos had been thoughtful enough to bring her jacket out with him while he told her father how good a worker she was. 

As Soos told Dan all about her many talents and how her work had greatly improved this past year, even taking on more of the roles Soos had been forced to do while Stan was running things, Wendy looked around, searching to find inspiration for an excuse. Then her jaw dropped as she saw herself walking into the trees with Mabel, the clone talking animatedly to keep the girl’s face turned away from the real Wendy at the front of the building.

Wendy glanced at her father but was relieved to see that he was too busy scowling at Soos to notice he now had two daughters,and the former handyman was too busy singing her praises to even notice the massive man in front of him was losing patience, let alone that there was a new pair of twins. Wendy shot the clone a glare, her hackles rising when the clone paused at the edge of the woods and gave a little wave before disappearing from sight after the brunette.

“I'm going to murder her," Wendy growled, her hand clenching into fists. 

"You say something, Wendy?" Soos asked, pausing in his compliments.

“Uh, no, just talking to myself,” Wendy said quickly before sticking her hands deeper into her pockets and kicking the dirt in frustration as she silently cursed herself and her duplicate.

She knew how unmanageable she could be, did she really expect her duplicate not to jump at the chance to go adventuring in her stead? She’d have done the exact same thing. In fact, the sole reason for making the clone was to do that exact same thing. Still, she felt more than a little betrayed by the action. She had given it life after all. They’d even bonded in those brief moments in the office, a bond deeper than she’d expected. 

It wasn’t as if she was going to splash her with water the moment they found the Dipper clones! They’d probably get Stan to set them up with fake identities or something, maybe with some money from McGucket to help them out. All she’d wanted was one last escapade with the twins before resigning herself to months of dullness without them. And this wasn’t even a dangerous one, it was just helping them find some extra Dippers! She wasn’t exactly planning on having to rescue them from the jaws of some snarling monster that spat acid or anything.

Wendy paused as she considered that last thought. Dipper said the clones melted from any liquid. And that would include saliva. But now that she thought about it, most of the animals and plenty of the monsters were biters. Which meant that the clone Wendy wouldn’t hold up very long if they got in a fight. Especially since a good strike with her axe could be potentially fatal to the clone if the blood hit her.

Not that they were likely to meet something dangerous. Attacks on people by any type of creature were very rare, fatal ones almost unheard of. Besides, the twins had wandered the woods hundreds of times by themselves and hadn’t been seriously hurt yet. And how dangerous could two immature versions of Dipper really be?

Then Wendy remembered what she was doing less than an hour ago in the attic; peering at designs for traps, catapults, pit-falls, caged animals and other hazards, all created out of jealousy and bitterness. And suddenly the idea of two angry Dippers spending a year without Mabel or anyone else to calm them down didn’t seem quite so amusing.

“Uh, I need to head back inside for a minute!” she told her father and friend, running towards the office. 

“The hell you are!” Dan snapped, reaching out and putting a heavy hand on her shoulder to stop her. “We’re going right now and there’s no way in hell that I’m going to let you out of my sight.”

“But I need to go back inside!” Wendy protested.

“Oh, do you now?” her father growled, folding his massive arms across his expansive chest. “What for?”

Wendy opened her mouth, struggling to think of a response.

“Well?” her father demanded.

“I, er, need to go and...change...my bra?” 

Wendy winced even as the words stumbled from her mouth, knowing this was probably the most pathetic excuse she’d ever uttered.

“Oh,” said Dan, blinking rapidly as the angry red hue drained from his face. “Okay then.” He cleared his throat and scratched his beard. “Um. H-how long does that normally take?”

Wendy stared at him in disbelief for a moment before she managed to collect herself. “Um...five minutes? Maybe ten?”

“Right.” Dan’s brow furrowed as he thought hard. “Sounds about right,” he agreed with a nod.

“...Riiiight,” Wendy said, backing away towards the Shack and deciding she’d rather not know how his train of thought reached that conclusion. “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t hesitate to ask Melody if you need help!” Soos called after her.

“You two talked about kids yet?” Dan asked the former handyman as they watched Wendy run back inside.

“Huh? Oh, you mean Melody and me. Um, sorta? I want one for every day of the week but Melody’s said we’ll take them as they come. Which seems kinda fair since she’d be doing most of the work, you know? But we're not planning on having one too soon since I’ve only been running the place a year and still got loads more to learn. Thankfully, Mister Pines has been teaching me loads. Besides, Melody wants to keep her figure for now.”

“Right,” Dan replied, looking through the shop window to the heavy-set cashier. “Well when you do have kids, do yourself a favour. Stick to boys. Girls are harder.”

“Uh, that might not be up to me,” Soos said slowly. “‘Cause if Melody wants a girl what kind a husband would I be if I tried to stop her?”

Dan looked at him, starting to suspect the other man didn’t fully understand how reproduction worked. He put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got a big heart, Soos,” he told him. “And it’s good you’ve found someone who cares more about that than having looks or brains.”

“Thanks, dawg,” Soos said with a broad grin. “That is such a nice thing to say.”

* * *

“C’mon, c’mon, hurry up!” Wendy growled, standing back on top of the photocopier and bending over as she waited for the process to start. 

This time the photocopier shook and sparked even more as she stood atop it, and added a noise eerily similar to the death-scream of Goldie, the novelty dispenser Stan was so bizarrely fond of.

In fact, unbeknownst to the others in the Shack, he had even married the attraction in a drunken bout of celebration after it saved his life and he won big in Vegas. It was his most successful relationship to date. It was also Ford's most successful relationship legally speaking, since Stan was still impersonating his brother at the time and put his twin’s name on the marriage license. But Stan had never mentioned that, strongly committed to the ancient oath that whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Wendy frowned in concern as the shriek, sparks and rattle intensified under her, wondering if maybe the machine had been used one time too many. Then the scanner finally started to move under the glass and she breathed a sigh of relief before scowling as she thought of her clone’s betrayal.

This was all her clone’s fault! What was she thinking, leaving her to be grounded while she ran off like that? Well, she was probably thinking about the thrilling it would be and how much being grounded sucked, just like she did. But she was the original! That meant her needs should take priority! 

Wendy sat back down on the now still machine as a sheet slid out, glaring at the glaring picture, waiting for it to come to life.

She’d find Number Two - yes, she was calling her that because it fit so damn perfectly now! - and after she’d made sure the others weren’t in too much danger, she’d send her right back here and have the adventure without her! That would show her that no one messes with Wendy Corduroy! Not even Wendy Corduroy!

The picture blinked and started to drag its lanky body out of the sheet, Wendy jumping off the machine to greet it.

“Okay, New Clone, I’m going to make sure the others are alright and maybe beat up Number Two for being such a selfish pain,” Wendy said, pacing back and forth as it climbed into a three-dimensional existence. “You take my place for tonight and after we’ve got all you clones together, we’ll look for somewhere to put you and-”

“Why do you get to go while I get grounded?” the clone demanded, getting unsteadily to its feet and glaring at her. “Why don’t you go home while I go after them?”

Wendy stopped pacing, staring at the clone incredulously. “Are you serious?” she demanded. “I’ve just been over it in my head! Look, me, I can go after the others faster because I don’t need to watch out for puddles or wet grass! See the logic?”

“No.”

The Wendys glared at each other.

“Why the hell not?” the original demanded, starting to feel more sympathy for her Dad than she ever wanted to.

“Because I don’t want to stay at home,” the clone stated.

“Oh, for the love of-” Wendy shook her head. “We’ve just been through this! It's one night! I can go after them faster and somebody needs to get grounded so one of us can go to the wedding!”

The clone scoffed. “Who cares about some stupid wedding?”

Wendy froze, the words sounding alien to her. She cared about the wedding. She knew she did. For all her desperation to avoid being grounded, she was prepared to suffer that and worse if it meant she got to see Soos on the happiest day of his life. 

“What is wrong with you?” she asked the clone, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “This is Soos we’re talking about.”

The clone rolled her eyes. “Oh please! Who cares about him? There’s a whole world out there just waiting for us! You’re so willing to see him marry, you can be the one to stay at home. I’m going to have some fun!”

The clone marched towards the door but stopped as the original stepped in front of her, blocking the way.

“Uh, what are you doing?” the clone demanded. “Move.”

Wendy scanned the clone, looking her up and down. There was something off about her. Like the first clone, she was even paler than the original Wendy and her cap was without the blue pine tree. But there was something else, something she hadn’t noticed at first. The lines on her shirt weren’t as distinct as the previous clone, some of the colours seemed to merge at certain points. While the previous copy had been perfect, this one was definitely flawed.

“Damn,” Wendy said with a growing sense of dread as she recalled how the machine had shook and screamed before forcing out the clone and realised Dipper had never mentioned anything like that happening when he had cloned himself.

Then both Wendys went wide-eyed as they realised what the other must be thinking.

“Ah, crap,” they said together. 

Wendy sent out a jab that caught the clone straight in the face, just as it did the same to her, both of them taking a step back. Then they ignored the pain and did a kick that hit the other in the side and knocked them off their feet.

Unfortunately for Wendy, she hit the floor while the clone hit the photocopier, pushing off it and launching herself on top of her maker as she tried to get up.

Wendy grunted with pain as her back hit the wood, the other her unrelenting in its attacks. Wendy did her best to fight back but they were completely equal in strength and speed, and the other knew her every move. Not only that, it had the advantage of being on top in their grapple while Wendy’s back was firmly on the floor, not a good place to be in a fight.

“I’m going to - turn you into - paper mache!” Wendy grunted in defiance as the clone grabbed her wrists and forced them to the floor.

“Oh yeah?” The clone sneered as she watched her struggle. “How are you going to do that?”

“Like this,” Wendy growled before gathering phlegm.

The clone’s eyes went wide and it drew back its head just in time as Wendy spat, the gob flying high into the air - only to land right back down on Wendy’s face.

“ _Uch_ , seriously?” she groaned, shaking her head in disgust.

“Hah!” the clone cried in satisfaction, before Wendy head-butted it and it recoiled as it heard something sizzle.

Wendy gave a hard shove to knock it off her while it was distracted and rolled to her feet, running towards the door as her clone frantically removed her cap. When she was outside, she braced her back against the door to stop the expected force of the clone slamming herself against it.

“Let me out! I’m gonna kill you!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Wendy sighed, shaking her head to get the loose strands of hair away from her face. “Heard it all before.” 

She slid down the door, hugging her knees and rested her head on her arms, staring at the floor. 

She should probably call for help. If the other clone could turn out like this then the others could be in serious danger. It would definitely mean she’d be missing the wedding but what choice did she have? She’d have to do it. Even if it meant she’d be grounded for life. Which still wouldn’t be as bad as seeing the look of disappointment on Soos’ face.

“Idiot,” she whispered. “Stupid, selfish, idiot.”

She took a deep breath both to prepare her shout and help brace herself for what was to come. Then she noticed that the room was now eerily silent behind her.

She’d just finished that thought as she heard the shaking and tortured screaming of the photocopier.

“Oh crap!” Wendy rushed to her feet and pulled the door open, only to see her clone standing atop the machine and rapidly pressing the copy button. “Oh crapcrapcrapcrapcrap!” Wendy cursed, charging forward and grabbing the clone by her ankle to drag her off, the clone letting out a cry of pain as her chin hit the glass before kicking the original in the chest with enough force to slam the door shut. 

Wendy groaned and got to her feet just in time for the clone to slam her against the door, both of them struggling to get a hold of the other. They wrestled and grunted for a moment before the fell to the floor and hit several pairs of boots.

They looked up at the new batch in surprise, both of them noticing that these clones were even paler than the first two, most with noticeable blotches or faded marks, some missing bits or pieces or even entire limbs, all of them frowning down at their flesh and blood counterpart.

“I am so not making the wedding,” Wendy managed to sigh before they all reached down to grab her.

* * *

“There you are!” Daniel Corduroy snapped a few minutes later, glaring at his daughter as she left her work again. “What kept you?”

His daughter looked up at him, a confused frown on her face as if she was struggling to recall something. “I was fixing my bra. But the straps got tangled so I had to-”

“Alright, alright, forget it,” he grumbled, getting in his truck and turning red. “Just hurry up and get in already.” He gave an exasperated sigh wishing he hadn’t asked. “You can help me cook up dinner since your evening’s free,” he added as she got in and closed the passenger door.

“Can’t.”

Dan turned to her with a scowl. “And why not?” he demanded quietly.

“Sick,” she said simply, giving a little shrug. “Going to bed. Staying there.”

Dan’s eyebrows shot up in doubt, knowing very well that his daughter was rarely sick and finding it very convenient that she would claim to be so while he was telling her to do something. Then he looked closer, noticing her pallor complexion, how quiet and subdued she seemed, even her eyes looking dull and lacking their normal twinkle. 

“You okay, Wendy?” he asked her quietly, his face softening.

The second generation clone blinked at him blankly for a moment, trying to focus on her orders. Then she nodded. “Fine. Just tired. Stay in bed all night. No food or drink.”

He looked at her with concern for a moment longer before his natural gruffness returned and he returned his attention back to the car. “A Corduroy not wanting dinner? Guess you really must be sick.” he grumbled as he checked the mirrors.

  
**  
**


	5. Chapter 5

"You seem cheerful," Mabel noted as they wandered through the woods, her redheaded friend grinning like an idiot and whistling happily.

"'Course I am!" the clone declared. "Not only do I get to avoid being grounded, now I get to spend the night with my best buds! Things are looking good!"

And it was true. Sure, if she paused to think it over she'd probably have her doubts, but Wendy Corduroy wasn't known for stopping to think of the consequences of her actions. It was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. Besides, most of the fallout would be something the real Wendy would have to deal with, not her. And being grounded served the original right! It's what she deserved for making a clone and then immediately expecting it to take the punishment while she went gallivanting! Taking her place would teach her that no one messes with Wendy Corduroy! Not even Wendy Corduroy!

“So have you guys found the clones’ trail?” she asked Mabel as they walked, keeping enough distance between them so the branches Mabel pushed aside wouldn’t swing back to hit her.

“Nah, but we did find this little clearing,” Mabel explained. “Dipper thinks that might be a good place to plant Robbie; the surrounding bushes would hide us but give us a decent view of what happens. Think those wilderness lessons of yours are paying off.” 

“Yeah, he’s a quick learner. Not so good at the practical side, but he’s eager and can pick up the other stuff when he’s older and got a little more muscle.”

“Won’t hold much hope for that, the way he’s growing. Hey, look who I found!” Mabel exclaimed as they reached the spot where she had left the others.

“How did you manage to get away?” Tambry asked, her eyebrows rising as the two girls approached.

Wendy Two shrugged. “Told him you guys needed my help to make sure you didn’t get lost or something. I’m probably going to pay for it later, but the important thing is that I’m here and don’t get to miss the wedding.”

“I’m surprised he’d be willing to let you come at all,” Dipper said with a frown. “And where’s your hat?”

“I, uh, didn’t want it to get damaged in case something happened so I left it back at the Shack,” Wendy Two said, patting her bare head regretfully. “Hey, where’s Robbie?”

“Taking care of business,” Tambry said.

“And by that she means he’s doing a pee!” Mabel added helpfully. “Actually, he’s been gone for a while so might be doing the other one. Unless he has trouble doing it in the woods?”

“Most likely he got lost,” Wendy Two sighed. “He’s never been good with finding his way in the wilderness.”

“Oh, thank God you’re here!” Robbie cried a moment later when he returned from another direction from which he left, supporting her theory. But he was so relieved to find them they chose not to tease him about it. “Now I can take this stupid thing off!” 

“Now hold one second, Robbie,” Mabel said, grabbing his elbow to stop him from removing the ginger wig. “Let’s not be so hasty. I think it’s still vital for you to continue acting as the bait - I mean lure for Tracey and Quattro.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Robbie demanded.

“Well think about it, Robbie,” Mabel said slowly, a devious smile on her lips. “Wendy’s a gal of many survivalist talents. Wouldn’t we be putting her skills to better use if she were to remain in hiding with us instead of simply waiting for the clones to find her?”

“What?” Robbie and Tambry snapped together.

“All I’m saying is that it’s better if Wendy were to remain on the side-lines, ready to act at a moment’s notice if she were required. Don’t you see the logic?”

“No!” Tambry snapped, unhappy with the entire situation and her mood worsening since she couldn’t even get a signal to update people on just how frustrated she was. “How the hell does it make sense to have her stay here? It makes way more sense if she were the one out there, instead of having my boyfriend dress up as his ex and pretending to be injured!”

“Well let’s put it to a vote, shall we?” Mabel offered, that smile still on her lips.

“I’m not voting!” Robbie spat. “That’s stupid!”

Mabel let out a gasp. “Robbie! I’m surprised at you! Voting is the foundation of our democracy! America was born on the principles of representation and freedom! People have died to earn and protect that right! Our entire society is centred around free speech, and the idea that the will of the majority outweighs the will the minority! Well, except when it comes to the Electoral College, but that was dumb so I got rid of it.”

Tambry blinked. “Uh, what?”

“Freaking unicorns,” Wendy Two muttered darkly.

“Uh, what?” Tambry repeated, even more confused.

“Total jerks!” Mabel agreed heartily. “But we’ve more important things to focus on right now. All those in favour of Robbie continuing his Wendy cosplay, say aye!”

“Aye,” Mabel, Wendy Two, and Dipper chorused.

“All those opposed?”

“Us!” Robbie and Tambry said together.

“The ayes have it, motion passed,” Mabel stated cheerfully. 

Robbie let out a frustrated growl and gave the thirteen-year old girl the most fearsome glare he could muster. When he realised she wasn’t the least bit concerned by his anger, Robbie turned to her twin instead. Okay, sure, that twin had also beaten him up once, but he was still a nervous kid so Robbie could at least pretend to intimidate him even if he knew better than to try anything.

“This is all your fault!” he spat, Dipper wincing slightly. “As if stealing my bike wasn’t bad enough, your dumb clones want to kidnap me, and now I have to dress up as a girl because of them!" He kicked the dirt in anger. “This blows!” 

“Once again, Robbie, you aren’t completely innocent,” Mabel reminded him sharply for Dipper’s benefit. “You picked on him for most of last summer. Think of this as your last act of redemption in our eyes.”

“Yep, you do this and I‘m calling it even for you being such a crap boyfriend and pal,” Wendy Two said with a grin, knowing the real Wendy wouldn’t agree since she hadn’t been here to witness it.

“Oh, come on!” Robbie yelled in outrage. “I’ve been mostly good this summer! How have I not earned forgiveness yet? If anything, he should owe me for getting that magic kung fu guy to almost kill me!"

"I didn’t know he was going to do that!” Dipper protested. “And I only summoned him because you threatened me and - wait.” Dipper paused, staring at the older teen curiously. “How do you remember Rumble McSkirmish? The Blind Eye wiped it from your mind."

Robbie frowned at the enquiring expressions of the twins and ex. "Uh, I don't know what the Blind Eye is...but it's weird. For a long time I couldn't remember him, not even how he'd assaulted me? Like, I could remember telling you I'd beat you up - which, for the record, I was totally lying about doing!” he added quickly, turning to his girlfriend desperately, the others surprised to find he’d be more worried about what Tambry thought of his actions than how Mabel or Wendy would react.

When his girlfriend gave a curt nod of acceptance, Robbie gave a brief sigh of relief before continuing. “Anyway, I suddenly had all these bruise and no idea of how I got them. It was a total blank. I thought I'd fallen down the stairs or made Wendy super mad or something. Then, during Never Mind All that, when I saw him fighting some of Bill's minions and disappear after the town was restored...I started to remember. Not all of it, and it took ages but...yeah, now I know most of what happened.”

“Huh, that’s...interesting,” Dipper said, thinking hard. “I’ll have to tell Grunkle Ford that.”

“Do you think this means McGucket might be able to get his memories back over time?” Wendy Two asked the twins.

“I doubt it,” Dipper sighed as Mabel shook her head sadly. “McGucket had been using the memory gun on himself repeatedly for years. Robbie was only hit with the memory gun once and saw Rumble again only a few weeks afterwards. The more often you use it and the longer before witnessing a reminder, the harder it is to get those memories back.”

“Wait, is this that cult you told me about?” Tambry asked Wendy Two. “The one who kidnapped people and wiped their memories?”

“Wait, that’s why I couldn’t remember getting beat up?” Robbie asked in alarm. “What else did they do? They didn’t, like, force me to marry one of them or tattoo my butt, did they?”

“Wrong kind of cult, Robbie,” Mabel explained. “If you’ve got a butt tattoo then that’s all on you. They were more of a secret society than a religion. And they thought they were protecting people, using their memory gun to take away trauma and stuff.”

“Memory gun?” Robbie whimpered, looking even more worried.

“Relax, Dipper and I’ve been watching the memories they took and it looks like you weren’t hit often,” Wendy Two told him. Seeing that he didn’t appear very relieved, she rolled her eyes. “Look, I’ll tell you all about it and even take you down there if it’ll make you feel better.” Then she remembered that she wasn’t sure what her future held and might not get a chance to explain. “I mean, remind me later,” she corrected herself. “After all this.”

“Anyway, the point is that you both messed up, you both overreacted, and you both got hurt because you were a couple of dummies,” Mabel said, neither boy very happy with her comments, but they couldn’t really deny them either. “But you came out it relatively safe and sound so you two should forget and forgive each other,” Mabel told them. “After all, what do videogames and accidental manslaughter matter when it comes to staying friends?”

"We aren't friends," Robbie grunted. "We’re more like...uh...what was it again?"

"Acquaintances who are maintaining a neutral relationship?" Dipper suggested helpfully.

"Yeah, what he said. Thanks."

"No problem," Dipper shrugged.

"That sounds like an overly complicated way of saying you just aren't friends yet!" Mabel complained.

"Well overcomplicating is kinda my thing," Dipper sighed, scratching his head. "And it's going to be even more so for Tracy and Quattro. Which might be to our advantage if things go South. But let’s try this first. If this doesn't succeed then I’ll give it some more thought.”

“You heard my brother, go and be the best fake Wendy that you can be,” Mabel instructed Robbie, passing him the voice recorder before shooing him out into the clearing.

Robbie glared at her and opened his mouth to argue some more - but stopped when he felt a gentle hand on his bicep.

“Just do it,” Tambry pleaded. “The sooner this is all over with, the sooner we can get back to our date.”

Robbie hesitated for a moment, before giving her a nod. Then, despite all the eyes on them, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek and moved into the clearing, adjusting the itchy wig so the hair covered most of his face.

“And that, guys, is what love looks like,” Wendy Two grinned, nudging her young friends with her elbows.

“Match made!” Mabel agreed happily as Dipper rolled his eyes.

“I am  _ so  _ getting you back for this,” Tambry promised her oldest friend, her cheeks burning.

The clone smirked, knowing that, whatever retribution Tambry would eventually try, she wouldn’t be the one to suffer it. “Yeah, yeah. Heard it all before,” she replied distractedly as she looked around the area.

The foliage surrounding the clearing made it a very good place to lure the Dipper clones. The only thing that Wendy Two suggested they do to improve their vantage was move a little further uphill and take prone positions to better hide themselves, something the others heartily agreed with. But apart from that slight adjustment, she was very pleased with the spot they’d picked and told Dipper as such, glad to see he’d listened to what she taught him.

Dipper gave a shrug. “Only fair since you’d been listening to my lessons all year.”

“Well, I think Robbie and I deserve some free tutoring after all this,” Tambry muttered, watching as her boyfriend lay down in the middle of the clearing and hit play on the voice recorder so Wendy’s cries of pain filled the woods.

Dipper gave an annoyed grunt as he shifted himself into a more comfortable spot on the ground, but couldn’t disagree. For all of their complaining, the couple were at least agreeing to go ahead with the frustrating situation. Robbie was clearly embarrassed and annoyed at having to dress up as Wendy, and Dipper doubted that Tambry liked to be reminded that her boyfriend had been infatuated with her best friend for so many years before they started dating. He remembered how jealous he felt when he saw Robbie and Wendy together last year, even before the couple had started dating. And a part of him wondered if he could have put his jealousy aside if he were put in a similar situation to Tambry's.

“They’re here!” Mabel whispered suddenly, bringing her brother’s attention back to the present.

He followed her finger to some bushes at the side, where two Dipper heads were sticking out of the bushes and watching the teenager lying prone in the clearing.

“Why are they wearing raincoats?” Tambry asked out of the corner of her mouth as the clone boys leaned their heads together to begin a quick conference, nodding and pointing towards the centre of the clearing.

“They’re made of paper; one splash and they’re done for,” Wendy Two replied in a normal voice. “And they don’t have super-hearing so you can talk normally.” She paused and turned to Dipper. “Do clones have super hearing?”

Dipper gave her a look.

“Yeah, didn’t think so,” the clone replied, trying to hide her disappointment.

“Okay, looks like they’re taking the bait, let’s get ready to rush in and grab them!” Mabel urged, she and the other teenagers getting to their feet.

Only to freeze as Tracey and Quattro jumped out of the bushes with a large burlap sack between them, dashing forward and stuffing the prone Robbie into it before throwing the struggling sack over their shoulders and retreating back into the woods.

The three teenagers and the clone stared open-mouthed at the spot where the duo had just been. Then two of the three girls turned to the boy, mouths still agape.

Dipper blinked rapidly in disbelief a few times before he felt their stares. “I-I-I don’t know what that was!” he admitted desperately.

“R-Robbie?” Tambry managed, the only one still staring after the clones.

“I’m starting to think Mom was wrong about you being too good for someone like Wendy,” Mabel said.

“Wait, what?” asked Wendy Two, slightly offended despite the more pressing problem.

“Robbie?” Tambry whispered, getting to her feet.

“Mabel! That - I - that wasn’t-!” Dipper turned to Wendy despairingly. “I swear I would never do that to you!” he told her anxiously.

“Well, obviously a part of you would!” Mabel countered, crossing her arms and nodding in the direction of the clearing.

“Robbie?” Tambry repeated, taking an alarmed step forward.

“No! I wouldn’t! I - I don’t know what-” Dipper looked between his sister and his friend, his anxiety building at the way they were looking at him. “They must have realised it was Robbie!” he exclaimed. “That’s why they did that! They must have suspected it was a trick and now they’re taking him back to their den to interrogate him!”

“What!” Tambry yelped, finally turning to him with wide eyes.

“For your sake, you’d better hope so!” Mabel warned her brother sternly. “If we find them and they aren’t threatening Robbie with torture and death then I’m telling Mom!”

“ROBBIE!” Tambry screamed, rushing after her boyfriend and his kidnappers.

“Tambry, wait!” Wendy Two called after her as she gave chase. “Hold up!”

In a second Dipper was close behind them, Mabel at his side. “Um,” he said, hesitating slightly. “So how many free lessons do you think they deserve after this?”

* * *

Soos merrily hummed out of tune as he stepped out of his pickup truck, twirling his keys on his finger.

Despite a bad start, what with hearing that Wendy’s attendance to the wedding wasn’t guaranteed, today had been a good day. The tours had done well and been light-hearted groups, and one tour had even been lucky enough to have a family of deer running through the trees near the Shack, giving the tourists plenty of excellent shots. There were also some gnomes at a different tour, but they weren’t nearly as special as the deer. Knowing how much Melody adored the wildlife, he’d spoken to one of the men and he’d been only too happy to show his pictures to the tour guide's fiancé, much to her delight.

Soos smiled as he thought about her, the same way he always did. In a week’s time they’d be married. That really would be magical. Then they’d leave for a few days to have their honeymoon in Mexico. He and Melody had both offered to leave their honeymoon until later in the year, so they could spend more time with the twins before they left, but both Mabel and Dipper had insisted that they take the time away, enjoy themselves during that magical time so the twins could hear all about if before they left again for Piedmont.

Soos’ smile lessened slightly. It would be a shame to see them go again. They were so important to him now. Even when they’d left the first time, it was a pain he barely knew how to cope with. It amazed him how he could grow to care about two people despite only knowing them for a few months. Then again, he’d known Melody for even less time, but somehow a part of him had known that he wanted to marry her. As anime had taught him; love is a truly powerful and mysterious force.

Speaking of anime…

Soos’ grin returned full force as he realised he had the entire Shack to himself for the rest of the night. On his way to drive Melody home, he’d dropped Abuelita at the town hall for bingo night and she’d told him she’d stay with one of her friends. That way they could exchange gossip in the morning and Soos would be able to pick her up as he went for breakfast with Melody. That meant that he could watch all the anime he wanted for tonight.

While he adored his job as Mister Mystery, one downside to it was that he no longer had the free time he had as a handyman. Sure, he could watch most shows or movies with others, and Melody was happy to play videogames with him, even if she wasn’t the best at it. But anime was a passion that no one else shared, at least not for the shows that Soos loved. So he’d fallen behind in a few of them and decided tonight might be the perfect opportunity to catch up on them.

He whistled happily to himself as he entered the Shack, trying to remember if he still had some popcorn leftover, when he paused. There had been a noise from inside, as if someone had moved. But all of the lights had been out when he stepped in.

“Uh, Dipper?” he called out. “Mabel? Dudes?”

There was no direct reply but Soos could have sworn he’d heard some kind of movement from further inside.

The sweat started to gather around Soos as every horror movie he’d ever watched echoed in his mind.

“Aw, man!” he groaned, looking around the kitchen for a weapon to protect himself, finally spotting one and pushing past the drawers of knives to pick it up, gripping it tightly in his hands. “I wish Wendy were here,” he confessed to the broom. “I so need a Final Girl right now!” Louder, he called out to the darkness. “Uh, listen, demon zombie ghost escaped lunatic dudes! I’ve got to warn you guys! I’ve got a broom and I know how to use it!”

Hearing no answer, he swallowed thickly and moved further into the shack, flicking on the lights as he did so. When he stepped past his office he heard a small sound from inside, like a muffled whisper. Gathering his courage, Soos took a deep breath, raised his broom high, and flung open the door with a battle cry, one hand reaching for the lights.

It was only at that moment did he remember that the people in horror movies had a tendency to die shortly when they attempted to confront the intruder on their own. That little revelation turned his battle cry into more of a panicked scream, but by then his finger had already flicked the switch.

The room full of Wendys stared back at him as his scream died, all but one with blank expressions, the Wendy at the front scowling at him.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Soos gasped, clutching his chest in relief. “You scared me for a second, Wendy! Woo!” Then Soos paused, looking around at them. “Wait a minute, something’s not right here,” he said slowly, considering the numerous Wendys, most continuing to stare back with indifferent expressions, while the one with the scowl narrowed her eyes.

Soos snapped his fingers as he realised what was amiss. He pointed at the Wendy directly in front of him. 

“Where’s your hat?” he demanded.

Wendy Three glared at the accusing finger, the edge of her mouth twitching.

“Get him,” she growled, and her army launched themselves at the former handyman, too many for even Soos’ strength to throw off.

Not that he tried very hard, since they still had the face of someone he cared about and a part of him was still struggling to understand what was going on, even as they forced his legs and arms together, rolling several layers of duct tape around his ankles, knees, wrists, and chest before adding a final patch to his mouth.

After they finished, their leader reviewed their work before giving the command to lock him up. Several of the clones grabbed Soos by the ankles and wrists, half-carrying, half-dragging him out of the office towards the storage room.

As the door opened and he was placed inside, Soos finally saw what had become of the real Wendy. She had been strapped to a chair with so much duct tape that she resembled a sitting misshapen mummy. Like Soos, her mouth was covered too, though he could tell she had a lot to say from the way she strained in the chair and her cheeks bulged under the strip at her mouth.

“Right, that’s another obstacle out of the way,” Wendy Three said, reviewing the bindings on the large man before reaching into his pocket and taking his phone for herself. “Alright, girls, let’s arm up and then get this show on the road. Except you,” she added, pointing to a Wendy clone that had no legs, the limbs being cut off when the original Wendy had tried to drag Wendy Three off the photocopier. “You stay here and guard the door for as long as you can, make sure these two don’t leave.”

“But why?” the legless prone protested, sounding like a child being told off by its mother.

“Because I said so!” Wendy Three barked at it. She turned to the others, giving them all the evil eye. “I made you! I’m the boss! All of you listen to what I say! Or do you want to end up like the last one who disagreed with me?”

“No,” the clones droned in dismay, but not all at once or even at the same speed. 

“Good,” said their leader, reaching up to fix her hat. Then she paused, recalling that she’d discarded it when the original Wendy had headbutted her with a spit-covered face, the saliva had ruining the bill. Scowling, she turned to her maker and removed the cap with the blue pine tree symbol from her head.

“That’s better,” the clone leader stated, adjusting the cap and ignoring the original Wendy’s renewed attempts to break free of the tape. “Now you lot won’t forget who’s the boss around here.”

And with that, she stormed out of the room, all but one of the clones following her and closing the door behind them.

“Aw,” the legless clone said to the silence. “I wanted to come!”

Wendy rolled her eyes. Then she turned to her friend and boss, feeling even worse about the situation now that he was involved. If there was one person she would have liked to spare from any of this, it would have been him. Soos had always been a good man, and working for him this past year had made Wendy truly appreciate just how kind and understanding he was, even with people who didn’t deserve it. And right now, seeing him tied up in the dark and wincing as they heard the sounds of the clones probably ruining the shop when he was only a week away from his wedding, she considered herself to be one of those people.

The minutes dragged on, the sounds of the clones wrecking or breaking things slowly died, leaving them with only each other and the half-clone for company. Wendy grunted and shifted again, trying her best to stretch, loosen, or break the tape holding her. But it was no use, the clones knew her too well. 

Stan had given her a few discreet lessons in lockpicking around the same time he’d taught her how to hotwire a car. And her survival training had taught her as much about escaping snares and knots as she did about making them. Duct tape on the other hand, didn’t have anything to pick or undo, and was tough to break even with her Corduroy strength. And they’d used a lot of it, just to make double sure.

She sighed miserably through her nose, hoping that the original clone wouldn't turn on Dipper and Mabel the same way the second had turned on her. Even if it didn’t, it looked like she was resigned to being stuck here for most of the night at least.

There were two knocks at the door.

“Who’s there?” the clone asked immediately as Wendy and Soos looked up in surprise, not having heard anyone enter the Shack.

There were two more knocks at the door.

“Knock-knock who?” the clone asked.

There was a brief silence as Wendy stared at the clone incredulously before the knocking was repeated.

The clone frowned. “I don’t get it.”

There was another pause before the knocking returned. But this time, it was a much more complex sound, one that had an oddly familiar beat to Wendy. It wasn’t until Soos started to hum along to it through his gag that Wendy realised what it was:  Straight Blanchin' by Lil Bigg Dawggg; one of Soos’ favourite songs and probably Wendy’s most loathed.

Evidently the clone wasn’t a fan either. “Stop it!” she snapped.

When the rapping persisted, the clone let out a growl and walked on her hands to the door, drawing her axe and clenching it between her teeth before turning the handle. She snatched the axe from her mouth as the door swung open to reveal -

“Huh,” said the clone, frowning at the empty hallway. “Could have sworn I heard something.”

Then a spray from a water pistol hit her in the face and she fell backwards, not even having time to scream as she dissolved.

The disembodied paper arm of Mabel Pines dropped the water pistol and picked up a pair of scissors beside it before dragging itself into the room, giving the tiny puddle and melting clone a wide berth as it made its way towards Soos.

Wendy could only stare at it in disbelief as Mabel’s backscratcher started slowly cutting the tape at his wrists. When there was enough of a slash, Soos tore his hands apart and peeled the tape from his mouth.

“Aw, thanks, Arm-Mabel!” he gasped as he took the scissors from it -her?- and started cutting at the tape that pinned his biceps to his side. “But how did you manage to fill up the water pistol and then get it and the scissors to the door without getting wet?”

The arm made a series of bizarre gestures and movements, occasionally snapping its fingers.

“I see,” said Soos, nodding along as it explained. “What an engaging story. Glad we got to listen to it first-hand, right Wendy?”

Wendy looked from him to the arm. The more pressing questions to her was how the arm could do anything at all considering it lacked a brain, eyes, and ears. However, she gave only a brief nod, deciding that the answers would just lead to even more bizarre questions.

So when Soos finished cutting the tape on his body and removed the tape from her mouth, the first thing she said was, “Soos, I am so sorry man! See, I wanted to have one last adventure so bad-!”

“You decided to clone yourself so she would be grounded in your place,” Soos said as he started cutting through the layers that bound her to the chair. “But then your Dad caught you sneaking out and the clone figured it might as well go instead. Then you tried it again, but this time the clone went bad and now there’s an army of evil Wendys.”

“Um, yeah,” Wendy said slowly as he continued cutting. “Guess it wasn’t that hard to figure out, huh?”

Soos gave a shrug. “It helps that I’ve seen the same thing happen in, like, a dozen anime and cartoons. Not a very original story. Can still be fun, though.”

“Uh, right,” said Wendy, tearing herself free from the chair as her boss finished cutting. “Sorry,” she added again. “I don’t know why the second clone went bad. And I never would have expected her to clone herself an army! I didn’t even think about that when I locked her in the office!”

Soos blinked. “The clone cloned herself? Guess that explains why the others were so different,” he said, prodding the remains of the now headless and legless clone with his shoe.

“It does?”

“Oh, yeah, dude, totally,” Soos said knowingly, picking up Mabel’s paper arm and putting it on his shoulder. “You know how sometimes a copy isn’t as good as the original? Well, if you make a copy of a copy then the flaws stand out even more. It’s why I always keep the originals on hand for when I need to go to the copier store.”

“Oh. Uh, I’ll take your word for it. But why did Wendy Three go bad?”

Soos shrugged. “Probably ‘cause the machine’s so worn out. Thing’s at least thirty years old. Honestly, I’m amazed it lasted this long! Maybe Mabel used that last bit of good juice in it making this little gal?” he offered, scratching the paper arm affectionately on the wrist.

“Oh man, I hope not,” Wendy groaned. “Number Two’s out there with Dipper and Mabel! She didn’t seem bad, but I can’t - oh.” She paused as they stepped into the shop. “Aw, crap,” she said, wincing as they surveyed the damage.

The shop was a mess; clothing and magazine racks had been knocked over, several souvenirs had been smashed, and a few shelves were dislodged. She didn’t know what the clones had been doing, whether they had been looking for something or if they’d just happened to cause the chaos in their disordered state of mind, but right now she didn’t really care for the reason.

“Um, I swear I’ll pay for it,” she said, scratching her chin awkwardly. She glanced at her boss and saw him standing with his eyes closed and pinching the bridge of his nose, just like Stan used to do when he was frustrated with his employees.

On Stan it had been a pose that Wendy had just shrugged off, barely doing more than raising an eyebrow even when he started yelling at her shortly afterwards. On Soos, the pose seemed much more significant, even though he’d never yelled at her once in almost a year.

“Just-just go, Wendy,” he sighed, sounding tired and weary. “Get out of here.”

“What?” Wendy managed, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she watched her friend move past her and pick up the phone on the counter. “Soos? I’m - I’m not fired, am I?”

Soos’ head shot up as he dropped the receiver. “What? Woah, dude! Where’d that come from?”

Wendy faltered under the alarm in his face, partially relieved and partially guilty to see it. “You just told me to get out of here, so-”

“Dude! No! No way!” Soos stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. “I meant go after the clone with Mabel and Dipper! To save them or whatever!”

Wendy blinked. “Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Dude, why on Earth would you think I’d ever fire you?” Soos asked quietly.

“Well, I did make a bunch of clones who tied you up, locked you away, wrecked the shop-”

Soos gave a snort, the arm on his shoulder making a dismissive wave. “Pffft! Dude, that’s nothing! I made plenty of mistakes before Mister Pines made me Mister Mystery! Like that time when Waddles was taken by that pterodactyl and I almost lost him by pulling the yarn trail! Or that time when the Summerween Trickster was attacking us but I had to listen to this hilarious skeleton cracking these awesome jokes! But in the end I made up for it by helping to save the day.”

He put a large yet gentle hand on her shoulder. “Look, dude, you messed up,” Soos told her with an understanding smile. “So have I. And Mister Pines never fired me and, deep down, I know it wasn’t just because I worked for cheap, despite what he claimed. But you’ve never given me a reason to fire you. You’re part of the family. And I’m never going to abandon you.”

Wendy blinked in surprise as she suddenly realised that, more than anyone else, Soos knew too well how much it hurt when someone you loved turned their back on you.

“Thanks, man,” she said, putting her hand over his. “I - I really appreciate that. But what are we going to do about Wendy Three and the others?”

Soos gave her a smile and reached behind the counter for his tool belt. “Well, looks like the clones cut the phone lines,” he said as he fastened the buckle. “But there’s nothing I can’t fix! So I’ll do that and call Mister Pines and a few others. While I’m doing that, you head out there and make sure the rest of our family’s safe.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll do that,” she said, nodding firmly. Then she hesitated for a moment before rushing forward and putting her arms around him.

“Uh, what’s this for?” he asked, giving her a gentle squeeze back despite his surprise.

“For being you,” she told him. “For being kind and cool and awesome, despite how tough it’s been. For being the best boss in the world. Melody’s super lucky to have you, Soos.”

Soos gave a self-conscious chuckle as she let go, scratching his chin awkwardly. “Nah. I’m the lucky one to have her.”

“You’re both lucky,” she told him firmly. “‘Cause you’re the only two people in the world good enough to deserve each other.”

Soos didn’t know how to reply to that so he was relieved when she ran out the door to make sure the twins were safe.

“Best boss in the world?” He thought about that for almost the briefest part of a moment before dismissing it. “Nah,” he told the arm on his shoulder. “Second best at most.”

The arm, being an arm, said nothing. But it did gesture for a little bit and when it was finished Soos had a broad grin on his face.

“Aw. That’s the nicest thing a Mabel’s ever said to me!”

And outside, rushing through the trees, Wendy thought of her friend and boss. One time, to help him feel more confident in himself with women, she had reminded Soos that he was a sweet guy with a job and a car. Only for her to hide behind a copy of Avoid Eye Contact Monthly when Stan had asked her if she would date him. 

If Stan were to ask that question again - well, she’d still say no. But now she’d have a lot more to say about him, and would adamantly tell anyone how lucky someone would be to end up with Soos.

If she were very lucky, and the clones were stopped in time, she might even get a chance to say just that at the wedding.


	6. Chapter 6

Robbie let out a grunt of pain as he was thrown to the ground. He tried to lash out as a pair of small hands grabbed his ankles and dragged him out of the burlap sack, but the tall teen wasn't known for his muscles. Sure, Tracey and Quattro weren’t exactly brawny either, but they were still duplicates of a kid who'd duelled a wax Sherlock Holmes, defeated the Multi-Bear single-handedly, and even took several blows from a videogame character who could wreck cars and ignite the air with his fists. Those arms might be noodley, but Dipper Pines could put a surprising amount of force behind them when the situation called for it and could take an even harsher beating.

Robbie, despite being about double their size and trying with all his might, didn't stand a chance against one clone, let alone two. So, less than a minute after he'd been freed from the sack, he was bound by tight ropes around his wrists and ankles, just as the clones had planned to do to Dipper Classic earlier that day. 

Robbie glared at the pair standing over him, wondering if he'd ever win a fight against the kid. Then again, in the unlikely event that he did, he'd probably have to deal with Wendy and Mabel afterwards. Robbie wasn't the brightest of bulbs but even he knew better than to mess with either of them.

"Why were you impersonating Wendy?" the clone with the number three on his cap demanded.

"Answer us or suffer!" the clone with the number four hat added, raising a spear threateningly.

"Hey, hey, hey! Point that thing somewhere else!" Robbie cried, trying to squirm away from the sharp end. "And I didn't want to dress like this or wear that dumb wig!" He nodded at the wig on the ground, the object of much frustration and itchiness having come loose during the journey and fallen out when he'd been dragged out of the sack. "It was your sister's dumb idea!"

"Mabel?" the clones asked in surprise, the spear lowering slightly. 

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Of course, Mabel! How many sisters do you have? Wait, you, uh, you don't have more of them, do you?" He looked around anxiously. Clone Dippers were bad enough, but who knew what multiple Mabels could be capable of?

"Why would she want you to dress as Wendy?" Quattro asked, knowing his sister too well to dismiss the claim outright.

"To lure you idiots out!" Robbie snapped. "I'd sit there and pretend to be an injured Wendy and then your sister and the rest would come in and grab you two when you arrived!"

"Oh is that so?” Tracey sneered. “Then where are they?" They looked around and cocked their heads to the side but couldn’t see or hear anyone else. 

"That...is a very good question," Robbie said, sweating profusely as he realised these clones had been made long before he and the original Dipper had ended their rivalry. "Uh, maybe they have to catch their breath? But they should be here any minute!" He swallowed thickly as they waited for any hint of someone coming to his rescue. "Yep. Any minute now..."

The clones shared a look before narrowing their eyes at the tall teen. "Why would you ever help out Mabel?" Quattro asked suspiciously as Tracey picked up his own spear.

"What?" Robbie asked, eying both weapons nervously.

"You seem pretty unhappy with the way you're dressed," Tracey pointed out as Quattro nodded. "So why would you do that and act as bait for our sister when you hate her?"

“I don't hate your sister!" Robbie snapped defensively.

"Yeah, right!" Quattro scoffed, his brother rolling his eyes in disbelief. "You always called us brats! You thought me and Mabel were little kids and complained whenever Wendy brought us along. Why should we believe that’s changed?"

"Because it's been a year! What, you thought I'd just stay the same moody jerk for my whole life and not think about the stuff I've done?"

"Yes," the clones said together, as if the answer should be obvious.

Robbie blinked as he glanced between the clones, realising how much of Dipper's life they'd missed. "Oh, man," he said. "You dudes are way behind with the times." He gave a sigh and shifted uncomfortably on the grass.

"Look, dudes," he told them, trying to keep his voice calm and resisting the urge to roll his eyes or add sarcastic remarks while they held the spears. "I'm not the same guy who hated you from day one, alright? I’ve changed."

"What, did you finally improve your graffiti so your explosions don't look like muffins?" Quattro quipped, his brother sniggering at the joke.

" _ It did not look like a  _ -" Robbie's jaw snapped shut even as his eyes bulged, deciding it would be best not to insult the emotionally unstable paper people carrying spears and a grudge. He looked around the area, for the first time feeling glad that they were alone so no one would be able to hear his next sentence. "Okay, fine, it looked like a muffin. Satisfied?"

The clone brothers shared a look at his confession. Their surprise only grew as the teenager went on.

"Everybody else in our gang had some cool story or talent. Wendy was always coming up with awesome pranks, Lee and Nate could always score us some cool stuff, Thompson was down for anything, Tambry couldn’t be fazed. Leaving my mark on the water tower was, like, the one thing I ever did that stood out, what I could always boast about. 

“Then you come along and in the space of one minute my biggest achievement is turned into a joke. Thanks to you, I spent the next week being called the Muffin Man by my friends. And then you went ahead and saved us from those ghosts, becoming a little hero. I got mad that it took me ages to fit in with the others and do something to get noticed by Wendy, but you managed to do all that in one night. I was jealous and a jerk and I am - ugh - sorry. Alright?"

The clones stared at him. They'd known Robbie for only a few days, far less time than the original Dipper, but even they found his confession unexpected. 

"Why should we believe you?" Quattro asked him warily. "How do we know this isn't part of an elaborate plan to stop Dipper Classic from getting together with Wendy?"

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Oh, for God's sake! I don't care who Wendy dates! I'm over her! I'm dating Tambry now!"

"Ah-hah!" cried Tracey, thrusting his spear at the teenager and making him flinch. "Now we know you're lying!"

"Yeah!" Quattro declared, thrusting his own spear. "Like we'd ever believe that anyone could get over Wendy!" He turned to his brother. "I think we should bring out the Cube. Then he'll have to tell us the truth."

"Uh, the Cube?" Robbie repeated, hearing the capital letter and fearing what it could mean.

"The Cube!" Tracey agreed whole-heartedly. "Where'd you put it?"

"Me? You were the last one to have it!"

"What? No way, dude! You had it!"

Robbie let out a dismayed sigh as they bickered back and forth. Mabel was right. He really was insecure if he'd seriously considered an anxious twelve-year old to be his biggest rival in love. He watched them miserably for a little while, wondering what was taking the others so long as one of the clones, Tracey, walked over to a makeshift camp, still arguing with his brother. 

Their camp had a thick tarp hanging over it, shielding not only the clones and their small campfire from the wind and rain, but also the rest of their belongings. A small banjo was leaning against one of the logs they were obviously using as chairs, which surprised Robbie since he didn't know Dipper could play. Beside the banjo was a small stack of books and what looked like a board game, though Robbie couldn't make out what it was. The tree at the back of the camp was plastered with pictures and drawings. Despite being too far away to make them out clearly, Robbie had a confident idea of who they were of, the red being a dead giveaway. There were also a few sacks to the side, one of which Tracey was rummaging in. Maybe they held extra raincoats or some more books? 

"Found it!" Tracey declared, holding aloft a dark cube that seemed to emanate foreboding energy. "Behold the Rhyming Cube of Truth or Dare!"

"The what?" Robbie said, his muscles relaxing after the tension of fearing whatever the Cube could be. "Are you dorks serious?"

"It's worse than it sounds," Quattro muttered indignantly as Tracey approached with a matching scowl, the object in his hands no longer carrying the dangerous aura now that Robbie knew its name. 

Tracey dropped it in the lap of the teen and took a step back. "Oh, mighty being!" he intoned, trying to make his voice as grave and authoritative as he could with no success. "We seek your wisdom! Awaken!"

Robbie raised an eyebrow at them and was about to go against his better judgement and issue a sarcastic remark, when he felt movement on his lap. He looked down and let out a yelp as he saw a single human eye flutter open on four sides of the cube, each a different colour. Then two slits appeared on the remaining two sides as the eyes turned to Robbie and a voice shouted out of each of the slits, one male and one female, matching each other with perfect timing and adding to the eery nature.

"TRUTH! OR! DARE!" it screamed at him. "CHOOSE WISELY OR ELSE BEWARE!"

"Truth, truth, truth!" chanted the clones, throwing their arms in the air with each repeat.

"Ah, what do I do?" Robbie cried, trying to twist so the freaky thing would fall off him.

"Pick truth," Tracey said. "Then we ask you some questions. If you don’t answer honestly it will punish you."

“What if I just keep my mouth shut?”

“You can do that if you want, but the Cube will answer for you. And that can be even worse than if you said it. Especially since it will hurt you even more if you call it a liar. It gets kind of touchy about that.” 

“Er, what happens if I pick dare?”

“I don’t think you should take that risk,” Quattro advised him, shaking his head gravely as Tracey shuddered.

"Uh, truth?" Robbie croaked, the sweat beading down his forehead.

"Robbie!” Tracey cried, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Why did you lie and say you weren’t interested in Wendy anymore?”

“I didn’t lie!” Robbie spat, his anger briefly overcoming his fear. “Wendy and I are just friends! I’ve been with Tambry for a year and I’m way happier now than I ever was with Wendy!”

The clones took a step back, their wary eyes on the cube as they prepared for the punishment, ready to push it from his lap with their spears if need be.

“FOR MANY YEARS, THIS BOY YEARNED FOR A GIRL WITH HAIR LIKE FLAME,” the strange object explained. “BUT NOW HIS HEART BELONGS TO A GIRL OF A DIFFERENT NAME.”

“Ha!” Robbie cried to the stunned clones. “What did I tell you?”

“Do you know what this means?” Tracey whispered, staring at the magical artefact in awe.

“Yeah,” answered Quattro, nodding rapidly. “It means now we don’t need to worry about anyone trying to come between us and Wendy!”

“Uh, you guys do know I’m not the only guy in town, right?” Robbie said as the clones high-fived. “There’s a whole high school full of guys closer to Wendy’s age than you two. Ah, ah! But she likes the real you way more than any of them!” he added quickly as the spears were thrust in his face again.

“Next question,” Quattro growled. “Why were you dressed as Wendy?"

“I told you!" Robbie snapped as all of the eyes on the cube focused on him. "It was your sister's idea! I'd pretend to be Wendy and when you two came to see what was up, she, the real you, Tambry, and Wendy would come out and grab you! I swear!"

“YOUR SISTER DID THINK UP THE PLAN,” the Cube informed the clones, its eyes darting back to them. “AS PUNISHMENT FOR MAKING HER BROTHER FEEL LIKE LESS OF A MAN.”

“I knew it!” Robbie cried. “I knew she was just bitter about how I treated the dork!”

“Wait,” said Tracey, his spear lowering as he shared a look with his brother. “Wendy was part of the group? But that would mean that Wendy would be coming-”

“Right here,” Quattro finished. They stared at each other for a moment before they dropped their spears and let out the exact same cry of despair.

“Ahhh! What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?” Tracey wailed, clutching his head and pacing back and forth.

“We’ve got to clean this place up!” Quattro yelled, running to their tent and roughly shoving everything he could find into one of the sacks.

“I’ll take down the shrine!” Tracey declared.

“Shrine?” Robbie snorted under his breath as the slightly older clone rushed to the tree under the tarp and rapidly plucked the pictures from the stump, placing them in a cardboard box. He rolled his eyes at the way they scurried about and tried to make their home as presentable as possible, thinking it to be a waste of time.

“Hey, don’t put my banjo away!” Tracey suddenly shouted at his brother, tucking the small box with the pictures of Wendy under his arm and rushing forward to snatch the banjo from him. “I was going to play a song for her!”

“What?” Quattro yelled, grabbing the other end of the instrument. “No way, dude! I’m not going to let you try and show off in front of her!”

“Come on, man!” Tracey grunted, trying to keep the box of pictures in place as they started a tug of war. “You know she’s into musicians! I’ll let you show her all the stuff we’ve collected!” 

“Who cares about those! And you told me you only started playing to keep yourself occupied!”

“And you believed me? I thought you knew yourself better than that!”

They grunted, groaned, pulled and twisted, each trying to outmanoeuvre or out match the other until a familiar voice cut through their squabbles.

“Uh, Dippers?”

The clones turned to see that a group of teenagers had approached their camp, unnoticed by any of them. Mabel bit her lower lip as she glanced nervously at her brother, who stood with a hand shading the side of his face as if to hide himself from the world. Or at least from the tall redhead beside him, the only one not out of breath or sweating, a hand on the back of her neck as she considered the pair in front of her.

“Wendy!” the clones cried together, Quattro trying to hide the banjo behind his back while Tracey quickly stuffed the box of her pictures in one of the sacks, neither able to look her in the face and both terrified of how much she’d seen or heard.

“ROBBIE!”

A dark blur rushed past the teens and clones, giving Dipper a much needed distraction from what his clones were doing as she wrapped her arms around her startled boyfriend.

“Did they hurt you?” Tambry asked between pants when she’d finally stopped hugging him, holding his head in her hands as she looked into his eyes.

“Nah, babe, relax,” Robbie said, giving her a faint smile and trying to shrug the entire experience off, secretly glad to see that she looked as if she’d ran all the way after him. “I’m fine. Nothing to be worried about.”

Tambry returned his smile with her own, taking the exaggerated bravado as a good sign. Then her smile vanished as she stood up and rounded on the Dipper clones. “What the hell is wrong with you two?” she demanded, her fists clenched as she approached. “What kind of sick psychos try to kidnap the girl they like?”

“Wait, what?” Quattro asked, glancing between her and Wendy in confusion. “We never came near Wendy!”

“Yeah, we only took Robbie because we wanted to find out why he was dressed as her!” Tracey said, turning his explanation towards Wendy, fearing she would misunderstand their intentions.

“Well, that’s a relief,” Mabel said, patting her brother on the arm. “Dodged a bullet there, Dipper!”

“Oh, so that makes it okay to kidnap my boyfriend and threaten him with torture and death?” Tambry spat, not the least bit relieved by their response.

“What? We weren’t going to do either of those things!” Tracey protested.

“What about the Cube?” Robbie yelled, nodding at the object on his lap. “You said that would punish me if I didn’t tell the truth!”

“Uhhh,” the Dipper clones said together, looking at each other from the corner of their eyes is if begging the other to think of a way out of their dilemma as Tambry glowered at them.

“Hey look, it's got an eye of every colour!” Mabel said as she approached the bound teen, crouching down to get a better look. “That means whatever it wears will go with at least one eye! So jealous! What’s it do?”

“If someone tells a lie then it, uh, it hurts them,” Tracey said, swallowing loudly as Tambry loomed over them. “But we were ready to knock it off his lap if it went too far!” 

“And we only used it in the first place because he kept saying things we couldn’t believe!” Quattro added quickly. “Like how he was jealous of us and that his explosions really do look like muffins!”

“I never said either of those things!” Robbie snapped as Wendy Two drew her axe to cut him from his bonds. “And even if I did, I didn’t mean them! Ow. Ow! OwowOW!”

“THOSE WHO LIE DESERVE TO FRY,” the cube announced from his lap as it glowed an angry red and started to smoke, Robbie letting out more painful yelps until Wendy Two picked up a stick and pushed it off him before getting to work on his binds.

“Told you not to lie to the Rhyming Cube of Truth or Dare,” Tracey said with no small degree of satisfaction as the cube stopped smouldering and returned to its original colour. His smirk quickly vanished when Tambry let out a warning growl before turning her back on him to check that her boyfriend was alright. 

“Rhyming Cube of Truth or Dare!” Mabel squealed, looking at it with renewed fascination. “This is literally the most awesome thing ever!” She started to vibrate with anticipation at having a new toy for her slumber party that night. “That’s way cooler than anything Dipper and I’ve found!”

“What about my size-changing flashlight?” Dipper snapped. 

“Eh, that’s gotten old,” Mabel responded with a dismissive wave. “Who cares about that when you’ve got something like this?” 

“Don’t think this is the right moment to dismiss your brother, Mabes,” Wendy Two quietly said out the corner of her mouth as she went to work on the ropes at Robbie’s ankles.

Mabel paused, seeing how obviously upset her brother was at having someone compliment the two people who were making him feel even more self-conscious than usual. And knowing how easy it was for him to become insecure even at the best of times, Mabel cleared her throat and decided that she’d save her excitement over the artefact for later.

“Look, little paper Bro-Bros, I think you guys should apologise to Robbie, Tambry and Dipper,” she began, trying to keep her voice stern. “You two went too far this time and they’ve all suffered a little.”

“I think you owe us an apology too since this was your idea,” Tambry added, throwing the girl a look as she helped Robbie to his feet.

“I get that sometimes people can get carried away when it comes to matters of the heart,” Mabel continued, ignoring her. “Like when you meet someone and you get this vibe from them, even though you’re on opposite sides of the street and they act like they never noticed you. And you follow them home and memorise the address to send a couple of dozen love letters to them, then you scan through all of their social media updates for the last year to make sure that you’ll have at least fifty conversation starters when you accidentally bump into them at that store they visit every Saturday at noon.

“Only for it to go downhill when you step inside, all makeup and fake nails to show how mature you really are, and find them talking with some OTHER GIRL who’s smiling back at him! What, you think I’m going to let that slide just because she’s the cashier and you have to talk to her to buy your stuff? And then when you confront them about it, do you even get an apology or at least an explanation? Noooo! It’s all, ‘who are you?’ How did you get in my house? Please don’t kill me!’”

“We had a CONNECTION, Michael!” Mabel screamed, her fists in the air. “How could you turn your back on that? I’m never following a stranger home again!” 

“I...think someone else should be telling the clones how to behave,” Robbie said slowly as he rubbed at his chafed wrists. 

“I think someone should call the cops,” Tambry said as the clones shared an anxious glance and even Dipper Classic stared at his panting sister apprehensively.

Wendy Two sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, you and I need to have a serious talk about boys before you get on that bus,” she stated, gently easing the younger girl towards her flesh and blood brother before addressing the paper versions. “And as for you two - I get that Robbie was a major jerk to you. And on some level even deserves to be kidnapped and tortured slightly.”

“I do not!”

“Pick up the magic lie detector and say that again then if you’re so sure,” Wendy Two offered him.

“...Shut up, Wendy,” Robbie muttered, throwing the Cube a filthy look.

“Anyway, it was not cool of you to do that,” Wendy Two continued, turning back to her fellow clones. “So you guys can apologise to him and Tambry, then apologise to Dipper One for causing him this trouble. You two do that and we’re willing to overlook everything and even help you out, hopefully get you some new identities or something. Sound good?”

The clones looked at her, averting their eyes every moment or so, much in the same way that Dipper had done during the start of his first summer, before he worked up the courage to look her in the eyes. When they’d found their own courage, they gave very brief nods before rushing past her towards their creator and quickly mumbled an apology.

Dipper gave an annoyed grunt and a curt nod in response, his own eyes focused on the ground in front of him so that he could avoid looking anyone in the eye, wishing the ground could open up and swallow him whole. It was not an unfamiliar feeling by any means, but now it was stronger than it had been in a long time. 

The clones rubbed the back of their necks in the exact same way that the original did, debating on whether to say anything else. But they chose to leave it, fearing their awkward nature would only make things worse, and stepped over to Robbie and Tambry to apologise to them.

“You okay, man?” Wendy two asked him quietly, her muddy boots stepping into his line of sight.

“Fine,” Dipper grunted, his eyes darting to the side, unable to even look at her feet at that moment. 

“Yep, you definitely look it, standing all alone with your face in a scowl. Totally fine, ” Wendy Two joked.

Her smile faded when Dipper only gave out a resigned breath, turning his head away from her to glare at the duplicates as their apology to the couple was interrupted by Mabel barraging them with questions about the Cube. She scratched her head, trying to think if there was anything she could say that could make him feel better. Her eyes fell on the makeshift tent of the clones. “Hey, check this out,” she said, grabbing him by the shoulder and dragging him under it despite his protests. “I’m kinda impressed with this place.”

Dipper gave a disbelieving snort and continued glaring at the ground.

“No, I’m serious,” she told him honestly. “They got the tarp to stop the rain, and the way they’ve positioned it gives them plenty of protection from all sides. The stones around the campfire are positioned just right to stop it reaching anything else inside, and the sacks they’ve got around the place are weatherproof - makes them excellent for storing stuff. Dipper!” she cried, grabbing him by the arms and making him face her. “Do you know what this means?”

“Uh,” Dipper said, confused by her sudden excitement.

“It means you can learn to not totally suck at making camps!” Wendy declared with a broad grin.

He blinked at her in confusion. Then he rolled his eyes. “Oh, ha ha, very funny. Look, I know my first few tents weren’t great-”

“Generations of lumberjack genes were begging me to yell out, ‘timbeeeeer!’” Wendy Two said, her grin expanding.

“Hey, shut up!” But there was a slight smile of his own as he said it. “Making tents is hard! And I think I’ve picked up most of your lessons pretty well in just a few weeks.”

“Yeah, you have,” she told him, letting go of his arms and picking up a book on basic camping from beside one of the large logs the clones used for seats. “So if these guys can pick it up from a book, you can definitely become better at it from a few more lessons with me. Because you are different from your clones, Dipper,” she said, passing him the book. “You might look alike, but you’re wiser, probably smarter, and definitely more mature. And even if you weren’t? They’d still only be copies, dude. They can’t compare to the original.”

“You...really mean that?” he asked, hesitating slightly as he stared at the book’s cover.

Wendy Two opened her mouth to issue an immediate response, only to pause for a moment as she recalled that she was a copy herself. Was it true? Were the originals superior? Was Wendy One better then Wendy Two? Then she looked at her young friend watching her carefully and thought of the differences between him and his duplicates, how much more he’d developed in the space of one summer than either of his clones had in almost a year.

“Yeah, I really mean that,” she said, pulling his trapper hat down over his eyes, deciding she might owe Wendy One an apology for stealing her last chance at an adventure before the twins returned home.

“Hey, what are you two doing under here?” Mabel called out, sticking her head under the tarp, the red wig and spare Wendy shirt under her arm to protect them from Robbie’s vengeance.

“Just admiring Dipper Three and Four’s handiwork,” Wendy Two said, gesturing at the campsite. “Not too shabby for a couple of forever-twelve-year olds.”

“Really?” the clones squealed, ignoring the rest of their apology to the angry couple so they could rush over, too overjoyed at being praised by their heart’s desire to care that she hadn’t used the names they’d picked for themselves.

“We’ve done other stuff too!” Quattro declared happily, reaching into the same sack he’d stuffed the box of photos in earlier. He pulled out a hefty tome similar in appearance to the journal that Ford had written years ago or the one that Dipper was currently making, though this version had no symbol on the front. “We’ve found loads of cool stuff besides the Cube! There’s unicorns and trolls and even different factions of goblins who fight and-”

“I learned to play a banjo!” Tracey told Wendy excitedly, so desperate to impress her that he even managed to look her in the eye. “I’ve been practicing almost every day and I even wrote a song about you! It starts like this-”

“Oh God, kill me now,” Dipper whispered, dropping the book to bury his head in his hands as his duplicate cleared his throat and tried a few strings. “Please, do it quickly.”

“Hey, who cares about some stupid song?” Quattro cried, jumping in front of his brother and holding their hefty journal aloft. “Look at all these amazing things we’ve found over the year! One of the man-eating plants had this kind of red spot on it, and because I discovered it first, I got to name it and I thought of you, so I decided to call it-”

“Hey, I would have named it first if I hadn’t been facing the other direction!” Tracey snapped, trying to push himself between them. “Besides, we share practically the same brain so I should get credit too!”

“What? How is that fair? And stop shoving me!”

“Then stop interrupting me!”

“Uh, maybe you can show us all later?” Mabel offered, glancing between a Wendy who was growing more uncomfortable with their behaviour and a brother who looked as if he’d head straight for one of the man-eating plants if someone pointed him in the right direction.

The clones didn’t hear her, they were too focused on stopping the other from interfering and trying to put the other in a headlock. Wendy Two sighed and was about to grab them by their collars and knock their heads together when they stumbled over one of the sacks in their scuffle, a cardboard box bursting under their weight and scattering its contents.

The clones immediately stopped their struggles and let out a terrified scream as they saw the artful pictures and photographs of the redhead littering the ground. They let go of each other and rapidly snatched at them, hopelessly trying to gather the images before their crush could see them and knowing it was too late.

Mabel winced as she looked down at the duplicates and a memory surfaced. “H-here, let me help,” she said quickly, crouching down to assist them, feeling a bit of guilt as she recalled a similar scene from last summer, just before Stan had taken them on a roadtrip to vandalise his tourist trap competitors. She had carried down a box labelled ‘do not touch’ and accidentally revealed similar photos belonging to the original Dipper. She remembered the frustration that she and Soos had expressed at his inability to move on, making her embarrassed brother feel even worse about something he was obviously trying to do but struggling with. Even now, over a year later, he was still struggling. He didn’t need to be reminded of it, especially not in such a way and in front of his crush and former rival of all people.

There was a dull thunk, quickly followed by another and then another and they turned to see Dipper standing by the tree at the back of the camp, slamming his forehead into the bark over and over again.

Wendy Two opened her mouth and reached a hand out towards him. But then her jaw softly shut and her hand dropped to her side, not knowing what she would say and unsure if he would even want to talk to her right now.

The Dipper clones looked between their maker and his crush and quickly returned to gathering the pictures, murmuring quiet thanks to Mabel as their sister helped them as best she could while Tambry and Robbie merely shifted uncomfortably at the sight. When they'd collected them all they began gathering a few more things; books, journals, a few photos and drawings of Mabel, their parents, Stan, Soos, and other discoveries they’d made or chronicles of their own adventures. When Dipper returned with a forehead so red it hid his birthmark, they were donning two backpacks that looked as if they had been abandoned for some time before the pair had found them.

“That, uh, that’s all you’re going to take?” Mabel asked as she looked around the camp and saw that there were several sacks left untouched.

Quattro gave a little shrug as he tightened the straps on his pack. “Those other things are just spare clothes or equipment in case of emergencies,” he mumbled, neither of the subdued clones able to look even each other in the eye since their pictures had been scattered. “This is the stuff we care about.”

“What about your banjo?” Mabel asked Tracey. "If you learned to play, then-"

“Just leave it,” he muttered, turning his face away. “It was a stupid idea.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up in surprise before quickly averting his eyes again.

“Take it,” Wendy Two told him, holding out the instrument. “Our Dipper can only play the sousaphone. And I can’t even play the tambourine in tune, so that means you’ve got at least two talents I don't have.”

Tracey turned red and swallowed as he took the banjo from her hand.

“And I think it’s pretty cool that you named a discovery after me,” she told a stunned Quattro with a small smile. “And it’s pretty fitting that it would be a man-eating plant of all things.”

The clones looked at her for a moment before nodding gratefully, too in awe to speak.

“Great, we done?” Robbie grunted, sticking his hands in his skinny jeans. “Because I want to go home before things get creepy again.” He turned and marched away - unknowingly headed in the completely wrong direction - until something hit him hard on the backside and he was sent forward, landing on his face when his hands became trapped in his pockets.

“Don’t call my brother creepy!” Mabel snarled at the older teen on the ground. “Who are you to criticize him, huh? Remember when Wendy dumped you for being a lying jerk? You were crying over her picture in a grave weeks later! Heck, you and Tambry only got together because I tricked you both into it! If it wasn’t for that, how do we know you still wouldn’t be lying in graves and begging her to take you back?”

Robbie held a hand up to his bloody nose, not the only one staring at the enraged thirteen-year old in shock. He opened his mouth to issue a retort, to comment on the way the paper duo had acted before she had shown up, how they even had a shrine dedicated to a girl who was clearly out of their league and how desperate they were to hide their obsession from her.

Then he recalled that a wall of his own room had been plastered with pictures of the redhead, and his own desperate attempt to hide it one time when she’d unexpectedly dropped by while they were dating. His own mounting panic at the thought of her stumbling across the mural and not liking what she found; seeing them as something other than reminders of how much she meant to him and how incredible she was. Even in the weeks following their breakup, he’d only added more photos and writings to it, his heart still yearning for her despite knowing she simply wasn’t interested, that he’d ruined what little chance he had.

Robbie got unsteadily to his feet and wiped at his nostrils. “I’m sorry, dudes,” he told the clones, startling them all. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m - I might not be the same jerk from last year but I’m still a jerk, okay? It’s a tough habit to break.” He turned to Dipper. “And your sister’s right, dude. You’ve handled heartbreak better than me. Better than a lot of other guys I know. So I shouldn’t make jokes about it." When Dipper gave a surprised nod of acceptance, Robbie's lips twitched in what was the ghost of a smile before his scowl returned. "But I swear - if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will hunt you down!”

There was a sudden release of tension in the camp at the added threat. There was only so much niceness people could take from Robbie before they started to feat the worst. Even Mabel looked a little relieved at his relapse into moodiness while Tambry went over to him and put her arm in his. Her other hand carefully wiped the last traces of blood from his face as she led him away from the camp, this time in the right direction.

Dipper watched them go. He had never understood what Wendy had seen in Robbie, believing the lumberjill to be way out of the gothic teen's league. Even now that he no longer actively disliked his former rival, he still didn't truly understand the attraction. Then again, he didn't exactly consider himself to be worthy of the redhead's affection either, no matter how much he wished he was. 

He looked at his clones following Mabel towards the Shack, their sister explaining to them all they'd missed, and saw them as a stark reminder that, even in his own mind, Wendy Corduroy could do far better than the likes of himself. And as he thought that all-too familiar thought, an unwanted memory surged in its wake. His greatest fantasy made real, telling him he really was good enough and all he needed to do to prove it was take her hand...

Dipper let out a short, sharp breath and closed his eyes, trying to force the image from his mind. It was a delusion. A lie made to trick him, an offer more ridiculous than all of the weirdness in the valley put together. Why couldn't he get that? 

"Idiot," he whispered to himself. "All this time and you're still just a dumb kid."

"Says who?"

Dipper winced at the voice. He slowly opened his eyes but made sure to turn away from her.

"You're not a dumb kid, Dipper," Wendy Two told him firmly. "You think you're the only person with embarrassing moments? Dude, I can tell you stories about people who’ve-"

"It's not that," Dipper interjected, still unable to look at her. "You wouldn't understand.”

She scoffed. “Come on, dude. Try me. What’s the worst that could happen?”

He looked at her finally, her hands on her hips and frowning at him. He thought of another Wendy who came to him as he sat by a stream in his darkest hour, offering him something he’d never believed he’d be worthy of receiving.

And how she’d revealed herself as a fallacy when he’d forced himself to reject her, proving he’d been right to doubt himself all along.

“We should get going,” he said, walking ahead to make sure he wouldn’t see her. “It’ll be dark soon and we still need to figure out what we’re going to do with Tracey and Quattro.”

Wendy Two continued to frown at the back of his head, not liking the way he hung his head as he walked or the regret in his voice.

But once again, she didn’t know if there was anything she could say to help him, or if she might just make him feel worse in her attempt. So she said nothing, following in her good friend’s footsteps and starting to wish she’d let the original Wendy have this one last adventure.


	7. Chapter 7

"And there we all stood, amazed to still be alive after the explosive burst of energy, staring in disbelief as a tall figure dressed in a long black coat stepped out of the ruins of the portal. 'Who is that?' Dipper asked, and Grunkle stan answered in a shocked whisper, 'the Author of the journals. My brother!'"

Quattro and Tracey let out a shared gasp as Mabel continued to reveal to them the true backstory of Stanley and Stanford Pines, the pair hanging on her every word as they made their way back to the Shack. Even Robbie and Tambry couldn't hide their emotions at the incredible story, though they tried their best.

Wendy Two smiled at their expressions, comparing it to her own, less than impressed reaction when she'd heard of the almost literally Earth-shattering events. Then again, Mabel was a far better storyteller than Soos, and it helped that she wasn't telling it at three in the morning. Her smile faltered a little when she glanced back at Dipper, the young teen having fallen to the back of the queue and watching the ground sullenly. It didn't matter how much Mabel boasted about his feats during her exhaustive recap of last summer, he was too busy mulling over his lingering infatuation to notice. 

She knew he was happy that they were still close friends - he just couldn’t stop beating himself up over how long it was taking him to move on. And she couldn’t think of any way to help. She didn’t want to shun him or avoid him. That would just be cruel and probably wouldn’t help anyway. She racked her brains, thinking back to her own experiences for any advice she could give him...but that didn’t help since she couldn’t remember one that didn’t end in disaster.

Despite her laid-back exterior, her impressive list of boyfriends, and the numerous times she'd casually ended a relationship, some of them had really mattered to her. Only a handful, sure, and looking back on them now her biggest regret for most of even the better ones was that she didn't break up with them earlier, or that she'd ever agreed to date them at all. But there had been a few that she had honestly been upset to end. 

Wendy Two watched the back of Robbie’s head as he tried to push some trees and branches out of Tambry’s way. She had sometimes said that Robbie, despite his selfish, lying nature, had been the best boyfriend she'd ever had. 

It had definitely been the relationship that had hurt the most when she'd chosen to finish it. Then again, it hadn't helped that Dipper had immediately jumped on the breakup to try and spend some more time with her, even driving her to tears as he added salt to a wound that was only seconds old. At the time she had called them both out for treating her more like a prize than as a person. But for her to shed any tears at all showed how hurt she really was that day, a double betrayal of two boys she cared about. It had taken her roughly a week to forgive Dipper, surprised that his obvious regret for his selfishness and repeated apologies had started to weaken her bitterness after such a short amount of time.

Robbie had taken much longer. His needy grovelling hadn't helped, only convincing her further that she made the right decision to call it off. It had only been this summer that she had finally managed to truly forgive him. But despite all that, sometimes she would think back to some of the moments the two shared, fondly recalling a song he wrote for her or a surprisingly romantic gesture, and smile to herself as she wished her other boyfriends could have been more like him and glad they’d become close friends again.

Dipper’s situation, however, was something else. He was trying his hardest to do something but, for whatever reason, he couldn’t. And she didn’t know how to help him, not having had very many crushes herself. Even when the rare boy did make his way into her heart, she was lucky enough to get over them pretty easily.

Until recently.

Wendy scowled as she thought of a tall figure, reaching his hand round the back of her neck to pull her closer until their foreheads were touching. Her annoyance grew when she felt her heart flutter, just as it had months ago when his hazel eyes looked deeply into her green and told her how cool she was. Hopefully her own lingering affections wouldn’t last nearly as long as Dipper’s.

She was still thinking unwelcome thoughts about the man when a hand grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her back sharply.

“Watch your step,” Dipper warned her, nodding ahead to where the people in front had moved through a large puddle and she only now noticed that her fellow clones had rubber boots to go with their raincoats. She looked down at her own boots, no longer waterproof, and was glad someone had been paying attention. 

“Hey, thanks, ma-” Wendy Two stopped, blinking in surprise at the puddle before turning to her friend with raised eyebrows.

Dipper offered her a little smile and a small shrug in response.

“Uh...why don’t you guys go on ahead for a minute?” Wendy Two called out to the others. “Dipper and I’ll catch up in a bit.”

“Catch up?” Mabel repeated blankly as the rest looked back at them in confusion. “Why? What’s up?”

“There’s just some things we need to discuss,” Wendy Two told her firmly, knowing that Mabel’s inquisitiveness sometimes meant she struggled to give people privacy. “He’ll probably tell you all about it later anyway.”

“Oh, alright then,” Mabel said with obvious reluctance as she returned to leading the others back in the direction of the Shack.

“Come on,” Wendy Two told her friend, “Let’s take a seat while we talk things over.” She gestured to a wide log on the forest floor, a little apart from the uneven path that roughly led back to the tourist trap.

“You ever noticed that we seem to have several meaningful conversations while we’re on a log?” he asked as he followed her. “First, outside Ford’s bunker. Then after Phil and I got our bodies back. Now here. It’s almost a recurring theme.”

“Funny how life works like that,” Wendy Two agreed. “Run it by your uncle. Maybe there’s a scientific theory for coincidences.” She took a seat and waited for him to do the same before beginning her questions. “How did you-” 

She froze suddenly, her mouth stopping mid-sentence. Then she narrowed her eyes and stormed away from a perplexed Dipper, towards a nearby bush. When she reached it, she tore the branches aside to reveal Mabel and the Dipper clones.

The clones looked like deer caught in the headlights as they stared at her furious face. Mabel glanced between the redhead and her flesh and blood brother before looking around in apparent amazement.

“Wait a minute…” she said slowly. “This isn’t my room!”

“BEAT IT!” Wendy roared at the trio, who tripped over themselves and each other as the tall teen shook a fist at them. “This is a private conversation! Take the other two back to town before Robbie leads them off a cliff and MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!”

She lowered her fist as she watched them retreat. “God!” she grunted, marching back to where Dipper was staring at her. “Bad enough I don’t get privacy at home, now I can’t even talk to a friend in the woods without somebody trying to eavesdrop!” She sat on the edge of the log again and turned to Dipper. “So. When did you realise?”

“Anyone ever tell you that sometimes you can be just like your Dad?” Dipper asked her in amazement.

“Once or twice. Eh, worst people to take after, I suppose. Now, answer my question before something else interrupts us.”

Dipper shrugged. “I suspected it straight away. You’re a shade paler than the real Wendy, plus I doubted your Dad would let you off the hook that easily, especially for something as simple as clones. But the clincher was when you said you’d left your hat behind. You’ve worn it into battle with Manotaurs, time travellers, and a sorceress with a mind-controlled army. Seemed unlikely that you’d suddenly worry about it getting damaged dealing with two paper versions of me.”

“Pretty perceptive of you, Mister Paranormal Investigator.”

“I have my moments.”

She smirked. “Just a few. Alright, then. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why would I? It was pretty easy to figure out what happened. Wendy made you to be grounded instead, but you decided to have the adventure in her place when the opportunity struck. Probably as a punishment for her trying to do the same to you.”

She was impressed. “Nice deductive reasoning. Yeah, Dad came to the Shack, saw the original me, then Mabel bumped into me while that was going on. Saw the chance and took it. How did you know I wasn’t trying to take over Wendy One’s life, like what your clones were going to do to you?”

“I didn’t,” he told her honestly. “But I figured that current you is more mature than twelve-year old me, mature enough to figure out how dumb it is for a paper person to pretend to be a real one.”

“Hm, not so sure about that. You might have had some childish moments, but you were always pretty mature for your age. And I’ve done plenty of immature stuff without thinking of the consequences.”

“Well how about reasoning that there was no way a paper clone could take on the original Wendy?”

“Now that, I believe,” she told him with a grin. “If I were her - which I am - I’d probably spit all over me if I tried anything. Which I wouldn’t, ‘cause death by spit isn’t exactly the way I’d want to go out.”

“And if you made her bleed, it’d just give her another weapon to use against you. Hey! It’s a bit like the Xenomorphs in Aliens!”

“Huh. Hadn’t thought of that.” She frowned at the axe on her belt, normally a reliable weapon and tool, and considered just how vulnerable she had become to liquids. “Kinda dumb of me to come out here now that I think about it. I’d just end up killing myself if I used my axe in a fight.”

“I think you’d manage,” he told her confidently. “If two of me could survive, I’m sure you’d thrive. Probably have your own fort, treehouse, and cave den before Christmas. Plenty of traps to keep people from disrupting your privacy.”

“You know me well,” she said with a smile. “But - here’s the thing, Dip,” she said carefully. “I know you too. Enough to know there’s something else going on with you.”

“Do we really have to talk about this?” he tried to protest. “Can’t we just pretend there’s nothing? Please?”

“We could,” she stated thoughtfully. “But I think it’d be better if you spoke to someone about whatever it is. Doesn’t Passum keep saying not to bottle things up? I just think this is the perfect opportunity to get it off your chest.”

Dipper let out a tired groan. “Why? It - it’s dumb and embarassing and - and no offence, but this is something between me and the real Wendy. I get that you’re almost exactly like her...but you’re not her. You never could be. And tomorrow or whenever, you’re going to leave. McGucket will probably give you guys some money, Stan I'll give you fake IDs, and then you’ll get to move to Portland or something, just like you always wanted! What does it matter if I tell you or not?”

“Because I still care about you the same way the other Wendy does!” she protested, slightly hurt by his dismissal. “And I want to help!” Seeing that he was still reluctant, she scratched her head and let out a sigh. “Look,” she began slowly, “why don’t you use me as a test Wendy? See how I respond to whatever it is? If you don’t like how I react then you can, I don’t know, splash me with water or whatever. Besides, whatever you say will stay between us. I’ve chased off the eavesdroppers and I’m still close enough to the original Wendy to keep a secret.” She drew her fingers over her lips, sealing the promise with their shared gesture.

Dipper hesitated, debating what to do. She wasn’t the real Wendy. He saw that every time he looked at her. But she was close enough for him to dread talking about what had been eating him up inside. Close enough that he was compelled to trust her. Besides, keeping it a secret from everyone except Mabel hadn’t helped him. He was as desperate to talk to her about it as he was terrified of what her response would be. And at least this way he’d finally know how she’d react, and however bad it was, she wouldn’t be around much longer anyway…

“Did you ever wonder what I saw in Mabel’s bubble?” he asked her very quietly. “What my greatest desire was?”

She frowned, not making the connection at first and confused by his expression. “Um, yeah? Plenty of times. But what’s that got to do with -” 

Dipper looked up at her with sad eyes, instinctively preparing himself for the worst as she blinked suddenly and stared back at him as the truth fully set in.

“Oh,” she said at last, after a heavy silence of her processing the revelation. 

“Yeah,” Dipper said with a heavy sigh, lowering his eyes.

“I, uh, I never would have guessed,” she admitted, wishing she could think of a better response.

“Hm.”

“So, uh, that’s why you never wanted to talk about what you saw?” she guessed. “Because you felt embarrassed?”

“No. Yes. It - it’s more complicated than that.”

Wendy Two watched him carefully. “You don’t need to hold anything back, dude. If you want to talk about it then I’m here for you. I’ll tell you exactly what the other me would think. Get it off your chest.”

Dipper drew his knees up to his chest. “It was after you and Soos had left. Mabel said the bubble could give me what I wanted too, but I stormed out before I could even see it. I went for a walk, trying to clear my mind to figure out what to say to convince you all to leave. Then you appeared. A fake you. She told me - she said I was...it's not important what she said to me. The point is that she suggested that we could be together. And then I realised she was a trick because - because I knew the real you wouldn’t say any of those things. That you never will.”

Dipper put his head on his knees, facing away from her. “That’s why I haven’t been able to get over you, Wendy. Even after all this time. Because - even though it was only one second - I honestly thought it could work out between us. I know it was a delusion - a lie. That you aren’t interested. But I keep thinking back to it. Because no one ever has looked at me the way she did. Because when she smiled at me - even though I was in a place made for Mabel - in that moment...I was king of the world.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Dipper that’s-”

“Stupid?” he sighed. “Ridiculous, obsessive, childish?” He turned to face her. “Creepy?”

“No!” she snapped defensively. “You’re not creepy!”

“I saw your expression just now,” he told her quietly. “When you figured out who I saw in the bubble. And I saw the look on your face when my clones dropped your pictures, Wendy. You definitely weren’t happy. And are you honestly going to tell me you wouldn’t be a little creeped out if I told you I used to have my own box full of stuff like that?”

“I-” she hesitated, thinking back to seeing the clones desperately trying to hide their photos from her, how it made her feel.

“I knew you’d be freaked out if you ever found out the truth,” he said miserably, returning his gaze to the ground. “At least this way I know I was right not to tell you.”

“Dude, I -'' she hesitated again, trying to think of what to say. “I...okay, I wasn’t exactly happy that the other clones had so many pictures of me,” she admitted. “But that was different! They were kidnappers and - and technically I’d never even met them! That was why! And, look, about you having your own pictures...we’re friends! Hell, I’ve got a photo of you above my bed! And you love your photography, if I was into it I’d probably have dozens of all my friends!”

“I didn’t keep them tucked away in a box because we were friends,” he muttered bitterly. “I did it because I’m a dumb kid with a creepy obsession.”

She glared at him. A part of her wanted to hit him for continuing to put himself down like that. But a bigger part of her knew that wouldn’t help this time, at least not in the long run. She took a deep breath to calm herself as she thought about what to say, thinking back to their time in Mabeland, recalling the pranks and consequence-free trouble she caused, surrounded by illogical creatures and objects, fun and games, the occasional attractive boy with bulging muscles, usually shirtless and-

Wendy Two blinked. Then she looked at Dipper, thinking hard. “Hey, Dipper?” she asked him casually. “What was I wearing?”

Dipper lifted his head from his knees and gave her a puzzled look. “What?”

“The fake me,” Wendy explained. “What was it? My red swimsuit? Bikini?” She leaned towards him, her eyebrows bouncing up and down. “Black underwear?” she teased.

Dipper’s eyes bulged at her insinuations, his face turning crimson. “She - no! She wasn’t wearing anything like that!”

“Ah,” Wendy Two replied, nodding her head in understanding. “Birthday suit, got it.”

“What? No! She wasn’t - she wore clothes!” he yelled. “Jeans! Shirt! Boots and hat!”

“Uh-huh,” Wendy Two said, thoughtfully. “And what about her chest?”

Dipper almost fell off the log. “W-w-what?”

“I mean, was it out to here?” She held her hands slightly in front of her bust. “Or out to here? Or here?”

Dipper made several noises of horror as she continued to gesture at slowly increasing measurements. “SHE WASN’T ANY DIFFERENT!” he yelled when he couldn’t take it anymore. “SHE...was just like you,” he said in the silence that followed his shout.

“Yep, thought so,” Wendy Two said with a satisfied smile, resting her hands back on the log, much to her friend’s relief. “So what you’re saying is that, despite being offered literally anything you could ever want, you were tempted by lanky, boyish, kinda messy, Wendy?” She cocked her head to the side and gave him a wide smile.

“That is literally the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about me,” she told him.

He stared at her as she continued to smile at him. “You - you’re kidding, right?” he managed eventually. “You just admitted that what the clones did made you feel-”

“You are not your clones,” she said, prodding him firmly on the forehead as if to push the message in. “You’ve grown up. You’ve changed, made mistakes and then learned from them. They haven’t. I can’t even say that I’ve done that. Hell, most adults haven’t matured as much as you have. But you were offered anything you could have and you thought about me, warts and all. I can’t think of anyone else in the world who’d think of me like that. Heck, even Dad would probably try to change my attitude, make me less wild. So stop beating yourself up about it.”

“She...wasn’t exactly like the real you,” Dipper confessed haltingly. “You - the fake you - she said things that I...know the real you wouldn’t. That - that I always came up with a plan in the end. That I was the smartest guy she knew and that...if I was older then...I’d be her dream guy.”

“Oh,” Wendy Two said, considering that. “...That’s not far off the mark,” she admitted as her smile turned melancholy. 

Dipper’s eyes flew wide for a second before his amazed look was replaced by one of pain. “Please don’t tease me like that,” he begged. “I’m already struggling to move on, I don’t need you to-”

“I wasn’t teasing,” Wendy Two sighed, lowering herself to the ground so she could lean back on the log and stare up at stars. “Dipper, I know you might not believe it sometimes, but you are an amazing guy. You’re funny, kind, super smart, and the bravest person I’ve ever met. That’s exactly the kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have. Including me. And if you were older...then, yeah. I’d probably be into you too. But, Dipper-” she turned to face him, her face plastered with sympathy and regret - “You’re not older. And I can’t make myself see you that way. Any more than you can age up for me.”

“Yeah,” Dipper sigh wistfully, feeling his heart drop into his stomach for what felt like the millionth time. “I know. I guess it’s just telling myself that someone else will make me feel the way I felt in the bubble. I mean, I’m pretty sure that...Pacifica likes me-”

“Oh, she totally does,” Wendy Two stated firmly. “Listen, I know you doubt yourself, but I’m confident you’ve got a pretty good chance with her if you asked her out.”

“Oh,” said Dipper, feeling more than a little flattered that someone out there would be interested in him. But that feeling faded as he thought of his own attraction, and he recalled another time when he’d tried talking to different girls in the hopes of moving on from the one that really mattered to him. 

“I...don’t think I should,” he admitted guiltily. “I’m not completely over you and it wouldn’t be fair for her. I’d rather ask a girl out once I’m positive she’s the only one I’ll be thinking about.”

“That’s admirable, but things aren’t that simple when it comes to romance, dude,” Wendy Two warned him. “I mean, look at Robbie! He resisted Jenna’s love potion because he loves Tambry, but I still catch him glancing at me a few times.”

“Uh, he does?”

“Yeah, but as long as it isn’t for too long or blatant I try not to mind. Love might be powerful, but so are hormones, dude. Even the best of romantics would slip up now and again.”

“Oh.” Dipper hesitated, wondering if he should even ask his question before deciding to go for broke. “Uh, have you, uh, ever noticed when I-?”

“Yes. But again, teenage guy, so I just shrug it off. Ain’t like I’ve never had it before.”

“Oh,” Dipper winced, shifting uncomfortably.

“Besides, I’ve had way worse! Like Bill. Remember when he was in your body? Stared at my chest for half the drive in Soos’ car. Now that was creepy! Even glared at him a few times but he just grinned at me and went right back to it. Triangular pervert. Especially since he was, like, a trillion years old or whatever and hitting on a teenager. Talk about a messed up age difference.”

“Uh,” said Dipper, his voice cracking anxiously.

“Relax, he didn’t try anything, “ Wendy Two said, waving away his fears before he could voice them. “He put his hand on my waist a couple of times, but nothing severe. And I guess I should be glad that he didn’t make any jokes about my massive butt!” 

“Huh,” said Dipper, surprised to hear any Wendy admit that they had anything more than an average-sized rump.

There was a silence in the woods, broken only by the wind rustling the grass and bushes as birds and animals made noises in the distance.

“I...should have said that you don’t have a big butt, shouldn’t I?” Dipper said after a while, cringing noticeably.

“That would have been nice,” Wendy Two grunted.

“Oh. Um...Wendy, your, er, your butt is, er, perfectly normal and nice and - not that I’ve been looking at it! I mean, I’ve seen it! But I didn’t really mean to stare at it or anything! And even when I did, it was-”

“Gonna stop you there, Dip,” Wendy Two interjected. “I’ve liked this little talk of ours and don’t want you to ruin it. If other me ever says something like that, just tell her it’s not that big. Or distract me with some snacks or something.”

“Okay,” he said, obviously relieved that she’d stopped him before he made his situation even worse.

“And while we’re being honest and getting everything out in the open,” Wendy Two began, lifting herself so she was seated on the log again, “There’s something I should tell you. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about since last summer. Something I’ve wanted to say but never had the guts to do it. But now I figure this is the last opportunity I’ll ever have, and I guess telling you this will be some way of paying Wendy One back for taking her place in this adventure.”

“Um, okay?” Dipper said, growing nervous at her resigned tone, his anxiety only growing as she put a hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“Dipper,” she said, her voice solemn. “You stink, dude.”

Dipper blinked. “What?”

“Like, really badly,” Wendy Two continued in that solemn manner. “And I live with three brothers, so I know what I’m talking about. I mean, Dad comes home sweating a lot, but at least he does a whole lot of manual labour and changes his clothes after he showers, but you-”

“Are you serious?” he demanded. “You pick up whatever’s on the floor, just like me!”

“Yeah, but I try not to wear the same thing day in and day out for a week! And I give them a sniff before I put them on, just to make sure they’re okay,” Wendy Two reasoned. “It’s pretty obvious that you don’t even bother to swap clothes after a shower, dude, which defeats the purpose! I mean, if my brothers did that then -”

“Oh, yeah? You’re one to talk!” Dipper snapped, his anger growing. “At least I don’t make people throw up! I can barely handle it when you take off your boots, so who knows how your family manages! Your feet are worse than anything I bet even Ford’s encountered!”

“Aha! Not anymore!” Wendy Two cried triumphantly. She quickly kicked off a paper boot and thrust a socked foot at his face, grabbing his arms when he tried to push it away. “Check it out! Noticed it when we were near Dipper Three and Four. Us clones are completely scentless!”

“Alright, alright!” Dipper grunted trying to pull himself away from the offending limb. “I smell and you don’t, quit shoving it in my face. And you could have told me in a nicer way!” 

“I’ve actually been dropping hints all summer, but you’re too stubborn to pick up on them,” she told him as she slipped her boot back on. “Why did you think I kept warning you about animals being able to track body scents during all of our lessons? I was trying to get you to shower more. Or at least, you know, change your clothes regularly.”

“Thought you were just being thorough,” he grumbled as he gave her the evil eye. “And I still think that’s a bit hypocritical coming from you.”

“Yeah, but I can be quite the selfish hypocrite when it suits me.” She gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder as he continued to glare at her with indignation and embarrassment. “Hey. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. I just think it’s something that you should be aware of. Remember when you went back in time and met younger me? Gave her loads of advice on how to change just a little to make herself feel more confident? You can think of this as some advice I’m giving you in return.”

“I’m pretty sure I said what I did in a more supportive way,” he muttered darkly.

“Eh, probably,” Wendy shrugged. “But you’re a better person than I am. Smarter too, so I think you’ll take my advice sooner than I took yours.” 

He continued to glare at her as she grinned at him. “I...suppose I could shower more,” he admitted grudgingly. “And, you know - wear other clothes. And then wash them after I’m done wearing them.”

“That’s the spirit!” Wendy Two yelled, giving him a playful shove that knocked him off the log.

Her grin only broadened as he scowled at her. She was about to extend her hand and help him up, when suddenly there was an enraged yell and something slammed into her, tackling her to the ground. She let out a grunt of pain and lashed out at the attacker, reaching for her axe before she realised who had hit her.

“You leave him alone!” the original Wendy yelled at her, much to the clone’s confusion. Then the surprise turned into horror as the organic teen pinned her paper shoulders to the ground and started gathering phlegm. 

Wendy Two and Dipper both let out shouts of alarm before the clone grabbed a fistful of leaves and thrust them at her creator, making her gag and choke as they were forced into her mouth. Wendy Two used the surprise to put her feet under her attacker and kicked her off with a mighty heave, sending the other Wendy flying.

“What the hell is your problem?” Wendy Two demanded, instinctively drawing her axe and holding it in front of her, her alarm growing as the other did the same.

“Wendy, what are you doing?” Dipper cried, anxiously stopping a short way from the battling redheads, not sure who to support and concerned about being caught in the middle of the ferocious women.

“She’s a clone!” Wendy barked, raising her axe as she prepared to charge. “I made her to be grounded in my place and then she decided to leave me with my Dad so I’d have to do it!”

“Yeah, I know!” Dipper yelled as the clone Wendy raised her own axe to defend herself from the oncoming onslaught as her opponent charged. “I figured it out right away!”

Wendy stumbled mid-charge, turning to him with wide eyes. “You what?”

“Yeah, we just finished talking about it!” Wendy Two agreed hastily. “Dipper caught on immediately!”

Wendy looked between her doppelganger and her friend, not expecting this turn of events. “Then why did you let her come with you if you knew she was a clone?” she demanded.

“Well, I guessed that you hadn’t escaped your Dad and, if I’m being honest, you kind of deserved to be grounded if you made someone just to be punished in your stead,” Dipper told her a little sharply.

“Yeah, serves you right for being so selfish, you little hypocrite,” the clone said, the original Wendy hardly able to believe that she was being criticised on top of everything else.

“Besides, a paper Wendy is still better than no Wendy,” Dipper stated reasonably.

“Very true,” Wendy Two agreed. She turned to her incredulous maker. “But why did you attack me?” she demanded. “I can get that you’d be mad, but don’t you think coming at me like that is a little harsh?”

“I - I thought you were attacking Dipper,” Wendy said, more than a little defensive at being confronted by the person she’d believed to be a threat and the person she thought she’d be saving from said threat.

“What?” The clone completely lowered its axe as it stared at her in disbelief. “Why on Earth would you ever think I’d do that?”

“Wait.” Dipper narrowed his eyes in calculation as he looked at Wendy, considering the disgruntled state of her clothes and her intense actions and realised there was something else that didn’t make sense. “Why are you here? You should be grounded. Unless…” His eyes went wide. “Unless you tried to clone yourself again. But something went wrong - the clone went bad. That’s why you thought Wendy Two was attacking me. Because the other clone fought you and you thought she might do the same.”

“That’s a pretty accurate theory,” Wendy said, lowering her own axe. 

“He’s very perceptive,” Wendy Two stated proudly, throwing the boy a sly wink.

Wendy threw her a look. “Yeah, made Number Three so I could head out when I realised a paper axe wouldn’t hold up against anything that slobbered over you if you tried to protect the guys.”

“Yep, realised that too late myself,” Wendy Two agreed, wistfully looking at her weapon.

“But then she went bad for some reason, “ Wendy continued, ignoring her to explain it all to Dipper. “Probably a fault with the copier. We fought and I locked her in the office, but then she copied herself to make an army.”

“Didn’t your dad wonder where you were?”

Wendy shook her head. “She destroyed one of them when they tried to argue with her. After that they all did exactly what they were told and she gave one of them instructions on what to say to Dad so nobody would get suspicious.”

“So she’s still as crafty as you, even if she doesn’t have your morals,” Dipper said thoughtfully. “Then what happened?”

“They threw me in the store room,” Wendy explained to him, glowering as she remembered the way she was roughly gagged and bound. “A few hours later, Soos came home from dropping his grandmother and Melody off and they did the same to him before they left. Then Mabel’s arm - the one she photocopied - saved threw water over the clone left to guard us and cut Soos and me loose.”

“Mabel’s...arm?” Dipper repeated slowly. “As in the one that doesn’t have a brain or sensory organs attached? That...raises several interesting and alarming questions.”

“Totally with you on that one, but we’ve got more important things to worry about right now,” Wendy said with a worried nod. “Number Three’s still on the loose and planning to do...something. She didn’t say what exactly, and her own copies were too dull to really question whatever it would be anyway, but we can’t let her hurt anybody. I’m probably already grounded till I’m dead, I don’t need to spend any of that time in jail too! Soos said he’d make some calls while I made sure you guys were okay, but we should get back there as soon as possible. Hey,” she said, looking around suddenly as if just now noticing it was only the three of them. “What are you guys even doing out here, anyway? Where are the others?”

“They should be on their way back to the Shack,” Wendy Two answered before a hesitant Dipper could. “We stayed to discuss some things.”

Wendy turned to her, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What things?”

“If Dipper wants to tell you then he will,” Wendy Two said before Dipper could answer. “If he doesn’t - his choice.”

Wendy looked between her steadfast clone and her obviously relieved friend. “Oh, God,” she groaned. “You two have bonded.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a long, deep breath. “I’m never going to try and get out of being grounded again.”

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep!” Wendy two laughed.

“Shut up, Number Two!” Wendy barked. “This is all your fault for running out on me!”

“Yeah? Well you should have known better to expect a rebel like yourself to just do what she was told to do,” Wendy Two happily replied.

“Uh, shouldn’t we be going back to the Shack?” Dipper suggested before another fight could start. “Deal with these other clones before they cause too much trouble?”

“Great plan, Dipper!” Wendy Two announced before turning to her other self. “See how smart, reasonable and mature he is? Why couldn’t you be more like that? Then we wouldn't be in this mess.” She shook her head regretfully as her creator glared daggers at her. “I hope I’m more manageable when I get to your age…”

Dipper let out a worried groan as Wendy started to curse under her breath, not looking forward to journeying back home with them.

It turns out he was slightly right to be concerned. Wendy gave them more details about what happened after Wendy Two had left, and the clone jumped on every opportunity to mock or even insult the flesh and blood version of herself, apparently delighted at the chance to tease her. 

Dipper believed his friend would have laughed alongside the barbs or witty remarks under normal circumstances, but he suspected being attacked and imprisoned had weakened her tolerance for such things and given her a low opinion of clones. He even started to suspect that, if it hadn’t been for his presence, Wendy might have gotten so sick and tired of the clone’s comments that she might turn to a permanent solution to make her stop.

As such, it was with a great sense of relief that he began to recognise the terrain as they got closer to the Shack and heard distant voices coming from the direction of the Bottomless Pit.

“And this is where our story ends,” Mabel was explaining to Tracey, Quattro, Robbie, and Tambry as they leaned over the side and stared into the infinite darkness. “Ford saw his journals as constant reminders of his failures, of his selfish desire to put his own research and reputation above his family, a lesson he thought he learned too late and at a terrible cost. 

“So I suggested that he throw them and any other reminders of Bill down here since most inanimate objects end up in other dimensions. That way he could be free of the memories but his and Dipper’s work wouldn’t be entirely gone. Wherever they are, I like to think they can still give information needed to protect some other version of Gravity Falls, or at least inspire whoever finds them to start their own story. Just like they did for Dipper.”

Tracey and Quattro shared a look as Mabel waited expectantly for them to revel in the conclusion to the story.

“Think it would have been better if you’d kept the journals,” Tracey muttered.

“Yeah, they were cool and important,” Quattro pouted. “Getting rid of them was dumb.”

“What?” Mabel yelled, not at all happy with their response. “But that’s a symbolic ending! It shows that Ford moved past his obsession and learned that family was the most important thing of all! It let Dipper start his own journey instead of trying to follow in someone else’s footsteps!” 

“But the journals were cool!” Tracey complained as Quattro nodded vigorously. “They were super useful and made us feel special.”

“I actually agree with the paper twins,” Robbie said as Tambry nodded distractedly, too focused on her phone’s returned signal to give any other response. “Those journals helped with plenty of stuff and saved everybody’s bacon. Should have kept them.”

“Oi,” Mabel grunted, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You guys just don’t get thematic endings. Look, if you like journals so much, why don’t you ask Dipper to show you the one he’s making? That’s got some cool stuff in it.”

“He made his own journal?” the clones shrieked together, grinning broadly and actually shaking with anticipation.

“Now I know how Ford felt,” Dipper grunted as the trio stepped out of the woods, almost all of the group by the pit doing a double-take at the sight of two Wendys.

“‘Sup?” Wendy Two said, nonchalantly raising a hand in greeting. “I’m Wendy Two. Wendy One cloned me to be grounded instead of her, but I decided to scrap that plan and pretend to be her so I could go on the adventure instead.”

“Eh, I figured that out in two minutes,” Mabel said with a dismissive snort as the others stared in shock. “So what else is happening?”

“I made another clone after that but she turned out to be evil, cloned herself to make an army, and is now probably attacking the town or something,” Wendy added, frowning at her and wondering why neither of the Pines twins seemed too bothered about someone impersonating her.

“Huh,” Mabel said as the rest stared in stunned silence. “Okay, that’s an unexpected turn of events. So what are we going to do about it?”

“Soos said he’d make some calls to see if there was anyone who could handle them while I went looking for you guys,” Wendy explained as a black car slowly drove up to the Shack and parked. She cracked her knuckles threateningly. “I say we join them, and then help them kick my paper butts!”

“Yeah!” Mabel cried, raising her grappling hook into the air as several figures stepped out of the car and approached them. “Let’s go defeat those Wendy clones!”

“The Wendy clones are defeated!” Grenda Grendinator announced loudly as she and Candy Chui reached them, closely followed by Pacifica Northwest and her bodyguard Phillip Pink, none of them looking very happy.

“Say, what?” Robbie said as everyone now turned to stare at the newcomers.

“All the clones are gone,” Candy said, nodding slowly, all of them marked with what looked like splotches of ash or soot. “Except that one standing there,” she added, pointing to the original Wendy. Her finger drifted to Wendy Two. “Or is it that one? Or both?”

“Either way, we’d better get them inside just to be safe,” Phil said quickly, glancing down the road as if concerned about something approaching. “Even I wouldn’t like to see that again.”

“Uh, what?” Wendy said blankly, deflating as she realised that, not only had she missed out in the adventure of finding the Dipper clones, but now she wouldn’t even get to take part in the battle against the opposing army. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh man, did they hurt anyone?” Wendy Two said in a low voice, seeing how shaken the teen girls were and concerned about the soot marks. “Please tell me we aren’t going to jail?”

“Uh, no,” Pacifica said slowly as Candy and Grenda each took a Wendy by the hand and led them to the Shack. “I mean, I think Mendez might want to punish you a bit, but you should still be going to the wedding since there wasn’t much damage and nobody got hur-” She stopped suddenly as she exchanged anxious glances with the other girls and even Phil gave an uncomfortable grimace.

“Maybe it would be better if you sit down before we tell you what happened? That might make it easier for you,” Pacifica suggested, swallowing nervously. She turned to the rest of the party who were watching them with growing concern. “For all of you,” she added, the way she said it doing nothing to dissuade their fears.


	8. Chapter 8

Stan sat in the Mayor's office with his chin in his hand as he listened to Preston Northwest rant and rave about the psychological harm Wendy had caused him, the cost of the car, and how irresponsible it was for two grown men to try and offer her assistance, demanding someone be held responsible.

At Preston's side stood Phillip Pink, the cyborg ex-cop from the future now working as the personal bodyguard and driver for the businessman's daughter, and looking completely disinterested by the whole thing. Stan knew the man had no love for Wendy, but he also knew that he had an even lower opinion of his current employer and probably didn't care which way this would work out.

Mayor Tyler Cutebiker sat at his desk looking more exasperated and weary than Stan had ever seen the normally jovial man. On either side of the mayor was Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland. The Sheriff looked tired and grumpy, no doubt wishing the whole thing would hurry up and end. Durland stood completely still and stared straight ahead with a military-like air that would have been impressive...if Stan didn't know the simple man had no idea what was going on and had probably escaped into some dreamland while his body stood to attention. Either that or he'd fallen asleep on his feet with both eyes open. With Durland it was hard to tell.

Finally, Stan looked at his brother and saw that he was just as fed up as he was. He suppressed a smile, the whole situation reminding him of their younger years; being dragged into the Principal's office or to see their parents after one of their many adventures or pranks.

His eyes settled back on the loud millionaire in front of them and the ghost of the smile was exorcised.

On one hand he could see where the jerk was coming from: if somebody trashed his car and then had someone else act as their alibi he'd be pretty livid too.

On the other hand, he recalled stepping into the man's office, seeing Dipper trembling as he clutched a bloody forehead while the other hand held the bullet responsible for the damage, and he had to remind himself that he wouldn't be able to attend Soos' wedding if he threw the business man out the window.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket - one of a pair Mabel and Dipper had gifted to the older twins to help them keep in touch - and pulled it out, raising his eyebrows when he recognised the Shack's number.

"'Scuse me," he said, getting to his feet and making his way to the door. "Business call."

"I was under the impression that you had retired," Preston replied coolly, his eyes narrowing.

"Yeah, well, I could respond to that," Stan said, his hand on the handle, "But that would mean I gave a damn what you thought."

He closed the door to the angry flush of the rich man's face and thought he saw the Irishman smirk behind him just before he did.

Pacifica looked up from her phone at the sound of the door open. But then her hopes were dashed when she saw it was only Stan leaving, holding up an apologetic hand. She slumped back down on her seat, her expression a mixture of misery, boredom, and embarrassment.

Stan shook his head, feeling sorry for the poor kid, and put the phone to his ear. "This is Stan. That you, Soos?"

"Got it in one, Mister Pines!" the new Mister Mystery answered happily. "You dudes still stuck at Mayor Tyler's place?"

"Yeah, but I think things are settling down, so with any luck it won't be for much longer," Stan sighed, walking over to the window and scowling at the dark sky, resenting Northwest even more for wasting an entire day when the end of the summer was already so near. "Why are you phoning me on the Shack's phone? Your cell get broken?"

"Uh, more like stolen," Soos responded, and he explained to Stan the entire events of that night.

Pacifica looked up from her phone as she heard a noise and saw Stan raise his glasses to rub his eyes, his entire posture showing that he now had something more to worry about. Thinking about Dipper and Mabel, she got up and walked over to him.

"Alright, did she say where she might be headed?" Stan asked as the blonde approached. "Adventure, huh? That could be anywhere in this town. So where's real Wendy? Uh-huh. Okay, good. She should be able to track her down in no time then. Yep. No, you - you stay there in case they come back and need help. If we need you we'll call the Shack. Yeah, I'm sure. I'll talk to Ford and see if he's got a machine that can track paper or something. Good man, Soos."

Stan pinched the bridge of his large nose. "Oy. This town. You think you've heard it all and…" He let out a sigh and turned to the teen waiting anxiously for an update on whatever new situation had developed.

"Hi, sweetie," he said slowly, lowering himself to one knee to address her better. "Wendy made a bit of a mistake and could end up in big trouble if we don't help out. Now, I know you and Wendy have had your...differences...but she's part of the family and it just wouldn't be the same if she couldn't go to Soos' wedding. So I'm asking you: will you please keep your old man distracted while we try to deal with this?"

Pacifica looked up into his eyes and hesitated. It was true that she and Wendy still had their disagreements, and an uncomfortably large part of her would be glad if she couldn't attend the wedding. Not just because it would keep her away from Dipper, but because there was still enough selfish cruelty left in her to delight in the suffering of someone she didn't like.

The wedding, however, wasn't about Wendy, or even Dipper or Mabel. It was about Soos and Melody. And while she'd barely said two words to the man - and hadn't even bothered to get his name right until the end of last summer - she knew from Mabel and Dipper just how good a friend and person he was, and that he didn't deserve to suffer for her own petty vendettas.

"Okay, Mister Pines," she sighed, pushing her own desires down to try and do the right thing. "Let me know what I can do to help."

It took only a few moments for Stan to explain the situation to the girl, the previous Mister Mystery being far less prone to drifting into tangents or adding unnecessary details than the current one.

"Paper's a bit weird but I'm pretty sure I've heard worse," Pacifica slowly replied when he'd finished. "And I'm willing to help...but I think it would be better if I were the one searching for them," she said, thinking hard. "I can get Phil to help out and if I don't mind hitting a Wendy or two then he definitely wouldn't."

Stan considered this. What she said made sense. He and Ford had been raised to never raise a hand to a woman, and that had been so well ingrained in their psyches that he didn't think they could do it even against a paper one. Especially not when they shared the face of someone so close to them. Pacifica and her bodyguard had no such qualms. In fact, they'd probably enjoy it more than necessary.

"Besides, Dad's still angry at you two," Pacifica continued. "If you try to leave before this is settled then he might make things worse later. And he wouldn't care if that ended up disrupting the wedding."

Stan muttered several unpleasant words under his breath as he glared at the door leading to the office.

"Yeah," Pacifica agreed miserably. "But what can I do? He's still my Dad."

Stan hesitated, seeing the pain in the young girl's eyes, thinking of his own father.

"Hey," he told her, putting a hand on her shoulder and thinking of what he wished someone had said to him all those times his father had expressed disappointment in his son. "You're not a bad kid, doesn't matter what your old man says or thinks. You've made some mistakes, sure. But when push comes to shove, you're there to help out the people you care about. That more than makes up for any bad deeds as far as I'm concerned."

Pacifica looked up at him, surprised by the gentle tone in his gruff voice.

"Thank you, Mister Pines," she said quietly, patting his large hand. "That means a lot coming from you."

"Think you need to set your standards higher, kid," he joked, giving her a roguish grin as he uncomfortably straightened his knee to stand. "But how are we going to figure out where those clones are?" he asked, turning to stare out the window as if hoping to see an army of redheads approaching.

"I have a few ideas about that," Pacifica suggested. "You know how some parents of teenagers have tracker apps on their phones?"

"A tracker what? Are you still hanging out with Gideon?" he demanded, his bushy eyebrows meeting in the middle. "That kid's a bad influence on you, teaching you made up words! Probably swears like hell around you too, that little bas-"

"Oh, never mind," Pacifica sighed, taking the phone from his hand and adding Wendy and Soos to her contacts, the former something she'd never believed she'd ever do. "Look, it's like what cops do, the way they can trace your cell phone or listen in to your calls?"

Stan blinked. "They, uh, they can do that?" he asked, swallowing thickly as the sweat gathered on his brow.

Pacifica paused in searching for the right website to trace the numbers, staring at the conman in disbelief. "How are you not in jail right now?" she demanded.

"Half brilliant guile, half dumb luck, and half police incompetence!" Stan declared proudly.

"Oh, my God," Pacifica breathed, shaking her head and handing the man's phone back. "Okay, I don't know how long it'll take for them to track the phones so I'll grab Phil. If this doesn't work then we can drive around, maybe we'll see them. Failing that, I'm also pretty confident that I can get Phil to convince Mendez to help us out, and maybe she can try to track their phones?"

"Okay then," Stan said, making a mental note to watch what he said on his cell phone and to leave it behind when he didn't want to be found. "Thanks, sweetie. But do me a favour and call Candy and Grenda too. They've got a bit more experience with this kind of stuff and they can be pretty useful in sticky situations."

"On it," Pacifica immediately agreed, giving both girls a quick call and arranging a suitable place for Phil to pick them up.

When that was done, she went straight into the office, Stan close behind. She told her father that she was tired and bored, and asked if it would be alright for Phil to take her home since she had work the next morning. Her father agreed, enough truth in her story for it to be immediately believable and too distracted in venting out his frustrations to pay too much attention regardless.

"Hopefully I won't be doing this too often," Phil muttered as they made their way down the stairs, the woods creaking loudly under the weight of his metal limbs. "I signed up for protection detail and transport for you, not to be an enforcer for your scumbag father. No offence."

"None taken," Pacifica shrugged as he held the front door open for her. "But I think I know how to make up for Dad," she added, unable to hide her sly smile as he looked at her curiously. "How would you like to punch Wendy in the face?"

Phil froze, one hand on the handle of the car door. Then he turned to her, leaning on the car as he looked down at her. "Tell me more," he said, a broad smile on his lips.

* * *

"Nice," Wendy grunted, pausing in adding fallen souvenirs to shelves to glare at the pair.

"You two are real jerks, you know that?" Wendy Two said, adding her own glare as she stopped sweeping.

"Shut up, Corduroys!" Phil barked, shaking his fist at them. "I hate you both and still want to punch more of you in the face!"

"Dude, go easy on her, alright?" Soos asked reproachfully. "I get that you don't like her, but she's had a hard day and she doesn't need you making her feel worse for it."

Both Wendys gave their boss a grateful smile as Phil muttered something that could have been an apology but definitely wasn't before continuing to stack the shelves on his side of the Shack.

Soos had done his best to clear up the mess caused by the Wendy clones, but even the Handyman of the Apocalypse could only do so much. As such, most of the others had quickly volunteered to give him a helping hand with the rest of the clean-up, though Robbie and Tambry had been pretty reluctant at first.

That was until Wendy had reminded Robbie that he still owed her for being a terrible boyfriend and friend for most of last summer, and that helping to clean the mess her clones had made would be the final step in redeeming himself. The surly teen had tried to protest, pointing out that he had done so when he'd agreed to act as bait for the Dipper clones, but the original Wendy had pointed out that she hadn't witnessed that and so it didn't count in her eyes, something Wendy Two readily agreed with.

Tambry had also protested, but then Mabel approached her with her grappling hook in hand and suggested it would be very nice of the older teen to help out her dear friend, nice enough to even forgive her for making some earlier rude remarks about her brother.

"So, what happened after you guys left the Mayor's?" Robbie asked as his girlfriend swept harder and faster than she ever had in her life.

"Shut up, Valentino, I'm getting to that!" Phil snapped, turning his glare to the slightly less tall teen.

"What is with you?" Dipper sharply asked him. "I thought it was just Wendy you hated?"

"Yeah, I told you that Robbie never did that mind-control thing, why do you still hate him?" Mabel asked, sharing he brother's frown.

Phil reached in his pocket and pulled out a notebook, flipping through the pages until he found the right one. "Here's a list," he said, passing it to the brunette.

"Huh," Mabel said as she read, the other younger teens looking on with interest. "Fair enough," she eventually concluded with a shrug, much to Robbie's annoyance. That annoyance only grew when she passed the paper to her brother, Pacifica and Candy looking over his shoulders to read it for themselves while Grenda read it over the top of his head. "But you should still apologise for wrongly accusing him of mind control!" she admonished Phil, shaking a finger at him.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Oh, alright." He reached into his pocket and removed some money, holding it out to the oldest teen boy. "Here's one hundred," he growled. "Take it as an apology and stay the hell away from me, you moody little creep."

"Phil!" Pacifica snapped, tearing her eyes from the list. "Mind control's serious! I hardly think some money's enough to-"

"Sweet! Money!" Robbie cried, kissing the notes gratefully. "Apology accepted, future fascist dude," the gothic teen grinned, splitting the money in half and passing a share to his girlfriend.

"I'm starting to think that Tambry can do better," Grenda said in a whisper that the whole Shack heard.

"Yeah, but love's tricky so who are we to judge?" Mabel replied with a fond smile as Robbie and Tambry glared at them.

"So, uh, what happened after you guys left the Mayor's office?" Dipper asked, folding Phil's list of critiques and putting it in his pocket.

"Why did you put that in your pocket?" Robbie demanded.

"Shut up, Valentino!" Phil snapped. "I'm telling my story! Now where was I? Oh, yeah. A light of hope was shining into my terrible evening at the thought of being able to fight so many Corduroys." A dreamy smile spread across his face. "And then things just got better from there..."

* * *

Candy and Grenda waited outside the larger girl's house, considering the weapons they'd gathered.

"Water pistols?" Candy asked.

"Check," Grenda replied, holding up the toy guns.

"Water balloons?"

"Check."

"Weapons of mass destruction?"

"Double-Check!" Grenda declared, kissing her fists affectionately as the black car approached.

"And finally, a pair of adorable heroines?"

"I know you're talking about us, girlfriend!"

The two friends laughed, only to stop suddenly when the car came to a screeching halt and a strange man making an even stranger sound launched himself out from the driver's seat.

"CANDYCANDYCANDY!" Phil screamed, rushing over to the startled young girl, practically dancing on the spot when he was only a foot away, his eyes wide and shining. "It's you, it's you, it's you!" he squealed with obvious delight. "Oh - oh, my Time Baby, I am so happy! I've wanted to meet you for so long and - can I get your autograph?" He thrust his notebook at her, vibrating with excitement. "Here, sign my list! No! Wait!" He withdrew the notebook as suddenly as it had appeared. "This is you we're talking about! It can't be just any list! It has to be an important one, worthy of such a clever little goddess!"

"Grenda," Candy whispered as they stared at the ecstatic man rapidly flicking the pages through his notebook. "A beautiful man is obsessing over me and calling me a goddess. Am I dreaming?"

"Could be!" Grenda failed to whisper back. "Normally things like this don't happen to me until I fall asleep after those late night calls with Marius that my Mom doesn't want to know about! Or after I drink a carton of expired milk!"

"I really wish you'd stop doing that," Pacifica frowned as she hopped out of the car. "It's unsanitary, potentially life-threatening, and makes your breath smell. Anyway, this is Phillip Pink." She indicated her new bodyguard who was still rapidly flicking through his lists for the perfect one. "Don't call him Phil unless he asks you to. Think I've told you about him, and Mabel almost certainly has. And he clearly knows about at least one of you. Though he never mentioned he was a fan-boy," she added, throwing the man a look.

"Got it!" Phil cried, holding out a pen and a list titled, 'Why Candy is awesome!' "I can't wait to tell my daughter about this!" he gushed as the bewildered - but also very flattered - young girl took the pen and signed the bottom. "You're even more adorable in real life! So cute !"

"Do you want my autograph too?" Grenda asked hopefully.

"Huh?" Phil looked up from the signature, his broad grin flickering for a moment. "Oh, sure, whatever. Here you go," he said, half-heartedly passing her a random page from his book. "But this is fantastic!" he cried, beaming at Candy's signature and ignoring the reproachful look Pacifica gave him as Grenda added her name to the slip of paper. "At first I was going to ask you to sign my list of reasons why you and Dipper should be a couple-"

* * *

"What!?" the Dipper clones yelled together, while their creator groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, that's what we said," Grenda agreed as Phil beamed at Candy, who was cowering behind her larger friend as Pacifica watched her carefully.

* * *

"What!?" Candy and Grenda yelled, the larger girl so surprised the pen burst in her hand, spattering the list with ink.

"What?" Pacifica growled.

"But no, I'll save that for later, once you two are married," Phil told the blushing girl, patting her affectionately on the head. "Speaking of, if you need any advice for when you're older and want to seduce him, just give me a call and I'll do everything in my power to make it happen! Here's my number," he finished, passing her a slip of paper as her face burned like the sun. "In the meantime, I'll take your stuff and together we can pummel those clones! I'm teaming up with Candy to battle some Corduroys," Phil blissfully sighed as he gathered up the equipment in his arms. "Such a wonderful day!"

The three teens watched him as he carefully placed the items in the trunk of the car, whistling merrily. When she was certain he was distracted, Pacifica turned to Candy, the other girls taking a step back at the look in her eyes.

"Hello, Chiu," she said, her teeth and eyes flashing in the night. "Before you even think of taking Phil up on his offer, I want you to know something. I consider you to be my friend. One of only a few. We've had fun. Played video games together and compared strategies and tactics. We've been to each other's houses." She stepped forward and put her hands on the side of the slightly smaller teen's head, leaning in close. "That means I know where you live and how many steps it would take to move from the window to your bed when you're sleeping," she hissed.

* * *

"You said what!?" Phil barked.

"Then she said that the redhead was one rival too many and the only reason Wendy was even still standing was because she'd proven too tough to destroy!" Grenda added helpfully as Candy hid behind her, wilting under Pacifica's stare.

"So far," Pacifica corrected with clenched teeth, turning her piercing gaze to the Wendys. "Too tough to destroy so far ."

"Your hostility towards any rival ship fills me with equal parts joy and horror!" Mabel declared as the redheaded girls remained unfazed. "No wonder you're Mom's second choice for Dipper's future match!"

Pacifica blinked in pleasant surprise. "I am? Wait, who's her first?"

"Candy. But that's not important right now!" Mabel quickly added, laughing forcibly as her eyes kept darting towards Candy, who let out a whimper as Pacifica returned to trying to murder her with her eyes.

"A woman with excellent taste," Phil said, nodding happily.

Tracey and Quattro shared a glance. "So..." Tracey began slowly.

"I guess that made Wendy number three?" Quattro finished.

Dipper and Mabel shared a look. "Um," he said.

"Kinda?" Mabel said, scratching her head awkwardly. "Mostly she just glared at Wendy's picture. Then she ordered Dipper to do better."

"I like her already!" Phil grinned as the Wendys frowned.

"Don't worry," Mabel told her downcast clone brothers. "I've given it some thought and now we've got enough Dippers to satisfy every ship!"

"What?" Dipper, Wendy, Wendy Two and Pacifica said together.

"Tracey, you're my favourite so you get Pacifica," Mabel explained, pushing him towards the unhappy looking blonde.

"Why is he your favourite?" Quattro squeaked, the hurt in his voice palpable.

"And Quattro, you get Candy because she is a numberphile and the even four suits her better than Tracey's uneven three," Mabel continued, ignoring the look on his face to nudge him towards Candy. "Plus, you get Arm-Mabel!" she added, picking up the sentient paper limb that had been dragging itself around the Shack as the others cleaned, thrusting it towards him. "She likes you best, and this way you finally get to be a big brother!"

"That does make me feel slightly better," Quattro said thoughtfully as the arm ruffled his hair and gave him a thumbs up. "Although I'm not entirely sure what that says about my standards or my mental health."

Mabel turned to Dipper. "And finally, Dipper. Dear Dipper," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Since you're the oldest, you get Wendy Two because you're technically closest to her in physical age and in a few years you might even reach her shoulders! Wouldn't that be swell?"

Wendy and Wendy Two looked at each other, both wearing the exact same frown as Dipper pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes.

"Mabel, none of that makes sense," Dipper told his sister. "And it's very embarrassing for everybody involved. Especially me!"

"Literally no one is happy with any of that," Wendy Two agreed.

"Besides, we don't even know who these two are!" Tracey protested, pointing to a scowling Pacifica as his brother nodded and did the same to Candy.

"Shut up, you're ruining this for me!" Phil snarled at the paper clone. He quickly took a knee and pulled out his phone. "You two look so good together!" he gushed as Candy turned scarlet. "Now, put your arm around her shoulder and lean in close so I can send this to the future and prove once and for all that my ship has merit! No! Your arm! Not your sister-arm!"

"I can't believe I used to be scared of that guy," Tambry sighed, shaking her head at the Irishman raising his phone to his eye and beckoning the other clone to move closer to his forced partner.

"Aw, the guy's just passionate about his ship," Soos said fondly. "I'm the same way about my anime! I mean, there's this one I started watching-"

"I don't care," Tambry sighed, returning to her sweeps.

"About these bunch of high schoolers who find these robot animals that give them superpowers! And eventually they figure out how to-"

"I don't care."

"-make them grow huge, then they get to ride in them to battle this alien army!"

"I don't care!" Tambry snapped. "What kind of loser watches-"

"Dude, are you talking about Super Metal Beast Ninja High?" Robbie gasped. "I love that show! That last episode, where they find out that the spy was actually-"

"NO!" Soos cried, clapping his hands over his ears. "I'm only on episode six! I haven't had time to catch up yet!"

"Oh, my God, Dude, you have got to watch the rest!" Robbie breathed, shaking his head in excitement. "It gets even better!"

"It does?" Soos asked, his eyes full of hope and wonder. "I didn't think that was possible!"

"Dude," Robbie said, putting his hand on the large man's shoulder. "Ninja-metal-man-combo attacks!"

Soos clapped his hand over his mouth, momentarily forgetting to breath.

Tambry looked between them both. Then she looked down at the broom in her hands, considering her life. Forced to sweep or else face a thirteen-year old's wrath, surrounded by fanboys, barely teenagers, and worse. "I used to be cool," she muttered regretfully, wondering how she'd fallen so far.

"Continuing with our recap!" Pacifica said loudly, unhappy that Mabel, her biggest supporter, had tried to give her a substitute Dipper while the real one still got a Wendy. "After Phil stopped being a fanboy, I searched for the clones. My phone told us that they were heading towards Portland-"

"Makes sense," Wendy grunted. "Always wanted to move there when I was old enough."

"Huh." Pacifica paused, very glad to hear that her rival wouldn't be staying in town forever. "Good to know. Anyway, when we saw where they were heading, we realised that was pretty lucky for us. It meant they must have taken the road right out of town and avoided people. Which also meant no bystanders or witnesses. So we drove ahead of where they were and prepared ourselves for the fight..."

* * *

"This is going to be the eighteenth greatest day of my life!" Phil declared as he used duck tape to strap pieces of metal to his organic arm.

"You sure that's going to be enough?" Grenda asked him. "Wendy's pretty dangerous on her own, let alone with more to back her up!"

"Phil's had riot experience," Pacifica explained, checking the charge of her taser before squeezing out a quick shot with a water pistol to test its range. "And he's mostly metal so even the real Wendy's axe couldn't do too much damage."

"Unless it hits the right spot," Phil corrected her, donning an armoured glove to finish the added protection on his arm. "Which is why I'm adding as much as I can where I can, and why you three should be keeping your distance. If their numbers prove too much for me then you girls need to run. Okay?"

"No way!"

"Yeah, we don't abandon people!"

"I admire your principles, but this isn't up for discussion," Phil told them sternly . "I'm not doubting your bravery, but sometimes you need to cut your losses and run while you can. I'm old and expendable. None of you are either of those."

"Come on, Phil, I doubt it will really be that bad," Pacifica reasoned, watching the approaching horde of redheaded teenagers and making sure that her taser was easily accessible. "I might not like Wendy, but even I don't think she's capable of murder."

"You'd be amazed at how quickly some people can go from bad to worse," the former cop muttered as he slid his head into a helmet, heading towards the enemy.

Wendy Three marched her forces towards Portland with little to no idea of what to do next. At the time, having a few dozen copies to back her up had seemed like a great idea. But now she was stuck with them and was greatly regretting her decision to keep them around. Their constant complaints and questions, the way they looked to her for guidance about everything, it was driving her insane! She was half-tempted to lead them to a river just to be rid of them.

But she also knew that the Pines twins could return to the Shack at any minute and when they found the original Wendy, there would be hell to pay. And when that happened she needed her copies to act as a shield, or at least as a distraction while she ran. She reached up and touched the pine tree hat on her head, having no attachment to the item but recognising it as a useful tool. It made her stand out from the hatless clones but, more than that, it could be used as a decoy if - when - the Pines family did come after her. Place it on one of the other, more complete clones and she could slip away, letting someone else take the fall for her. The world would think Wendy Three was defeated, when in fact she could head to the city, find a job that didn't suck, stop hanging around with dumb kids, get a bit of action without worrying about stupid things like consequences or morals. The world would be her oyster and there was nothing that could stop -

She stopped in her tracks, only to immediately have several clones walk into her when no one else did the same, earning yet another glare for their incompetence. Shaking her head and cursing them under her breath she went back to looking down the road.

"You have got to be kidding me," she muttered, seeing three teenage girls and one grown man blocking the way in front of her. She looked behind them and saw the black car they must have used to drive ahead of the group. She smiled, realising that she not only now had transport, but a potential source of funds. No doubt there was someone in the city who'd like a car like that and wouldn't care where it came from...

Then her smile vanished as she saw two orbs arcing high overhead, towards the group.

"Incoming!" she yelled, pushing her minions out of the way. "Scatter!"

The clones looked at each other in mild confusion before they started trying to run - only to bump into one another and trip over themselves as they barely avoided the water balloons, some of them failing entirely and dissolving on the spot as the water drenched them.

"Ugh, idiots!" Wendy Three grunted, getting to her feet. Then a metal fist slammed into her face with enough force to send her flying over the heads of her copies, the hat plopping to the ground.

Phil stared at his knuckles, considering the emotions welling up inside him. "That," he decided eventually, "Was even better than I thought it would be." He turned to the other clones, grinning broadly. Then he burst into laughter as he punched Wendy after Wendy, his grin widening each time.

* * *

"Phil."

* * *

Every impact and blow sent new bouts of joy through him, his frustration and stresses at living in a strange time in an even stranger town seeming to fall away with every hit. Their superior numbers meant nothing to him: the feline agility and lightening speed of the original Wendy having been lost in the copying process. These clones were slow and sloppy, making easy targets for his kicks, punches, elbow and knee strikes.

* * *

"Phil..."

* * *

He gave out a cackle and grabbed two clones by the ankles, swinging them round and round, using them as weapons against their kin, marvelling at the cries of pain as each clone -

* * *

"PHIL!"

Phil paused his retelling to see the entire Shack staring at him.

"You hate Wendy and were very happy that you got to punch her in the face," Mabel sighed as the Dippers shook their heads. "We get it. Skip ahead."

"I'll get you to remind me all about it later," Pacifica promised him, patting his arm affectionately, the Wendys internally debating which one they wanted to punch first.

"Oh, alright," he muttered, crossing his arms and pouting. "Okay, so. The battle was drawing to a close…"

* * *

Wendy Three groaned and got to her knees. She clutched her aching face, unhappy to find out that her body still felt pain like a human would. She grunted as she picked herself up, trying to shake her throbbing head clear. She winced as she turned towards her army, amazed to see that they were almost all down for the count, the majority of them groaning and clutching themselves. Those that could still stand were trying to throw themselves at the man but to no avail, the cyborg easily throwing them off with far too much enjoyment.

Wendy Three groaned and reached for her axe, considering what to do. She should have known that the inferior copies wouldn't have been much use. If she wanted out of this, she'd have to do something herself. She narrowed her eyes, considering the man throwing her duplicates aside like rag dolls.

Hang on, he didn't seem to be killing any of the clones. Hurting them, sure, and definitely enjoying it, but he hadn't torn any of their heads off or anything. Guess he was still enough of a cop to want to avoid killing someone, even if he hated them. Maybe she could use that. After all, she didn't have any qualms about getting blood on her hands.

Her grip tightened on her axe as she thought about where to strike. One good hit under the helmet should be enough, catch him right in the throat. Failing that, maybe a slash across his stomach? It was only his chest that was metal, wasn't it? Even if that didn't take him out, the others would be too busy worrying over him to splash her. Wait. Damnit, she couldn't even do that! If the blood got on her then she was dead!

She grit her teeth as she considered what her options were. Run for the woods? No, they'd see her. Even using another clone as a decoy wouldn't work - the others were even less like her than she'd thought, slow and clumsy in body as well as mind. There was no way anyone would be dumb enough to confuse her with a second generation clone.

What then? Take one of the girls hostage? No, there was the issue of the blood again. And scared people were sweaty people and she didn't want to go through life without her fingers. Besides, something told her that Pink wouldn't be so hesitant to kill a clone if she pulled a stunt like that, and there was no way she could dodge his plasma pistol and two water pistols. And all of this was assuming that they hadn't called for backup-

Wendy Three froze. Then she grinned, reaching into her pocket for Soos' phone.

Phil threw the last clone off, his mouth hurting from the constant smiling, but unable to do anything about it. "Yep. Eighteenth greatest day of my life!"

"That was pretty satisfying," Pacifica admitted, wearing a grin of her own as she approached.

"I told you three to stay away!" Phil snapped, his smile finally vanishing as he saw how close they were to the clones.

"I am fairly certain that we are safe," Candy replied, "They no longer seem to be a threat. And look!" She reached down and collected the pine tree cap from the road. "Thank goodness that it's no longer in the hands of a villain!"

"And yet, we're going to give it back to Wendy," Pacifica muttered, eyeing the hat with obvious jealousy.

"I'm surprised this fight was so easy, though," Grenda admitted, prodding a groaning clone with her toe, the now legless creature grunting in annoyance but doing nothing else. "They don't seem anywhere near as deadly as real Wendy."

"Not all clones were created equal," Wendy Three growled, approaching them with her axe drawn. She smirked when she saw Phil push the teen girls behind him, Pacifica trying to peer round him to aim her water pistol. All of them were taken aback when the clone leader let her paper axe fall to the ground, raising her hands behind her head as she dropped to her knees.

"I surrender," she told them, still wearing that same smile.

"Um, is this a trick?" Grenda asked. "'Cause that would be a very Wendy thing to do."

"Yes, it seems suspicious that you would go through all this just to give up," Candy added, thrusting her pistol at her. "Why shouldn't we destroy you?"

"Because I've called the Gravity Falls Sheriff Office to let them know everything I've done, and that I'm handing myself in," Wendy Three answered, throwing her Soos and Wendy's phones. "Mendez should be here any minute to arrest me. Which means that if any of you do decide to soak me, you're interfering with a police matter now."

"Damn it," Phil muttered, clenching his fist as Grenda and Candy shared a look.

"You cannot be serious," Pacifica growled.

"Yep, phone her yourself if you don't believe me," the clone offered smugly.

"Why would you do that?" the blonde demanded.

"Because now you guys have a choice," the clone replied smugly. "Once Mendez arrests me, I'll rat out the original me. Tell her everything. Not just about the clones, but about Preston Northwest's car." She leaned close, her smile broadening. "Unless you let me go."

"Go ahead," Phil snorted, the teens looking at him in surprise. "See if I give a damn about Corduroy. She deserves a few nights in jail."

"But it won't be a night in jail, will it?" The clone pointed out. "Northwest's rich again. And I made sure it was his favourite car that I totalled. He'll do everything he can so that the other me stays in jail for as long as she can. And then my dad will ground me for months, then ship me off to work at my cousin's next summer."

"Once again, I do not care," Phil said, crossing his arms.

Pacifica hesitated as Grenda and Candy stared at him in disbelief. "Uh, Phil-" she began before the clone cut her off.

"What about the Stans, then?" Wendy Three demanded. "They helped me and even acted as my alibi. Hell, Stan's the one who taught me how to hotwire cars in the first place! You honestly think Blondie's dad would let anyone involved go to the wedding? And Soos might be sad if the original Wendy wasn't at the wedding, but how do you think he'd feel at having his surrogate father miss the most important day of his life?"

They looked up at the large man, seeing his stony face finally start to crumble at the clone's words.

"Why don't we just soak you?" Pacifica asked suddenly, watching the clone with narrow eyes. She raised the water pistol, aiming it between the redhead's, indifferent to the way the other humans looked at her. "You can't tell anybody if you're just a puddle."

"Because I don't want to die," the clone snarled, her green eyes meeting Pacifica's blue. "I'm not like the others: too stupid to really count as human. I still hurt, I still get scared, and I've got hopes and dreams. Sure, might not have as many standards as the first Wendy, but, eh, nobody's perfect." She smirked suddenly. "Hey. Guess I'm a little bit like you used to be, aren't I? Or maybe you still are that way?"

The clone leaned closer until her forehead was only an inch away from the barrel of Pacifica's toy gun. "Go ahead, Northwest," she teased. "Pull the trigger. Old you probably wouldn't hesitate to finish me off. After all, I'm unarmed, on my knees, and I've already surrendered." She paused as she saw the other girl falter, her malicious smirk twitching in amusement. "Guess you really do take after daddy."

Pacifica recoiled, dropping the water pistol as if it burned, rubbing her hand on her arm as if to wipe off a taint.

The feeling of unease continued until a gentle hand fell on the top of her head.

"Good girl," Phil told her softly. "I'm proud of you."

"So I get to go?" Wendy Three asked casually, already knowing the answer.

Candy glanced at Pacifica and Phil, the former, still holding herself uncomfortable, watching the ground with eyes wet with guilt while the latter stroked her hair. "Yes," she decided, glancing at Grenda who gave a reluctant nod.

"But don't ever come back!" Grenda added, punching her open palm threateningly. "Or else we'll beat you up!"

Wendy Three rolled her eyes as she got to her feet. "Like you could! And why the hell would I ever want to come back to this dump? This whole town can go to hell for all I care."

She reached for her axe, but a metal leg stepped on it before she could lift it.

"Uh, no," Phil stated, finally taking his eyes off Pacifica. "It's bad enough that you're getting away, I'm not about to let you go armed. No weapons, no money, no nothing. See how easy it is to start a new life."

Wendy three got to her feet, glaring at him. "Alright," she reluctantly agreed. "But I still won here," she hissed at him, leaning close. "Because I'm the thing you've been worried about all summer: a Wendy who doesn't give a damn. You think real me's bad? You have no idea how much she was holding back. But I won't. And now, you four get to live with the knowledge that, whatever crap I pull, it's because you let me go." She crossed her arms, grinning smugly. "Let that thought settle for a moment."

Grenda opened her mouth but couldn't think of a response. Candy looked at the defeated forces of Wendy clones, wondering how dangerous a truly free Wendy could be. Phil gritted his teeth as he glared at her, wondering if they'd made the right choice.

They all turned in surprise when Pacifica let out a snort. "As if!" she said. "You know what happens to girls like you when they head into the city? They end up as waitresses!" She grinned at the redhead, her eyes sparkling. "You think your job's bad? I have to work for tips, waiting on people who can't make up their minds, complain constantly, and worst of all? I have to smile all the time or I don't get tipped." She let out a cruel laugh. "You have no idea how good you've had it so far. And it'll be worse for you. I'm too young for it to be an issue yet, but I still know that I won't get fired when I eventually find a customer who gets grabby and I have to zap some manners into them. How many places will there be like that in the city?"

"Huh, got a point there," Grenda said thoughtfully.

"I have much more respect for customer service now," Candy agreed.

"Uh, I think I might teach you some advanced self-defence," Phil told Pacifica. "I did it for my daughter, I think it'll come in handy for you too. Especially in this town," he grunted.

"Hey, I'm not going to be some crummy waitress!" Wendy Three spat. "I'm not! I'm going to -"

"Oh, my God!" Pacifica cried, letting out a groan that drowned out the rest of her rant. "Why are you still here?" she demanded. "Do you want Mendez to arrest you? You've forced us to let you go, you've said what you had to say, we've done the same! Are you that desperate to have the last word? Just go already, that way we can finally put this whole thing behind us, pretend we never saw you, and you get to start looking for a job that's even worse than mine! Everybody loses!"

"It won't be worse than yours!" Wendy Three cried indignantly.

Pacifica rolled her eyes and held out her hand, making a flapping gesture with her extended fingers and thumb. "Talk, talk, talk! Why do so many villains do this? Quit monologing while you're ahead and - wait." She hesitantly turned to Candy and Grenda. "I didn't do that when I was a villainess, did I?"

The girls looked at each other awkwardly, trying to find the right response, Grenda eventually settling on holding out one hand and giving it a waggle.

"Oh, God!" Pacifica groaned, dropping her head to her hands as she thought back on her life. "I totally did! Oh man, I think I even did the evil laugh too!"

"There, there," Grenda told her, patting her shoulder painfully. "If it makes you feel better, you were twice the villain Wendy Three is!"

"WHAT?" cried Wendy Three.

"Really?" Pacifica hesitated, considering this. "That makes me feel a little better. Which I'm a little worried about, to be honest, but I guess I'll take it?"

"Oh, screw you all!" Wendy three declared, storming past them and towards the city, a finger in the air.

Phil massaged his eyebrows as they watched her go. "Think I've found something else to add to my list of regrets," he sighed. "Letting a criminal go, just so an old man can see a wedding! I must be getting soft in my old age."

"Hey," Pacifica said, patting his arm. "Think of it this way: real life in the city will probably be a much worse punishment than prison could ever be."

"Yeah!" Grenda agreed. "Besides, we deal with bad guys and monsters all the time, but Soos is only going to get married once! We need to make it the best we can, even if that means we didn't stop them all."

"Still, I think we should feel some pride that only one of them escaped us," Pacifica added, considering the clone army, now leaderless as well as beaten.

"Hm," said Phil, watching Wendy three retreat and not looking the satisfied at all.

Pacifica tilted her head to the side, wondering what she could do to cheer him up. She caught Candy's eye and pulled her close, whispering something in her ear.

Phil was still staring after the clone, not the least bit happy with himself to know that he was allowing a perp to escape. Then a small hand slipped into his and he looked down in surprise, his spirits lifting when he saw who it was.

"Thank you for allowing us to save our friend's wedding, Mister Pink," Candy told him. "You were a great help today. I'm, er, very proud of you?"

Phil let out a delighted squee. "Call me Phil!" he told her happily when he could speak again, his regrets momentarily forgotten. "And if you ever need me for anything, you can-" Phil stopped suddenly, only his eyes continuing to move as they darted between the girl and the hat in her hands. Then he dropped to one knee, pulled out his phone and, in one quick movement, swiped the cap from her hands to plant it on her head, giving him the perfect picture opportunity.

"Making this my screen-saver," he told them breathlessly as Grenda quickly put herself between the two girls, Candy's face pale with fear as Pacifica started growling.

* * *

"That was an...uncomfortably intense response," Dipper said as the others stared at the beaming man staring at the pictures on his phone. "And I live with Mabel so I know what I'm talking about."

"A-yup," Mabel agreed.

"Hah!" laughed Phil. "If you think I'm bad, you should meet my dau- actually, no. No, you should never meet her," Phil said, shaking his head gravely. "And you definitely, shouldn't!" he added, pointing at Pacifica.

"Uh, might want to warn Robbie too, from what you've told me," Mabel added thoughtfully.

"Me?" Robbie repeated blankly. "What did I do?"

"Eh, I don't care what Mary does to him," Phil said, dismissing Mabel's suggestion with a wave. "He dies, he dies."

"What the actual hell?" Tambry demanded, glaring at the Irishman.

"Can't really see evil Wendy being a waitress, dudes," Soos confessed. "I mean, I like our Wendy and all, but she's never been the best at customer interactions, y'know?"

"True," Wendy and Wendy Two said together.

"Well, it's not as if she'll have much choice," Pacifica pointed out. "She's got no money, no car or driver's license, and now she's technically a high school dropout! She needs a roof over her head more than most, so she'll have to just suck it up and lower her standards if she wants to survive."

"Oh, Pacifica," Phil laughed. "Corduroy doesn't have standards! She proved that when she agreed to date Valentino."

"Hey!" the Wendys, Robbie and Tambry yelled together.

"Dude, that wasn't very nice to Wendy!" Soos chastised him.

"Yeah, we've all made plenty of mistakes in romance," Mabel pointed out. "Look at me!"

"Don't ask!" Dipper warned his clones when he saw them start to form a question. "Just don't."

Phil gave a dismissive snort, ignoring the angry looks he was receiving. "I stand by it. My own daughter's a huge Wendy fan and even she can't defend her for that mistake!"

"My boyfriend is not a mistake!" Tambry snarled. "So quit insulting him! I am sick of it!"

"What about me?" Wendy demanded.

"You deserve everything insult coming to you after the crap you've pulled!" Tambry shot back. "This is all your fault!"

"You tell her, Tambry," Wendy Two encouraged her, grinning at her maker's sharp look.

Tambry rolled her eyes at both redheads before turning to the third. "I've had a crap day," she growled at the former cop. "My date was ruined, my boyfriend was forced to go out dressed like his ex, then he was kidnapped and tortured, and I've been repeatedly threatened by a girl half my size. One more crack about Robbie and I'll make you regret it," she warned him.

Phil scoffed. "Oh yeah? And how will you do that?"

"By reminding you that Robbie's got the one thing you don't have," Tambry said with a menacing growl. "A happy relationship."

Phil blinked. Then he sniffed as his lower lip wobbled threateningly, the tears gathering in his eyes as a broken sound issued from his mouth.

"Uh-" said Tambry, taken aback by the sudden, intense reaction.

Phil suddenly let out an almighty wail, burying his head in the crook of his elbow. Then he fled from the Shack, knocking the door off its hinges and leaving a trail of tears in his wake as he ran howling into the night.

"I just fixed that door!" Wendy yelled after him.

"Wow," said Tambry, staring at the broken entrance. "I made a grown man cry. I feel really good about myself."

Then her joy was ruined by a blow to the stomach.

"You made my bodyguard cry!" Pacifica screamed, grabbing the older girl by the collar and shaking her roughly. "I'll rip your face off! I'll stick my taser up your- mrrff! Mmr-mph! "

"What Pacifica means, Tambry," Mabel began slowly as Grenda pulled the blonde back, one hand over her mouth, "Is that Phil's divorce is a sensitive subject and it's best that we don't mention it in the future. Especially since he's bonded with Pacifica in his short time here-"

"Kill you!" Pacifica agreed, pulling the hand from her mouth to thrust her taser at the normally apathetic but currently far from it teen.

"And Pacifica still gets a bit defensive when people mess with her things," Mabel concluded. She chuckled and stretched her arms out in a theatrical shrug. "Rich people! Amiright?"

"As Phil's goddess, I would also like to seek divine punishment for the heretic who dared hurt my most devoted follower," Candy added helpfully. "For Candy, while a cute and mostly loving deity, is also a vindictive one, capable of petty vendettas and much wrath!"

"He said he'd treat me and Candy to ice cream for being brave and helping him hurt so many Wendys!" Grenda boasted. "I'm happy to go to jail for a guy like that! Plus, my fiancé's rich so he can just bail me out after the manslaughter charge."

"The little girls in this town are freaking lunatics," Tambry whispered, still clutching her stomach as Robbie helped her to her feet, pulling her close to stop her trembling.

"Oh, you have no idea!" Mabel said, throwing back her head and laughing with more vigour than was recommended. "So, anyway, back to where we left off. Wendy Three turned out to be even worse than normal Wendy-"

"Why's everybody ragging on me?" Wendy muttered. "I think I need new friends."

"So what happened after that?" Mabel asked the three remaining members of the Anti-Wendy Task Force. "Did Mendez show up and arrest the rest of her clone posse?"

The three teen girls froze, even Pacifica stopping in her assault attempt as they shared uncomfortable looks, realising that Phil was no longer there to tell that part of the story for them. Candy and Grenda looked at Pacifica pleadingly, silently begging her to do the dreaded task for them.

Pacifica hesitated for a moment before giving a determined, if reluctant nod, pulling herself out of Grenda's grip.

"Um," she said. "Here's the thing…"

* * *

"You're sure that this is all of them?" Officer Gloria Mendez asked, gesturing to the beaten and sullen clones that they had gathered in a pile. They had complained loudly and were still doing so, but none of them had tried to flee or even resisted being arrested. In fact, both Mendez and Phil had agreed that it was amongst the easiest group arrests that either had ever made, the paper teenagers not fighting at all, even when they were being zip tied together. "Because I don't want to find out one's escaped so this whole thing could start again," she warned them.

"We made sure that no clones could get away without us knowing about it," Pacifica responded, choosing her words very carefully. "And I'll contact the Mystery Shack, ask them to destroy whatever thing made this bunch."

"Good, I'll check in later, make sure of it," Mendez told her, turning to look at the clones. "Freakin' weird to see Corduroy acting so compliant," she said, more disturbed by their nature than anything else. Which she decided to take as a good sign, letting her know that she was starting to get used to the weirdness of the town. "Still no idea what I'm going to do with these guys," she admitted freely, scratching herself behind her ear.

"Um," said Grenda, looking at the others. "I think we might have an idea."

The clones' dim-witted and less than violent nature had started to make them feel a little guilty for fighting them in the first place, since it was obvious that they were only being used by their creator, and were not villainous themselves. Deciding that jail didn't really sound fair to the simple creatures, they came up with an idea: to send them to live with Sev'ral Timez.

"Sev'ral Timez?" Mendez repeated blankly. "You mean that boy band that mysteriously disappeared?"

"They didn't disappear!" Grenda corrected her. "We rescued them from the evil producer guy who designed them to be the perfect men for us impressionable young gals to spend all our parent's hard-earned money on! Then we release them into the wild…"

Mendez stared at her for a moment. "I'm...I'm just going to roll with that. Okay. So, you want to, what? Set up some clone commune?"

"I was thinking more of a nature reserve," Candy told her. "But I suppose that the title does not matter."

"I'm happy to throw them all in jail," Phil muttered darkly, earning an elbow from Pacifica.

"What was that, Sweet and Sexy?" Mendez asked, her eyes pupils doubling in size, just as they did every time she looked at him.

"Uh, he said - wait, did you just call him-?"

"No!" Mendez cried, wiping the drool from her mouth. "What? I'm not - what?" She cleared her throat and buried her hand in her notes, searching for a distraction. "Hey!" she said suddenly, looking at the girls accusingly. "What about the clone that called the station? Where's this leader, I thought she said she'd surrender?"

"Uhhhh," Candy and Grenda said together, sharing alarmed looks as they realised the problem they now faced.

"If I get Phil to take off his shirt, will you forget all about that part?" Pacifica asked, her eyes narrowing in calculation.

"Wait, what?"

"Yes, yes, YES!" Mendez gasped, nodding vigorously.

"Oh, alright!" Phil sighed, unbuttoning his shirt. "But I'm starting to question the law enforcement of this town!"

"I don't care," Mendez breathed, her eyes so wide they threatened to fall out of their sockets.

Pacifica rolled her eyes and shook her head. But she also smiled, glad that they had managed to resolve the situation. True, it was disappointing that Wendy Three had escaped, but at least she didn't seem interested in returning to cause trouble later. And even if she did, how dangerous could she be if a water balloon could end the fight in one hit? Overall, things could have gotten a lot worse.

Her smile faded when a large black car approached and a familiar figure got out.

"There!" Phil sighed, striking an unnecessary pose despite his apparent unhappiness at being forced to flaunt his impressive form. "Now, you've only got two minutes, so enjoy it while you - wait." He stood up straighter, peering at the additional person. "What's that in her hands?"

"I wasn't going to take a picture!" Mendez cried, her eyes darting about as she hid her phone behind her back.

Then everyone let out a scream as a jet of flame shot out and hit the Wendy clones, the paper teenagers igniting with ease as their skin cooked and crackled, letting out screams as they tried to drop and roll, but found themselves unable to do so, tied as they were to each other.

"BURN, WENDY CORDUROY!" Professor Passuum screeched over the roar of the blaze, spraying as many as she could find with the flamethrower strapped to the back of her wheelchair. "BURN!"

"Who the BLOODY HELL is that? " Phil yelled, hiding behind Mendez' car to avoid the flames and the madwoman spreading them, Grenda under one arm, Pacifica and Candy under the other.

"That, uh, that's Professor Passuum," Mendez explained hesitantly beside him. "She, uh, she...really doesn't like Wendy." She paused for a moment, obviously unsure if she should make her next sentence. "She's the town psychiatrist."

"I was going to see her tomorrow," Pacifica muttered regretfully. "Ironically, I think I might need to see her even more now."

Phil stared at her. Then he turned to stare at the woman cackling madly as she raised the flamethrower over her head in victory. "Your psychiatrist needs a psychiatrist."

* * *

"So," Pacifica finished, coughing into her fist in response to the horrified expressions surrounding her. "That, uh...that happened."

"The part that frightened me most was when the Professor pulled out that metal container," Candy said, staring straight ahead with glassy eyes. "When she started gathering the ashes and whispering under her breath...I couldn't make it all out but what I heard...it frightened me."

"I think the worst part was when that last Wendy clone crawled to Mendez," Grenda whispered, trembling visibly. "And then she threw her coffee over it to put it out, only to melt it instead. I'll never forget the scream she made."

"Mendez or the clone?" Mabel couldn't help ask, though she immediately regretted it.

"Mendez," Grenda whispered, shaking even more. "The clone didn't scream, she just...gargled. It...the look in her eyes..."

"This...raises several questions," Dipper said, his clones ashen-faced behind him. "How did she know about the clones? And how did she know where they were? And - and why a flamethrower? How did she get it?"

"I'm more concerned with how she knew real me wasn't among the clones she murdered!" Wendy Two said, looking uncharacteristically but understandably disturbed.

"Assuming she did know I wasn't there," Wendy muttered, even paler than usual. "Or cared!"

There was a dead silence in the Shack, not even Mabel or her paper arm making a noise, letting them all hear the sounds from outside; the owls hooting, insects chirping, the Irish cyborg from the future sobbing.

Soos suddenly snapped his fingers, letting out an excited gasp. "Hey, I just realised!" he declared, turning to the morbid Wendys. "Now you definitely can't go to jail because the Professor burned all the evidence! I guess every cloud does have a silver lining!"

And with that, he returned to the cleaning, smiling broadly as he whistled a happy tune.

* * *

_Author's note: And you guys thought I couldn't get darker than A Little Mix of Black Magic! Ha! Wait until I finally get to the final battle against the Cipher Cult when the twins are sixteen, and the CC Leader attacks Mabel, so Dipper throws himself between them, only to - wait. That's years away! Both in the AU and in RL! Why bother with that now?_

_Anyway, I hope you're all staying safe and washing hands, avoiding crowds, and keeping a social distance when you can. Scary times we live in. I'm part of the NHS so I'm actually working harder these days, so less time to write. But I'll keep trying because I know how difficult it can be for those who have to isolate and people seem to enjoy my stories. So, while this chapter was delayed a little, it's also my longest. I'll try to get them out when I can, but I can't say when that will be._

_Stay safe, stay clean, stay healthy, and, hard as it can be sometimes, do something to make you happy!_


	9. Chapter 9

Soos turned on the spot with his hands on his hips as he surveyed the cleaned up Shack. "Think that does it, dudes. Not too bad for a night's work!"

"I'm amazed we managed to fix it so soon," Candy said, marvelling at how much they'd accomplished.

"Pretty handy to have the Handyman of the Apocalypse to help out," Dipper said, the paper arm on the counter beside him also giving the new Mister Mystery a thumbs up.

"Nah, you guys did most of the work," Soos chuckled. "Couldn't have done it without all of you."

"Humble too!" Mabel grinned, nudging her friends. "Told you he's the perfect man!"

"I can only hope that when I get married, Marius and I will be as happy as him and Melody," Grenda agreed as Candy nodded.

There was a loud wail from outside and Pacifica soon stormed into the Shack, her face thunderous. "Who mentioned happy marriages?" she demanded as Phil continued to weep. "I just got him to stop and now he's started all over again!"

"Oops, sorry!" Mabel said, apologetically holding her hands up as Greda and Candy hid behind her. "Our bad. We'll try to keep any happy relationship talk to a minimum."

"You'd better," Pacifica warned them. "If I have to come back inside, I'll zap whoever said it! And then Tambry!"

"Me? What did I-"

"Shut up and don't argue!" Pacifica spat, shaking a fist at her. Then she gave an annoyed grunt and went back outside to where Phil sat on the porch, his head in his hands.

Tambry and Robbie stared after her for a moment before turning to glare at Wendy

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she sighed before they could speak. "This is all my fault."

"There, there," Pacifica said, patting her bodyguard on the shoulder in an attempt to console him. "She's a mean old teenager, what does she know?"

"But!" Phil took a deep breath, his lips trembling as the tears ran down his face. "But - but she said-!"

"Forget what she said," Pacifica encouraged him. "Think about the good stuff you’ve accomplished! Who helped us stop the clones from causing who knows how much trouble?"

"...Me," Phil whimpered. 

"That's right," Pacifica said, getting up to put some coins in the vending machine next to the gift shop entrance. "And who got to punch not one but several Wendy Corduroys in the face?"

"...me."

"And who got to meet and even get an autograph from Candy Chiu?"

"Me!" said Phil, sitting up a little straighter and suddenly looking much happer despite his continued sniffling. Then his happiness evaporated just as quickly as it had returned. "But I let their leader get away and-"

"You didn't let her do anything," she corrected him, taking a seat beside him and holding out a can of Pitt Cola. "We convinced you to do it. Come on, Phil, you're a dad - you know how tough teenage girls can be, and you were up against three! How much choice did you have?"

"I suppose," Phil said, a slight smile returning to the edges of his mouth . 

"Besides," Pacifica added, taking a sip from her own can as he took the offered one. "We both know she'll find out that the city isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even if she avoids getting caught in the rain and survives the next few years, she's probably going to end up wishing we'd thrown her in jail sooner rather than later."

"Huh," said Phil, considering her words. "An immortal Wendy Corduroy doomed to an eternity of misery and regret. I'll drink to that!"

"Cheers," Pacifica grinned, knocking her can into his before they each took a large gulp. Then she choked and coughed until a metal hand slapped her hard on the back.

"What the hell is that?" Phil asked, staring at the seed on the ground.

"Ugh, I always forget about that stupid pit!" Pacifica snapped, glaring at her drink. "What kind of company thinks it's a good idea to leave that in?"

"It says here that Pitt Cola's owned by Northwest Industries," Phil said, reading the back of the can.

"That makes an annoying amount of sense," Pacifica grunted as a familiar car sped too quickly towards the Shack and skid to a halt outside.

"Everybody okay?" Stan asked, exiting the car almost as quickly as he drove it.

"We just received a very alarming phone call from Officer Mendez," said Ford, looking a little green around the gills as he always did when Stanley drove even faster than normal. "She mentioned she had to take Professor Passuum into custody because of an incident with a flamethrower?"

"Aye, turns out there's somebody who hates Corduroy even more than I do," Phil said, getting to his feet. "You think I'd be pleased to find a kindred spirit but - wow. What the hell did she do to drive someone to that?"

"I'll...tell you later," Pacifica said, glancing between the men and the giftshop door as she heard it open, the occupants coming to greet the new arrivals.

"THE AUTHOR!" two small figures screamed together, running so fast towards Ford that they were little more than blurs.

"We have so many questions!" Quattro cried, grabbing his coat.

"A couple of billion!" Tracey excitedly agreed, tugging on the other side. "What phenomenon led you to Gravity Falls?"

"What did journals one and two contain?"

"What was your first discovery?"

"What do you consider to be your greatest?"

"What type of pen did you use?"

"Uh," said Ford, staring down at the excited versions of his great-nephew.

"Yeesh, this again," Stan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Dipper hesitated as he watched his clones spout question after question. "Uh, when I first met Ford, was I -"

"Yes," Mabel and Soos answered.

"If not worse," Stan grunted. Then he caught sight of the two redheads casually leaning against the frame of the open door. "So I take it there's a reason we haven't soaked the spare Wendy?"

"Wendy Two's okay!" Dipper said quickly, catching his great-uncle glance at the open can in Pacifica's hand. "She's not like the other's! She's just like normal Wendy!"

"If you say so," Stan grunted, still watching them carefully. "But just in case she's not, which one do I hose down if you step out of line?"

"Love you too, Stan!" Wendy Two said, throwing him a wink.

"He's got a point, though," Wendy grunted. "It's not easy to tell us apart, especially when it's dark out. Where's my hat?"

"In the back," Grenda said, pointing to the car Phil had used to transport them.

"Finally!" Wendy cried when she had collected and donned the cap, throwing Soos his phone. "Feels good to have it back!"

 _"Hn,"_ Pacifica and Phil grunted, annoyed for two similar - if opposing - reasons that they no longer had access to what they still considered to be Dipper's hat.

"So what's happening with Pacifica's dad?" Mabel asked one great-uncle as the other continued to try and answer as many questions as he could, despite his answers often being interrupted by another question.

"Nothin'!" Stan grunted, glowering into the night. "Jerk can rant and rave all he wants but he can't go arresting people for stuff without more evidence. Tyler and Blubs let us off with a warning but there's nothing more he can do. What a waste of a day," he sighed.

"Sorry," Pacifica winced, regretting the trouble her family caused.

"Think I'm the one who should be apologising," Wendy sighed, her clone nodding gravely. "It was all my dumb idea in the first place."

All of them knew that the wedding was fast approaching, and that shortly after that would be Mabel and Dipper’s birthday and then their return to Piedmont. Time was precious to the Pines family right now and they felt a knot in their stomach at the thought that they or their family had stolen the time from them when there was so little summer left. 

"Eh, not your fault," Stan said, waving a hand at them. "Me and Ford agreed to it and it's not like we've never been in trouble before. And, uh, we might even have a bit more time together now since Mendez said that there won't be any more psychiatry meetings for the next week. On account of the Prof being in jail."

"Whoah, she locked up the Professor?" Tambry asked, unable to hide her shock. "Plenty of townsfolk are going to be unhappy with that!"

"Yeah, but it'll only be for a week," Stan grunted. "Apparently she should be locked up for a whole lot longer. Even if you count torching the clones as vandalism instead of murder, there's also tampering with police evidence, arson, disturbing the peace, and I'm pretty sure it's illegal to use a flamethrower like that, even if she does have a license. Not a bad rap sheet for a first timer," he added thoughtfully, a hint of admiration creeping into his tone.

"However, in light of her services to the town and what with this being her first conviction, Mendez lessened her sentence in exchange for a hefty fine," Ford explained, managing to pull himself away from the clones to rejoin the conversation. "A _very_ hefty fine."

"Woof, bet Professor Passuum wasn't happy about that!" Robbie said, wondering if the woman's hatred of his friend would only grow. If that were possible.

"Actually, we heard her response when Mendez was explaining the situation to us," Ford said, fixing his glasses. "I believe her exact words were, 'Totally worth it!' followed by intense cackling."

"Can't believe I'm the one saying this, but I think she hates Corduroy a bit too much," Phil grunted.

"Yes, well, her actions do leave us with a serious problem," Ford said, looking at Dipper, Mabel and Pacifica. "Will you be alright without any sessions for at least seven days?"

"I'll be fine," Pacifica answered, glancing at the twins. "I've been seeing her for longer and we'll just pick up where we left off when she gets out."

"Um," said Dipper, faltering under their worried expressions. "I - I should be okay. Our sessions were drawing to a close anyway. She - she's pretty confident that there's no lingering effect from Jenna's potion," he added, reaching a hand up to touch at the faint scar on his neck before catching himself. He cleared his throat at the looks that movement received, even Robbie and Tambry showing concern, and felt strangely glad that Phil and his clones didn't know the significance of the action. "W-what about you, Mabel?" he asked, trying to turn the attention away from him.

Mabel was uncharacteristically silent for a moment. Unlike her brother and friend, she saw the Professor almost every day. She might even have had more sessions with her than Pacifica, despite only being her patient since the start of summer. And unlike her brother, she would be continuing those sessions over the phone once they left Gravity Falls, probably for years to come. There was still so much to say, even if so much of it was a repeat of what she's said before. Regrets about the past, fears for her future. But as she looked at her brother and friend, anxiously waiting for her response, she remembered everything they'd endured too. Her eyes went from the tiny scar at Dipper's neck to his forehead, thinking of the way every loud sound made him jump for days following the interview and the way Pacifica would sometimes still flinch at the ringing of a bell.

"I'm gonna be A-okay," she told her friends and family, her voice carrying more strength than her brother's. "It's only going to be a week. And it's like Grunkle Stan said, this way I get to spend more time with you guys! And there's no way I'm gonna let a butt-face like Preston Northwest - no offence, Paz - have the satisfaction of thinking he put a dent in our summer! Honestly, just because he's angry about some stupid million dollar car!"

"None taken, don't call me that, and it was thirteen million," Pacifica said with equal parts irritation and relief at her friend's response.

"Wait, how much?" Wendy Two asked, the faint smile on both Wendy's faces faltering as they finally heard the price tag of her revenge plot.

"Pfft! Who cares, he can afford another!" Mabel declared. "Not like it was a limited edition!"

"Well, actually-" Pacifica began, before an arm wrapped around her neck and pulled her close.

"Besides," Mabel finished, wrapping her other arm around her brother's neck. "If I do need somebody to talk to then I've got these two and more! Oh! We can have group therapy sessions without the therapist! We'll call it group sessions!"

"Think most people just call that hanging out," Dipper grunted, trying to tear himself from his sister's chokehold. But he said it with a smile, pleased by her response.

"Good," said Ford, clapping his large, six-fingered hand together in relief at seeing his family handling the news better than he had expected, Mabel especially. "Now we merely need to decide what to do with your dopplegangers."

"They could stay at McGucket's?" Candy suggested. "He has plenty of room and he could afford to support them?"

"Great idea, Candy!" Phil cried. "Brainy and cute! A perfect combination. Any guy would be lucky to have you!" He nudged Dipper with his elbow. "Hint, hint."

"Don't ask," Grenda sighed when she saw Stan open his mouth. Then she put a protective hand on Candy's shoulder and gently put herself between her and Pacifica. "Just don't."

"We thought it might be better if Stan used his experience with fake identities to make some up for them?" Soos suggested, turning to his hero. "Then we could send them to Portland where they could live pretty normal lives, maybe give them some cash to get them started? We were going to ask McGucket, but if that's too much to ask then I could-"

"I'm positive Fiddelford wouldn't mind helping out," Ford answered. "He's always looking for a good cause to help those in need. However, I'm slightly hesitant to bring this up to him right now. This photocopier was created at a very bad time in his life and I'd rather not remind him of it until we have a more solid idea of how we want all this to end. But I believe our main concern should be to protect these clones. There's no place on Earth that doesn't experience rain at some point and I doubt they'll want to spend the rest of their lives together in an underground bunker."

"I could manage," the Dipper clones said together, staring up at Wendy Two with wide eyes.

"Kill me now," Dipper whispered, covering his eyes with his hand, the Mabel-arm reaching from Quattro's hand to pat his back comfortingly.

"Perhaps I could make a form of portable residence," Ford said, stroking his chin thoughtfully, his inventive gears turning. "An airship that can stay afloat permanently but is fast enough to outrace any storm? Or maybe a forcefield belt that is specified to repel water?"

"Shame you couldn't just laminate them, dude," Soos said. "That would solve so many problems."

They all stared at him. Then, as one, they all turned to Ford.

"Is - is that possible?" Stan asked him.

Ford was still staring at the former handyman in awe, his head lifted from his fingers. Then he slowly blinked and turned to his brother. "Um," he said. "...Yes. Yes, I believe it is. Well done, Soos.”

"That’s a very practical solution," Candy agreed as the large man beamed proudly. "We are all very impressed."

"Aw, so polite!" Phil boasted, turning to Dipper. “See how nice she is? Make your Ma proud kid, pick the best girl for you!”

“This is all well and good, and I’m glad we’ve finally found a solution to our current problem," Pacifica growled through clenched teeth as her bodyguard once again began nudging her blushing crush and even started whispering to him conspiratorially. "But we need to get back. Dad's probably still too furious to notice that we're not home yet but we shouldn't dawdle. Come along, Phil."

"-and I think that you'd find her a much better match than the other two, especially since the both of you have such similar hobbies, plus she's close friends with your sister and that can-"

"PHIL!"

Phil looked up in surprise from trying to coerce a crimson Dipper to join his ship. "What? Oh, right. Any of you girls need a lift?" he asked Candy and Grenda as he passed them, lingering on the smaller one hopefully.

"Th-thank you, Mister Pink-" Candy began hesitantly, before she was interrupted.

"Phil," he encouraged her, practically vibrating with anticipation.

"Alright then, Phil," Candy corrected herself.

Phil let out an ecstatic squee that rivaled anything even the Dipper clones could make, though he didn’t seem the least bit self-conscious about his excitement. Which could make his reaction better or worse, depending on how you looked at it.

“Um,” said Candy, blinking up at him in surprise. “Okay. T-Thank you, but we are staying here tonight."

"It's our last sleepover of the summer!" Grenda said. "Hoping to make it special!"

"I can't go because I have work," Pacifica explained when Phil gave her a curious look. "But I hope you girls enjoy yourselves. And try not to bother Dipper too much!"

"Think I'm going to be too busy to notice," Dipper muttered bitterly, looking at his clones, who kept glancing at either Ford or a Wendy when they thought they weren't looking.

Mabel let out a gasp. "Tambry! Wendy Two! You could join us? Teach us the ways of more mature teenagers, guide us into womanhood and share your wisdom with us!"

"And tell us which high school boy's got the best butt!" Grenda added.

"Yeah, sounds like fun," Wendy Two said, smiling broadly. "What do you say, Tambry? Be nice to have a sleepover with more than just the pair of us for a change."

"Uh, no," Tambry stated, glaring at the three younger girls. "I'm not staying one more minute in this place, especially not a whole night with a bunch of probably psychotic little kids."

"If we do Truth or Dare, you can use it to blackmail the real Wendy?" Wendy Two suggested playfully.

"Hey!" snapped Wendy.

"You guys got any spare shirts I can borrow or something like that?" Tambry asked Mabel, a devious smile on her lips.

"We'll sort something out," Mabel promised her. "Welcome aboard!"

Wendy rolled her eyes, once again regretting not destroying her clone. Then again, tonight was full of regrets. She couldn't wait until it was finally over and she was home in bed and- “Ah, crap!"

"What?" asked Stan, looking around at the alarm in her voice. "Is the Prof back?"

"No, I just remembered that Wendy Three made one of the clones go home with Dad," Wendy growled. "I've still got her to deal with!"

"You want me to phone your Dad and ask him to bring her in, say I need you for something?" Soos offered.

"No, it’s too late, that'd just make him suspicious," Wendy sighed. "I think it should be fine. He must not have realised she's an imposter or one of us would have had one majorly angry call by now. I'll just head back, splash her and get some sleep. See you all in the morning." She rubbed her tired eyes and made her way towards the woods.

"You need a lift?" Pacifica offered, gesturing to the car and ignoring Phil’s bristling.

"Nah, faster on foot through the woods," Wendy grunted.

"At least take Wendy Two for backup in case you need it," Dipper suggested, the clone nodding and starting to follow the original.

Wendy paused. Then she turned to her copy, a funny little smile on her lips. "Sure. Just us Corduroy girls together, alone in the woods."

"Yeah, think I'll stay here," Wendy Two said, taking a step back and wondering if her teasing had pushed her maker too far.

Dipper held out a hand to block her retreat. "No, you will go with her in case she needs backup or a distraction," Dipper told her, not taking his eyes off the original Wendy. "And you will be perfectly safe with her because if you do get injured then it means that Wendy will have done the one thing I never thought she was capable of."

"Uh-oh," Mabel whispered as the jaws of the Dipper clones dropped and the Stans shared a look, the young teen’s tone and expression reminding them of a certain someone back in Piedmont.

"What, murder?" asked Tambry, confused by the way her friend's smile seemed to flicker at the small boy's tone.

"No," Dipper answered, his voice so cold a chill seeped into the air. _"Disappoint me."_

There was a gasp from the Pines family, honorary and not.

Dipper held the expression for an uncomfortably drawn out moment before his expression changed, allowing warmth back into the night. "But that isn't going to happen because you're not going to do anything to her at all," he told Wendy in his normal voice, smiling warmly. "Isn't that right?"

Wendy made a strangled sound, staring at him with her mouth open.

"Uh, yeah!" said Wendy Two, shaking her head to clear the shock and grabbing the other Wendy by the shoulders to guide her into the woods. "We're going to be fine!" she called out over her shoulder as they retreated from the small, skinny teen. "You okay?" she asked the original when they were out of earshot.

"What the hell was that?" Wendy whispered, now even paler than her paper clone. "It was like a little part of me died inside! Why would he do that to me?”

"What the hell was that?" Tambry demanded, struggling to believe the scrawny kid was capable of causing such a reaction in a Wendy, let alone two of them.

“Wendy looked like a part of her died inside!” Grenda whispered as those that remained continued to stare at the young teen. 

“And why would you do that to Wendy of all people?” Tracey asked his maker in horrified curiosity.

“Because Wendy Two has come to mean a lot to me in the short time I’ve known her,” Dipper said, smiling smugly to himself that he’d managed to get a better reaction than he’d hoped. “And I don’t care if it’s from someone I care about, I don’t like it when people threaten those important to me.”

Phil let out a sudden yelp. “I felt a chill in my spine! And it’s made of metal so that shouldn’t be possible!”

“I am _so_ glad I’m not his enemy anymore!” Robbie stated, wiping the cold sweat from his brow.

"I, uh, I guess this means we're even more like Mom than we realised?" Quattro asked the Mabel-arm in his hands.

“I fear for Dipper Classic's future," Tracey quietly said when the arm patted his brother’s cheek sympathetically.

"Think it's everybody else's future you should be worried about," Mabel muttered as the Stans shuddered in agreement.

"I like it when he uses the voice," Pacifica breathed, a flush at her cheeks. “It makes me tingle.”

"I...think I'm going to ignore that," Phil decided, her reaction disturbing him more than anything else he’d seen that night. "But I think we should get going before he turns on me next. Besides, I don’t know about you, but I need a good night's sleep."

"I think I know what I'm going to dream about," Pacifica whispered, biting her lower lip as she watched Dipper carefully, the only one disappointed to see his ominous aura finally dissipate. 

"Did not need to hear that," Phil muttered, closing his eyes to try and force that image out of his head, wishing he had a memory wipe on hand.

"Hey, uh, c-can I get a ride?" Robbie asked, raising his hand when he saw them approach their car.

"You can call a taxi," Phil grunted.

"Get in the back," Pacifica said, shaking her head to clear it of fantasies, adding the memory to a special mental box for later use. "We're in a hurry but we should at least be able to take you most of the way,” she told the gothic teen, Robbie smiling gratefully and taking the seat furthest from the scowling driver. “But you and I are going to have a talk about your attitude later, Mister," she added sharply.

"Aye, well you and I are going to talk about what you say out loud," Phil quietly said to her in response as he passed, making her blush.

“Guess I’d better go pick up Abuelita,” Soos said, giving a large stretch. “You girls need me to get you anything?”

“Nah, we should be good,” Grenda said as Phil passed her the sleepover bags from the trunk.

“Oh, but dude, you’ve gotta check out the rest of Super Metal Beast Ninja High!” Robbie pleaded, opening the door to see him better. “At least watch up to eight!”

“On it!” Soos told him, snapping his fingers and pointing at him. “Hey, tomorrow should be pretty quiet, no tour buses or nothin’, so why don’t you come over and we’ll talk more about it then?”

“Sweet, it’s a deal!” Robbie promised, stepping back into the car as Soos entered his truck, both grinning broadly at finally finding someone who shared their interest.

“Boys,” Tambry sighed, joining in as they waved goodbyes to the car and truck.

“I think it’s nice that Soos has made a new friend,” Mabel said. “And Soos is amazing, he’ll be a great influence on Robbie!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Tambry muttered.

“Can’t believe how much we’ve missed,” Quattro sighed as they made their way back inside. “Robbie’s no longer our enemy, McGucket’s rich, the Author was Stan’s brother, Soos owns the Mystery Shack. Everything’s changed!”

"Hey, what’s the deal with that big guy hating Wendy?" Tracey asked, joining the others in waving goodbye as the car and truck drove away. "I remember you telling us about the blonde girl, but I don't remember him."

"That's Phil, he's new," Mabel said with a casual shrug. "I had to leave a few stories out or else we'd be here all week! But this summer hasn't been as exciting as the last one so we'll cover all of that after we go over the first."

"Okay, but why was he so obsessed with us and Candy?" Quattro demanded, his lack of blood the only thing stopping his embarrassed blush.

"Shippers, little brother," Mabel chuckled, the clones conflicted by the new title. "We are a stubborn people. Gotta love us for it!"

"Speak for yourself," Dipper grunted, eyeing the clones, glad that at least one source of embarrassment had left his presence.

“I like him!” Grenda happily decided.

“He is Candy’s most devoted follower!” Candy declared proudly, happy that she’d found a worshiper - even if he did have the annoying tendency to put her life at risk when Pacifica was near.

"How long do you think it'll take to design this laminator stuff?" Stan asked as all of the girls, save for Mabel and her clone, made their way upstairs to prepare for the night ahead. He punched the secret code into the shop vending machine, eliciting a gasp from Tracey and Quattro.

"It shouldn't be too long," Ford replied. "I already have a possible formula, it's just creating it. Should be finished by the morning. However, it would be better if I run some tests first." He turned to the clones. "Would you be willing to-"

"YES!" they shrieked, clenched hands trembling with delight. Then, seeing the stares their high-pitched cries earned them, they cleared their throats.

"Yep, totally," said Quattro, deepening his voice.

"Sure, yeah," Tracey said, trying to sound as indifferent as he could manage, Dipper letting out yet another exasperated sigh at their reactions.

Ford, on the other hand, couldn't help but smile to be reminded so much of Dipper when they'd first met; over-eager, constantly curious, and awkwardly anxious. At first he was oblivious to the similarities he'd shared with his great-nephew and had even found the boy's desperation to get to know and spend time with him grating, believing him to be nothing more than an easily excited child. "I think you two would make fine research assistants," he told them, wondering how he could ever be so blind. "And be sure to bring your sister-arm...thing...with you," he added. "She's a part of this too."

"It's nice that you included her," Mabel said, smiling up at her great-uncle as she picked up the paper limb. "But I think she'd rather spend time with us gals upstairs having fun while you boys do all the boring science stuff."

"Think I'll take a pack of cards to keep me busy," Stan grunted. "And some headphones," he added under his breath as Tracey and Quattro squeed with delight at finally being able to spend time with the Author.

"I'll join you guys in a few minutes," Dipper sighed. "First, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes."

"Wh-wh-what?" Mabel asked with a broad grin, the rest of his family looking at him with surprise or amusement. "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"Didn't think it was January already," Stan joked, nudging Ford who couldn't hide his smirk.

Dipper rolled his eyes from the bottom of the stairs. "Haha, very funny.”

"Uh, no offense, kid, but I can't think of a time when you've ever volunteered for either a shower or a change of clothes so soon," Stan grinned. "I mean, it's only been, what, a week?"

"Hey, washing clothes is a waste of time!" Tracey protested.

"Yeah, we're busy guys!" Quattro agreed.

"No, we're smelly guys," Dipper corrected them angrily, leaning over the bannister to glare at them. "You guys should probably look into cleaning those boots and rain jackets while you're here. Who knows what you’ve picked up from outside." 

They muttered something under their breaths as they glared up at him, something that made Mabel giggle and Stan smirk as Ford stepped out of view. Dipper shook his head and continued his way up the stairs before he became even more embarrassed or angry. He knocked on the door to his room to make sure the girls were decent before he gathered a change of clothes. "And I thought having brothers might be fun," he said to himself as the laughter inside waned and he waited for a response. "I had no idea how hard Wendy had it!"

* * *

“Having a twin sucks,” Wendy muttered. “I had no idea how bad Dipper and Stan had it.”

“Aw, you’re just upset that you’re not the only girl in the family now,” Wendy Two crooned, trying to ruffle her hair until Wendy slapped her hand away.

“What is it with you?” Wendy growled quietly as they made their way through the woods. “One minute you’re all support and having a laugh, then the next minute you’re teasing and bugging me! I’m starting to think that Wendy Three wasn’t the only botched clone. 

“Nah, pretty sure I’m just like you. Well, apart from the whole water thing. You telling me you wouldn’t try to do the same if you met another you, just to see her reaction?”

Wendy grunted but said nothing.

“I’m actually going pretty easy on you, to be honest,” Wendy Two said reasonably. “Trust me, if I had more time then I’d love to prank you as hard as I could.”

Wendy gave her a look, something in the way she said it drawing her attention. “What do you mean, if you had more time? Stan Two’ll probably make up that laminator by tomorrow. And I can’t see it taking more than a week for Stan and McGucket to fix up the fake IDs and cash.”

“Yeah, probably,” Wendy Two sighed forlornly. “But that’s assuming we’ll stick around that long. I think it’s better if me and the Dipper clones leave as soon as possible.”

“What? Why?” Wendy asked, surprised to hear herself sound so committed to something she obviously didn’t want to do. “If you’re worried about Passuum, I’m sure-”

“That’s not it. It’s just - we clones have only caused problems for you guys since we were made. Well, except Mabel’s arm, but that’s not surprising considering how unique Mabel is. You guys don’t need us messing up more stuff before the wedding or the twins leave. Besides,” she added softly. “The longer we stay, the harder it’ll be to say goodbye. Especially to the ones we can’t say goodbye to.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I’m going to miss Dad and the boys,” Wendy Two told her. She gave a short, humourless laugh. “Wow! All these years, I couldn’t wait to move out and get away from them. Now it’s here and I’m wishing I could stay just a little bit longer.”

Wendy looked at her, frowning. She’d wanted to leave for the city for as long as she could remember, and at first it had amused her at how much joy Dipper and Mabel found in the place she so desperately wanted to escape from. Now, seeing a version of herself actually saddened at the prospect of leaving made her wonder if she’d also hesitate when her time came. Then again, if she ever became homesick she could just call her family. Wendy Two wouldn’t have that option.

“You, uh, you want to take my place tonight?” Wendy asked her. “I mean, it’d probably just be for breakfast before Dad drives you to work but it’d give you time with them. Maybe say something to the boys before you go?”

Wendy Two hesitated, considering the offer. It was tempting, far more tempting than she’d ever thought it would be. “Nah,” she said at last, looking at her family home for what would most likely be the final time. “Think that would just make it harder. But could you imagine their faces when their big sister’s suddenly being nice to them?”

“Now that’s almost worth doing just to see it!” Wendy laughed, though she kept it low as they neared the cabin. 

They took care to avoid the traps left out by their father to repel or alert the family to wandering bears or other dangerous animals. The traps left by their youngest brothers were designed to hopefully capture those same animals, but they were far more obvious, which earned them double the scolding from their survivalist parent.

“So what do we do?” Wendy Two asked her as they crept to their room window. “Set her loose in the woods and tell her to join Sev’ral Timez like the girls wanted?”

“Think I’m just gonna splash her,” Wendy said, peering through the glass to see her clone lying in bed wide awake, staring straight ahead, a bottle of what looked like medicine and a glass of water on the bedside table. “That’s not creepy at all.”

“Don’t think Dipper and Mabel would be happy with that,” Wendy Two said as she tapped on the glass to draw the other colone’s attention. “Look, they don’t seem bad, just...suggestible. I think we should at least give her a chance to live her own life.”

“Hello,” the clone said as she opened the window to let them in, her voice monotone. “Is it time to burn the house down?”

“Uh, what?” the other Wendys said together.

“Burn down the house,” the second generation clone repeated to Wendy, the pine tree hat convincing her she was addressing her leader. “You said to wait until you called and make sure no one left the house when I started?”

Wendy One and Two stared at her with open mouths before they turned to face each other.

“Splashing her sounds good,” the clone said.

“Yep,” Wendy agreed, snatching the glass and splashing her pale reflection in the face, watching it dissolve with mixed feelings. “Starting to wonder if letting Wendy Three go was such a smart idea after all, though.”

“At least she’s out of our hands,” Wendy Two replied as Wendy poured the rest of the water over the remains to erase any trace of the copy and dumped the drenched clothes in her laundry basket, the rest of her used clothes scattered around the room. “Hopefully she’ll get caught in the rain before she causes any real problems.”

Wendy gave a grunt of scepticism at the idea, doubting she’d let herself be caught off-guard like that. “Didn’t even bother to close the curtains,” she muttered, closing them herself before she started to change for bed. “Could have been gnomes or anybody watching her change!”

“Nah, with our figure they’d just assume we were a long-haired boy and lose interest.”

“Do not start with me,” Wendy warned her, pulling her tank top over her head.

Wendy Two smirked as she continued to look around the room.

“What are you doing?” Wendy asked while she changed. “You’re reminding me of the first time Dipper came over.”

“Just looking,” she sighed, considering the fallout shelter sign above the bed, smiling fondly at that adventure, disturbing and difficult as the finale had been. Her gaze dropped to a small collection of photos below it, a collection of memories involving Dipper, Mabel, Tambry, her other friends, even one with the rest of her family. “Good times,” she sighed.

“You can take one if you want,” Wendy suggested quietly. “I could always replace them with something else.”

“No,” Wendy Two replied, sadness in her voice. “I know how much these mean to you. Besides, I’ve still got the most important one here,” she added, pulling out a paper wallet that looked exactly like leather and showing her a pale picture of four ginger kids standing in a row.

“We did not take pictures well,” Wendy chuckled. “Strange to think how much we’ve changed since then.”

“All of us,” Wendy Two agreed, smiling at the picture. “I’m glad the machine copied this too.”

Wendy rubbed the back of her neck, trying to think of something else to say and strangely feeling as if she should be the one giving the copy more privacy in her own room. Then she spotted something sticking out from under her bed. “Hey, why don’t you take this?” she suggested, holding it out to her.

“Our yearbook?” Wendy Two said, giving her a look of disbelief. “I know I’m feeling down, but do you honestly think I’ll ever be bad enough to miss high school?” 

“Just - just look through it,” Wendy urged her, pushing it into her hands. “Sure, almost all of it sucked. But it’s got pictures of Tambry and the others inside that you can keep. And talk to Dipper and Mabel when you get back; you know how much they love their photography, they’ll have hundreds that they’d be more than happy to give you. 

“And take this one,” she added, plucking the photo of her family from above her bed. “So you can see how much they’ve changed.” She put it in her hand and closed her fingers over it before she could resist. “I’ve got my whole life to make as many memories with them as I want. You deserve to have more than just one in your wallet.”

Wendy Two looked at the photo in one hand and the book in the other. “Thank you,” she told her sister. Then she hesitated for a moment before putting her arms around her and holding her tight.

“Uh, what’s this for?” Wendy asked, more surprised by the reaction than anything, knowing that she’d never been much of a hugger. 

“Because I can’t do it to them so I’ll have to settle for you,” Wendy Two answered, for the first time in her life wishing she could cry to ease the pain in her chest.

It was Wendy’s turn to hesitate before she gave a quick squeeze of her own. But she was still relieved when the clone let her go and opened the window, throwing a little salute of farewell to go with her sad smile.

“Well, that was awkward,” Wendy said to herself after she closed the window, rubbing the back of her neck and thinking of the day she’d had.

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t register the telltale signs of her father’s approach until the door swung open and he popped his head in.

“What are you doing out of bed?” he demanded, his concern turning to annoyance. “You’re meant to be resting ‘till you’re better!”

“What?” Wendy asked, confused by his question. Then she remembered Wendy Three instructing the imposter to pretend to be ill as she was carried away. “Oh, I, uh, I was resting! But then I spilled my water and had to change. See?” She gestured to her new clothes and the wet patch on her floor. “But I’m feeling much better now anyway so I’ll be able to work tomorrow.”

“Hn, good” her father grunted, eyeing her carefully. “There’s still some of supper left over if you’re hungry-”

“Starved,” Wendy admitted, not having eaten since lunch and possessing a Corduroy’s appetite to go along with the improved strength and endurance. “But I’m even more tired than hungry,” she added, glancing at her bed longingly.

“Guess you still ain’t a hundred percent if you’re willing to skip dinner,” Dan muttered. “But if you think you can work then I’ll take you there. We’ll just have a bigger breakfast before you go.”

“Great, thank you,” Wendy told him gratefully. “Hey, uh, Dad?” she called out to him as he closed the door, faltering a little at his impatient cowl. “I, uh, just wanted to say that I’m sorry. For causing you so much trouble.”

“If you’re thinking of using your sickness to get out of being grounded, you can forget it,” he warned her sternly, opening the door fully to scowl at her better.

“No, Dad,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “I really mean it. I was selfish and stupid. I - I don’t regret what I did to Preston Northwest. I can’t give you details but he hurt someone I care about. Someone who didn’t deserve it. And - and I was so focussed on seeing him punished that I didn’t think of the consequences. Been doing that a lot lately,” she added quietly. “So I’m sorry I brought you into this. You deserve better.”

Dan scanned his daughter carefully, trying to detect any hints of a lie or emotional manipulation from her. “It was one of those Pines kids, wasn’t it?” he said when he couldn’t find any.

“Uh, I don’t-”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Wendy. They’re the only ones besides the boys that you’re so protective of. And I doubt the Pines brothers would stick their necks out so much if it were anyone else.”

“Guess it wasn’t too hard to figure out,” Wendy agreed slowly. “But still can’t tell you what he did,” she added firmly. “They wouldn’t want me to say and I don’t care if you don’t like it, I won’t betray their trust.”

“Not asking you to,” Dan sighed, scratching his beard thoughtfully. “Just - wished you’d found a better way of getting him back. Still, those are good kids and they don’t deserve to have something bad happen to them.”

“No, they don’t,” Wendy stated. “And they’re not just good kids, they’re great people. Better than most adults.”

“Well, they seemed to be a good influence on you at least,” Dan growled.

“I...don’t know about that,” Wendy admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “I try. Sometimes. But I still do stupid crap like this. Hardly think things through. But I don’t want to do that any more,” she told him, her jaw setting. “I don’t want to miss the wedding or their birthday or saying goodbye. So I promise you I’m going to behave from now on. I - I just thought you should know that.”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Why you tellin’ me this?” he demanded quietly.

Wendy let out a tired sigh, unable to blame him for growing suspicious. “Because I’ve been a stupid, selfish idiot and you were right; I’m too old to still be acting like this. And Dipper, Mabel and Soos deserve better than to have someone like that cause problems for them, especially now. And so do you.”

Dan frowned at her, unable to shake the feeling that he was missing something. If he didn’t know for a fact that she had been in her bed since he’d taken her home, he would have suspected something had happened. 

He let out his own tired sigh, rolling his eyes. “You can go to the wedding,” he decided. “And their birthday and to say goodbye to them. So long as you don’t start your crap again!” he added sharply. “You put one toe out of line, girl, and I swear I’ll-”

“I won’t!” she promised, holding her hands up and nodding gratefully. “I swear! I - I just...thanks, Dad,” she told him sincerely. “This means a lot to me. I really appreciate it.”

Her father gave a last annoyed grunt before closing the door and she smiled for a while, finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Then she let out an exhausted yawn, even her impressive stamina drained from the scuffle with her clones, running through woods, and doing extra hours of intense work, all without food; too busy or angry to even ask for a snack.

She settled into her bed, looking up at the collection of memories there, surprised to find she already missed the one she’d given away but glad she’d done so. Tomorrow would bring a whole new set of problems for her, arguably even more difficult than those she’d already dealt with. But for now she was content in her house, in her warm bed, and, listening to the snores of her family, smiled a little before drifting off to sleep within moments.


	10. Chapter 10

“Aha!” Stan cried, laying his cards out. “Read ‘em and weep!” 

“You win again,” Dipper sighed, dropping his poor hand as his great-uncle gathered the chips in his arms. 

“What’s the matter?” Stan asked with a frown, pausing in gathering his chips. “You’re losing badly even for you.” 

“Guess my heart’s not really into it,” Dipper said, glancing at his clones as they hovered near Ford, fascinated by everything he did no matter how inconsequential. 

“Geez, lighten up!” Stan told him, punching him on the shoulder. “So your clones are a bit Wendy and Ford obsessed. What’s the big deal?” 

“They’re annoying,” Dipper grunted, rubbing his arm. “I don’t need a reminder of the way I used to be.”

Stan’s eyebrows shot up. “ _ Used _ to be? Who you trying to kid? You still trip over yourself to make Ford and Wendy happy, you still go looking for trouble and bring everybody else into it and then you pester everyone with your discoveries or questions. You haven’t changed as much as you like to think you have,” he said, putting the chips into piles. 

“Gee, thanks,” Dipper said, giving him a reproachful look. 

Stan rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad! All I’m saying is you’re eager to please and take yourself too seriously sometimes. Those clones are the same. Try and put yourself in their shoes. Or at least be more like your sister; she seems to be getting on fine with her clone.”

“It’s easy for her, her clone can’t talk,” Dipper grumbled. “And even if it could, she gets along with everyone.”

“Exactly!” Stan said, prodding him in the chest. “Those clones have as much trouble talking to people as you do. Worse, ‘cause at least you’ve come out of your shell a little since last year. Instead of getting annoyed with them, why don’t you try talking to them? You know better than anyone what they’re going through so give them a bit of help.”

“I...suppose you’re right,” Dipper grudgingly said.

“‘Course I am!” Stan declared, gathering the cards. “I’m old and wise and crap!

“I guess I can at least try and convince them to stop obsessing over Wendy so much,” Dipper said thoughtfully.

“Good luck with that!” Stan scoffed, expertly riffling the deck. “If you haven’t taken the hint yet how are they supposed to?”

Dipper glared at him. “I’m not an idiot, Stan,” he said in a low voice. “You think I don’t know it’s pointless? You think I haven’t tried to move on? I thought I was finally getting over her! I spend all those months trying to convince myself that it’s stupid and ridiculous, but all it takes is for her to smile at me and suddenly it all comes rushing back. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? No, of course you don’t,” he muttered bitterly, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor. “No one does. But that doesn’t stop any of you from teasing me about it and making me feel worse.”

Stan paused, considering the young teen in front of him. While he couldn’t really relate to being so devoted in matters of the heart, he could at least understand his struggle to let go of a dream that seemed impossible.

“You know, when I spent all those years trying to get Ford back...there were days where I really doubted myself,” he said, scratching his chin. “And as time went on those days ended up becoming weeks or even months.” He gave a small chuckle. “I mean, I dropped out of high school and suddenly I’m supposed to build some kind of portal out of a sci-fi movie? With only part of the instructions? What the hell was I thinking?”

But every night I kept at it, no matter how hard it was,” Stan continued, looking at his large hands, covered in wrinkles, calluses and scars earned in his quest to reunite his broken family. “I couldn’t get rid of the hope that I’d see him again. There were times that I wished I could, where I knew my life would be happier if I could move past what happened. But I couldn’t let go, Dipper. Not even for one night. I’m just not that kind of guy. And neither are you.”

Dipper stared at his great-uncle, trying to decipher why he was telling him this. “Are you - are you saying I shouldn’t try and move on from Wendy?” he asked, not really believing it himself.

Stan hesitated, not wanting to give the boy false-hope but unwilling to dash his dreams either. “I’m saying...What I’m saying is I understand how hard it is to give up on someone you care about,” he said at last. “Even when the whole world would say it’s impossible. Even when you agree with them. Because I’m the same. I know that’s not much but-”

“Thanks,” Dipper told him, forcing himself to give a small, grateful smile. “I’m glad I’m a little like you. Even if it is just stubbornness.”

Stan smirked. “Well it’s a double-edged sword, but I think you know that already. And, hey, you might have my spirit, but you've also got one thing I don’t have and that’s this,” he said, leaning over and tapping him on his head. “You’re a damn sight smarter than I’ll ever be. I bet you’ll at least be able to figure out when to give up. Wish I could say the same thing about me!”

“It can be annoying to not let things go,” Dipper agreed with a sigh, the smile coming a little more naturally now.

“Ugh, tell me about it!” Stan groaned. “Amazed I’ve made it this far sometimes, the amount of trouble it’s gotten me into!”

“I can relate,” Dipper said, and they shared a laugh.

“Hey,” Stan said, leaning closer as the laughter died. “So...how about that Northwest girl?”

“Uh, w-what about her?” Dipper said, his grin vanishing.

“She’s pretty cute,” Stan said, raising an amused eyebrow at the teenager’s reaction. “Especially now that she isn’t wearing all that makeup and walking around with her nose up in the air. And her birthday was in, what, April? It’s only a few months, but if you’re into older girls, that still kinda counts and she’s-”

“I should go!” Dipper declared loudly, standing up so fast the chair fell backwards. “Upstairs! To get my journal!”

“Did you say journal?” Tracey and Quattro asked, their heads swivelling so fast it almost caused whiplash.

“I want to see!”

“Show us!”

Dipper hesitated, fearful in case Wendy Two might have returned and unwilling to inflict either her or himself to his clones’ infatuation. On the other hand, Ford still had more work to do on the laminating formula and while he seemed more amused by their questions than anything, they were still a distraction. He looked around the lab, trying to spot something to hold their attention.

“Hey!” he said, suddenly, catching sight of Stan. “Did Mabel tell you about the time Stan fought a prehistoric creature?”

“What? When?”

“What kind of creature?”

“A P terodactyl,” Dipper told them.

“Pteranodon,” Ford corrected, not unkindly.

“Right, Pteranodon,” Dipper amended. “He, uh, he jumped on its back and punched it in the face. And all to save Waddles.” He decided to omit that Stan had been the one who’d endangered the pig in the first place.

The clones stared at him. Then they turned to stare at Stan.

“That's pretty cool, Grunkle Stan,” Quattro said.

“Yeah, way to go,” Tracey agreed.

“He also escaped from government agents that tried to put him in prison,” Dipper added, taking a few steps back. “And one time he saved Mabel and me from a horde of zombies! All by himself!”

“Whoah,” Tracey and Quattro breathed, seeing their great-uncle in a whole new light.

“Stanley was also the one instrumental in defeating Bill Cipher,” Ford added, smiling as the clones approached his twin. “He came up with the plan to trick him and landed the final blow, so to speak. He saved our lives that day. The entire universe, in fact.”

“How’d you do all that?” Tracey eagerly asked Stan.

“Yeah, tell us more!” Quattro pleaded, looking at Stan with wide eyes.

Stan blinked down at the duo, eagerly waiting for him to give more details about his acts of bravery. And as they sat cross legged on the floor, staring up at him expectantly, he smirked, reminded of another pair of brothers who were eager for adventure and making a name for themselves.

“Okay, you knuckleheads, let’s try to get them done in order,” Stan said as the boys scooted closer. “Pretty sure there’s some others where I saved the day, but it’s hard to keep track after you do it so often. So we’ll start with the dino.”

“Technically, Stanley, a  Pteranodon is not a dinosaur, though it is closely related and-”

“Quiet, you! Go do your science junk, leave the storytelling to the experts!  Anyway, Dipper and Soos had heard stories of a flying creature snatching things up and were trying to get pictures. Meanwhile, Mabel had made a sweater for the pig so when the prehistoric monstrosity grabbed him, it started to unravel, leaving a trail for us to follow.”

“That was convenient.”

“And why wasn’t he inside if people knew there was a monster around?”

“That’s not important! You going to listen to my story or what?” Dipper heard Stan yell just as he closed the door of the elevator and pressed the button to take him to ground level, rubbing his tired eyes. Stan would be able to keep them entertained long enough for Ford to finish his work. And after Stan was done talking, they’d hopefully be too distracted by his journal to cause any more problems. In theory.

He could hear the laughter and giggles from the bottom of the stairs, and had to slam his fist against the door several times before they heard him.

The door opened just a crack and his sister peered at him suspiciously. “Dipper! You aren’t here to spy on us girls, are you?”

“Yes, Mabel, that’s why I knocked,” he told her in deadpan. “I just came up for my journal to show Tracey and Quattro.”

“Oh, that. It’s in here somewhere,” she said, opening the door fully and revealing a room with clothes, games, magazines, snacks, soda bottles, stickers and assorted makeup kits scattered throughout.

“Ugh, seriously?” he groaned as he stepped over a pile of clothes. “I am not helping you clean this up.” 

“You say that every time I have a sleepover,” Mabel reminded him with a grin, closing the door. 

“I mean it this time!”

“You say that every time, too.”

“What are you guys even doing?” he asked, seeing that they sat in a circle, the paper arm in the centre.

“Spinning the arm!” Grenda explained. “Want to join us?”

“Wait, is that like spin the bottle?” Dipper asked, taking his journal from his desk drawer. “But...you’re all girls. And two of you have boyfriends.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, kid,” Tambry told him, sitting in a shirt several sizes too large. “We’re just using it to decide who’s next for truth or dare.”

“That way Armbel will be included in our fun,” Candy explained, patting the arm affectionately.

“Armbel?” Dipper repeated. “You’ve named her...it...Armbel?”

“We thought it sounded better than Arm-Mabel,” Mabel explained. “That’s the sort of boring name that you’d come up with.”

“You were the one who came up with Arm-Mabel!”

“Oh, Dipper,” Mabel sighed, shaking her head and putting a sympathetic hand on his arm. “So caught up on the details.”

Dipper rolled his eyes, years of experience telling him that this was one of the situations where it would be best if he didn’t argue with his sister. He was just about to leave when he spotted the black cube lying to the side of the circle of girls.

“Wait a minute! That’s the  Rhyming Cube of Truth or Dare!” 

“Yeah, isn’t it great!” Grenda said, holding it up and away from him. “Makes Truth or Dare more fun!”

“Grenda, that’s dangerous!” Dipper cried, trying to take it from her, the larger girl easily holding him back with one hand. “My clones used it to almost torture Robbie!”

“That they did,” Tambry agreed, taking it from the younger girl’s hand while Grenda continued to hold Dipper at bay. “And I’m going to get them back for that. But first thing’s first…” She looked down at the cube, a wicked grin on her face as the different-coloured eyes opened. “I’m going to use this thing to tell me how far Wendy’s gone with a boy and how many there were!”

“What?” Dipper cried, staring at her in shock.

“So scandalous!” Grenda gasped.

“That seems a bit, er, vindictive for a night of girly fun,” Mabel said, coughing into her fist as Candy and Grenda edged closer.

“She revealed how far I’d gone to Robbie when we helped you brew that potion,” Tambry reminded her sharply. “Think it’s only fair that I find out about her relationships.”

“Welp, can’t argue with that logic,” Mabel agreed, taking a seat.

“You could at least try!” Dipper yelled. 

“Oh, creepy cube thing,” Tambry said, staring the cube in its eyes. “Tell me how far Wendy Corduroy-”

“YOU WISH TO ASK A QUESTION BUT THE ANSWER CANNOT BE TOLD,” the Cube declared, narrowing its eyes. “I CAN ONLY SEE THE TRUTH OF ABOUT THE PERSON IN WHOSE GRASP I AM HOLD.”

“Ha!” Dipper cried triumphantly as the other girls showed obvious disappointment.

“Shouldn’t that be ‘held’, not ‘hold’?” Candy pointed out, raising a hand.

“YOU TRY AND RHYME EVERY TIME!” the Cube snapped, more than a little sulkily.

“Alright, fine,” Tambry growled, glaring at the Cube. “In that case, I choose the next person who picks you up to tell me how far they’ve gone. That okay?”

“THAT FALLS UNDER THE RULES OF PLAY. SO, YES, THAT IS OKAY,” the cube informed her.

“Great,” Tambry said with great satisfaction. “Now all we need to do is wait for her clone to come back and-”

Dipper reached a hand under Grenda’s armpit and wiggled his finger, causing the large girl to let out a bellowing laugh and finally release him as she clutched herself. Then, moving with surprising speed, he dashed forward and snatched the Cube from Tambry’s hands before anyone could stop him.

“Alright, you’ve had your fun but that’s enough!” He told them sternly. “This is Wendy’s personal life! It’s none of our business!”

“Uh, Dipper-” Mabel began before she was cut off.

Dipper turned to Tambry. “Look, Wendy made a mistake and if you’re still angry over whatever happened then you should tell her that!”

“Dipper-!”

“I know you’re upset with her, but she’s still your friend and you don’t need to-”

“Dipper!”

“What?” he yelled, glaring at his sister. “I’m in the middle of a rant, Mabel, can’t it wait for one minute?”

Mabel threw him a look, not approving of his raised voice or tone. “No, it can’t” she replied coolly, pointing to the glowing cube in his hand.

Dipper let out a yelp as he saw that the pupils had become numbers, quickly counting down and realised too late what he’d done. 

“Tried to warn ya,” Mabel said, pouring herself a plastic cup full of Pitt Cola as she watched her brother flounder for a response.

Dipper made a noise as he started to panic, unsure what he should say.

_ Just say you’ve never kissed a girl, you’re only thirteen, who cares? _

_ Wait, what about Mermando? That was a kiss! _

_ No it wasn’t, that was reverse CPR! Besides, she said people! He's not a person, he’s a Merman! _

_ But collectively they’re called Merpeople and that has people in it! Does that still count? _

_ Does it count? _

_ I don’t know, that’s why I was asking you! _

_ But I am you! _

_ Why are there so many voices in my head? _

_ I don’t know! Aaah! _

_ Aaah! _

“Aaah!” Dipper agreed, his sister smiling smugly and taking a long, slow slip of Pitt Cola as the eyes of the cubes reached zero, returning to their previous state and focusing on the flustered boy.

“SECOND BASE TO THE FACE!”

“What!?” Dipper shrieked as Mabel did a spit-take in Tambry’s face, Armbel floundering to dodge the liquid. “I’ve nev-”

_ “Uh! Where are the lights?” he heard Wendy complain behind him as he slammed his fists on the metal door, demanding his twin let them out. He heard a click as she pulled a cord, activating the sprinkler and drenching them with water so cold it made them cry out. Then a blast of hot air hit them the moment the shower stopped, strong enough to knock them together, feeling her chin hit the top of his head while his face was pushed into her- _

“-er...” Dipper trailed off, blinking slowly as he recalled doing the mental math of their height difference even at that time, despite the alarm he felt. “I guess I didn’t imagine it,” he said.

“NOT YET THRICE, BUT STILL TWICE!”

“What!?” Dipper yelled at the Cube as Mabel took a quick swig to enable another spit-take, Tambry too stunned to even react to the first. “When did I-”

_ “We missed you, you old codger!” Wendy cried, slamming into him to add herself to the hug of the reunited group. His spirits - already soaring high after being reunited with his family after fearing the worst - rose even further at her closeness, feeling a warm softness against his cheek and realising it must have been her- _

“...huh. Almost forgot about that one,” he said slowly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.  He paused, replaying the events several times in his head, trying to remember exactly how it felt.  “Good times,” he said, smiling a little as he stared into the past.

Then he heard a dripping sound and reality came crashing back around him as he suddenly remembered that he wasn’t alone.

“Dipper,” Mabel said very slowly, Candy and Grenda staring with bulging eyes and open mouths as an incredulous Tambry wiped her face. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

The colour drained from Dipper’s face as he realized what he’d said, standing straighter and clearing his throat as their stares pierced him. “Um...no,” he decided eventually. “No, I don’t think there is.”

“I can’t believe Dipper’s gotten ahead of me,” Mabel muttered. “I have so much catching up to do.”

“It isn’t a race, Mabel!” Dipper snapped, annoyance temporarily overriding his embarrassment. “And they were accidents anyway, so it doesn’t really count!”

“The cube seems to disagree with you there,” Tambry said, gesturing to the magical device.

Dipper glared at her as enough blood returned for his cheeks to start burning. “Look, just - just quit messing with this thing, okay? Who knows what it might reveal.”

“Well it’s already revealed that you’re more of a ladies man than I thought you’d ever be,” Tambry noted, making him blush even harder. 

“Alright, alright,” Mabel said, seeing her brother’s growing distress. “We promise to keep all truths PG-thirteen from now on. And that’s despite the many burning questions I now have for you, bro-bro. Does that sound okay?”

“Not really,” Dipper admitted, reluctantly passing the Cube to her offered hand.

“Tough, it’s all you’re gonna get,” Mabel told him, sitting back down in the circle as Grenda spun Armbel. “Oh, it’s me! Let’s try dare.”

“Alright,” Candy said, smiling warmly. “I dare you to -”

“RUN AROUND THE SHACK IN THE NUDE, WHILE SINGING PRETTY UNCOOL FOR A COOL DUDE!” The Cube screamed.

“I like its thinking!” Grenda declared as Candy giggled.

“Well I don’t!” Mabel snapped, glaring at the Cube as Dipper blanched. “It’s cold out and my family could see me! Even I have standards! Not nearly enough, sure, but still-”

“THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPLETE THE DARE SHOULD BEWARE!” the Cube warned her, its eyes narrowing.

“Oh, please!” Mabel scoffed. “I’ve fought monsters, killer robots, and even unicorns, like I’m scared of a moody rubix cube. You want to play, you can wait your turn like the rest of us and think of dares more suitable to our age. I’m not doing it, so there!” she declared, sticking out her tongue at it.

Then her hair caught fire.

There was a series of screams as they tried to pat the flames out until Tambry grabbed the soda bottle and poured it over the young teen’s head.

“Great, now I’m all sticky,” Mabel grunted, wiping at her sodden shirt with the floppy disk design. “And this is my favourite sleep shirt! You are in big trouble, Mister and/or Misses!” she told the Cube.

Then her hair caught fire again.

“I hate sleepovers,” Dipper sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he was pushed aside, his sister stripping as she ran, screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs, the other girls chasing after her. “And you are going downstairs,” he informed the Cube, wrapping it in a spare shirt to avoid contact before gathering one of the other shirts his sister used for sleeping.

He held the Cube and his journal under one arm, Armbel climbing up to his shoulder as he left the room, where he gathered Mabel’s discarded clothes and put it in the laundry basket. Then he went downstairs, listening in vindictive amusement as he heard his sister’s alarmed singing fade as she ran further away from the front of the Shack. He was putting the neatly folded and unused shirt by the front door for easy access when it opened.

“Uh, Dipper?” Wendy Two said slowly, a large book in her hand. “Why is Mabel-?”   
“They were playing Truth or Dare with the Cube,” Dipper explained, holding up the wrapped up object. “Think they’ve learned their lesson. Uh, how were things on your end?” he added quickly, to stop her asking any too many question about the game.

“It was...weird,” Wendy Two admitted quietly, looking back outside. “To leave the house and realise that I wasn’t coming back to it.”

Dipper paused, hearing the uncharacteristic vulnerability in her voice. “How does some Roof Time sound?” he suggested.

She cocked her head, a melancholic smile on her lips. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

She led the way to her not-so-secret resting spot on the roof, through the giftshop and up the ladder, her long legs letting her reach the top easily. Dipper, standing below, watched her as he waited for her to push open the heavy hatch, wondering if he’d ever be as tall as her or, hopefully, taller. The memories brought forth by the cube caused his mind to wander and his eyes to drift as he waited, appraising her long legs for a moment before he raised his gaze, considering her-

He willed those thoughts from his mind and forced himself to look straight ahead. She didn’t deserve to deal with his desires when she was going through so much. She needed a friend, and one who didn’t think of her that way. 

He made himself look straight ahead as he climbed, mentally kicking himself for allowing his hormones to get the best of him, casting a guilty glance at her as she dangled her legs over the edge of the roof.

“That song, she’s singing,” Wendy Two asked as he approached. “Isn’t that Pretty Uncool for a Cool Dude by Sev’ral Timez?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” he said, taking a seat beside her. 

“Want to know a secret?” she asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously. She leaned forward, cupping a hand to his ear and whispered in his ear. “I like Sev’ral Timez.”

“You-you’re kidding,” he stated as she leaned back.

“Swear to God,” she said, holding up her empty hand.

“Really? I mean, I get that they’re handsome but-”

“No, not the band, dude! The music!”

“But you constantly criticize them!” he exclaimed. “You call them uninteresting, repetitive earworms that suck out all the originality in music in order to manipulate young, impressionable girls into wasting time and money on an already bloated and parasitic music industry!”

“I said all that? Wow, you’ve clearly rubbed off on me. Anyway, I was right! Don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy of using hot guys trying to convince teenage girls to act all proper and crap. And their music is bland, shallow and unoriginal. But despite all that...almost all of my mixtapes have at least one of their songs on them. Know most of the words. Here, I’ll show you.”

She got to her feet as Mabel ran past, cupping her hands to her mouth and joining in, Grenda and Candy only looking up in confusion before they continued their watchful chase. Tambry on the other hand, stopped and pulled out her phone, causing Wendy to shout out the words even louder and even start bouncing up and down to the silent beat, Armbel snapping her fingers in time to beat.

“I am Wendy Corduroy and I like Sev’ral Timez!” she bellowed into the night as that verse of the long song ended. “You get all that, Tambry?”

“Yep,” her oldest friend said, smiling broadly.

“Great, show the gang next time, make me squirm,” the clone told her, settling back down. “I’m talking to Dipper right now but I’ll come join girls night when I’m done. See if you can think of anything even more embarrassing than that.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s a few things I can think of,” Tambry told her with a wicked grin.

“Sev’ral Timez,” Dipper muttered as Tambry ran back to the others. “You think you know someone.”

“Guess I’m more like Dad than I thought,” she laughed.

“Hm,” he said, eyeing her as if she were an imposter. “Hey, what’s that?” he asked, pointing to the book beside her.

“Gift from Wendy One,” she told him, showing him the cover. “Funny, I thought she was crazy to give me this. But now I’m glad she did.” She opened the yearbook, considering the pictures inside. “I hated school so much. The classes. The teachers. Almost all of my classmates. Just felt so suffocating, you know?”

“Um, not really,” he admitted. “I don’t...get along with my classmates,” he muttered, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “But apart from that, I don’t mind school. I like to learn stuff and I’ve always been pretty good at everything apart from gym. I even like the structure of it if you can believe that. And the teachers like me well enough. Maybe it’s because Mom’s a substitute and they know her?”

“Think they just like it that there’s a student who behaves and wants them to do their job,” Wendy said as she slowly turned the pages. “It’s a good way to be. Wish I could be more like that.”

“I think a lot of it’s due to insecurity, though. I don’t like to rock the boat when it comes to stuff like that. But there are days I wish I could be more outgoing or confident, like you or Mabel.”

“I’m not as confident as I like people to think. I know I’ve told you that before, but a lot of the time I’m even faking it around you. I don’t know why, it’s not as if I don’t trust you. Habit, maybe?”

“Could be,” he agreed. “I still use big words I don’t really understand to make myself look smart. Even around you, Mabel and Stan. I know I don’t need to do it - that I am smart and you guys wouldn’t notice if I stopped - but I still do it. Sometimes change is hard.”

“I hear that,” Wendy Two sighed.

They sat in silence for a moment as a score of teenage girls ran beneath them, only to stop as Mabel reached the end of the song, the fire dissipating just as quickly as it had appeared. “Dipper left some clothes for you at the front door!” Wendy Two called down to them, a surly Mabel not even bothering to respond, shivering she rushed back inside. 

“She can really move when she wants,” Wendy Two noted, waving down at the others before they followed Mabel.

“Not gonna risk looking,” Dipper grunted, making sure his eyes were directed upwards.

Wendy Two smirked, leaning back and following his gaze to the stars.

“Nice night,” she said. “I’ve always liked them, y’know. One of the best things about camping with my family was when we’d lie awake at night and just stare up at them. None of us would say anything, not even Kevin or Gus. It’s about the only time the whole family was at peace.” She looked down. “ I’m going to miss them.” She turned a page and looked at her class, staring at the pictures of Tambry, Robbie, Lee, Nate and Thompson. “I’m going to miss all of them.” 

“You could stay,” Dipper gently offered. “We can find somewhere for you and the clones to –“ 

“No,” she said, closing the book and putting her hand on the cover. “We don’t really belong here. And it should be sooner rather than later. The longer we wait, the harder it’ll be. Besides, Gravity Falls isn’t big enough for two Wendys or three Dippers.” 

“Or even a little more Mabel,” he added, sadly smiling down at the paper limb patting Wendy Two’s knee. “They’ve named her Armbel, by the way.” 

Wendy raised an eyebrow. “Armbel?” 

“Not my decision. But she seems to like it.” 

“Suppose I shouldn’t criticise. My name’s got a number in it. And even before, I was a freckled redhead who used to run around in pigtails. Got a load of burger jokes growing up.” 

“If I ever have kids, I swear I’m going to think long and hard about what to name them,” Dipper muttered, reflecting on his own name. 

“Dude, you think long and hard about what to have for breakfast. The kids will be in college before you’d pick one!” 

“Suppose I’d better get started now then.” 

She smiled at his joke, but only for a moment before her expression became sombre. “I guess I’ll never be able to have children.” 

“I…didn’t know you wanted kids,” he said into the heavy silence. 

“I don’t. I didn’t. I mean, I’m sixteen. The thought of having kids is terrifying. Especially knowing how easy it is. But now that I don’t have a choice…it’s like someone stole a present from me before I could unwrap it to see if it was something I wanted. Does that make sense?” 

“I think so. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. I guess...I guess I’m just sad about all those things I’ll never get to do.”

“Could be worse. My clones will be twelve forever. They can’t even get into PG-thirteen films.”

“I guess,” she said, not finding much comfort in his words.

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of something to say. “You know...the laminating stuff Ford’s making. It’s super strong. He said it could make you guys almost indestructible.”

“How can it be  _ almost  _ indestructible?”

“That’s what I asked. He gave this long speech that confused me until Stan translated that it meant it might not last forever or there could be weakness to something he didn’t think of.”

“Stan had to translate? Guess he picked up more science jargon in their year together than I thought.”

“Think it was more a case of knowing how his brother thought.”

“Yeah, that makes more sense. Huh. Almost indestructible.” She pondered that for a moment. “That’s pretty cool, actually.”

“And you guys don’t need to eat or sleep,” he pointed out. “Sure, it’s a shame you can’t eat your snacks anymore but think of all the free time you’ll have.”

“Plus, no more cramps,” Wendy Two added, patting her belly. “That’s gonna be a major plus.”

“I bet,” Dipper grunted. “I struggle with boy puberty sometimes but at least I know it’ll be over in a few years. I don’t know how you girls manage it. What?” he asked, catching her grin.

“You!” she said, elbowing him. “Every other guy I know clams up whenever I mention periods. Dad almost had a heart attack the first time I had mine! Practically begged Tambry’s Mom for help. Why are you immune?”

“I...used to get a bit weirded out by it,” he admitted, scratching his chin awkwardly. “Mabel made such a big deal of her first time. And then again the month after. But after that I realised it was just natural. Just like what I’m going through only...different. Does that make me weird.”

“It makes you a total freak,” she told him.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling warmly back. “That means a lot coming from you.”

They were silent after that, trying to sort out the confusing emotions inside them as they watched the stars, Armbel between them and choosing to remain silent to give the friends more time to themselves.

“I’m, uh...I’m going to miss you,” Dipper said after several minutes had passed, the words sounding childish to his ears.

“I’m going to miss you too,” Wendy told him instantly, letting out a deep sigh. “But, hey, I’m only a fake Wendy and you’ve got the real one to-”

“You’re not just a fake Wendy to me,” he interrupted her, wincing and growing red as he felt her look at him. “I’m sorry for saying that you could never be the other Wendy. You might not be her but that doesn’t make you any less. I still...care about you. Even if it’s not in exactly the same way, you’re still important to me.”

He swallowed before making himself meet her eyes. “I’m going to miss you when you leave. Not because you’re a Wendy, but because you’re you. I don’t have many friends and I’m glad that I got to make a new one. Especially one as good as you. Even if it hurts that I’m saying goodbye to you so soon.” He looked away, clearing his throat. “I, uh, I just wanted you to know that.”

Wendy Two watched him silently for a moment. She looked down at Armbel, the limb somehow looking demure between them. Then, sighing, she resorted to an old tactic whenever things became too emotional or awkward for her to think of a response.

“OW!” Dipper yelled as he felt the sharp impact. “Why do people keep hitting me? I’m still sore from that one you gave me earlier!”

“Price of being my friend,” she informed him, getting to her feet and instinctively reaching up to straighten a hat she no longer had. “Besides, you totally deserved that one.”

“Did not!” he snapped, rubbing his arm. “And if I did, you should at least tell me why!”

“Uhp, nope, that’s between you and other me, years down the line,” Wendy Two responded. “I officially wash my hands of it.”

Dipper grumbled something in response, but still took her offered hand even as he glared at her.

“Hey,” she told him softly as she pulled him up. “I’m going to miss you too. You and Mabel. But mostly you. Never had a guy think so highly of me that I’d be his greatest wish. Or, at least, not without changing me first. And - whatever you might tell yourself - I think that’s pretty sweet. And I bet that other me would tell you that too,” she promised, miming zipping her lips closed.

Dipper gave an embarrassed nod, coughing into his fist as Wendy Two gathered Armbel in her arms.

“So, uh, what are you going to do after the girls fall asleep?” he asked her as they climbed down the ladder. “”Mabel’s sleepover normally end at about three but you and Armbel don’t need sleep.”

“Think I’ll head down top the lab,” Wendy Two shrugged as she waited for him to reach the bottom. “Tracey and Quattro won’t sleep either so I can take them to the kitchen, let you guys sleep and talk over some things with them.”

“You don’t have to do that if you-”

“I want to,” she firmly said as he punched in the numbers to open the vending machine door. “I know you find them annoying and embarrassing but I don’t mind them. Really. They’re just like you used to be and I never had a problem with you, did I?”   
“I suppose...” he grudgingly responded.

“Look, dude, if another another me, one from last year, were to walk in the Shack, how would you feel? Would you dislike her?”

“Um, no?” Dipper said, puzzled by the question.

“No, because you’d still see your friend,” Wendy agreed. “I’d probably be the one who’d have the biggest problem with her, reminding me of the stuff I regret doing. But she hasn’t made those mistakes or had anyone point them out to her yet. You made plenty of mistakes last year but you had Mabel and the rest of us to talk to you about it. They’ve only had themselves. Think of how lost you’d be without Mabel.”

“I...hadn’t thought of it like that,” Dipper admitted guiltily, considering the arm in his friend's arm. “I guess...I guess I have been a little hard on them.”

“Just a bit,” she said with a slight shrug. “Then again, Wendy One wanted to kill me for trying to take over her life so who am I to judge?”

They said their goodnights, Dipper yawning loudly in the lift, considering her words. Had he been too harsh on his clones? They were technically still him, even if they hadn’t developed in the same way. And he’d always had Mabel and his parents, even when he’d been friendless in Piedmont. Tracey and Quattro couldn’t even say that.

“Still got a lot of growing up to do,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose as he entered the laboratory.

“Gideon was in prison, the Mystery Shack was back under old management and, most importantly, after thirty years of searching, I finally had all three of my brother’s journals in my grasp,” Stan was saying to the enrapt clone brothers. “Things were looking pretty good. So good, I even decided to throw a little party to celebrate. But little did I know how bad things were going to get…”

“Uh, sorry to interrupt,” Dipper said, stepping further into the room. “I was just wondering...whether great-uncle Ford would like to play some D, D and More D with the clones and me tomorrow?”

“What?” asked Ford, looking up from his formula with a puzzled frown.

“D, D and more D,” Dipper explained patiently, in parallel to Tracey and Quattro who were vibrating with excitement. “Tomorrow with me and the clones. A quick game. Are you interested?”

Ford blinked, confused by his great nephew’s sudden change of attitude towards his paper copies. Then he put his inquisitive instinct aside for the moment at the thought of sharing his favourite game with even more of his family. “That sounds absolutely magnificent! I’m sure I have a few short scenarios - only three or four hours - that you’d love to try out. Why, there’s even a few of my early editions around and if you’d like, we could-”

“Yeah, yeah, nerdy fun time for everybody,” Stan grumbled, waving a hand at his brother to try and get him to shut up before he could get too far. “That’s for tomorrow, Poindexter, tonight you focus on that other thing. Now where was I? Ah, right. Things were going great. But then a certain somebody who didn’t know when to keep his nose out of other people’s business had to get involved, and even got Soos killed. Don’t worry, he got better. I think.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dipper sighed, taking a seat beside his clones. “Like you’ve never endangered everyone’s lives before.”

“Not till I was a little older at least,” Stan growled as the clones stared at their maker.

“Jersey Devil,” Ford muttered, pausing in his work just long enough to smirk at his brother.

Stan frowned. “Oh, yeah. That one. Guess we’re even more alike than I thought!” he laughed, pushing Dipper so hard the boy fell backwards. “I’ll tell you about that one next. But right now I’m going to tell you all about how this little pain in my butt almost ruined decades of planning and came this close to getting us all eaten by the undead...” 

* * *

Wendy Two rested her head in one hand, listening to the other girls in their sleep; Candy and Tambry’s soft sighs, Grenda’s loud snores, and Mabel incomprehensible mutterings. When she was certain they were too deeply asleep for her to disturb them, she got to her feet, picked up Armbel, and made her way downstairs; sliding down the bannister to avoid the creaky steps.

In his time as Mister Mystery, Stan had made sure that the secret entrance would open and close as quietly as possible so as not to draw attention even in the unlikely event of someone staying in the Shack or in case he had to make an emergency dash to the lab. Soos, ever the handyman even in his new position, had made practically silent, save for the rattle of the coins and snacks inside.

She found the clones engrossed in Dipper’s journal, its author sleeping at a desk behind them with Stan nearby, both with blankets draped over them. Ford was still working away despite the early hour, muttering away to himself as he stared at the chalkboard. But from what Stan had told her, that wasn’t the least bit uncommon. Yet another similarity the scientist shared with his great-nephew.

Wendy Two moved closer to the clones, waving a hand to draw their attention and holding up a finger to her lips when they jumped in surprise, Armbel adding her own finger for emphasis. When the brothers nodded, she pointed to upwards and beckoned the clones to follow her, leading them to the elevator.

“How’s your day been?” she asked them once the doors closed. “You boys having fun?”

Tracey and Quattro looked at her and then each other, momentarily too in awe to speak. Then, as one, they began yammering away, telling her everything they’d learned that day, despite her already knowing most of it. She held another finger to her lips as the neared the ground floor, pleased to them immediately follow her instruction and lower their voices as she led them to the kitchen, taking a seat and listening.

“Sound like you guys have learned a lot,” she noted when she found a spot to interrupt their recap, the boys immediately falling silent when she spoke. “And there’s plenty more to tell but we can leave that tomorrow. There was something I wanted to talk to you guys about,” she began slowly, trying to pick her words carefully.

“You want us all to leave,” Quattro guessed. “Tomorrow if possible.”

“Dipper Classic suspected it,” Tracey explained. “He said he spoke to you and you gave him that impression. Then he asked Stan and great-uncle Ford how soon they could have the money and fake identities ready.”

“Huh,” said Wendy Two, reflecting back on her rooftop conversation. “Guess I didn’t exactly hide it.”

“It’s a shame we have to go so soon,” Tracey sighed as Quattro rubbed his arm awkwardly. “But we think you and Dipper Classic are right. You guys have moved on. We haven’t. They don’t need us making things complicated, especially with Soos getting married.”

“Still can’t believe it,” Quattro muttered. “His life’s changed the most.”

“I guess it has,” Wendy Two agreed with a fond smile. “He got his dream job, he’s giving his Abuelita a better life, and now he’s getting married. And we’ll introduce you to Melody tomorrow - she’s great, you’ll love her. Shame I won’t be here to see it,” she sighed, Armbel drumming her fingers forlornly.

“You might see it,” Tracey said. “In the visions.”

“Visions?”

“We get them sometimes,” Quattro explained. “It’s almost like dreaming. Except we don’t sleep anymore. We thought a lot of them were dreams or nightmares, but after talking to Mabel and reading Dipper’s journal, we now think they’re all memories.”

“Special memories,” Tracey clarified. “Ones that Dipper Classic looks back on a lot. Fighting monsters and ghosts, times with Mabel and our parents….Some with you.” They both glanced away unable to look at her.

“There - there’s this one we see a lot,” Quattro began. “It’s you and him by the lake. And you said...n-never mind.” He shifted in the seat, looking down as Armbel patted his hand. “It wasn’t real. We know that now.”

“Hm,” Wendy Two said, nodding slowly and choosing not to embarrass them further by admitting how much she knew about that vision. They would be spending a lot of time together, she didn’t have to reveal everything straight away. Let them build up their confidence first, the same way Dipper did.

“You know, Dipper’s pretty awesome,” she told them, trying to raise their spirits. “I bet you guys haven’t even heard half of the cool stuff he’s done. I wasn’t there for most of them so I’ll have to get Mabel to cover a lot of it. And then I’ll get her and Dipper to show us all the pictures they took of their adventures, ask them if we can take a few. How does that sound?”

“That does sound good,” Tracey agreed.

“We took some photos ourselves,” Quattro added. “We can show them some of what we documented.”

“I bet Dipper and Ford would love that,” Wendy Two said, Armbel giving a thumbs up in agreement. “You guys can compare notes. But the important pictures are the family ones. That’s what we’re going to miss the most,” she added quietly, her fist clenching beneath the table.

“Yeah,” Tracey sighed, the clones thinking back to a year with only themselves for company. “We know that all too well.”

There was a silence between them as they thought of the families and friends they’d be leaving.

Then, one by one, they looked up as they felt a pressure on their hands, Armbel clasping Quattro by the hand and bending her wrist and elbow she was touching them all at once, connecting them.

“At least now we’ll have Mabel,” Tracey said, smiling at his brother. “Even if it’s just a part of her.”

“Even a little piece of Mabel is pretty great,” Quattro said, putting his hand over hers.

“I hear that,” Wendy Two whispered, wishing she had even a part of her family to take with her. Then she blinked as she remembered something very important. “Hey, wanna see something?” She pulled out her wallet and showed them the picture of the Corduroy siblings, her thumb covering herself. “These are my brothers, and I’m...booop!”

“Ha, you were a freak!” the clones laughed as one, before their hands hand shot out to cover their own and each other’s mouths.

“Yep,” Wendy Two agreed. “But you know what?” Her hands shot out, pushing the hair and hat from their foreheads, revealing the matching constellation birthmarks. “We’re all freaks,” she told them. 

They shared a glance before breaking out into nervous chuckling as she leaned back in the chair, the redhead glad to see that they were now finally able to look her in the eye for more than a few seconds before glancing away.

“Still not sure what we’re going to do when we leave,” she admitted to them when they’d recovered a little from their surprise. “Even with money and fake IDs, we’re going to have to plan ahead. I’ll have to tell people I’m your big sister or aunt since I can pass for eighteen, maybe twenty-one. But we can’t stay in one place for too long in case people wonder why you guys don’t age.

“And even if McGucket gives us a couple of million, we could live for a very long time and the money will eventually run out, even if we don’t need to eat or drink. I guess I could find a job to help out, at least stop too many questions if people ask how we can afford stuff. But what kind of job lets you travel with kids and won’t ask why you don’t age?” She let out a sigh, rubbing her eyes in frustration. “You guys got any ideas?” she asked, desperately.

The clone boys shared a look. “Um, actually,” Tracey began.

“We have one idea,” Quattro continued. “We got it while Mabel was telling stories. A way we could leave and no one would ever find us.”

“But it’s risky.”

“Very risky.”

“We could all die.”

“Or worse.”

“Huh,” said Wendy Two, thinking they were already becoming a little more like the Dipper she knew and not appearing the least bit concerned. “Go on.”

* * *

_ Author’s note: Re-watch Into the Bunker and Weirdmageddon part 3 and watch Dipper’s eyes during both scenes. He knew exactly where his face was!  _

_ And on a less-immature note, I hope you’re all doing okay. Unless you’re a reclusive, misanthropic millionaire, I doubt there isn’t someone who hasn’t been affected by this in some way. I know it’s affecting me, more than I first thought. _

_ Last week, we had a minute of silence for the NHS staff who fell to COVID-19 in the UK. It was a very sombre moment, to think of all those who died while trying to help others get through these difficult times. It was even more saddening to think of their families; their children, siblings, spouses or parents. We’ve lost good people to this thing and that isn’t fair. _

_ But, talking to the people who are taking those risks, there is also a lot of good, even in these unfortunate times. The nurses tell us stories of the people they see, people who know they are at risk of or are already dying. People who thank them and try to make things as easy as possible for others, whether that’s their family, friends, neighbours or the key workers themselves. _

_ I know it’s hard and that I’m one of the lucky ones so it might be easy for me to say this...but I think there’s some solace to see the kindness that still shines through, even in these miserable conditions.  _

**  
  
  
**


	11. Chapter 11

_Author’s Note: Before you continue reading, I want to say this: please be safe out there. I know that there’s plenty of rallies and marches and protests taking place across the world. I’m not going to try and convince you not to go because if you’re passionate enough to consider marching during a pandemic then I doubt some stranger on the internet can convince you otherwise._

_But if you are going out, please follow the advice given to protect yourself and others._

_-Try to maintain social distancing when you can and continue to wear gloves and masks and bring hand sanitiser._

_-Bring a backpack if you’re carrying essentials that might include required medication, bottles of water (for hydration AND clearing eyes), snacks, goggles, ID, etc._

_-DO NOT bring illicit items like drugs or something that can be used as a weapon._

_-Finally, don’t be a scumbag. I don’t care how angry you are or how noble your cause is, that does not give anyone the right to hurt, threaten, or vandalise. If you truly want to show people how worthwhile something is, raise yourself to a higher standard than those you oppose. Don’t lower yourself to their level. Otherwise they’ll use it against you and make your job even harder._

_And now back to the fanfic!_

* * *

When the boys of the Corduroy family woke that morning, they were surprised to find their big sister up and dressed before them for once. The surprise turned to shock when it was revealed that she had even prepared breakfast for the whole family, her brothers staring at their plentiful helpings of bacon, sausage and eggs and making several snarky remarks about their sister’s strange behaviour. When their criticisms and insults were met with small smiles and simple shrugs instead of the usual swear or sharp retort, they went from being shocked to becoming outright disturbed, quietly daring each other to take the first bite and test for poison.

“Why you doing this?” Dan growled, looking at the food with almost as much suspicion as his sons. “I already said you’re going to the wedding. If you think this’ll get you your phone back or make me ground you for less-”

“No, Dad,” Wendy sighed, taking a forkful from each of her brother’s plates to convince them that there was nothing wrong with their food. “I just...yesterday I realised that there are some things I shouldn’t take for granted. Not even you guys. Yeah, we fight and argue a lot and you’re all massive pains in my butt...but at the end of the day you’re still my family and I...appreciate you guys.”

“Yep, totally trying to get her phone back,” said Kevin, wolfing down his eggs while he and Gus kicked each other under the table as per usual.

Wendy ignored him. “There is one thing I wanted to ask you,” she said slowly. “A little favour.”

“Big surprise,” Marcus muttered, taking the last bite of his remaining sausage and reaching across the table for more as his father rolled his eyes in anticipated annoyance.

“Can you take me to work early?” 

Dan choked on his coffee as the sausages toppled from the plate Marcus held onto the floor, Kevin and Gus’ fighting coming to an immediate halt.

“Wendy?” Gus asked his big sister with wide, fearful eyes. “Are you dying?”

Wendy let out a sigh and speared one of the last remaining sausages before it rolled off the table. “You try and be nice for once,” she muttered, taking an annoyed bite.

After her father had gotten over the shock and agreed, she did end up asking for her phone back - but not to keep. Just long enough for her to take a quick photo of him and her brothers outside the house.

“What for?” Dan growled, growing more and more suspicious and even a little alarmed by her behaviour.

“My friend, Mabel, she makes up scrapbooks,” Wendy explained, expecting the question and giving an honest if incomplete answer. “Fills it with pictures of people and things that matter. She already has plenty of me but I thought it might be good to have more of you guys. It’s part of a goodbye present,” she added, a little quieter.

Dan scratched at his beard, the odd expression on her face making him confused and uncomfortable, though he couldn’t quite explain why. So he agreed to her request and forced the boys to agree too in the hope it would make her stop. 

It wasn’t easy. She didn’t have the same talent, skill or experience with photography that Dipper and Mabel had, and the Corduroy boys weren’t really the best at looking proper, especially not with or in spite of their father bellowing instructions at them. But she eventually managed to take a few that weren’t terrible and sent them to Dipper with a quick explanation. Then she sent a few of the terrible ones too before turning the device back in. Because somehow those seemed more fitting of her family.

After that, she quickly gathered her favourite jacket and her cap from her room and joined her father in his truck, neither of them saying much; both too lost in thought. Ironically, they were both thinking about a tall, lanky redhead that mattered to them. Not exactly the same person, not any more, but close enough that only those dearest to them could tell the difference. And those few who could cared too much for those differences to matter.

When she stepped into the Shack a few minutes later, it was her turn to be surprised when she saw she wasn’t the first person to arrive.

“So, my favourite Metal Beast is the Black Rat because she’s got a bit more attitude, you know?” Robbie was explaining to Soos, the large man sitting behind the counter in his Mister Mystery attire while the teenager stood in front of it, his arms gesturing wildly as he spoke with a passion she’d rarely seen in him. “Plus, being able to shrink didn’t sound like the best power at first, especially when half of the season was about them getting the ability to enlarge themselves but later on you’ll see that it comes in use.”

“Oh, don’t worry about spoilers, dude, I was up all night catching up with it,” Soos said, the bags under his eyes proof he wasn’t kidding. “I think my fave’s the Green Tiger ‘cause he’s, like, a tiger. With laser eyes. Freakin’ lasers, dude! LASERS! And yeah, at first I agreed with all the jokes the gang made about shrinking being a lame power, but after episode eight I can totally see where you’re coming from. Especially when Rat went out of her way to help Gen, even after all those things he said about her and her previous master-”

“I know, what a jerk! So, what did you think of the rescue, totally awesome, right?”

“Beyond awesome! Like, awesomely awesome!”

Wendy leaned against the door, watching in amusement as her two friends waved their arms in the air and rapidly asked question after question, often cutting into the other’s answers with points of their own.

For so long, both of them had tried to discuss their love for anime and manga to her, desperate to talk to someone about their hobby. It had never occurred to her that they could discuss it with each other - they were so different as people. Then again, she never thought that Dipper would be going to the arcade with Pacifica Northwest or that Mabel would ask if Gideon Gleeful could attend Soos’ wedding. Sometimes this town could create relationships as strange as any monster.

“Glad to see you two’ve found somebody to share the fun with,” she said, approaching them.

“Oh, hey, Wendy, you’re-” Soos frowned, staring at the clock on the wall. Then he looked at the watch on his wrist. Finally, he pulled out his phone and checked the time on that. “Early,” he said, his brow furrowing as he tried to process that. “Huh. You’re not another evil clone, are you?”

Wendy laughed. “Nah, don’t think Wendy Three would come back here. You're a good pal, Soos, but you know I’m only here for the paycheck.”

“You didn't get a blow to the head while you were out, did you?" Robbie asked, trying and failing to remember the last time he'd seen her so early for anything.

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure other me didn't cause any more trouble," she lied before changing the subject. “Hey, did Robbie tell you that he draws anime?”

“You do?” Soos gasped.

“‘S nothing,” Robbie muttered, hunching his shoulders. “And if it’s drawn it’s manga, not anime,” he added, throwing Wendy a sharp look.

“Yeah, whatever,” Wendy dismissively replied before turning back to Soos. “I liked the way it looked and stuff but didn’t really get the story. But maybe you might like to read it?”

“I’d love to!”

“Y-you would?” Robbie asked hopefully, the man’s obvious excitement temporarily overriding the surly teen’s urge to appear indifferent to what anyone else thought of his secret hobby.

“Sure, it’s amazing that you’re doing that, I love comics and manga! One time we even got trapped in some until Wendy cut our way out, but what you can do sounds way cooler. What’s it about?”

Wendy managed to make herself listen for a full minute before growing bored and went further into the building in search of the others. She found herself sitting in the living room, looking through one of Mabel’s scrapbooks.

“Hey,” she said, sitting down next to her. “Find any you like?”

“Most of them,” Wendy Two replied, turning a page. “Mabel said she’d help us make a scrapbook of our own to take with us so I’m looking for the ones I might want to take.”

“Mabel’s up already?” Wendy asked in surprise, knowing that the normally hyper girl tended to sleep until noon after a sleepover. “Is she sick?”

“Nah, Tambry woke them up early when Robbie came over. But Mabel made a big fuss over her trying to leave before she helped clean up the mess they made in the room. I only got out of it because I’d spent all night keeping Tracey, Quatro and Armbel company.”

“Armbel?”

“Two guesses who named her that. Anyway, Mabel wasn’t exactly happy I wasn’t helping but I think Armbel persuaded her to let it slide. But _-heh-_ she got even more mad when Dipper said he wasn’t helping her clean it up for once.”

“Really? I mean, good for him but what’s stopped him from helping out this time?”

“Ford, Tracey and Quattro are playing that dungeon game and even a short game of that can take a couple of hours. Wanted to make sure they finish it today.”

“Today? Why does it have to be tod-oh.” She let out a slow breath as she considered her clone, noting the way she seemed to be savouring every picture in the scrapbook. “You guys are leaving. Today.”

Wendy Two lowered her eyes from the pictures, her mouth twitching. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Ford finished the laminating stuff last night.” She held up her hand for the other Wendy to see, showing that there was a slight sheen to her skin and sleeve. “We’re now almost indestructible.”

“How can you be-”

“Already asked, don’t question it. The important thing is we’re now water-proof, fire-proof, acid-proof and pretty much everything else you can think of-proof. So we’re leaving.”

“But-” Wendy hesitated, wishing she had more time to spend with her copy despite spending most of yesterday wanting to throw her in the nearest stream. “But Stan and McGucket won’t have had time to get you money or IDs. Where will you go?”

“Tracey and Quattro came up with a solution,” Wendy Two replied, closing the book with a snap and getting to her feet. “We’re throwing ourselves in the bottomless pit.”

“...You’re what?”

Wendy Two gave a little chuckle as she got to her feet. “Yeah, I had that exact same reaction. But it actually makes a bit of sense. There’s no way we won’t be found out or run out of money. Not unless we move to Antarctica or underground somewhere and I’m not down for that. But the Bottomless Pit is a tunnel to other dimensions. We jump in and that’s us gone for good, no need to worry about people asking why we don’t age.”

“But-” Wendy faltered, her clone’s laid-back attitude to their extreme solution not helping her process it. “But there’s so many ways this can mess up! You could end up in a dimension full of monsters where they eat paper or where Bill won or-”

“Or on a barren planet or into a black hole,” Wendy Two answered. “Again, I had those exact same thoughts. I’m you, remember? But we could also come out of a place where people made of paper are treated like royalty, where the gravity's so low we get super strength, where we look exactly like the heroes destined to save the planet. Infinite multiverse, infinite possibilities. Besides, even if we do end up on a bad one, we’re indestructible now and I’ve got two Dippers and a bit of Mabel to help me get through it. How awesome is that?”

“I guess…” Wendy said slowly, still not entirely believing it as they made their way to the gift shop. Then she stopped trying to convince herself that this was a bad idea as she realised something. “You’ve had this conversation before, haven’t you? With the other clones. That’s why you’re so calm. Because you’ve already said everything I could think of and they’ve answered all your questions.”

Wendy Two gave a small, amused shrug. “What can I say? They can be just as persuasive as the real Dipper and Mabel. And, honestly, there’s nobody else I’d rather live the rest of my life with. However long that is.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” Wendy said as Wendy Two led them back to the shop, until a cry from upstairs made them pause.

“Oh, thank God!” Tambry groaned in a quiet voice, fully dressed and leaning over the balcony. She gave a quick glance at the door leading to Dipper and Mabel’s bedroom before rushing down the stairs to meet them. “You’ve got to help me,” she hissed when she reached them. “Those crazy girls only let me out because they got hungry! They won’t let me leave until we’ve cleaned the whole room! That includes all the broken stuff, glue and glitter! Where did all that glitter even come from anyway?”

“Mabel,” the Wendys answered in unison.

“It just seems to magically appear around her.”

“It’s like she sweats it, dude.”

“And sometimes she will cough it up. But we warned her to stop eating it so she isn’t doing it as much.

“Whatever, just help me out so I can finally get out of here!” Tambry pleaded, grabbing her best friend by their shirts.

“Um, actually, Tambry, I, uh, I was kind of hoping you’d stay for a bit,” Wendy Two said, faltering slightly. “We - me and the other clones - we’re...going to be leaving today. For good,” she clarified, scratching the top of her head. “I, uh, I kind of wanted you to stick around for that, you know? For the goodbyes.”

Tambry paused, her friend's distress obvious even if she hadn’t known her for years. But, because she had, she knew that for the distress to be so obvious showed just how important this was to her.

“Of course, Wendy,” she said softly. “If you want.”

“Thanks,” Wendy Two said, punching her affectionately on the arm. “I really appreciate that.”

“We both do,” said Wendy, punching the other arm. “Mabel’s probably just grumpy ‘cause she hasn’t had a full night’s rest and wants another breakfast. Tell you what, we’re gonna grab the Dippers and the Stans from downstairs so we can tell everybody our exit plan. You gather some snacks to settle the girls and we’ll help you and the girls clean up after that.”

“You will?” Tambry asked, surprised to hear her lazy friend offer herself to work so readily.

“We will?” Wendy Two asked, also surprised.

“Yeah,” Wendy said. “Least we can do after putting you and Robbie through so much. But make sure to give Mabel - and only Mabel - a glass of Mabel Juice. Help her cope with less than half a day's sleep.”

Tambry agreed immediately, too surprised and relieved by the offer of assistance to even question what Mabel Juice was. It turned out she didn’t really need to ask; the words were labelled on a large jug in the fridge. Even if it hadn’t been labelled, the toys floating in the liquid was a big giveaway. 

It didn’t take her long to gather some biscuits, juice, bowls, cereal, and other assorted cutlery and food; too desperate to placate the younger teens to really worry about rifling through someone else’s cupboards. Besides, Soos seemed a far more generous boss than Stan ever was and Wendy had told her to do it so it must have been okay.

She paused as she prepared to pour one glass of Mabel juice. The Wendy clone had been uncharacteristically emotional when it asked her to stay. And the real Wendy had then been uncharacteristically kind in offering to help them clean, especially after her clone had already wormed her way out of helping. 

The clones had caused nothing but trouble for her and Robbie since they had appeared - bringing back bad memories and then making things even worse through their actions. But Robbie had actually sympathised and apologised to them yesterday, even after they’d kidnapped and practically tortured him. And when the other Wendy had joined them last night, she’d had just as much fun as if it had been the real Wendy. Probably more as the clone had more readily agreed to embarrass herself than the real Wendy would. She’d even forgotten it was a clone at times, they were so similar. But now she started to wonder if they really were different in anything except body, or if that should matter at all.

“Ugh, I’m getting philosophical,” Tambry muttered bitterly as she poured a glass. “If I keep this up I could end up nice or something.

She put the jug in the fridge and considered the odd, strangely ominous drink, wondering why Wendy seemed adamant that only Mabel should have it. It didn’t look medicinal. Not even Gravity Falls medicinal. Curious, she sniffed the drink and found it sickeningly sweet but decided to take an experimental sip.

“Tried the Mabel Juice, huh?" Wendy Two noted when she and the Dipper clones walked in.

“It tastes like poison!” Tambry gasped, clutching the table so hard her knuckles shone white, in contrast to the dark red of her face.

“Try to ride it out until the caffeine hit’s finished,” Tracey advised as Quattro poured her a glass of water, instinctively avoiding the spray despite his new coating. “You’ll also want to watch out for a sugar crash in an hour or two. Keep eating to stay it off.”

“Thanks,” Tambry grunted to the clones, one for the advice and one for the water which she drank greedily.

“Have you told her yet?” Quattro asked Wendy Two as they helped gather more food for the girls upstairs.

Wendy Two shook her head. “No. Only Wendy One to see how she’d take it and so she could help us convince the others. Figured it’d be best if we told everybody at once.”

The brothers said nothing, only nodding as they thought of the difficulty of the day ahead. 

Sensing the suddenly sombre mood in the room, Tambry finished the water and cleared her throat. “Say, while we’ve got you guys here...Dipper’s really helped Wendy - both Wendys - out a lot. Been tutoring her and everything. And she was going to get him something as thanks but couldn’t decide on what. If you guys could get anything from Wendy, what would it be?”

“Anything?” Quatro asked, both brightening suddenly.

“You mean like a kiss?” his brother asked excitedly.

“No!” Tambry snapped, rolling her eyes. “Something realistic!”

“Actually…” Wendy Two said, stroking her chin thoughtfully.

“Y-you can not be serious,” Tambry stated, staring at her in disbelief.

“Not on the lips, obviously,” Wendy Two said, dismissing the idea so quickly that Quattro and Tracey’s smiles became grimaces of pained rejection. “But, since this is technically the last time I’ll ever see him, I can at least give him one on the cheek.”

“Isn't that kinda playing with the poor kid’s emotions?” Tambry asked, more surprised by her friend's suggestion than concerned about Dipper’s feelings.

“Eh, he’s smart enough to know not to make a big deal of it,” Wendy Two replied, waving the idea away. “But I think he’ll still appreciate it. Besides,” she added, her grin turning sinister, “I’ll make it theatrical, grab him, pull him close, end it with a big ‘Mwah!’”

“That way I can take a video and send it to my contacts,” Tambry finished, joining her friend in a wicked smile. “I like the way you think.”

“Yep,” Wendy Two grinned. “This way I get to reward Dipper and prank other me. Two birds with one stone! Just be sure to send it to my brothers once I leave,” she added. “They’ll be pestering me about it for weeks!”

“You could practice it on us!” Tracey offered, Quattro nodding rapidly in agreement.

“Ah,” said Wendy Two, realising that while one Dipper was probably mature enough not to linger on such a small action, the two in front of her hadn’t quite reached that level yet. “Uh, Tambry, why don’t you go get the girls from upstairs? Tell them to meet us all in the living room where we’ll explain our plan.”

Wendy Two rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly as Tambry left, remembering a very similar, difficult conversation to the one she was about to have.

“You guys know you’re super important to me, right?” she asked them, taking a knee so she could look them in the eye. “Because you’re both Dipper, even if you’re different. And Dipper - he really means a lot to me. He’s my best friend.”

“O-of course, Wendy."

“You mean a lot to us too.”

Wendy Two looked them straight in the eye, her stomach churning even as she said what she knew had to be said. “My best _friend_ ,” she repeated, letting the word sink in, taking a small, unnecessary breath as their expression changed.

“Yeah,” Tracey sighed. “We know. We - we just wish things could be different.”

“We wish we could be different,” Quattro whispered, joining his brother in looking at the floor.

“You guys don’t need to be different,” she told them, putting a gentle hand on their shoulders. “You guys are good enough. Dipper’s the bravest, smartest, best guy I’ve ever known. He’s a real hero. He’s _my_ hero and I’m not alone in thinking that. So that makes you guys heroes too.”

“Y-you really mean that?” they asked, seeing a memory of what they knew to be a fantasy; of a fake Wendy who also said words of praise that turned out to be a lie.

“I sure do,” she told them, giving them both a quick peck on the cheek before getting to her feet. “Now let’s get out there and show those crappy real life people how much worse their lives are going to be without us in it,” she said, flicking the brims of their caps up to reveal their astounded looks of amazement before marching out to tell the others of their plan.

“Dude, she kissed me!”

“She kissed me first!”

“Only because you were closer!”

“You liar!”

“Boys,” Wendy Two goaned, rolling her eyes at the sounds of a scuffle and deciding that she might not miss her brothers as much as she first thought.

* * *

When the clones revealed their plan to the others, it was with much the reaction they were expecting: shock, horror, anger, disbelief, fear, and a host of other emotions. There were hundreds of questions, plenty of shouting and even some tears that they would be leaving so soon and in such a potentially dangerous way. 

But, calmly and patiently, the clones explained the logic of their insane plan and eventually, though not happily, their friends and family agreed to let them go. Not that they had much choice. They all knew just how stubborn Wendy, Dipper and Mabel could be and their copies were just as bad.

That ended up being a strange day at the Shack. Not the weirdest - not even close - but it would be one that everyone attending would reflect back on for years to come and never truly forget. Ford and the Dippers finished what would be one of the best D, D and more D games any of them would ever play. Afterwards. Ford gifted the clones with one of his early edition rule books as a memento of their time together before comparing notes and discoveries they had all made in their journals. He almost showed them the infinite-sided dice as an extra treat, but Dipper whispered in his ear for a bit and reminded him what happened last time. 

Robbie and Tambry stayed for the entire day to keep Wendy Two company while the first Wendy actually tried to do her job for once as an apology to Soos for creating the clones that wrecked the place. Candy and Grenda chose to leave early so that Armbel could spend most of her final day with her family. But they did stay long enough to tell Tracey and Quatro of some of their adventures, to help Mabel create the scrapbook for the clones to take with them, and to help give Armbel some hand drawn tattoos before she was laminated; their names, the shooting star symbol from the zodiac and, of course, a picture of Waddles.

The day was filled with moments like that and more curious ones too. Robbie had brought his guitar along and listened to Tracey play his banjo, giving him a few pointers and suggestions that proved very helpful, something no Dipper or Robbie thought would ever happen. Stan and Soos did a few tours and used Armbel as an attraction that gathered great applause, much to her obvious delight. The Wendys found little moments to prank a few of the ruder or more annoying customers, leaving them scratching their heads as to how the cashier was able to move about so fast. Wendy Two pointed out with great delight that with Armbel in tow she could do severed arm pranks wherever she went, much to her maker’s envy.

Thankfully, as Soos had predicted, it was a quiet day at the Shack with only a handful of customers to interrupt them. When Melody arrived, Soos proudly showed her off to Tracey and Quattro and they agreed that she was amazing and they couldn’t be more happy that Soos had found someone so right for him. Melody graciously took charge of the later museum tours in thanks while Wendy manned the counter and watched the shop, giving the others the freedom to laugh, joke and reminisce with the clones. Soos closed the Shack early as the customers stopped coming in, and it said something about the mood that not even Stan argued with him. 

But the joy and the laughter made the day pass quickly and too soon came the time when the clones picked up the green backpacks with the Mystery Shack logo emblazoned upon them, holding the essentials needed for their adventure through space and/or time.

Between them were split Tracey’s banjo, the journal and several drawings he and Quattro had made, supplies from Ford including powerful but portable weapons and a pack of items sellable in most dimensions (he kept that a secret from Stan), a multiverse travel guide, notebooks and pens from Dipper, glitter and stickers from Mabel, a small brown envelope full of Stanbucks (“Hey, that could be real money out there,” he said to their incredulous expressions), and, most importantly, the scrapbook full of pictures of their friends and families.

And with heavy hearts the Stans, the Dippers, the Wendys, the one and a bit Mabels, Robbie, Tambry and Soos made their way to the Bottomless Pit, staring into the black void.

“You dudes don’t need to do this,” Soos said for the hundredth time. “We can find some place for you or build a space station for you to hang out on and-”

“Nah,” Wendy Two said, Tracey and Quattro smiling a little at his kind offer. “We don’t belong here. Maybe this way we can find somewhere we do.”

“Well, if you ever do come back, or if you come out again in twenty minutes,” Soos said, his face contorting as he struggled to hold back the tears. “You dudes will always have a home here. Always.”

“Thanks, Soos, that’s super-”

The rest of her words were cut off as the large man enveloped them all in a bear-hug. “Gonna miss you dudes!” he cried.

“Alright, alright,” Stan said, patting his back to try and encourage his former-employee to let them go. “Enough of that, let somebody else get a shot. So,” he began as Soos did as he was told, wiping at his eyes. “I guess this is it,” he said lamely, never one for goodbyes or for displaying affection. “Uh, thanks for listening to my stories,” he told the brothers. “And I know how hard it is to not want to punch your brother in the face sometimes...but try not to, alright? Much as you want to throttle them...there's no one else who’ll have your back like he will.”

“Agreed!” Mabel said, wrapping an arm around her brother - washed and wearing new clothes much to everyone's pleasant surprise and confusion - and pulling him close.

“A very valuable lesson,” Ford said, ruffling her hair affectionately. “It’s one that these two taught me and it’s more important than anything I learned from decades of study: that family is what really counts. But I think you two already know that,” he added, smiling at all four of his great-niblings proudly.”

“And as for you,” Stan said, turning to the paper cashier as the Dipper clones stammered their thanks at the Author’s words. “...You’re a lazy, no-good bum and I wish I’d never hired you.”

“Thanks, Stan,” Wendy Two said, smiling at him fondly. “You’re the worst boss and second-best Mister Mystery I’ve ever known.”

Stan let out an annoyed grunt in response but turned away so that she couldn’t see the smirk she knew he wore - though the other Wendy and almost everyone else could see it clearly.

“And I would like to add that there’s no one else I trust more with these boys’ lives,” Ford told her. “Or that arm,” he added.

“Good thing you didn’t forget her,” Mabel said as Armbel gave a thumb-up.

“Never,” he said, patting the arm on the wrist.

“You, uh, you take care of yourself,” Robbie told Wendy Two, even more uncomfortable with displaying his emotions than Stanley. “You, uh, you’ve been a good friend...and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Wendy Two said, smiling a little. “And stuff.”

“Cool,” said Robbie, scratching his chin awkwardly. “So, do we hug or…?”

“I think we can save it for now,” Wendy Two said, smiling a little broader. “Raincheck?”

“Raincheck,” Robbie agreed, nodding with obvious relief.

Wendy Two shook her head as Wendy rolled her eyes, not really expecting much else from him.

“H-hey,” Tambry said, clearing her throat. “You, uh, you’ve always been like a sister to me. My oldest friend. I’m...going to miss you...and stuff.”

“Um, yeah,” Wendy Two replied, both Wendys and Robbie surprised by the awkward display of emotion from the normally stoic teen. “You too, Tambry.”

“Are we going to be that weird and unemotional when we get to their age?” Mabel asked her twin.

“I might,” Dipper admitted. “You? Never.”

“Woof, glad you two won’t need to go through those awkward teenage years,” Mabel told the clone brothers. “Stuck as twelve forever - you guys have no idea how big a bullet you dodged! I could tell you stories that-”

“They do not need to know about any of whatever you were about to say!” Dipper said quickly, rightly worried about the examples his sister would give out. “Look,” he told the cones, trying to put himself in their shoes. “It sucks that you’ll never be old enough to do all the stuff you wanted. But honestly? Growing up isn’t as fun as we thought it would be.”

“Tell me about it,” Stan grunted, the older men thinking of creaky joints, back pain, and taxes while the teenagers around them thought of acne, puberty, and high school.

“So embrace that you guys are different,” Dipper continued. “Sure, I’m desperate to grow up. But when I get older I bet even I’ll miss a lot about my childhood. And I think I’ll be happy to know that there’s not one but two of me out there going about and adventuring forever, just like I always wished I could. I’m...glad that I made you two,” he told them. “And I’m sorry that it took me so long to realise that. It was - it was nice to be a big brother for a change. I just wish I’d been a better one.”

Mabel gave a dismissive snort as she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I think it’s pretty safe to say that you’re still the best brother anyone else here has.”

“Yep,” said Wendy.

“Totally,” Wendy Two agreed.

“She’s got a point,” Stan grunted as Ford nodded after some very brief deliberation.

“We get it, man,” Tracey told Dipper with a shrug. “We’d be the exact same.”

“Yeah, we’ve been living with each other long enough to know how annoying we can be,” Quattro added as Armbel gave a thumbs-up in agreement.

The clones shared a glance before shuffling their feet uncomfortably. “Awkward sibling hug?” they asked together, stretching their arms out wide.

Dipper smiled. “Sure. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Me neither,” Mabel said, joining them so that they all held each other.

“Pat pat,” they all declared together, even Armbel joining in.

“Don’t worry,” Wendy Two told her maker as the siblings broke apart. “I won’t hug you like they did.”

“Better not,” Mabel said, ruffling Tracey and Quattro’s hair while Armbel did the same to Dipper. “That’s copyright as far as I’m concerned.”

“But I will say that it was nice to have a sister for once,” Wendy Two continued. “Even if you did try and kill me a few times. I’m going to miss you, Number One. Go easy on Dad for a bit, for my sake. He’s annoying as hell but he’s got our best interests at heart. And take care of the boys.”

“You too,” Wendy replied, nodding at the Dipper clones. “And, er, Armbel too,” she hastily added when Armbel snapped her fingers in annoyance. “And here,” she said, holding out her favourite jacket. 

“You sure you want to give me that?” Wendy Two asked, eyeing it carefully. “That’s our best one and it’s not like I need it now that I’m water-proof.”

“Eh, the way I’m going I’ll be too big for it by Christmas,” Wendy shrugged. “You can get more use out of it.”

“Thanks,” Wendy Two told her, donning it immediately. “Just wish I had a hat too.”

“Sorry,” Wendy said, putting a hand to her cap’s brim. “Can’t give you this. But I think you know that as well as I do.”

“Yeah,” Wendy Two said, her eyes lingering on it sadly. “Yeah, I do.” 

“So this is really goodbye, huh?” Quatro asked, Tracey warily leaning over the edge of the pit. “Into the unknown?”

“Yeah,” said Mabel, taking a deep breath at seeing two people wearing the face of the most important person in her world about to leave it for good.

“But you guys will have Armbel to help you get through it,” Dipper added, sensing her apprehension and putting an arm around her shoulder.

“And she’ll have you guys to help her through whatever she faces too,” Mabel said, gratefully returning the favour.

“We’ll all have each other,” Wendy Two said, bending down and pulling them all together in a breif squeeze. Her eyes met Tambry’s and she gave a little smirk as her friend stepped to the side and raised her phone just a little higher for a better angle. “Anyway, before we take the plunge, I wanted to give you something,” she said, turning to Dipper.

“You do?” Wendy asked suspiciously, not the only one to catch the expectant grins Quattro and Tracey now wore.

“Oh, I, uh, I actually have something for you too,” Dipper said, reaching into his inside pocket.

“You do?” Wendy Two asked, her surprise putting a momentary hold on her prank.

“Um, yeah, I, uh, I found it when we were moving the photocopier,” he said, fumbling over his words as he felt all eyes on him. “It - it was in the corner and I - I just figured that you...h-here,” he finished lamely, thrusting it out towards her.

“My cap!” Wendy Two cried in delight. “I can’t believe I forgot about this! Thanks, man, I really - huh.”

She paused as she saw that the cap wasn’t exactly as it had been when she’d last seen it. Dipper had added the laminating formula to make it as durable as the rest of her paper clothing. But he’d also added another change before he did so: drawing a symbol on the front. Not the blue pine tree of the original, now it was her own symbol from the zodiac: the ice bag. Her mouth twitched as she stared at the detailed image drawn expertly in blue ink, holding the cap tightly in her hands. Then she saw a little bit of blue on the inside and turned it over to read the message left there.

_You might not be the real Wendy but you’ll always be irreplaceable to me._

_I’ll miss you most._

_-Dipper Classic_

“I - I thought you might like it,” Dipper said, his awkward smile faltering slightly as he saw the look on her face.

She turned to him, feeling all of the emotions well up inside her. She’d never see her family or party with her childhood friends again. Never get those fake IDs and have the wild night they’d dreamed of for years, seeing just how much trouble they could get away with. Never have a beer with Dad and see if she could convince him it was her first, teach her little brothers all the little survival cheats she’d taught herself and goad them into trying to beat her records. Never move to Portland and find the independence she’d always craved, maybe even one day meeting that special someone and find out if she really wanted to be a mother after all. 

Now the only way she’d ever be able to experience any of those events would be through the shared memories of her maker, and who knew if that would even work when they were universes apart? She’d resigned herself to being an imitation, by her own admission stating that no clone - not even herself - could compare to their flesh and blood counterparts and thinking them all pale copies of the originals.

But now she knew she was wrong - that Dipper had taught her one final lesson before saying goodbye. That just because you couldn’t live the life you wanted, that doesn’t make you any less valuable. Especially not to the people who truly care about you.

She swallowed as she tried to find the words to express how much his small gesture now and all those that had come before it meant to her, helping her through so much and never thinking less of her after she’d stumbled so many times, wishing there was some way to convey them in a sentence or through some act-

“Oh, God,” she breathed, a look of horror on her face as an unwelcome idea launched itself to the front of her mind like a bullet and became lodged there. “Oh, God!” she cried, unable to pry it loose.

“Uh, Number Two?” Wendy asked, seeing her expression and unable to answer Dipper’s questioning glance.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” Wendy Two groaned, ignoring her and everyone else as she pressed the heels of her hands hard into her eyes. She took several deep breaths before she pulled them away. “Ah, to hell with it,” she finally declared, looking unhappy but determined.

“Um, Wendy Two?” began Dipper, glancing at the confused faces around him and noticing that Tambry - though looking almost as confused as the others - seemed to be aiming her phone at them. “What are you-?”

“Dipper?” Wendy Two suddenly said, dropping to her knees and grabbing a hold of his shoulders to look him straight in the eye. “You were always worthy of loving,” she told him. “And one day you’re going to make someone very happy.”

And then she kissed him on the mouth.

It was quick - barely long enough to disqualify it as a peck - but to him it was an eternity that passed faster than a lightning flash, the image of her shut eyes so close to his seared into his brain, letting him count the freckles on her face even after she pulled away, the pounding of his heart in his ears so loud that it drowned out the surrounding gasps and even his sister’s high-pitched shreik. 

“That...was the weirdest kiss I’ve ever had,” she said, barely audible over the screaming, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She hesitated for a moment, considering. “But not the worst,” she admitted, smirking and causing the scream to reach an inhuman pitch.

Dipper stared up at her, too stunned to speak as everyone around them gawked in disbelief; Soos covering his mouth, Robbie blinking rapidly, the Stans standing slack-jawed, even Tambry staring at them over the image on her phone instead of through it while the real Wendy stood wide-eyed, her mouth moving as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t remember how words worked.

“Trust me, I’m as surprised as anyone that I did that,” Wendy Two told them, patting a stupefied Dipper on the shoulder. Then she paused thoughtfully for a moment before leaning down and whispering something in his ear.

“O-Okay,” Dipper promised, finally finding his voice. “I will.”

“That’s my boy,” she said, shoving him so hard he fell to the ground. “And now I’m going to leave before I have to explain myself,” she declared, pulling on her backpack and walking to the Dipper clones, each of them yammering away and nudging each other, grinning like madmen as Armbel flailed on the ground, apparently as surprised as her maker, who fell to her knees from the effort of maintaining her scream. 

“But-” Wendy managed, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out to stop her doppelganger.

“Nope, not answering any questions!” Wendy Two cried, roughly pushing the backpacks on Tracey and Quattro, the clones still unable to believe what they’d just witnessed.

“But -!” Wendy said again, her eyes darting between her clone and Dipper.

“I’m leaving you to deal with the consequences! That’ll teach you to clone yourself just to get out of being grounded!” Wendy Two cried with delight, gathering the clones in her arms without so much as a grunt of exertion. “Later, losers!” she said with a sly wink, taking a step towards the pit, one foot hovering over it. 

_Totally worth it_ , she thought to herself, grinning broadly and relishing the looks on all their faces, particularly her own.

And then she let herself fall, all of them quickly disappearing into the black and wherever it took them.

Those left behind looked at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to say or to whom, casting their eyes to Dipper, Wendy, the pit, or each other, Mabel the only one making any sound as she turned red, struggling to maintain her continuous shriek.

“But-” Wendy said again, staring at where Wendy Two had been as if somehow still expecting her to explain her actions. She turned to Dipper, the young teen looking forlornly at the spot where her clone had vanished. “But-! That-! She-!” Wendy looked from the pit to her friend, trying to make sense of what she’d seen. “...WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

“Think we should be the ones asking you that question,” Stan said with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m suddenly not entirely comfortable with the idea of our nephew spending time at her place,” Ford said, narrowing his eyes critically as Mabel fell on to all fours and her face transitioned from red to purple.

“Shut up, Stan Two!” Wendy thundered, growing red from his implication while Mabel repeatedly slammed her fist into the grass. “It’s not like that!”

Robbie turned to Tambry, looking smug. “So,” he said, his voice dripping with satisfaction. “Thought I was dumb and insecure to feel threatened by a twelve-year old, huh? Well, who’s laughing now?”

“You were dumb and insecure!” Wendy yelled, her fists clenching either from rage or as practice for when she found someone's throat. “That wasn’t what it looked like! It couldn’t have been!” she screamed, sounding desperate even to her own ears. 

“Oh yeah?” Stan asked, folding his arms sceptically as Mabel collapsed on the ground face first, things growing strangely quiet as the lack of air reduced her cry to a strangled wheeze. “And what else could it have been?”

Wendy blinked at him, her face draining of colour and her mind racing as she struggled to think of an answer that didn’t leave her feeling very uncomfortable. “Well,” she began, licking her lips nervously. “It - clearly...Dipper had something on his lips! And she had to get it off. With - with her...lips.”

For several seconds there was a silence that seemed to last a very long time, Wendy shifting uncomfortably as she felt all of their eyes on her, even Dipper pulling himself from sober mulling to stare at her.

“Dude,” said Soos, shaking his head in disappointment. “Even I’m not gullible enough to believe that one.”

“Okay,” Mabel gasped, the colour returning to her face as she rolled onto her back and took several large gulps of air as Wendy turned pink. “I’m done. Think I beat a personal best, there.” She frowned, staring up at the sky as the sun approached the horizon. “Dang it! Now I don’t know who to ship!”

“You’re not shipping me with anyone!” Wendy snarled, her anger returning. “That - I don’t know what that was but it wasn’t what any of you are thinking! There’s nothing between me and Dipper! He’s just a kid!”

She winced, too late to rethink her words. She turned to her friend guiltily, expecting to see a look of hurt or dejection. She was surprised to see that he’d gotten to his feet and was simply standing by the pit and looking deep in thought, leaving her both worried and hopeful that he hadn’t heard her.

“Nobody’s going to believe this,” Mabel continued to herself, also not apparently hearing or caring what Wendy had said. “Double-dang it! This would have been a perfect Scapbook-ortunity! Wish I had a picture.”

“Huh? Oh, here you go,” Tambry said, too numb from what she’d seen to think clearly and hitting the send button on instinct.

Wendy’s head swivelled so fast it could have broken the sound-barrier. “What did you just do?”

“Uh-” said Tambry, taking several fearful steps back and knowing she’d be wishing she was still numb before long.

“Oh, relax, Wendy,” Soos said, trying to calm her. “She just sent it to Mabel. It’s not as if-”

He paused when he heard his own phone ding alongside Mabel’s, Dipper’s and Robbie’s. “Ah,” he said, looking at all the names copied into the text. “Never mind.”

“Oh, man,” Mabel groaned, quickly scrolling through the long list of contacts in search of one in particular. “Please tell me you don’t know-”

Her phone rang and her heart began to pound as she saw who it was, biting her lower lip in dread and casting a quick glance at her brother before taking a deep breath and answering.

“H-hey, Pacifica,” Mabel said, Dipper’s head shooting up. “Listen - I know what you’re thinking but that wasn’t really - Pacifica? Are - are you crying?”

She already knew the answer but before any reply came the phone was snatched from her hand.

“Pacifica?” Dipper asked, his jaw set in determination. “Are you still at Greasy’s? Listen, stay there. We need to talk and it’s too important to say over the phone.” His mouth twitched and he took a short, resigned breath before ending the call. “I’m taking your bike,” he told his sister, tossing the phone back to her before running to the Shack.

“O-okay,” she said, startled by the look in his eye. But he was already too far gone to hear her, moving faster than she’d ever seen him run without a monster at his heels.

“Woof,” said Soos, lifting his fez to run his fingers through his hair, the Stans looking just as uncomfortable. “Poor guy. Would not want to be in his shoes right now.”

“You’ll think he’s the lucky one soon enough,” Wendy hissed, approaching her oldest friend with murder in her eye. “Who else did you send that to?”

“I-I-I only sent it out of instinct!” Tambry stammered, raising her hands in a futile attempt to protect herself. “It - it wasn’t even my idea, okay? It was the other you - she convinced me - but I thought it would be a peck on the cheek - I had no idea it was going to be a full-on kiss-!”

“IT WAS NOT A KISS!” Wendy screamed, grabbing the other girl by her shirt and drawing back her fist.

There was the loud ringing of cords as a guitar came down hard, Wendy dropping to her knees and clutching the top of her skull.

“Holy crap!” Robbie breathed, amazed by his incredible act of courage. “I just hit Wendy Corduroy!”

Then the taller ten let out a hiss of pain and got to her feet, her teeth bared.

“Holy crap!” Robbie gasped, amazed by his incredible act of stupidity. “I just hit Wendy Corduroy!”

“Wendy! Wendy, put down the axe!” Tambry pleaded, cowering behind Robbie who raised his guitar in what he hoped was a protective manner. “If you hack us to death your Dad won’t let you go to the wedding!”

Wendy froze, the weapon raised above her head. Then she let out an enraged roar and launched it at the nearest tree, the blade becoming stuck in the thick bark. “You’re right,” she growled, much to the couple’s brief relief. “I’ll use my hands instead.”

“Stanley,” Ford said, carefully watching the enraged redhead giving chase to her prey. “Do you recall that time you dated that man-eating spider-woman?”

“Ugh, this again,” Stan sighed, rolling his eyes. “Are you still complaining that we didn’t stop to take a photo of her? Honestly, all week it was, ‘I want pictures, damnit, get me picture of-’”

“Did I ever tell you that I once dated a siren?” Ford interrupted.

Stan frowned. “What is this, a competition about the worst women we've dated? Let me tell ya, buster, if you want to compare bad-exes, I can tell you about dames that-”

“And our nephew married a...particularly fearsome woman,” Ford interrupted again, glancing at Mabel and choosing his words carefully.

“She’s a nutjob, no argument here,” Stan replied, Mabel nodding heartily beside him. “Where you going with this?” 

“I’m just wondering,” Ford answered, watching as Wendy tackled one of her close friends and dragged them to the ground, “if perhaps there’s something in the Pines DNA that makes us prefer women of the more dangerous variety.”

“You know, Sixer,” Stan said slowly as Wendy lifted one friend over her head and threw them at the other, “I think you might be onto something.”

* * *

**  
  
**

Pacifica choked back the sobs, trying as hard as she could and failing miserably at stopping the tears from ruining her makeup, feeling the mascara running down her cheeks and making her look almost as bad as she felt. 

“There, there,” Grenda said as Candy patted her hand comfortingly. “LET MY CALMING VOICE SOOTHE YOU!”

Pacifica let out a heart-broken wail and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking in despair.

“Weird, that usually works!” Grenda said, throwing Candy a confused look that the smaller girl could only answer with a bewildered shrug as she pushed her hair back in place.

Phil let out a tired sigh from the counter and gathered the next round of milkshakes to try and offer some sort of consolidation to the despondent girl and the friends trying to cheer her up. He glanced through the small window on the side door as he'd been doing periodically since the brief call, this time spotting a familiar figure approaching on a bike. 

“He’s coming,” he told Pacifica gently as he put the deserts down. “Go wash up. You’ll feel better and you don’t need him to see you like this.”

Pacifica gave a whimpering croak before giving a quick nod, sliding out of the booth and dashing to the restroom, her hands trying to cover the anguished stream at her mouth and nose from the customers and staff who couldn’t help but stare at the poor girl in obvious pain..

“That jerk,” Grenda growled, looking out the window to glare at the source of her friend's pain. “First Candy, now Pacifica. If he weren’t Mabel’s brother-”

“You’d what?” Phil sighed, pulling his eyes off the restroom door. “Hurt him? Listen to me very carefully: Dipper did nothing wrong, okay?”

“But Pacifica is hurting!” Candy protested, surprised that he didn’t seem to be on their side. “We can’t let him get away with that; she is our friend!”

“Yes, she is,” Phil sadly agreed. “But so is Dipper. I think we all know that he’s already tearing himself up inside for making her feel this way. And that he doesn’t need anyone’s help making him feel worse.”

“But-” Candy protested again, weaker this time as she shared an uneasy glance with Grenda. “But Pacifica likes him! And I think they would be good together! Why can’t he like her back?”

Phil gave her a strange look before casting his eyes to the floor. “Sometimes...sometimes the person we love doesn’t love us back,” he said in a very quiet voice. “No matter how much we want them to. Not even if a part of them wants to love us back. But that doesn’t make them bad. Any more than it makes us unworthy. It just means that...we’re...not right together. And that’s...that's okay. Because - even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time - your life will still go on without them. There’s the hope that one day things might get better between you or that you’ll find someone else. But even if you don’t, that - that’s okay too. Because there are people who can help you through the pain. Friends who’ll show you kindness when you need it most. Who can make you feel valuable through something as simple as a coffee and cake on the steps if the smile offering them is sincere enough.”

“Phil?” Candy asked him softly. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I thought I knew what you were saying,” Grenda said, scratching the top of her head. “But then you started talking about coffee and you lost me.”

Phil gave a long, deep breath before he raised his eyes again. “Come on, girls,” he told them, motioning for them to leave their seats as Dipper finished gasping for breath and stiffly walked to the entrance. “Pick up your milkshakes and we can head out the back. Let’s give these two some privacy.”

They nodded and did as he suggested and followed him to the kitchen. “Keep them coming,” he told Lazy Susan as they passed through, handing her the largest note he had. “Whatever she wants with whoever she’s with. Keep the change. If it’s not enough, let me know tomorrow and I’ll pay you back.”

“Poor dear,” Susan said, looking around him towards the restroom and not even commenting on the money as she tucked it away in her apron pocket. “Do you think she’ll be alright?”

“Probably not for a while,” Phil lamented. “But she’s a tough cookie, she’ll get there in the end,” he said with more conviction, giving the waitress a small smile before ushering the teens outside.

Pacifica wiped away the last bit of ruined makeup, trying to force out the last few tears as she splashed her face with the cold water, wishing it could cool her down. She let out a pained whimper and then hissed in frustration, cursing herself for not being able to control her emotions. She thought back to all her sessions with Professor Passuum, forcing herself to keep deep, steady breaths. It took a few tries but eventually she settled enough that the chokes and gasps stopped, letting her check there were no more traces of wet mascara on her cheeks.

Her eyes lingered on her reflection more in that moment than they had in a long time. She took a lot of pride in her appearance. Before she’d lost her fortune she’d spent at least an hour every morning making sure that she looked as mature and beautiful as possible. Even after Susan had let her start as a waitress and gave her some advice about not wearing too much in case the sweat of a hard day ruined it, she still made sure that she looked her best before she left home. 

Now her dark blues eyes were red and puffy, she’d washed away the concealer that hid the tiny specks of acne, and her skin looked creased and pasty compared to the radiance she’d strived for earlier that day. She looked like almost any other pretty fourteen year-old girl with a broken heart and wished she could feel attractive without makeup.

“Idiot,” she hissed. “You should have seen this coming. What did you think would happen?”

The girl in the mirror said nothing, only glaring back at her. So she took another deep breath and fixed her hair, glad that there was at least something she could do to make herself more presentable, before wiping at her apron and walked back into the diner.

She kept her head held high, not faltering for even a moment when she saw him sitting at one of the booths, walking with a determined step towards him.

“Hi, Pacifica,” he said as she settled herself across from him. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“What do you care?” she snapped, her anger thankfully overriding her pain.

“I care,” he protested, the hurt in his voice giving her bitter satisfaction. “You’re my friend and I thought you deserved to know-”

“I know all I need to know!” She pulled out her phone and thrust it at him, giving him a clear view of the image. “Thought you at least would’ve had the guts to tell me to my face instead of letting me find out through Tambry of all people, but I guess I was wrong about you. Been wrong about a lot of things,” she said, glancing away and taking a sharp breath to fight the tears threatening to break free.

“It’s...not like that,” Dipper told her gently, his stomach twisting at her distress, remembering the cold wave that hit him on the day Robbie asked Wendy out. “That wasn’t Wendy. That was Wendy Two.”

“Still a Wendy,” Pacifica muttered, crossing her arms and still refusing to look at him. “Same thing. Should have figured that you’d get together with the one that’s not even a real person.”

“She was a real person to me.”

Something in the way he said it made her glance back at him and she was taken aback by the look of loss and the wetness of his eyes.

“She was my friend,” he said, tearing the hat of his head and roughly running his hand through his hair. “It didn’t matter that she was made of paper. She was kind to me and helped me get through something I’ve been struggling with for a long time. Wendy didn’t do that, she did. And now she’s gone. They’re all gone.”

“Gone?” she said, her anger dissipating at his reaction. “What do you mean, gone? Oh no, don’t tell me the Professor got out of jail?”

“What?” he looked at her in confusion before he realised what she meant and let out a short, humourless laugh. “No. Not like that. They wanted to leave. So they jumped in the bottomless pit.”

“They - what? Why-”

“Because they wanted to find a place where they couldn’t be found out or cause us any more trouble. And the pit’s a gateway to other dimensions. That way they could end up in a whole new universe, somewhere that they could start their own adventures.”

“But I thought - Mabel told me you come back out of it after twenty minutes?”

Dipper shook his head, sadly. “That usually only works for living things, humans or animals. But they’re paper. Much less chance of that happening. And even if it did, they’d just do it all over again until it worked.” He slumped down on his seat. “I know I didn’t know them long, I barely spent a day with Tracey and Quattro and less with Wendy and Armbel, but...I’ll miss them.”

“Oh,” said Pacifica, cringing at her earlier tone and attitude. “Dipper, I am so sorry. I didn’t - I just - I saw the kiss and-”

“It didn’t mean what you think it meant.” He looked down at the floor, resigned to the truth despite knowing how painful it was. “I’m not - I’m smart enough to know that it doesn’t mean what I want it to mean. Tambry had her phone out in preparation but looked more surprised than almost anyone when it happened. It was probably going to be an emotional speech or a big hug or kiss on the cheek at most. Something to make me feel good about myself and prank Wendy at the same time. Then Wendy Two changed her mind at the last second.”

“Oh,” said Pacifica, feeling jealous from his obvious disappointment but relieved that he seemed to honestly think that was all there was to it. Even if she struggled to believe that herself. “But - why would she-”

“Because it was the last time she’d probably ever see any of us again,” he answered, raising his eyes to meet hers. “I know Wendy and I probably knew Wendy Two better than anyone. She might try to hide it but deep down she’s just as emotionally messed up as the rest of us. And saying goodbye to your whole world would make anyone do things they normally wouldn’t do.”

They were silent for a moment, Susan discreetly dropping off a pair of milkshakes as she dealt with a separate customer and giving them something else to focus on in their brief lull. Neither found the enjoyment they would normally find in the desserts, mostly sipping them out of habit and as a distraction. Pacifica watched him as he stared unfocused out the window, no doubt mulling over the loss of the clones and the final actions of one in particular. She saw that he appeared to have showered and was wearing new clothes, though the effort of riding Mabel’s bike all the way here so quickly had returned him to his natural sweaty state. She noticed how stiff he seemed to be, obviously sore from so much exercise. And all to make sure his friend wasn’t hurt. 

After a lifetime of being taught only self-interest and manipulation, was it any wonder he made her heart dance in her chest?

She hesitated as she thought about whether she should say what she'd been both eager and terrified to tell him for so long. The timing didn’t seem appropriate. But she didn’t know when she’d have either the courage or opportunity to say it again. Especially since everyone would be so busy now that the wedding was just around the corner. And he'd be leaving the Falls soon after and wouldn’t be face-to-face for almost another year.

“I...like you, Dipper,” she told him, her cheeks burning as she realised it was the first time she’d ever said the words out loud.

He looked up from his milkshake, startled by her confession despite suspecting it for so long. He caught the desperation, the fear and the hope in her eyes, imagining that must have been how he’d looked if he’d been brave enough to tell Wendy how he felt that first summer. And how much it had hurt him when she turned him down, despite doing it in the gentlest possible way.

“I’m sorry, Pacifica,” he said, the look on her face like a knife to the stomach. “I - I really like you. I’m so happy that we became friends. But I don’t...I'm not ready for a relationship. Maybe - maybe in a few years I-"

“But-!” She took a sharp deep breath as the tears came, trying to blink them back. “But I like you! I like you right now! And Wendy doesn’t! I just - I’ve been trying so hard but I don’t know what I have to do to make you like me back!”

He flinched at the pain in in her voice, hating himself for putting her through it but knowing he had to if he wanted to save them both from more suffering in the future. “You can’t make someone like you that way,” he gently told her. “It doesn’t work like that. I know that better than most people.”

“But why not?” She wiped her face with the back of her hands, struggling to see him through the tears. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I’ve wanted you to like me! Why don’t the people I love love me like they’re supposed to?” She let out an agonised gasp and dropped her head into her hands. “Why aren’t I good enough?”

He reached across the table, taking her by the hands and pulling them away from her face. “Pacifica, listen to me,” he told her as forcibly as he could. “You _are_ good enough. You're brave and smart and kind. Look at all the times you’ve helped us out this summer! With the Manataurs and the magic gems and Jenna - you’ve helped us out again and again while the old you wouldn’t have cared at all! That’s amazing. I am so lucky to have someone like you as a friend.”

“Then why do you still like her better?” she demanded, her anger making a welcome return, a distracted from the emptiness inside. “What makes her so special? Is it her face? Her hair? What?”

Dipper hesitated as her eyes bore into him, letting her finally pull her hands away as she glared at him. Yes, he did adore her face. And her hair was spectacular. It was everything about her; her freckles, her scent, her laugh, even her impressive height - as insecure as it made him feel - was something he liked because it was a part of her. So why did all that matter in the first place, what really made her special? Well that was obvious. It was because-

“She treated me like a person.”

Pacifica tilted her head to the side, confused. “What?”

His mouth twitched as his fists clenched on the table. “Do you know why Mabel had a phone last summer but I didn’t?”

“Um,” she said, hesitating to voice the first answer that came to mind. “Well...old me would have made a sarcastic reply about you not having any friends to call but I thought it was because-”

“Old you was right,” he told her. “I didn’t. I don’t. In Piedmont I don’t have anyone except Mabel, Mom and Dad.” Dipper rubbed his arms as if to ward of the cold emptiness the memories brought. “I tried. Plenty of times. Mabel always made it look so easy. But nothing I did ever worked. And after a while I just...made my piece with it. 

"But then we came here,” he said, a small nostalgic smile at the corners of his mouth. “Soos was the first real friend I ever made. He didn’t care how young we were, he enjoyed our company and was the first person in the world to like me and Mabel equally. And Wendy was the first girl who didn’t tease or insult me, no matter how awkward I was around her. She liked me for being...me. And I’ll always be grateful for that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess...I guess you wouldn’t really understand.”

“I...think I might,” she said, thinking back to her own lonely childhood. She had friends. Not real friends, friends who would stick by you. Hers turned their backs on her the moment the money ran out. But she still had fond memories of time they’d spent together, even if those memories were tainted by the knowledge that so much of it had been an act. But a part of her believed - hoped - that it wasn’t all fake. That some of it had to have been real. Dipper couldn’t even say that.

She didn’t learn what true friendship was until she met a brother and sister who treated her with a generosity she didn’t deserve, risking their lives to help her even after she’d enjoyed hurting them at every opportunity.

“Yeah,” Dipper sadly said after a moment’s consideration. “I think you’re right.”

“But -” she swallowed, seeing the pain they shared and believing that together they might be able to ease it. “But that’s why I like you so much! You’re the first boy who didn’t like me for my money! You liked me for me! That’s what makes you so special, Dipper!” She reached out and took his hand. “You know how much that means to me,” she told him.

Dipper looked back at her, staring into her gorgeous blue eyes and noticing for what felt like the first time just how beautiful she was, even without her makeup. He thought of how funny and smart and brave she was, how much fun they’d shared this summer, how glad he was that they’d become so close.

He squeezed her hand in his. “Yes, I do. And now you know how much Wendy means to me for doing the same.”

She bit her lip, the tears building again as his words sunk in, still wishing there was something that she could say or do to shake his devotion.

“Can - can we still be friends?” she asked instead, grasping at the only part of him she could hold onto.

He put his other hand over hers. “I don’t know what I’d do if we didn’t,” he said, trying to give her the brightest smile he could muster despite the guilty knot in his stomach. “And thank you, Pacifica.”

“For what?”

“For being interested in me. The real me. Sweaty, smelly, awkward, short Dipper. No one else has ever thought of me like that. I’m flattered. More than that, I’m honoured.”

“So you should be,” she said, giving him a reproachful look. “I’m Pacifica Northwest! I’m not your typical girl.”

“Never thought you were,” he said, pleased to see her acting more like the friend he’d become so close to.

Her mouth twitched and she looked as if she were about to say something more but then thought better of it. “I should get back to work,” she told him, more abruptly than she wanted. “My shift isn’t over and I can’t expect Susan to do all the work.”

“I should get back too,” he said, understanding and accepting her tone, sliding out of the booth with her. “No doubt Mabel will have a billion questions about everything we talked about.”

“Of course, she will,” she groaned.

He lingered for a second, unsure if he should make his next proposal. “Do you want a friendly hug?” he said, deciding that she deserved that much at the very least and unsure what else he could offer her, holding his arms open.

She frowned, looking him up and down critically and noticing again the smell of sweat from the brisk bike ride. “No. You smell and you broke my heart. Go away.”

“Oh.” His arms dropped to his side, becoming flustered and sweaty all over again at the look she was giving him. “Y-Yeah, fair enough. I guess I can't blame you for-”

“I’m kidding. Come here, you jerk,” she said, stepping forward.

He could almost taste the scent of her expensive perfume as she pressed against him, uncomfortably aware of her softness and how their similar heights made this embrace feel more natural compared to the few times he’d been this close to Wendy. He gently put his arms around her and she tightened her hold as if fearing to let go, leaving him to wonder how long he would have to stay like this.

Then she kissed him on the cheek and he broke the hold when he jumped back in shock, a hand clapped to the place where her soft lips had pressed against his clammy skin.

“What, you think the Wendy clone’s the only one allowed to get over-emotional and kiss guys?” she said to his surprised expression. She rolled her eyes. “Boys. Make such a big deal about everything.”

He continued to rub his cheek in a daze before breaking out into a relieved smile. “I’ll see you later, Pacifica,” he said, walking backwards towards the door. “Hey, give me a call next time you’re free. We’ll have to hit up the arcade one more time before I leave.”

“I’d like that,” she told him with a faint smile.

“Great, we’ll do all your favourites,” he promised before spinning on his feet, walking directly into the wall beside the door, making her giggle as he bounced off it. He raised a hand in embarrassed farewell as he properly went through the door, Pacifica raising her own in a continuous wave as he walked to the bike.

It was only when he was back up the road that her hand dropped to her side and her smile faded, her lip trembling slightly as she collected herself once again.

She paused when she heard some quiet snuffling beside her.

“That was so sad!” said Deputy Durland, blowing his nose loudly.

“But so beautiful!” Sheriff Blubs blubbered, wiping at his eye.

“SHUT UP!” Pacifica roared, turning crimson at the realisation they must have overheard everything. And then, realising that it wasn’t the best idea to yell at customers, especially when it was the sheriff and his darling deputy, she added, “WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?”

“The soup!” Durland cried, pushing himself away from her.

“And the curly fries!” Blubs added, reaching across the table to try and shield Durland with his impressive girth.

“I’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH IT!” Pacifica yelled, much to their dismay. She glared at the other customers peering at her, glad to see there were only a few. “Anyone else want anything?” she growled, baring her teeth.

There was a quick murmur of fearful refusal from them, Pacifica giving a satisfied snort before heading back to the kitchen and putting in the order, the cook giving her a kind and sympathetic smile. She looked down, too embarrassed to give one back.

“You take it easy, dearie,” Susan told her, giving her a tight, quick, one-armed hug, expertly holding a tray aloft with the other. “You need a break or even want to head home early, just let us know. It’s quiet, we’ll manage.”

Pacifica gave a nod but didn’t answer her, too afraid to speak in case her voice broke. She was glad it was so peaceful tonight but still wished she’d taken her conversation outside. How much had they heard? Did she sound as desperate and lonely to them as she sounded to herself?

She tried to work as best she could, holding back the tears and keeping herself busy but there was only so much she could do. And eventually, despite her best efforts, the tightness in her chest grew too much and she broke down, Susan tenderly guiding her to the empty booth in the corner and dimming the lights above so any new customers wouldn’t go near her.

She put her head in her hands again and felt more alone than she had since the start of summer. The Professor wouldn’t be out of jail for at least a week. Mabel was too close to Dipper and Wendy for her to feel comfortable making that call. She didn’t want to discuss it with Phil when he was barely coping with his own relationship woes. Candy and Grenda had tried to comfort her in their own way so they might be the best option? True, she doubted that they’d understand her as well as the others but she didn’t have many friends to rely on. 

She let out a sad sigh and pulled out her phone, wishing there was someone else who understood the pain of having the person you liked so much turn you down, despite trying so hard. The ache that left in her soul. She was scrolling through her contacts when she heard footsteps and a shiny pair of black shoes entered the corner of her vision.

“Hi, Pacifica,” Gideon said, softly. “Do you want to talk?”

* * *

_Author’s other note: Ah yes, the kissing and Diner scenes._

_No doubt a lot of people are going to accuse me of being a Wendipper after this chapter. And maybe I am. I will neither confirm nor deny which ship I favour. Because I want people to read these for my writing, not to see who I put Dipper with at the end. That’s not the point of any of these stories._

_Sure, I tease and joke about most of the ships, even some of the less popular ones. I think they’re funny and good for character development. But this is not a shipping series. It’s primarily a comedy series full of adventure, freindship, threat and way more psychological exploration of the characters than I ever thought I could manage._

_Alex Hirsch once tweeted that twelve-year olds have more important things to worry about than romance, like Pokémon and pop tarts. It’s something I agree with, even now that they're almost fourteen. Never had a pop tart in my life but when I was twelve I knew that Pokémon was way more important to me than girls. ‘Cause girls were icky._

_Anyway, I’ll probably have more to say on this during my next story but I’ll admit right now that I have ZERO plans to give Dipper a girlfriend until he’s fifteen (at least). I have some vague ideas but that's years away and I might change my mind and do something very different._

_Maybe he’ll finally go on a date with Wendy, only to realise they aren’t as compatible as he first thought and he’ll move on. Maybe he’ll never quite get over that first crush and one day Wendy will see him in a whole new light. Maybe I’ll return to the love-triangle and have him drift between the two. Maybe he’ll find someone completely new, a very special girl he encountered during a mystery or adventure._

_Wouldn’t that be hilarious! If - after all this teasing - I have Dipper end up with an original character?_

_No? Well, I thought it was funny…_


	12. Chapter 12

Wendy was perched on the stool, her boots on the counter and her back against the wall to stop herself tipping over. It was her second most common position in the shop, the first being when she had one elbow propped on the counter as she lazily flicked through a magazine or played with her phone.

They hadn’t re-opened the store after the early closure, but she hadn’t contacted her father to update him about that. He would have just left work early to take her home and she needed some quiet time to process the events of that day. Funny. Less than twenty-four hours ago she’d been seeking out Wendy Two, ready to spit or even bleed all over her if necessary. Now it almost felt like some piece of her was missing.

She slipped a hand in her pocket, drawing one of the hundreds of pictures that Mabel had taken with Dipper’s instant camera. He usually preferred to develop the photos himself, finding the procedure relaxing and resulting in better quality, but sometimes an immediate photo was more useful. Like when someone was saying goodbye and you wanted to share a few last memories for the other person to take with them. 

But a scrapbook could only hold so many, resulting in plenty for both parties, each wanting to remember their brief time together. Wendy looked at one she’d kept: standing beside her twin, each with an arm around the other’s shoulder and pulling at their lower eyelids while sticking out their tongues. If it wasn’t for the pine tree hat that one wore, it’d be almost impossible to tell them apart.

She slipped the picture back in her pocket as the door to the lab swung open, Stanley stepping out and stretching his arms. 

“Hey, kid,” he said, walking over and leaning on the counter. “How’s it going? Your Dad not picked you up yet?”

“Didn’t tell him we closed early,” Wendy shrugged, changing to a more natural sitting position. “He’d just want to get back to grounding me and throw me in my room. At least here I don’t need to deal with my brothers. Where’s Ford?”

“He’s talking to McGucket on the radio about...something. I just zone out once they start with the science mumbo-jumbo. But we’re taking the kids up there for dinner so he’ll be up soon. We’d ask you to join us but what with your Dad-”

“No, I get it. Thanks for thinking of me anyway. You going to talk to him about the photocopier?”

“Not the reason we’re going but it’ll probably be brought up. At least Tate’ll be there. We can talk fishing while those two start hypothesising again.”

“Guess it’s nice that there’s somebody normal while the scientists ramble.”

“Oh, no. Don’t let the outfit and fishing talk fool you, Tate’s just as much a brainiac as his old man. Smarter even! You know that look I get when Ford uses all them science words and I have to wait for Dipper to translate? Well Ford gets the exact same look whenever he asks Tate to check his notes! It’s hilarious watching him struggle until McGucket has to explain it! Teach my brother what it’s like for the rest of us.”

“That does sound fun,” Wendy agreed with a little smile. “Hopefully I’ll get to see that once I’m allowed back out.”

“You should definitely come up some time,” Stan told her. “That Northwest girl visits every now and then and I bet he’d love it if more people did too. Gate’s always open.”

“Boy, how times have changed,” Wendy said, remembering how rare it was for anyone in town to get more than a peek inside at the mansion when the Northwests owned it. 

“Yeah,” Stan said, observing the shop, noticing the lower prices, the different merchandise, the better condition of the shelves and racks. “You got that right.”

“It’s...strange,” Wendy said after a few moments of silence. “They were barely here. But things seem so quiet now that they’re gone. I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

Stan leaned his back against the counter, staring up at the ceiling before answering. “Saying goodbye to family’s never easy, Wendy. All we can do is think of the good times to help us through it.”

“It’s all set,” Ford said a moment later, swinging the passage to the lab shut behind him. “All we need to do is phone Fiddleford when we’re on our way and he should have the food ready by the time we arrive. Has Dipper returned yet?”

“Not yet,” Wendy answered with a shrug. “Might be a while. Don’t think it’s going to be an easy conversation.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Ford said, nodding. “Not an enviable situation.” He frowned at Wendy. “But while we’re on the subject, I wanted to discuss that little display of yours.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Wendy snapped. “It was Number Two! I had no idea she was planning that!”

“Nevertheless, she was a clone and thus a near-exact duplicate of you,” Ford argued. “And I don’t want you getting any ideas. Yes, Dipper is very mature for his age, but the point remains that you are sixteen and he isn't quite fourteen. Now, I know that this is a confusing time for you, struggling with hormones, facing these strong physical desires-”

“Is he serious?” Wendy demanded, turning to Stan.

“Unfortunately,” Stan sighed, shaking his head.

“-and while I can see why you’d be attracted to someone of Dipper’s mighty intellect-” Ford continued.

“Figures you’d think that was what people were into,” Stan muttered under his breath.

“-the point remains that he is still a child and, no matter how strong his urges and yours are, you must not succumb to them or-”

“I have an axe!” Wendy snarled, drawing the weapon. “And today is not the day to test me, Stan Two!”

“Alright, alright,” Stan sighed, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder and holding the other up in front of Wendy. “Fun as it would be to call the guys over and have them place bets on who’d win (no offense, bro, but my money ain’t on you) we’ve got a dinner to go to so I’m stopping this right here. Wendy, settle down and put the deadly weapon away for now. Ford, I’ll explain why you’re wrong in the car. And then again at dinner, just to rub it in your face.”

“And you’d better listen,” Wendy added, returning her axe to its sheathe. “I swear, the next person who brings this up is gonna have my boot up their-”

“Look what I made!” Mabel screamed as she charged into the room, carrying her scrapbook for this summer. “Totally worth the wait!”

She slammed the book on the counter, tearing through it until she was at the end, picking it up and holding it aloft to show the others.

“Dipper’s first kiss!” she announced, Wendy’s eye twitching when she saw her young friend had printed the image from her phone, placing it in the centre of a love heart drawn on two pages, surrounded by smaller ones, lipstick markings, cartoons of Dipper and Wendy Two together and several scribbles that she didn’t think she wanted to read. “Well, his first girl-kiss, anyway.”

“His first - what?” asked Ford, Stan sticking his finger in his ear in case they’d both misheard.

“But I bet he liked this one more,” Mabel continued happily. “Sure, Mermando did have nicer hair and a better moustache than the one you’re getting, but they didn’t have any real chemistry so overall-”

“Mabel, you better give me that damn photo before I-” Wendy began, one foot on the counter and ready to launch herself at the younger teen before Stan put his hands out to stop her.

“Mabel,” he said, his mouth set in concern. “Sweetie. Please get rid of that photo. We need to be logical here.”

“Boo!” Mabel cried, dancing out of reach. “That’s a boring word!”

“Stanley and Wendy are right, Mabel,” Ford said, holding up his hands in a pacifying gesture. “That’s a very incriminating image. Just think of what your mother would do if she saw it!”

Mabel stopped in her tracks, staring at her great-uncles. Then her eyes went wide and she let out a small gasp of terrified realisation, ripping the offending pages and photo out of her scrapbook and scrunching them in her hand before throwing them to the floor and stomping on them for good measure.

“Woo! That was a close shave,” she told Wendy, wiping at her brow and giving a small laugh. “Almost signed your death-warrant!”

“Uh-huh,” said Wendy, hardly able to believe that Mabel had allowed any harm to come to her beloved scrapbook, let alone so drastically. “Okay, I’ve been wondering this for a while now, but what’s the deal with your Mom? Dipper’s told me a bit about her, but the way you guys talk about her, she seems almost like a supervillain sometimes.”

“Oh, no no no!” Mabel laughed, Stan and Ford sharing an uneasy look behind her. “No, she’s nothing like that! It’s just that she picked up some, er, interesting habits from the job she had before she met Dad.”

“What was she, a secret agent or something?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, seriously?” Wendy asked, equal parts surprised and impressed.

“We think so, anyway. It would explain a lot. She says she’s not at liberty to discuss it. And even if she could, she wouldn’t because it’s her duty to protect us from the darkness of this world. But Dipper and I’ve taken her words and actions into consideration over the years and we’ve reached our own conclusions. Dipper once said he thinks she specialised in intensive interrogation and wet work.”

“He...what?”

“Personally, I think she tortured and killed people.”

Wendy stared at her for a moment, desperately wishing her face would suddenly form into a broad grin to reveal it was all some odd joke at her expense. Then she looked at Stan and Ford, noting their grim expressions.

“Huh,” Wendy said at last, turning back to Mabel. “That’s very interesting.” She hesitated a moment before voicing her next question. “Okay, so why does she hate me? I mean, Pink and the Professor I can understand, even if they have blown it way out of proportion-”

“It’s not so much that she hates you, Wendy,” Stan said slowly, scratching the back of his neck and trying to choose the nicest possible way to explain. “It’s more that she thinks Dipper deserves better than the likes of you.”

Wendy threw him a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you didn’t sound the best on paper,” Stan said, shifting uncomfortably. “You’re a bit of a delinquent and you didn’t have the best grades until Dipper started tutoring you. She’s a substitute so stuff like that really bugs her, y’know? Plus, when she heard how many boyfriends you’ve had-”

“What’s wrong with having a few boyfriends?” Wendy snapped.

“I believe what Stanley’s trying to say,” Ford interrupted before his brother’s lack of finesse could get him in more trouble, “Is that our niece-in-law has exceptionally high standards and can be a little...zealous in regards to the well-being of her children. Dipper especially. And she’s a bit concerned that they could be led astray by people who might have some influence over them.”

“Look, it’s not just you, alright?” Stan said when he saw the cashier open her mouth in indignation. “She had a few nasty words with us at Hanukkah. She was none too pleased about me pretending to be Ford, or giving Dipper the keys to the golf cart, or us letting Mabel hold a crossbow, or getting them arrested for counterfeiting-”

“I actually agree with her strongly on that one, Stanley.”

“Shut up! How was I supposed to know she’d find out about it? And even then, she didn’t need to threaten us with...that!”

“I didn’t think what she said was possible,” Ford whispered, turning pale. “But when she showed me those diagrams…”

“Yep, that’s Mom for you,” Mabel chuckled as her great-uncles shuddered. “But Stan’s right, you shouldn’t take it personally. She just gets worried about us sometimes. Honestly, if she didn’t think we were safe or knew how much Gravity Falls meant to us, she wouldn’t let us come back. And I don’t even think Mom could argue that you haven’t been good to Dipper.”

“Thanks, Mabel,” said Wendy, appreciating the compliment. “I think he deserves-”

“‘Course not as good as Wendy Two!” Mabel grinned, nudging a still shaken Ford with her elbow and ruining the moment. “Wowzah! Now I’m way more curious about that chat they had in the woods.”

“Mabel,” Wendy warned her, scowling.

“And then that little whisper before she jumped,” Mabel continued, stroking her chin theatrically with a mischievous grin. “Wonder what she said? A bit quick to be a declaration of love, but maybe a promise for the future or a hint to-”

“Mabel, I will throw you in the pit, swear to God!”

“Don’t want me interrupting the shenanigans between you and Dipper, huh?” Mabel said, nodding in happily, unfazed by her friend’s fearsome glare. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned until Wendy could only see her back, her fingers dancing on her shoulders, wriggling as she made exaggerated kissing sounds. “Mwah, I love you so much, let’s get married, mwah-mwah!”

“I think that’s enough now,” said Ford, clearing his throat and looking very uncomfortable while Stan turned away, a hand hiding his mouth. 

“Goddamn it, number Two,” Wendy muttered as Mabel ignored her great-uncle’s advice. “Now I’m going to be stuck with this all summer.”

“Probably longer if your brothers were included in the text,” Mabel pointed out, letting her arms fall to her side and turning to face them again, still grinning. “And, hey, technically you’ve only got yourself to blame! Isn’t that hilarious?”

“Ha, freaking ha.” Wendy let out an exasperated sigh and scratched the back of her head. “Do...do you think he’ll be okay?” she asked them. “When I tell him that it...didn’t mean anything?”

The Pines family looked at each other, thinking of how long their youngest member had harboured those unrequited feelings, despite trying his hardest to push past them.

“You’re his best friend, Wendy,” Mabel said at last. “And Dipper’s smart enough to know that’s what really counts.”

“I think he’ll be fine, after a while,” Ford agreed. “He has a big heart and you two have something special. I doubt he’ll let anything get in the way of that. Not even his own feelings.”

“Hm,” said Wendy, still not at ease, thinking back to a conversation on a log that had pained her worse than the battle with a monster just minutes before it.

“Speak of the devil,” Stan sighed, looking out the door window and spotting his great-nephew walking towards them, his sister’s bike by his side. Stan leaned over the counter and put a large hand on her arm. “We’ll give you two some time. Take it from someone who knows: better to tell the painful truth now before it causes more pain later.”

Wendy nodded in thanks, glad that they were giving her some space. Sure, Mabel would probably be eavesdropping to hear the whole thing, but it was still a nice gesture.

She drummed her fingers on the counter. She thought back to what she said last time, not wanting an exact repeat but not sure what else she could say. Things hadn’t changed for her. Not in that way. Yes, she cared about him even more now, had grown closer to him than anyone, including her family and Tambry. And she was happy to see how far he’d come since that first summer.

He was more confident, able to stand up for himself better and look people, even girls, in the eye. He hadn’t grown much but he walked taller, no longer hunching as often as he used to, as if trying to shy away from others. He was more accepting of his faults instead of dwelling on them or trying to hide them like he had before. He seemed happier, both with himself and in general, still eager to please but no longer desperate to prove himself to the world or even her.

And it pained her greatly to think of the look on his face when she’d have to tell him that she still couldn’t see him the way he wanted.

The bell above the shop door rang, interrupting her thoughts.

“Hello, Corduroy,” Officer Mendez said with a smug smile, strolling in with her hands behind her back, her hat in one hand and holding the opposing wrist in the other. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, hey, Mendez,” Wendy said, too lost in thought to notice the arrival of the patrol car outside. “Did you see Dipper on your way in? I need to talk to him.”

“He’s sitting outside,” Mendez replied, jerking a thumb over her shoulder. “Looking very pleased with himself. I wonder why?”

Wendy let out a groan at the woman’s tone. “Oh, come on! Tambry had your number too?”

“She thought it might be handy in case there’s anything like the potion-witch thing again. Can’t say I disagree with her logic.”

“Suppose I should be grateful she didn’t show it to my Dad,” Wendy grunted. “Otherwise he’d have barged in already, demanding to know what I was doing.”

“Yeah, we’ll discuss that in a moment,” said Mendez, giving her a critical look. “But first thing’s first. I’ve been thinking of the best way to punish you for those little clones of yours.”

Wendy’s stomach dropped. “Punish me? But Wendy Three was the one who led them! I was the first one they attacked!”

“Yes, but you were also the one who made them,” Mendez pointed out, narrowing her eyes. “That means they were your responsibility. Which means it’s your name I’m going to add to the police report. I’ve already thought of a suitable punishment. Can you guess what it is? No? I’ll give you a little hint: what’s paper used for?”

“...books?” Wendy said after a while, dreading where this was going.

“That’s right!” Mendez said, stepping on tiptoe and leaning over the counter to pat the tall teen’s head. “Who says you aren’t clever? Mister McGucket’s ordered a whole bunch of new computers and books for the library and the librarians have been looking for volunteers to help out. And guess who’s name I’ve decided to add to that list?”

“...Mine.”

“Right again! You’re on a roll! You can do all the grunt work so they can get on with the archiving; the cleaning, heavy lifting, work the desk a little, put up notices throughout town, fix those old, wobbly desks and loose shelves - basically whatever they want.”

“Great. Sounds like fun.”

“I thought so too,” Mendez said, smiling in satisfaction. “Now, I’m not sure how long it’ll take for it to finish but I think they can make use of you even after the new stuff’s sorted. There’s always something that needs to be cleaned, a toilet to be scrubbed.”

“Uh-huh. And how long am I volunteering for?”

Mendez’s smile broadened in anticipation. “Well, considering the number of clones you made and how much trouble they could have caused...I think two months should cover it.”

Mendez’s smile broadened as she saw the teenager’s reaction; the widening of the eyes, the way the colour drained from her already pale cheeks as she processed the information. Then her smile faltered as the girl’s expression changed, her lips tightening as she slouched and let out a resigned sigh.

“Okay,” Wendy said. “Fair enough.”

Mendez stared at her. “That’s it?” she asked. “No swearing or angry complaining? Not even a moody grumble?”

“All of that’ll come later,” Wendy promised, irritated by the woman’s obvious disappointment. “But no, I was only thinking of myself and made a mess of things trying to dodge the consequences. It’s about time I learned to accept my punishment instead of making things worse. I guess...I can head over after school. I’ll just have to work all-day Saturday. Might be hard to manage but Soos and Melody should be able to handle things without me for that long, it’s a bit quieter when school starts again. And Stan will be around if they need an extra hand.”

“Right,” said Mendez, deflating a little at her response. “That’s good. I guess. Anyway, I’ll talk to your dad, tell him that-”

Wendy’s hand shot out and grabbed the officer. “Please!” she cried. “Please don’t tell my Dad about the clones!”

“Hey, what’re you - get off!”

“I’ll do anything! I’ll volunteer for as long as you want! Hell, I’ll even become a librarian! Just - just don’t tell my Dad? At least, not yet!”

“I’m not going to haggle with your sentence, Corduroy!” Mendez snapped, unable to pry herself loose. “Now let go before I drag you in for assault!”

“But he can’t find out!” Wendy protested desperately. “He’ll ruin everything and it’ll be all my fault!”

Mendez stopped trying to tear herself out of the redhead’s iron-grip, unprepared for the sudden vulnerability in her voice. “Are you okay?”

Wendy hesitated, not sure how much she should say and whether it would make the sometimes vindictive cop more or less willing to help her - if it would have any effect at all. “No,” she finally admitted, letting go of her arm. “My Dad, he went mental after the whole Northwest car thing. Uh, not that I had anything to do with-”

“Forget the car,” Mendez said, waving away her confession. “What were you saying about your dad?”

“Yeah, he was furious,” Wendy said, surprised that the officer was sparing her so easily. “Told me I was too old to be acting out and doing stupid stuff. And - and he was right. But I didn’t listen. He said he’d ship me to my cousin’s next summer if I misbehaved again, even threatened to stop me going to the wedding. But I still made those clones because - because I thought I could get away with it. Despite knowing what it could mean if I didn’t.

“If - if you want to tell him about them then - then okay. But, please, just wait until the wedding’s over? This is going to be the most important day of Soos’ life and he’ll be heart-broken if I’m not there. I’ll take whatever punishment’s thrown at me, even if it means...even if it means I’m not here next summer. But I can’t ruin this for him. He doesn’t deserve to suffer for my crimes.”

Mendez leaned forward, peering at the notorious trouble-maker and trying to detect even a hint of an ulterior motive. “Alright,” she sighed, after failing to find any. “I’ll leave out the clones. But you’re still going to the library for a month!” she added sharply. “I’ll tell your Dad that’s the punishment for Northwest’s car.”

“Great, fine, thank you!” Wendy said, nodding eagerly. “You’ve no idea how much I appreciate this - hang on. I thought you said I'd be there for two months?”

"Don't argue with me, Corduroy," Mendez said, returning her hat to her head. "It'll make both our lives easier."

Wendy said nothing but rapidly nodded her thanks. Then she suddenly remembered something important, glad she now had the perfect opportunity. “Hey, Mendez, before you go - I’ve got something for you.”

“It’s not a bribe, is it? Because if it is -”

“What? No! It’s something I need you to sign for me. Here.” 

She thrust out a piece of paper, Mendez raising an eyebrow at it before turning it over and seeing that it simply read ‘see you next summer’ in the centre, surrounded by the names of several townsfolk.

“It’s a goodbye gift for Dipper,” Wendy explained. “Just a list to remind him of the friends he’s got in town.”

“I’m a friend?” the officer asked, sceptically.

Wendy looked her in the eye. “You helped us fight off Jenna and you’ve done a lot for this town. I think you’ve earned a place on that sheet.”

“This Pines kid...he means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” Mendez asked as she took the sheet.

Wendy looked out the window, just able to see the corner of her old trapper hat if she leaned forward. “More than you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Mendez finished scribbling and held out the paper, replacing her pen. “Okay, I know it’s not really any of my business and I like to think you’re too smart to do anything too stupid, but don’t try any funny business with him.”

“Wait, what?”

“I get that he’s pretty mature,” Mendez began, much to Wendy’s growing annoyance, “But he’s still just a kid. I know dating younger guys is more popular these days-”

“Oh, my God,” Wendy groaned, burying her head in her hands.

“But he’s still very young. Now, I get that you’ve got these confusing hormones and urges and that you two are close but he’s still a boy and unfortunately, if anything happens then it’s usually us girls who deal with the consequences-”

“Oh, for f-!”

“And considering your age, that would be legally as well as socially. And I’ve put up with a lot of your crap, Corduroy, but if I find out you’ve-”

Wendy slammed her fist on the counter. “I’m not dating Dipper! That was my clone! And she only did it to mess with me!”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Mendez breathed, putting a hand over her heart. “I’m normally against pulling people up for PDAs but I don’t think I could stop myself! He looks about ten while you could pass for twenty!”

“Is my reputation for guys really that bad?” Wendy demanded, deciding not to argue about the age comments.

Mendez stopped. “...maybe…?”

Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose. “You make a few dozen bad choices and people keep expecting the worst from you!”

“I hear that!” Mendez laughed. “Welcome to womanhood!”

Wendy lowered her hand, glaring at her. “Why are you being so nice?” she demanded. “I thought you hated me?”

Mendez rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate you, you idiot! I’m tough on you because that’s my job. I see you doing all these dumb things and I’m supposed to just let it slide? What kind of cop would I be?”

“Pretty normal one for Gravity Falls,” Wendy muttered.

“That’s - that’s a good point, actually. But I want that to change! I’m not dragging your or those friends of yours over to the station half as much as I used to, so I like to think you guys are finally learning to behave yourselves.”

“Yeah,” Wendy reluctantly agreed. Her mouth twitched, remembering the trouble they used to cause, even when people were still struggling to move on from the events of Weirdmageddon. “Yeah,” she said again, with more regret. “Dad was right. I really do need to grow up. Hell, maybe even Pink and the Professor are right. I’ve been nothing but trouble.”

“Oh, shut up!” Mendez snapped, catching her off-guard. “What, you think you’re the only person to have problems with the law? Hell, I did worse than I hope you ever will.”

“Really?” Wendy asked, surprised by her response. “Like what?”

Mendez cocked her head to the side, looking the teenager up and down as if trying to work something out. “Maybe I’ll tell you someday,” she said, eventually. “But not today. The point is, I’ve looked over your rap sheet and arrested you more times than I want to admit. I have more reason to dislike you than almost anyone. But I never thought you were a bad person, Wendy. And you’ve done nothing to convince me otherwise.”

“Um...thank you?” Wendy said, taken aback.

“Any time,” Mendez replied, leaning forward to pat her arm. “And if you need to talk to someone, let me know. You need someone since I think the Professor’s made it pretty clear she'll never give you an appointment. Take car of yourself, Wendy.”

Wendy watched the officer return to her patrol car and drive away, unsure of what to make of their conversation. It seemed like a lot to take in after an already complicated day. She felt very unsure of herself. Which happened more than she was willing to admit but this time she was struggling to hide it, despite years of perfecting the act.

Her eyes drifted to the boy still sitting on the steps, staring up at the sky and obviously lost in thought. She glanced at the watch on the wall and saw that it wouldn’t be long before her father came to collect her. Better bite the bullet now, then.

“Hey, Dipper,” she said, keeping her voice casual as she stepped outside. “Mind if I join you?”

“Hey, Wendy,” Dipper responded, his voice as casual as hers. “No, go ahead. Take a seat.”

She did, following his eyeline to the sky, a few stars appearing in the twilight. “Looks like it’ll be a nice night.”

“Yeah.”

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t look as upset as she had feared. He didn’t look upset at all, in fact. She gave a short exhale through her nose, wishing there was some way that she could spare him from another rejection but knowing it had to be done. “Listen, Dipper, about what Wendy Two did-”

“It didn’t mean anything. I shouldn’t get my hopes up about a future between us because of one small act. She was just caught up in the moment and your feelings haven’t changed towards me.”

She turned to him, not surprised by his words but even more surprised by the calm, reasonable way he said them. “Um...yeah. I - I’m sorry, Dipper. Are you okay?”

His mouth twitched and he looked from the sky to the ground, thinking. “Pacifica confessed to me.”

“I see,” said Wendy, his face and tone not revealing as much. “That’s...good. Isn’t it?”

“I had to turn her down.”

“Oh. That’s - I’m sorry, Dipper. I know how hard that can be.”

He let out a brief chuckle. “Yeah. It’s funny. I never in a million years thought I’d turn down someone like Pacifica. She’s smart, funny, pretty. Totally out of my league. And I really, really like her. But I don’t _like_ her. Well, I kind of do. But not enough to feel comfortable dating her. I’m not ready to date anyone.”

“I think that’s a good thing to know about yourself,” Wendy told him. “Truth is, dating kinda sucks. I wish I’d waited a bit before I got started.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “How is she? Pacifica, I mean. She was crying when she phoned Mabel and being turned down can’t have been easy.”

“Hollow,” Dipper said, after a moment's consideration. “Cold and drained. As if she’s pushed herself towards some vital goal and still failed, and now the whole world will judge her for it. Embarrassed that she tried so hard in the first place, despite knowing deep down that it wouldn’t go the way she wanted. And angry. At herself, mostly, but also me for rejecting her. At everyone who doubted her chances and anyone who gave her the false hope that she’d succeed.”

“Wow. She told you all that?”

“No.”

“Oh. Right.” 

“But she’s also happy that we’re still friends. And I think she’ll also appreciate the honesty. The respect the other person has for them. She’ll realise how valuable that is, more important than having a girlfriend or boyfriend. She’ll see that someone doesn’t need to be attracted to you to truly care about you. In fact, sometimes that makes it even more special. Maybe she won’t realise it all at once, and she’ll probably get those negative flashes every now and then, even when she thinks she’s moved past it...but one day she’ll finally know that-”

“That she was always worthy of loving.”

He turned his head towards her and they were quiet as they looked at each other. 

“I never knew you heard me,” he admitted.

She pulled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees. “Yeah. Didn’t want to say anything. Thought it’d only embarrass you. But honestly? That was awesome, dude. I mean, we crash a car-”

“What do you mean, ‘we?’”

“Hah! Okay, yeah, that one’s on me. But dragging yourself out of the wreck like that? Coolest thing I’ve ever seen. And then when we were surrounded, you somehow managed to convince Gideon Gleeful of all people to sacrifice himself to buy us time? And you did it by reaching out to him, by being kind and sympathetic to the kid who’d terrorised you and Mabel for so long. I don’t think anyone else could have done that, Dipper. I think that was the moment you became my hero. Wendy Two wasn't lying. You’ve always been worthy of loving.”

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, blushing as her words hit him. He thought of Pacifica, knowing only too-well what she must be going through. How much she mattered to him. Hoping that he could be as good to her as Wendy had been to him after his own confession.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think I see that now.”

She turned her head and smiled at him. “Gotta say, Dip, you’re handling this way better than I thought. I’m pretty impressed.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be freaking out about this whole thing later,” he said, quickly. “Next time you see me, I’ll probably be back to my normal, anxious, sweaty self. I’m just very happy right now.”

“And why’s that?” she asked without thinking.

He smiled. “An incredible, beautiful girl I’ve liked for a very long time kissed me today. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

She blinked, thrown by his abruptness. “I suppose that is something to cherish,” she admitted, keeping her reluctance out of her voice.

“Yeah,” Dipper agreed, looking dreamily up at the sky again. “It really is.”

She hesitated to ask the question gnawing away at her. But it had to get out and she didn’t want to wait too long in case she lost her courage later. “Hey, Dipper...what were you and Wendy Two talking about in those woods? Before I got there?”

He looked at her again, his lips tightening as he thought how to respond. “She told me I stink and should wash my clothes more often.”

“I...see…” 

“I notice you’re not denying it.”

“Huh? Oh! Um, well, you don’t, uh, you should, uh-”

“It’s fine. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, she was being honest and trying to help me. She told me something I _needed_ to hear and something I wish someone had told me a long time ago. I’m always going to be grateful for that.”

“Right. Wait, are we still talking about showering more? Or was there something else she said to you?”

Dipper smirked. “Maybe I’ll tell you some time. But not for a while.”

She hesitated, the words sounding vaguely familiar and suspecting he’d chosen them for a reason, but unsure why. “Fair enough. I guess. Then what about later? What did she whisper to you before she jumped?”

“She gave me some advice.”

“What kind of advice?”

Dipper looked away, his cheeks turning pink. “That’s a bit personal,” he said with a grin. “But I don’t think I’ll need it for another few years.”

“Right,” said Wendy, trying to hide her annoyance. Usually he was more open with her. It was frustrating to feel left out of it, especially since she’d no doubt be feeling the consequences for months to come.

“I saw Mendez arrive. I guess you’re going to be doing some community service?”

“Yeah,” Wendy sighed, happy for subject change. “Working at the library. Soos and Melody want to take their honeymoon after you guys leave, hopefully I can arrange to do it then. Otherwise I’ll have to work here on Saturdays.”

“That sucks.”

“Not really. She could have made me work a lot longer. And she agreed not to tell my Dad about the clones so I could make the wedding.”

“Huh. That’s actually pretty cool of her.”

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?”

Dipper scratched his head, his happy mood faltering as he thought of returning home and missing all the friends he had here - the only ones he had anywhere, save for Mabel. Saying goodbye would be even harder this time. He’d become closer to all of them. Still, if Tracey and Quattro could say goodbye to their entire world forever, he could say goodbye to his for just one year.

“I’m glad I made Tracey and Quattro,” he told her. “And I’m glad you and Mabel made your clones. They might have caused a lot of problems for us, embarrassed and annoyed us...but that’s what family’s all about. I’ll miss them.”

“Yeah,” Wendy softly said. “Me too.”

They heard the loud engine and the crunch of gravel and before long, Manly Dan’s truck came into view, its driver wearing his perpetual scowl. He parked and glared at them, lifting a few fingers from the steering while in response to their wave.

“Welp, adventure over, time to get my big butt home,” Wendy declared, getting to her feet and wiping at her jeans. “This was a weird one. Not fun, exactly, but I’m still glad it happened.” She affectionately punched him in the arm. “See you tomorrow, Dipper.”

“See you tomorrow, Wendy,” he said, raising his hand to her this time, watching her leave. Then his eyes drifted and he remembered something else that Wendy Two had told him. “Oh, hey, Wendy?”

She turned back to face him.

“Your butt’s not that big.”

She stared at him, amazed to see that he looked for all the world as if he’d just given her a compliment.

“Um...Thank you?”

“Anytime,” he said, returning his gaze to the sky.

She nodded, having no idea why he’d said it, especially not in that way, or how she was supposed to react. Today seemed to be full of moments like that. So she turned back to the truck, jumping in and putting her seatbelt on as her father grunted in greeting.

She watched her young friend from the window and in the mirrors as they drove away, still trying to make sense of it all. _Damn!_ she thought. _Now I REALLY want to know what she said to him!_

He heard the truck leave, feeling more relaxed and content than he had in a long time as he thought back to the kiss. The lips were as soft as he’d dreamed, but it wasn’t the long, drawn out affair he’d romanticised about for so long, nor the more passionate thing he’d been fantasising about more frequently as he aged. And that didn’t make it any less magical in the slightest.

He’d meant every word to Pacifica and Wendy. Their friendships were important to him. Too important to risk either for something as silly as romance, especially now that he knew he wasn’t ready. And yes, he also knew better than to think Wendy Two’s act was anything more than what he told Pacifica: a rare burst of emotion from someone during a life-changing moment. 

But, despite all that, looking back on it often - because of course he would - it would be a happy moment that would stay with him for a long time. After all, when everything was said and done -

“She kissed me,” he said. And giggled.

  
  


THE END

  
  


* * *

_Author’s note: Finally! As necessary as this story is, it’s been the hardest to write by a large margin, made worse by extra work, changes in my personal life, and let’s not even mention the things happening in the world outside! But I made it. It’s taken over six months but it’s over and my country’s starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!_

_I could be kicking myself for updating this story about twice a month instead of the weekly updates I try and aim for. My natural instinct is to do just that. But I’m not going to do that this time. Because this story is just over 90,000 words long._

_90,000 words! Even across seven months, that’s a lot! That’s more than Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone! Sure, these aren’t original characters and the world was already built for me, but that ain’t too shabby for a four-finger typist working full-time while helping out his family._

_So, yeah, a lot of you have probably felt the way I usually feel, wondering why you haven’t done more with the extra free time this thing’s probably given you; whether it’s writing, reading, working out, learning to play that instrument, doing more push-ups, whatever. And if you have that’s great! If you haven’t, it’s because you’ve been too busy being concerned!_

_Look, I’ll be the first to admit that this pandemic hasn’t hit me as hard as most people. Yeah, I’ve been concerned about my friends and family, I’ve been doing more hours and work’s been harder. But I’m also working the best job I’ve ever had, a secure job surrounded by great people and I’ve always been a bit of a sun-fearing, anti-social loner so I’ve not suffered like most._

_But even with all that, I’ve still struggled through it. Fearful of what the future could bring, annoyed for not doing more, whether that was in my personal life, work, or my writing._

_Hell, I’ve been sitting on that book a friend loaned me six months ago and haven’t even reached chapter four, I still can’t cook, I’ve barely exercised, I’ve got about thirty other books to read - and that’s not even including all those fanfics I’ve bookmarked - and I’m still wasting my time with YouTube animal clips and pratfalls._

_I’ve rambled. But I think I’m going to keep this in._

_Because we could all do more. And take it from an expert in procrastination and self-criticism: it doesn’t mean you’re lesser for it._

_Anyway, it was cathartic to rant but I’m sure you’ll all be glad this one’s finished because now I can finally prepare the story that I’ve been building towards almost since I started writing: The wedding!_

_It’ll be the finale to Dipper and Mabel’s second summer in Gravity Falls and the penultimate story before I take another break to plan out next summer and finally get around to reading all those fanfics I’ve been putting off. (Sorry about that, BTW.)_

_I’m sure it’ll go off without a hitch! After all, what could possibly go wrong..._


End file.
